A quick weekend visit . . .

As I type, we are on our way to Kentucky to visit family for the holidays. What an adventure riding in the car with my three children for about 5 hours so far. (That's actually one more hour than I slept last night.) It's been over a year since we've made this trek and I forgot what a drama it is, even with DVDs, it's still a challenge. We did stop in Indianapolis to go to the Colts store. Circle Center Mall was crazy . . . so many people were there do their Christmas shopping. My kids are simply not very well behaved in places like this. Dustin had a fairly major meltdown in the Colt’s store and it culminated in him laying on the floor near the jerseys howling about not wanting to do what I asked. Nice.

Anyhoo, we are back on the road and we just passed an old converted school bus. It was painted in Colt's colors, had emblems all over it and was filled with about a dozen or more fans in jerseys and sweatshirts. Apparently they are heading down to Tennessee for tomorrow's game. Harrison said :

"Mommy, look! A Colt's bus. It takes the Colts to school."

Another Colt's moment was when, what I'm assuming is a half drunk man shouted "WOMAN! Alright! Go Colts!" At me as I was getting out of our van at a rest stop. Our van has a large Colt's horseshoe on the hood. He was also headed to Nashville for the game tomorrow as he cordially shouted to me also.

Another road trip funny . . . Robert just pointed out a deer that was laying near the side of the road. I was busy reading (Messiah of Morris Avenue - which by the way is SUPER) and I wasn't paying much attention. I didn't want him to think I wasn't listening to him so I responded by saying, "Dead?" And he said, " Well, it was laying near the road feet out and legs stiff. I didn't have much time for a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure it was dead."

Smart Ass.

Okay, now I've heard it all. We had convinced he kids to look for farm animals as we traveled the last leg of our trip through rural Kentucky on 31W. Thinking maybe they would stop fighting, touching each other and wailing. The kids were shouting out the animals they saw which included cows, horses, llamas, buffalo, chickens and dogs. (Harrison even mentioned a dead skunk in the street) Dustin said the cows were eating real food. Robert made the smart-alek comment about "plastic food" that followed naturally. Dustin started naming foods cows eat and Robert asked if they ate cow eggs. Dustin said, "Cows don't hatch, they get born-ed out of the mother's butt." I nearly lost it. Then he adds, "The doctor has to reach in their butts to help them get born-ed. But he does use a really big glove"

Okay, maybe a little too much Animal Planet for him. Hopefully it was animal planet . . .

It is now late in the evening. We got to visit with Robert's sister before she had to go to work at a Western Kentucky Hilltoppers basketball game. And then we invaded Granny Wanda's house. After we spilled our drinks, ran through the house scaring her poor dog, Precious, half to death and spun around in her swivel rocking chair 379 rotations, we went shopping. I'm not sure I'll return to that store ever again. I think they probably have our security camera pictures already printed and posted on all the registers as suspected terrorists.

Dustin began our trip by taking off through the parking lot from Robert. He then jumped up and down screaming that he had to "PEE" in the toy section, had a holy conniption fit in the shoe section, hollered about calling the cops in the juice isle, laid on the floor in the frozen food isle refusing to walk near me as I had asked and then told me to shut-up several times on the way to the register quite loudly. Nice trip. Pleasant experience.

I'm heading to bed. I deserve it!

More Stories from the road . . .

Sunday, we spent our day hanging out with Aunt Teresa and her grandkids. We had a nice visit. The kids really enjoyed themselves and the family was shocked at how big they have gotten. Dustin was good off and on. We went to Granny Wanda's house and the kids wanted to go to the field to see the cows. So off we went into the frigid weather to stand near the cows for some photos. Unfortunately John, mom's significant other, got a new farm pup for his bithday. Her name was Molly and she thought she would help by herding the cows AWAY from the kids. Nice job Molly. After walking way into the fields all the while keeping an eagle eye out for McCartney NOT to step in cow poop, I felt that my frozen ears would fall off the side of my head. Finally I gave up and turned around. I think Harrison was channeling Miami Dolphin's old running back Mercury Morris running through the field avoiding cow patties. Instead of walking directly between two cow patties he would zig zag through a whole row of them and keep on running. It was hysterical. Robert took the kids to the barn to see the chickens and I went inside to warm up.

Right now we are heading towards Elizabethtown on 61. We came across totally stopped traffic on I65 at Sonora and pulled into a truck stop to use the restroom. There were so many Colt's fans pulled into the stop that it looked like we were tailgating at a Colts football game. We decided to follow a guy from Louisville on an alternate route since apparently there was a pretty serious accident on 65.

The guy is flying through the country roads and as we came over a hill and around a curve there was something quite large in the road. As we passed it you could tell it was a refrigerator box all folded over and squashed.Here was the exchange :

Robert said "Whoa"

Dustin asked "What was that?"

I said, "Box"

Dustin said, "Dead box?"

Too funny!

Success! We are now back on I65 and heading back toward Indiana. I'm gonna be beat at work tomorrow, but all in all it was a nice visit.

More State Street memories . . .

John asked for me to share some more memories of the old State Street area. So here goes . . .

My favorite part of State St is gone. I LOVED Aroma Pizza. I can remember going there almost everytime we went to my grandma's house and got grinders. The BEST grinders around. They also had wonderful sausage rolls. They had an old coke machine that had a door and you pulled the bottles out a hole. I literally cried when they closed. (and I was in college then)

Then there was the donuts at Scott Bakery. The HUGE cinnamon twists and the Fort Wayne Cruellers, which were like dunkin sticks. My mom loved the cinnamon twists and I would take her one to work when I was in trouble and it would right all wrongs. When I got married, I HAD to have my wedding cake from there. As a little girl we would stop in there and get the big Sesame Street cookies that were as big as your head, like cookie monster that would dye you tongue blue for hours. I loved the window down the back hall where you could watch them decorating the cakes in the back room. The morning I walked in there to get donuts a couple years ago and they told me that they were no longer making donuts I sat in the lot behind the place and cried.

I can also remember the OLD Candlelite and of course the tenderloins at the Acme. My grandma would take me there for lunch at one or the other and then we would head to Buschbaum's Drugstore which is now the parking lot of the library. Next to the library was a Roger's Market I think, then it was an IGA and finally a liquor store before becoming the library addition.

Most of my memories are about food. What is it with me and food. Says A LOT huh?

We'd always walk past the firestation and we would stop at Pio's Meat Market once in a while or stop into Fort Wayne National Bank on the corner of Crescent to do some banking. We would inevitably see the blind man who lived on Crescent near the flower shop. I used to see him every now and then but haven't seen him in the past couple years. I wonder if he is still around. He'd have to be pretty old. He never had a dog, just a red tipped cane. I would watch him cross the street as a small child and I was amazed.

My grandfather was in charge to hanging the Christmas decorations down the State Street Corridor up to Anthony Boulevard I think. The decorations mostly adorned the light posts.

About a year ago I saw a story on the news that talked about beautifying the stretch of East State from Kentucky to Florida. The exact area I am talking about. I was so excited. Not much has changed yet. But I guess the funds are there. The original plan had a couple of arches that spanned the road on the entrance to this area. I would live to see the plan come to fruition.

all photos courtesy of Allen County Album - rights of ACPL

A forgotten memory . . .

John over at Fort Wayne Left posted a picture of an old map he has of our fair city. He made specific mention to the residential facilty for mentally handicapped youth over on State Street. On the map it is referred to as "Indiana School for Feeble Minded Youths". We called it the old State School. This jogged my memory significantly. . .

You see, my grandparents lived directly across a very lightly traveled road from the State School. My grandmother babysat for children for as long as I can remember. She was always home during the day while my grandfather worked since she was very epileptic. I have heard her tell numerous stories about coming into the living room and finding one of those "feeble minded youth" sitting on their screened-in porch on the glider or sitting in the recliner in the front room watching television.

I can even remember my grandparents had the phone number to the State School taped to the inside of the cabinet next to the phone on a yellow piece of lined paper. (There was also a pig shaped cutting board that hung on he wall next to that phone. Who didn't have one of those back then?) They would simply call the school and someone would come and retireve the patient and walk them back to the facility. That is, after my grandmother would feed them some of her famous banana bread. I'll bet that's why they always found their way back to her porch. It never rattled my grandmother. She would say, "Well, at least they're coming somewhere safe."

Back to the grindstone . . .

Both kids are back to daycare today. McCartney has been out for nearly 2 weeks and Harrison was out all last week. He is tons better! Thanks for all the warm thoughts and prayers sent his way. The high fever was quite scary. Harrison did however pass along a wonderful protion of his illness to me. I have a miserable eye infection. I have never had pink-eye like this before. it is scratchy, red, swollen and hurts likes the dickens. Thanks buddy, I love you too.


They were miserable going back to school this morning. With a little crying, prodding, bribing and finally pulling they went into their rooms. They are fine now and enjoying being back with their friends.

Families . . .

I used to think that my mother's family was close. We had holidays together, they came together for birthdays, and we spoke on the phone. My grandmother passed away about 12 years ago She was a wonderfully witty, ornery and loving woman. I didn't realize until a few years ago that she was the glue that held our family together. After she passed, we started having separate holidays. One of my mother's twin brothers completely withdrew from the family. They began having their won celebrations. His wife, my favorite aunt, became a distant part of my "old" life. She didn't even see my children until Harrison was about 2 and I'm not really sure if she's even met McCartney. My grandfather with whom I spent HUGE amounts of my childhood with became distant as well. You see, my grandma and grandpa pretty much "raised" me. I lived with my parents, but I was ALWAYS at their house. They took me out to eat several times a week, I went camping with them almost every weekend, and even as an adult I spent a lot of time at their house. I was the eldest and the only granddaughter and when my grandmother was sick for the last 2 years of her life, I was obligated to visit and eat dinner there at least once a week maybe more. My grandparents were a large part of my life.

My grandfather spent about 5 years mourning my grandmother. Spending each and every day at he grave site "visiting" her. Then . . . he found a girlfriend. I only see him on Christmas and he doesn't even know my children's names. He always calls Harrison the wrong name . . . Benjamin. Oddly enough he tells stories about "Betty's" great grandchildren's escapades including names and ages. I tried to keep close, I'd call and visit, but he never reciprocated. Remarkably phones work both ways, he could call me as well, but he doesn't give me the time. It makes me sad and bitter.

My father's family hasn't been much better since he passed away. They don't call even when my grandmother was hospitalized with a heart condition yet they harp on me for not keeping in touch. They must have those same one-way phones that only ring , what are the odds? They don't call on birthdays, holidays and didn't even visit when my kids were born. I try to keep in touch, but I have 2 small children and a special needs child. Still, I call more often than they do. My aunts and uncles on that side are not exactly classy. I attended my great aunt's funeral a few months ago with my mother. My aunts and uncle were rude which didn't surprise me, but what did surprise me is that my grandmother was nasty as well. What exactly did I do wrong?

On a positive side, my mother was remarried 9 years ago. She married into a wonderfully close-knit family. They have excepted my brother and I into the family as if we always belonged. I went to my step-brother's house for Thanksgiving. The whole family was there. They are wonderfully kind, generous, loving people. I think of them as my own family. Thank God for people who still value family. They know me better than my own families. They send my kids cards on their birthday, visited me right after I had the babies, pray for us nightly, and call to see how we are all doing. They treat us like families should.

I am still wondering how to deal with my dad's side of the family this Christmas. I don't really want to go to their smokey, trashy Christmas after they treated me the way they did at the funeral. I don't want my kids to have to spend their Christmas with people they don't know and people who don't care to be a part of their life. My dad would understand that. I think I'm going to have to write a letter to my grandmother explaining my choices. I don't think I could make it worse.

Wow, what a lengthy kvetch. I will hold the memories of my family close. I will miss them and maybe we will come together again. For the mean time. I truly am thankful to be welcomed into a family that values one another. I am blessed.

Memories . . .

Harrison had to return to the pediatrician's office today. The doctor is thinking this is a virus but he is concerned that it could be a percursor to Kawasaki Syndrome which is a blood infection that affects the heart. If they determine this could be the case, he would have to go into the hospital and have some intravenous gamma globulin. They will not label it Kawasaki until he has the fever for over 5 days. We are only on day four.

When we left for the doctor's office he was running a 102 fever. While there he was actually under 98.6 degrees. About an hour later he was up to 104 again. This is going to make me crazy.

Well, since we weren;t gonna be able to go to Kentucky fro Thanksgiving, I decided that McCartney and I would go downtown and attend the annual festivities of holiday lighting. Fort Wayne has this wonderful 155 foot long Santa and sleigh that is on a downtown bank building. It has been there for as long as I remember. I can rememebr going dowtown with my parents and brother and watching them light the Santa. I can remember there being about 20 cars in the parking lot and about 50-100 people to watch the lighting. We would then travel down the block and eat at Coney Island Weiner Stand, a Fort Wayne icon.

Fast forward to today. McCartney and I headed downtown about 5:40pm to see the lighting at 6:15. Wow. People everywhere! We had to park a few blocks away and shuffle around until we got close enough for McCartney to see the Santa. We found a nice spot on the median on the road they closed off in front of the building. After about, oh I don't know, 3 minutes, she proclaims, "Mommy I have to potty." You have to be kidding me. I could not find a building that had a bathroom that was open, so we tromped back to the car and I did lots of convincing her to squat behind the van. The whole time she was saying "I have to pee in a potty!" quite loudly.

We then ran quickly back to the festivities, shuffled back through the crowd to yells from McCartney of "This is NOT our spot." Thankfully we got close enough to where we were to appease her. The Santa was lit and McCartney was thrilled. We then shuffled like a herd of cattle down the street to the lighting of the Christmas tree. By this time she was exhausted. I had her on my shoudlers when she starting getting heavier and heavier. A gentleman next to me said, "You should probably take her down she is nodding off" Apparently her head was bobbing around like and old man trying to stay awake in church. She refused to walk and my back was killing me so as I sat her down she collapsed on the ground in protest refusing to walk. Like the good mother I am, I took pictures of my child laying on the sidewalk. I knew daddy had to see this one. . .


Girls night out!


The big red guy


Before the meltdown


Fort Wayne's tradition


Oh the drama!

Bored and waiting for next medication dose . . .

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 8 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Thanks Claudia!

No Thanksgiving for us . . .

Well, I came home from therapy with Dustin this evening after a short trip to the grocery. I came home to Harrison sleeping on the kid's couch. He looked pretty blissful, about 2 hours earlier he was awake, alert and relatively non-fevering. After I had been home about 20 minutes I came over to feel his forehead and he was burning up. I took his temperature and it was 105.1 ! After a quick call to the after hours doctor and we were off to the hospital.

By the time he was seen at the hospital, he had a temp of 105.6 and was very lethargic. His eyes were red and swollen and he was barely able to stay awake. I was quite frightened. In all my years of daycare, had never heard of a fever so high before. I was so concerned that he was going to have a febrile seizure. Luckily, with more medication his fever did finally subside after about and hour and a half at the hospital. They think it is simply a viral infection or possibly Kawasaki Syndrome which can be quite severe. We have to really keep an eye on this fever and with any symptoms that he may develop in the next few days. I'm certain that we will be off to the doctor again tomorrow.

Keep my little sugar in your thoughts and prayers. Right now he is sleeping behind me, snoring away. His beautiful blond hair is wet with sweat as his fever hasn't quite subsided all the way. I am truly blessed with the ornery little thing, and I simply want him to feel better soon. Sorry Granny Wanda, Kentucky will have to wait.

Lysol bomb . . .

I think I need a lysol bomb in my house. Acutally yesterday I wiped everything down with bleach, walls, door knobs, light switches, and drawer handles. Our family cannot get better. Right now the two little kids are horribly sick. McCartney came down with it on Thursday: high fever, lethargic and very irritable. She went to the doctor and got medicine on Friday, but ran a 103 fever all weekend. Harrison was okay until Saturday when his eye starting getting goopy. I thought it was pink eye, but it kept swelling and spread to the other eye. I took him to the doctor on Monday, and our pediatrician was very concerned. He had a sever sinus infection which had effected his eyes as well and the doc was quite worried, treating it aggressively with a shot and hefty anitbiotics. I was in shock, McCartney was presenting much sicker than he was. Well, that is until about 9:00 pm. I came over to the kids couch and felt Harrison's head, he was ON FIRE. I temp-ed him and it was 104.8 degrees. YIKES!

I freaked out. I called the doctor's after-hours service - I got his partner, who is a fabulous doctor but has the personality of a potato. He acted like I was crazy for over-reacting. Over-reacting? My child's brain is cooking. I gave him a huge dose of Ibuprofen and it finally broke and starting going down in about an hour. Today, the shot is definately taking effect, he is doing much better and I think we may actually get to go to Kentucky for the holiday. Crazy how kids can bounce back from illness.

A public service announcement . . .

I became a certified American Red Cross instructor about 3 years ago. Due to my job and the fact that I train all new employees as they come into our facility, we decided hat it would be more cost efective to have a trainer on site. It was a a lengthy process of classes and tests and was quite pricey, but I'm so glad that I did it. I have had to take CPR and First Aid for the past 16 years due to my profession, however I feel as though I really know the material for the first time.

I always have staff tell me that they don't know if they will know what to do in an emergency situation, I always encourage them that the skills will come back and you will remember them. Each age group used to be was diferent counts, different depths of compressions, different speeds etc. This past year the Red Cross and the American Heart Association revamped the CPR skills and make it far simpler. All the skills are generalized and pretty much the same for each age group, adult, infant and children. It is wonderful! It has given people the confidence to give CPR and it is still as effective as before. I am always very cautious to tell my students that you are not trying to resart the heart, the goal of CPR is to simply circulate the blood through the body until advanced medical care arrives.

Learn CPR. Your family is worth the time and effort.

Give me a break . . .

I just received a call from my son's school. Apparently he had punched a child in the "privates". The administrator called me because she was concerned that it may be sexually motivated. Bull-oney! He is a 5 year old in an 11 year old body. He thought it was funny! I understand he cannot hit, but hitting in the "privates" is not significant other than that. I spoke to him, gave him what-for and assured her that he would be punished and that he was not acting sexually, he simply does not function on that level. Her last statement was that she would "speak to him about how that could be construed as sexual harassment".

Whatever. She just doesn't get it.

The way kids heads work . . .

Today I was painting all day. The kids finally left me alone and got involved in playing a game in the computer room. Harrison was jumping on the daybed wearing a football helmet. He was playing "football" and making plays. Pretty much he was saying "hut-hut" a lot. Anyway, he was telling his sister that he was number 88 Marvin Harrison.

McCartney goes "Yeah, you're Marvin Harrison and I'm Marvin McCartney!"

I thought that was a pretty good grasp of our language, and darn funny too.

Blue Moon of Kentucky keep on shinin' . . .

The Rouse's will be venturing to Kentucky to see family later this month to celebrate the Turkey Holiday. I am oh-so thrilled to be traveling for 7 hours in a car with my three children. But, I suppose that I must have a pre-cursor to the 20+ hour drive we will be making in March when we travel to Florida.

We haven't been to the state of bourbon and spelunking for well over a year and a half. (speaking of spelunking that reminds me of a long 4 hour trip through Mammoth Cave 5 months pregnant and asthmatic UGH) The kids love to visit Granny Wanda and see the cows on her farm, so they will be thrilled. Mccartney will truly appreciate it this time as she is older and much more independant than she was the last time. Hopefully we will have good weather. This picture was taken the last time we were in the great state of Kentucky. It was not taken on the family farm, but I thought it was hysterical. Used Cows? Funny!

On a side note, it is always odd to join another families holiday celebrations. I am very much a creature of habit and when you change my traditions it screws with me. The weirdest thing is the difference in the food. I think my family's food is the best when it comes to holidays. Robert's family makes wonderful food, it's just different dishes and different ways to prepare them. It's weird for me. I miss my "traditional" Crozier family dishes, but after 9 years I have come to appreciate and enjoy their Thanksgiving as well.

So . . . watch out Granny Wanda, we're comin' . . .















Here's a picture af a very young Harrison on the farm

Scary stuff . . .

Anyone that has child involved in special education knows that IEP can be a scary thing. I had an IEP conference today to amend Dustin's IEP with a new behavior plan. I have been dreading it all week. I knew that I would have to bring up some issues that I thought the school was falling short in. Well, slap me face and call me spanky . . . they had already made adjustments to their programs and had included all my concerns into the behavior plan already. I made very few suggestions and they were all very minimal. I knew that this staff was pretty amazing and worked hard together, but I was dumbfounded.

It was a very positive experience and that is rare when it comes to FAS kids, IEPs and behavior plans. The administrator that was there was kind, encouraging and helpful as well. I was totally impressed.

Another scary thought . . . Tina Taviano lost her race for sheriff. Scary? Yes. We now have a good old boy running a multi-million dollar budget on a high school diploma. . . yikes. Congrats Tina on all the hard work and effort and heart you put into your campaign. You are a true hero in my book!

Funny stuff . . .

I was reading one of my daily reads and Claudia did this. I thought I'd give it a try and it is some funny stuff. All I did was google, "Sheri is a". Thanks for the idea Claudia! Here's what I found . . .
Sheri is a dedicated professional who takes great pride in her ability to transform an average head of hair into a work of art (if only I could do my own hair so that it looked presentable)

Sheri is a sweetheart, but don't think that means she won't speak her mind! ( you got that right sister!)

Sheri is a mother to three daughters (oh heavens, thankfully no)

Sheri is a kewl chick (Sheri hates when people spell cool KEWL)

Sheri is a certified pet dog trainer through the Certification Council for Pet Dogs (have you met my dogs? Definitely not obedient)

Sheri is a wise, wonderful and vivacious Teacher and Counselor of Wholistic Sexuality for Men & Women (uh, yeah)

Sheri is a Registered Master Level Reiki Teacher and Practitioner, a Certified Arch Healing Practitioner and a Birth Doula with a Spiritual Birthing (apparently you weren't within a 2 mile radius when I gave birth, or you would've heard me screaming profanities mixed with prayers for the end)

Sheri is a saint by my definition and you can't go wrong supporting this project! (oh well, that's right)

Sheri is a straight-talking woman (once again, nailed it on the head)

Sheri is a cozy "comfort sweater" that has all the appeal of your favorite polar fleece (way too hot blooded for fleece)

Sheri is a morals advocate by day, and an exotic dancer by night to help ends meet (this one just cracks me up!)

I could've done this all night. Very funny!

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE, and by the way, VOTE . . .

I woke this morning by rolling over and putting my hand into something wet. I waz thinking that Harrison, who had joined us sometime in the night, had pee'd in my bed (eeeew) so I lifted him out of my bed and sent him to the potty. I went to the bathroom and told him to change his undies when he said, "But mommy, they're not wet." I walked back into the room and realized he had "yacked" all over my bed. Then I realized that I had put my arm in it. Gross! You must realize that I was awoken yesterday to my daughter telling me at 4 in he morning that "Mommy I choked" and was covered in puke. Robert has been working at headquarters, so I had to stay home. Yesterday and apparently today as well. I better not get it next! I'm loading up on my herbs so that maybe I'll ward it off.

I decided to get up and go vote early. It was a wreck. There were no signs on the street or in the complex where we vote. And no signs near the door of the building where we vote. This voting place is new and changed just before he primary, so many people haven't used it. I was told I had to sign in on a legal pad. When I asked why, they said it was for the volunteers. I asked who, and they couldn't give me a reason. After about 3 more questions I was told it was voluntary, but it was not made to seem that way. I still don't know what it was for, I did however, not sign it. I waited in a long line and did my civic duty. I took great pleasure in NOT pressing the button for Mark Edward Souder for the 7th time. That is a personal record!

Got out and vote. And by the way . . . don't let your son crawl in bed with you after your daughter has been sick. . . it's yucky!

I give up . . .

I'm done. The strep is back. I have given up on traditional medication and I will try herbal remedies. My sister in law is a staunch advocate of herbal remedies and I have also resorted to them in the past. I have had strep 3 times since the beginning of August. Obviously the medicine is not cutting the infection. It is still laying dormant in my body.

I am off the slay the strep with lots and lots of Echinacea, Golden Seal, Vitamin C and an immune booster that I can't spell. . .

My big man , , ,

Check out this picture. Harrison is getting SO old. I amazes me how big they get so quickly. Each and every day I look at him and think it can't possibly be true that he has grown into the child in front of me.

Halloween fun . . .

We had the Harvest Party at our church last night. My kids are so funny. They wanted to dress up as Rocky and Bullwinkle. We got lots of laughs. After this picture was taken they decided they wanted to switch costumes. So McCartney was actually Rocky and Harrison was Bullwinkle.

Give me a break . . .

Dustin has been out of the hospital since Monday morning. He has had a great week. Now, remember that your defination of "great" and mine may be different. Great for us is no therapeutic holds, no crawling around on the floor biting our ankles like a dog, no pretending to pee on his peers like a dog, no "meltdowns, no agressiveness, and he has slept through the night since Tuesday. It does not mean we have had perfect behavior, he is still impulsive and has to be watched. "Great week" for us means that we can actually enjoy our life and our family without wanting to pull our hair out.

Which brings me to school. . . (Oh I so hope that his teachers aren't reading this blog) Dustin gets a behavior card to bring home everyday. It tells us whether he had a happy-face day or a sad-face day. Tuesday through Thursday had an OK in the middle of the faces. The comments were things like, "kicked a student in the hall" and "ate candy he was asked to put in his bookbag". Whoop-de-doo. This is the child two weeks ago who was out of control, running out the building, doing all the behaviors above AND and threatening to spray 3 or more adults with a can of Lysol. . . yes my child was wielding a can of Lysol like a weapon, my life is so fun. Anyhoo, today we got a note that while changing his clothes after gym he pulled down his pants in the boys bathroom and shook his butt at the other boys. Okay, you have to understand Dustin has had this same note sent home about 15-20 times in he last three years since he has been in a regular school. GIVE ME A BREAK. This is a problem. Hmmm . . . it doesn't take a rocket scientist to stop this behavior. . . DONT LET HIM CHANGE WITH THE OTHER BOYS. You are setting my child up for failure by allowing him into the bathroom with all the boys in the class. Duh.

We are gonna have some issues at our behavior plan conference coming up. Artivle 7 in Indiana says that you must change your environment so that my child can succeed. You need to change your program to benefit the needs of my child, and having him change alone is not that diffcult of a thing. Okay . . . vent over . . . I feel better now.

My little star . . .

If you live in the county, you may have received this flyer to promote Taviano for Sheriff. As anyone who reads this blog knows, we are supporting her campaign and volunterring for her. Tina called me one morning this summer at about 7:30am, while I was still sleeping, and asked if she could take pictures of our family for promotion.

I ran around getting the kids up, doing their hair all in about 100 degree weather in about 15 minutes. This was their favorite picture and they choose to use McCartney for the cover of the mailer. (And the best part is . . . my gut is covered by her head LOL)

Isn't she adorable? My little democrat. . .

My friend . . .

My friend strep returned this week. If you read this blog at all you'll remember that we have a hate-hate relationship. I had strep in August and it kicked my butt heavily. I ended up in the hospital for a short time on morphine. This time I got it early and I didn't end up too bad. I was at a church function Monday evening when my throat began feeling horrible. Luckily Tuesday I got into the doctor and got a shot and some anitbiotics. I was out the whole week, which sucks for the paycheck, but I am feeling tons better now.

Dustin is doing well. We had arough week with medication. He began shoing signs of EPS from the Geodon. EPS is a nasty reaction to some psychotropic drugs. We have been down this road before. Last time it was with Trazadone. It was so severe that he began having terrible hallucinations of demons coming to get him to take him to hell, his tongue swelled up and the muscle contractions were so severe they looked like seizures. We spent 3 days in a regular hospital that time. This time I caught the EPS early in a visit last Saturday (before anyone at the psych hospital did) and they pulled back the medicine hoping it would level out. With benadryl and some time it did and we got to keep giving the Geodon. The doc added another mood stabilizer last night, and he is terrific. He is happy, smiling and definitely not drugged up. I think he may get to come home tomorrow. So now we are on Statera, Geodon and something else. NOTHING he was on went he went in. It amazes me the amount of medication they can choose from.

McCartney has adouble ear infection and crabby . . . I'm off . . .

Weekly woes . . .

I haven't blogged all week. The fact that I have been so incredibly busy may have something to do with it. Where do I begin?

My son with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) was hospitalized again on Monday evening. His impulsivity had grown to an alarming rate and with all the med changes his doctor had done over the past month, his psychiatrist thought it was time to re-admit Dustin. They took him in as an emergency admit since all the beds in the children's unit were full. That is not a prime situation for Dustin as too many kids (all with issues) do not make it easy to get much accomplished.

He has not had a real good week, which I am thankful for. I know it sounds funny, but I want them to see the true behaviors we are dealing with. The school sees horrible behaviors as well, and with the number of kids on the unit, I think they have been seeing those also. When we admitted him on Monday, his doctor made the comment "Have you ever considered residential care?" I freaked out. NO! I will not institutionalize my child. He is a 4 year old in an 11 year old body. He doesn't get consequences, behavior modification rarely works and NO I will not lock up a child I made a commitment to when we chose to adopt him! I would have loved to say all those things, but mostly I just cried and told him I could not do that. Robert was quite upset when I told him about that conversation and agreed that it was definitely not the time for residential care. I was glad that we are on the same page.

Today I went in for family therapy and for his treatment planning meeting. I kept hearing the therapist saying "he's making bad choices" and "you need to do the right thing". He can tell you what choices are the good ones, and he can tell you what the "right thing" is but HIS BRAIN IS BROKEN. He cannot equate the situation you talk about with the situation at hand. I pretty much told her that I was tired of the expectations being too high; that he cannot function in that manner and he probably never would. I explained that I feel only about 30% of his choices are defiance, and the rest are chemical and impulsivity. In treatment planning we visited the same issues. The doctor heard me out and agreed to some extent. He said that we should have no expectations when it comes to behavior, which is so very true. He began talking about residential care again and I emphatically told him I would not revisit that subject and that I would tell him if it was ever the right time. I told him I would *NOT* do that now and he should not mention it again. I totally respect this doctor and his opinions, but this subject is closed. I was so proud of myself!

Hopefully this weekend will help Dustin to calm down and give the new meds some time to take effect and see if they will work. We shall see . . .

Success . . .

Guess what I did last night? I took a shower in my very own new shower! Well, that kinda sounds like the start of a Foley instant message . . .LOL . My shower is complete, and better yet, watertight. Woohoo. I have always considered myself the handy one in this marriage. In fact, a few months after Harrison was born I can recall sitting in the dining room fixing something with my drill and Robert washing dishes about 5 feet from me. Harrison was watching me and Robert said, "this child is gonna be so confused, you with the drill and me washing dishes." Robert turned out to be quite handy in fixing the bathroom. He did almost everything himself with a little help and direction from a couple people. Now he's in for real trouble. . . I know he can fix things, so he's gonna be quite busy this winter around here! Best of all, no more baths for me!

This whole Foley thing honks me off. And the worst is the comments about the Democrats holding on to it until it was hurtful to the Republicans. If that was the case wouldn't they have used it before the last presidential election? And even if they did hold onto it, the other side would've done the same. That's all I'm saying.

Friday night was quite eventful around here. We had just gone up to bed about 3:00 when my nieghbor's beagle began barking madly. He would not stop that howling beagle bark. Then my dog started in her kennel downstairs. I heard shouting and when I got up to look out the window I saw police officers running to my house. The street was crawling with police cars and I hadn't even heard a siren. Robert threw on some clothes and headed downstairs. Then I saw the officers dragging a man to their car and hand-cuffing him. When we went outside we found out that he had robbed a convenience store around the corner, shot the clerk as he tried to run away, driven the car to the front of my house (iwth the cash register still in the back seat), and tried to escape on foot. The officers found him next to my house hiding in my shower box! Zoinkes! The officers spent a short time looking around our property for the shotgun he had used and did not find it. He probably chucked it somewhere, but now I'm paranoid that my kids will find it somewhere nearby. I'm glad we went to bed just before all this, had he seen we were up he may have tried to get in our house.

Off to watch the Colts whoop on the Titans. . .

My social deviant years . . .

I posted a few months ago about a website my friend developed as a scrapbook for all of us who hung out together to post photos of "way beack when." He called it Fort Wayne Subculture. At that time I think there were about 100 of us and there were about 900 photos. Now there are about 250 members and about 2000 photos.

It's actually been really nice to reconnect with old friends, some whom I haven't seen in about 15-20 years. I have met some old friends out and emailed others and chatted about the directions our lives have gone. There are always those comments posted that say "anyone heard from him?" and "I sure miss her" and the inevitable "I wish someone would direct her to this site" Well, last week the local paper, The Journal Gazette, ran a story on JR and Heather and their work on the site. It brought tons of new people to the site. You can read the article here if you are interested.

We are also having a "class reunion" of sorts in December. I can't wait to see everyone again. Man . . . I need to lose about 50 pounds by then. LOL

Monday Musings . . .

Wow, what a weekend. Not good mind you, just interesting. Let's take a look . . .

Robert and Dustin were sick Friday night. They both slept all afternoon into the late evening, thus Dustin was awake most of the night. Dustin awake and everyone else asleep makes for a disasterous situation, so I was awake most of the night. Harrison woke up coughing horribly at about 6:30 am, just as Dustin went to sleep again, so I was up and fully awake at 7:00 after doing a breathing treatment for Harrison.

Saturday was slow moving, but I had this gnawing urge to purge unwanted items from my house, so I went to work. I clean out all the kids clothes that no longer fit them and brought down the fall/winter stuff from the attic. Fun. . . not so much. I think I made more of a mess than I had before.

Saturday night Iw as supposed to attend a hog roast for Tina Taviano, my choice for sheriff, but my mom was sick so I got stuck at home with the kids while Robert had fun. About 10:00 pm I went to take a sleeping McCartney into the bathroom to potty before I took her up to her bed and I sat down on a stool while she was doing her business. As I plopped down, I prmptly fell throught the floor (no fat jokes here). Apparently, my old metal shower stall has been leaking from underneath for quite sometime and the SIX inches of flooring rotted clean through to the basement. Did you read that? SIX INCHES of flooring. You see this bathroom and my utility room was built on an old outside porch. Apparently someone thought it would be a good idea just just keep adding wood to the floor to build it up to meet the back of the house. The SIX inches of flooring was so wet it felt like mashed potatoes when you put your finger in it.

Histerics begin! Saturday night I spent a couple of hours destrying my floor to see how far into the bathroom the rot went. I had giant gaping holes in my floor and could like right into the crawlspace under my house. Not a good thing. Thankfully Sunday my uncle came over, gave me some direction , volunteered his plumbing services and we began to put together a plan. My house is terribly old and thankfully they used very thick very hard old hickory for floor joists, so I don't have any structural damage. It's actually gonna be a pretty easy fix with lots of elbow grease and sweat. Robert is home today tearing out the shower and bad parts of the floor. He did find that the bottom of the shower was about 4 inches of cement that had been tiled on, so I now own a sledgehammer. Positivity? Well, I will now own a brand spankin' new shower and have a beautiful new flooring. I may post some pictures of the bathroom damage, but then again I may not ever want to remember what it looked like again.

Sunday my Colts won a hard fought game. The last play nearly killed me. I thought it would never end. It a good thing there is rot in my living room because I would've went through the floor there too with the way I was jumping up and down. Here's how it went down . . .
How the Jets moved downfield on their multi-lateral, multi-fumble final play against the Colts:
• 3rd-and-3, Jets 32: (Shotgun) Chad Pennington pass short middle to Leon Washington to Jets 40 for 8 yards
• Lateral to Brad Smith to Jets 37 for minus-3 yards
• Lateral to Laveranues Coles to Colts 44 for 19 yards
• Lateral to Pennington to Colts 37 for 7 yards
• Lateral to Justin McCareins to Colts 35 for 2 yards. FUMBLE
• Fumble recovered by Brad Smith at Colts 33, to Colts 37 for minus-4 yards. FUMBLE
• Fumble recovered by Coles at Colts 40, to Colts 27 for 13 yards
• Lateral to Nick Mangold to Colts 27, no gain. FUMBLE
• Fumble recovered by Colts CB Jason David at Colts 34, to Colts 39 for 5 yards (tackle L.Washington)

Whew!

Consequences . . .

We are having a very difficult time with Dusitn. Dustin is our adopted child who has FASD, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder. Now, is where I could copy every post I have ever written about Dustin and his behavior issues because it is a constant struggle.

I read a post on Claudia's blog today and it made so much sense to me. You cannot parent a child with FASD the same way as you parent "typical" children. They simply don't "get" consequences. Kari, who has been a wonderful resource for me about FASD and what it will entail for us in the future, wrote something I find teribly helpful. Here it is . . .

Consequences rarely work with kids who have FASD. To make a consequence effective it means that :

1) they need to understand the connection between what they did and the consequence

2) they need to be able to generalize their learning (If I get a speeding ticket I learn from it and apply that knowledge every time I drive from that point on- but a person with FASD might only make the connection in the same car and on the same road as the one he was driving on when he got the ticket)

3) they need to be able to remember what they did, remember the consequence, remember how the consequence affected them, apply that knowledge to future behavior, etc...

FASD is permanent brain damage that often affects the frontal lobe of the brain (decision making, impulse control, understanding abstract thought and cause & effect, etc..)and several brain areas involved in memory- especially short term memory. Consequences do not fix brain damage.

This sums it up for me. I wish every teacher Dustin has would read this everyday before school. (I need to read it everyday as well) We are having problems with him not getting social cues from the other children. He hits, sticks his tongue out, scratches, and flips his middle finger at everyone who walks by. He crawls around on the floor acting like a dog. He refuses to follow directions and locks himself in the time out room and refuses to come out.

We need to remember : His brain is broken!

Could they be any cuter . . .

My Baby is 3 . . .

Yesterday was McCartney's birthday. I can't believe she is 3 already. Time goes so very quickly. She is a joy of a child. Yes, she is strong-willed and ornery, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very loving. She knows more than you think, as she won't "perform" for anyone.

Every once in a while she will pop off with something and I'm like, "How did you know that". Like for instance Sunday. We were watching football and during the half they were showing highlights. She said. "Mommy look! Number 6 won." Since we have DVR I rewound the TV and said, "show mommy number 6." She said, "Right there" quite snot-ily and said "I told you". Sure enough. she was right! I was surprised she knew what a 6 was and so I began asking about other numbers. She knows most of them.

Harrison was very verbal early and was (and still is) quite happy to perform for you. He will spout off his newest "trick" at each turn. He would tell people in the grocery how to spell his name at two years old. He still spouts letters to people and tells them what it spells. McCartney is quiet and I think she just doens't KNOW things yet, but apparently she does she simply doesn't want to share them yet!

Happy Birthday McCartney, your mommy loves you terribly!

Where in the world did that come from? . . .

A few Harrison-isms from the weekend . . .

1. Harrison had put on a new pair of swim trunks while at my moms. He was heading to the hot tub and asked Papa if he liked them (they were balck and had flames on them) Papa said they were "cool" to which Harrison relied "Yeah, cooler that pizza parlors and rock-n-roll bands!"

2. Harrison asked Uncle Josh how old he was after singing Happy Birthday to him tonight. Josh said 29. Harrison said, "Next you'll be thirty". Surprised, my mom asked him how he knew that and he said, "Because I'm an expert counter."

Uncle Josh comes to visit . . .

My brother Josh lives in Minnesota. He is 7 years younger than me and were horrid to each other while we were growing up. He moved to Minnesota about 4 years ago to work with a friend for a summer and ended up loving the work and the state. My kids miss him horribly. We only get to see him at Christmas since he works so very hard and the drive is so long. Anyhoo, my mom and step-dad flew him home for his birthday this weekend. My kids ran him ragged. He and Harrison wrestled, McCartney climbed all over him and Dustin talked his ear off.

Here are a few pictures from the weekend. . .


Let's get ready to rumble . . .


Princess McCartney with her Uncle Josh


Josh & Harrison the Ornery



McCartney has Uncle Josh pinned


Singing "Happy Birthday" to Josh
**Note the black eye in this picture. Harrison decided to head-butt his uncle Josh while Josh had called a truce and was trying to watch football.

Crikey! . . .

I have been watching the Crocodile Hunter for many years. I loved Animal Planet before it was very popular, and Steve Irwin was my favorite. Over the years I have tired of his show, but I still think he was a wonderful man. It's unfortunate that he died doing something that is done by tourists and was not alltogether that dangerous. . .

SYDNEY: Steve Irwin, the ebullient Australian TV personality and conservationist known as the Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray barb to the heart during a diving expedition, police and his wildlife park said.

The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," John Stainton, Irwin's friend and producer who was on board Croc One said in the statement. "He died doing what he loves best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind" he said.

Rest in Peace Steve.

Oh, What a night . . .

Yesterday was truly an adventure. The wait all summer was definitely worth it. Here are a few observations from the concert :

1. Kenny Chesney fans sure know how to tailgate. But, please remind me never to be an old woman who opens her van hatch and places a sign that says "Bar's Open" so I can mix drinks for all the young hotties walking around while shaking my old butt. . . enough said.

2. There are some funny T-shirts out there nowdays. There was a group of "kids" across from us and one had a T-shirt on that I don't think would get him a date. It said, "My Balls Itch". Not a good sign for prospective girlfriends. My favorite T-shirt of the day was "I Would Do Me".

3. Laura knows how to party. Thanks for the tickets, and thanks for the fun! Cruzan confusion rocks.

4. Uncle Kracker is a hottie, pure and simple.

5. The Pretty Princess rocked the house. It was a fun night and definitely an experience ending the tour at Verizon Wireless the band and "Mostly Crue" seemed to have a great time.

6. TBWYH can sing.

7. Kenny fans are rabbid. One4JC said it all when she said that it was like going to "the Church of Chesney".

8. Port-a-Potties suck. . . (and they don't flush do they Stacy)

9. Verizon Wireless needs a new plan on getting cars out of the parking lot. Getting there when the gates open and being close to the front is a bad thing when you are leaving the lot.

The adventure begins. . .

Well, I'm almost ready to leave to meet a friend, then we are heading off to the Kenny Chesney concert to meet one of my IIF (imaginary internet friends) Laura. I'm so excited I can't wait!

Not only have I "met" some awesome people through blogs and gotten to peer into their lives, I will get to meet a fabulous one face to face . . . and hear some GREAT music.

Wooohooo!

School of hard knocks . . .

Dustin had a hard day at school yesterday. I knew that the transition to middle school would be difficult for Dustin since he is simply a 4 year old in an 11 year old body. He enjoys "baby" toys, likes to play with dolls, enjoys Dora and Little Einsteins. Beginning last school year with therapist and teacher's suggestions we began removing these things from his "world". It was difficult, at times I felt like a horrible person because that's what he was interested in. . . but I knew it was necessary to get him to "move on". Well, yesterday he came to me crying that he was being called names at school. . . wonderful names like "bitch", "gay" and the ever popular "baby".

We had a long talk about why these names were being used. For example. . . "Eleven year old boys don't like being touched by other boys, if you do this, they WILL call you gay" These talks were probably completely unproductive as they won't change his behavior much. Unlike a child who touches a stove and burns his hands then learns not to touch a stove, Dustin's brain is "broken". Dustin will continue to irritate his peers, cry and whine, and carry-on in class like a four year old. His Fetal Alcohol Syndrome makes him impulsive and eliminates the ability to see cause and effect, and his moderately handicapped mental status doesn't allow for the learning process to get very far. It's going to be a rough road. Hopefully, continual reinforcement of the rules and consequences will sink in . . . eventually. . . maybe, if we're lucky. Probably NOT.

I'm sad he has to travel this road. I'm sorry he is rejected by his peers. I know (hope) that things can be better if we just continue to plod along. Pray for my boy.

Row Row Row your boat . . .

Today we packed up the kids and a picnic lunch and went to Celina Ohio to see the Governor's Cup Regatta at Grand Lake. What a fun day watching the hydroplane races and chasing the kids around in the sun! We got in about 4 good hours until the rain came and since the kids were already grumpy and ready for a nap, we came home. You can see more pictures over at our family's site.

Oddly enough I ran into some old friends that have a band in the Lima area named the Indoorfins. When I introduced Doug to my kids, he said, "Wow! Another McCartney". Whoa! I thought we were the only ones. Apparently we were beat to the punch. The drummer, Dave, and his wife named their son McCartney. He is 5. Weird huh? They were pretty shocked as well. Shhhhh . . . Whispering . . . personally I think McCartney is a better girl's name.

Mercy . . .

I blogged earlier about being more positive in life. I have been trying to speak positive to influence my own attitude as well as others around me. I have also been trying to quell my complaining . . . things like, "boy, I'm tired" and "wow, I'd like this day to be over" do nothing to help you through the day. It makes you focus on the bad instead of the postive, so I've been trying to eliminate those comments from my conversations. It's not easy!

We have also had a change in our schedules recently. Dustin's school starts an hour early since he is in middle school and his bus gets to the house at 7:00! Yikes! That's early for us! Last year Robert got Dustin up and the littles and I sleep until we absolutely MUST get up and rush around and leave the house in a giant "flurry of hurry". Well, I decided this year we would all get up wioth Dustin and enjoy our morning together like a normal family (LOL). I was prepared for some resistance, mostly from myself, but it has gone swimmingly! The kids are also going to bed a lot earlier than they usually do which is a huge bonus . . . if you've read any of my blogs about their bedtime habits you know that is a feat in and of itself.

So anyhoo, I have adopted saying "mercy" instead of "crap" or "shoot" or any other negative expletive. Today when I came down the hall at work and sighed a big sigh and said "mercy" it also made me smile. It reminds me each and every time that I say it that God has MERCY on me. He not only saved me with his son's sacrifice, but also saves me daily from my despair and heartache. His mercy is abundant in my life and I need to remember that when I get down and caught up in daily toil. Mercy rescues His children from our difficult situations. Mercy heals the sick. Mercy saves those who are powerless. Psalm 145:9 says "his tender mercies are over all his works" I claim that mercy in my life as I go through my daily routine.

Your thought for the day:
It is the grace of God that he gives us what we do not deserve, but it is His mercy that withholds the punishment that we do. God's mercy endures forever and extends to us an invitation to be his child. Lamentations 3:22 says "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not."

Not too bad . . .

FALL CLEANING . . .
Okay, so it wasn't a carousel ride, (see previous post) but it wasn't all that horrible either. This weekend wasn't half bad. I got into this purging mood where I began throwing out uneeded stuff from the house. I went a little crazy and I think I may have made more of a mess than if I had left it alone, but all is well and I am on my way to a non-cluttered autumn . . .

MIDDLE SCHOOL BEGINS . . .
Dustin's first day of Middle School was alright. I guess he wandered around the room and the lunch room continuously, but all in all they said he was pretty good. I suppose they don't want to be too harsh on me the first day. . . or maybe he really was alright. Just wait . . .

SMALL TOWN FESTIVAL . . .
We all walked in a parade for the Tina Taviano for sheriff campaign this weekend in Monroeville, even the littles. They both had a great time passing out stickers to the crowd ( and eating all the candy the truck ion front of us was throwing out) . I was amazed at how well Tina interacted with the crowd, she was amazing to watch. She has a real heart for the outlying areas of our county. Hopefully they all saw her committment and her personality shine through. She is an admirable woman.

LAZINESS . . .
I have a roast in the oven tonight, so when we get home there will be carrots, potatoes, onions and warm scrumptious roast waiting for us. Mmmmm! It is the one thing I make that makes me proud I can cook that way! Big Brother (Go Janey) and Rockstar are on tonight. I'm ready to sit my butt on the couch overdose on reality TV, but I'll bet my kids have other plans for me. Thank Goodness for DVR. . .

Claudia's Great Analogy . . .

Claudia had a great post that sums up my experience of adopting a special needs/abused/traumatized child. She said :

"I think that parenting is like an amusement park ride. Some people choose the Carousel. . . Adopting a child who is a victim of abuse or neglect is like getting on the roller coaster. You experience really high hills that are very fun and some calmer times that are very pleasant, and you also experience rapid downhill surges that make your knuckles white and cause you to grit your teeth."

Downhill surges. That's unfortunately where I was last night. I lost my cool, which I rarely do and I am sorry for it. Dustin loves schhol and yet is having a difficult time with the prospect of going back. Although he needs and loves the structure and routine of school, the unknown Middle School-factor is throwing a wrench into our lives. He is looking forward to it and stressing about it at the same time and that is more than his brain can handle. He is hateful, spiteful and extremely obsessive. In that past few days he has emptied an entire can of shaving cream all over the bathroom, ate TONS of candy from the candy-basket that he stole and took to his room, ate a whole FAMILY size bag of Doritoes, will not keep his hands off the animals (which is a rule since he hurts them) poured a whole bottle of hand soap into the toilet, spread toothpaste all over the bathroom, and has been quite aggressive with his siblings. He has also been extremely obsessed with looking at the ceiling . . . weird. ARGH!

All I can do is hope that this weekend will be calm and uneventful. I pray that he will enjoy his last school-free weekend and laugh and giggle and be my wonderful boy, not that mean spirited nasty thing I have seen recently. I am going to try my best to keep things even-keel and low stress. . . it's the least I can do. I want a carousel ride this weekend!

Oh woe is me . . .

Ever feel like a complete and utter failure? That's me right now. I feel as though I couldn't be a worse mommy, wife, friend or employee right now. Maybe it's coming off this sickness, or maybe it's simply the truth. . . maybe right now I just plain suck.

Right now work is simply difficult. It's the beginning of the new schoolyear and we have so much to do. Working for my mother I take the brunt of her frustration, irritation and anxiety. Sometimes I'm not only the brunt of it, but also the source. I have an extremely hard time dealing with this since I struggle eveyrday to be the best employee I can, but typically NOHTING is good enough.

My FAS child is so very difficult right now as the anxiety for school increases. He is not only changing schools, but knows many changes will accompany his switch to Middle School. I fail him at every turn. I don't seem to have the patience or the understanding I need. I know that life with a child with special needs to particulary difficult. I know it sucks the life out of you and makes you feel completely useless to make any sort of change. I know that we are helping him the best we can. I know that in my head, but it's difficult to "feel it".

I feel as though there aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I have to do. I try and try, but I ultimately fail. I just feel as though I can't make anyone happy.

Thanks for listening to my pity party . . . you may now return to your original programming.

What a week . . .

Wow. It's been quite a week. I spent all day Monday pricing my items for a children's clothing resale that I participate in. I am usually much more organized, but this time I was so sick that I didn't get anything done until the day I had to turn it in. Robert and I worked about 8 hours on preparing and ticketing the items. The sale was yesterday, and the work was all worth it. I made quite a bit of money on my children's out-grown clothing. The sale is 2 times per year and it is wonderful place to shop for gently used clothing, but also a great way to get rid of all those extra clothes. And best yet, they do all the work, I just prepare and price my clothing, they inspect it, put it out and sell it. I get 90% of my asking price. With over 1000 buyers, it's better than any garage sale I could ever have.

After this terrible sickness, I did go back to work mid-week. With the new schooyear coming up we have GOBS of work to do. My mom and I went in a worked yesterday for several hours and got a ton accomplished. This week will be crazy. My field trips are over, but we have something special each day since it is the last week. Tomorrow I get to make about 300 comes of cotton candy. What fun! I will be a sticky pink mess!

Last night Robert and I walked over to ChiliFest with the kids. They had a great time. Almost all the chili was sold out due to a larger than expected crowd, but Robert had some awesome white-chili made with chicken and white beans. The kids and I ate buffalo chicken and curly fries. There was a band later in the evening and McCartney danced until she was exhausted. We had to give both kids a piggy-back ride home becasue they just wore themselves out. The weather this weekend has been wonderful, not too hot and quite breezy. I think I'll take them to the park today and give Robert a break.

Have you ever wished for death. . .

I hate Strep. It kicks my butt everytime. This one was the worst. Wednesday morning I was sitting at work and my throat started hurting. By 2:00 my body was cold and I was uncontrollably shivering. . . that doesn't happen to me, I'm an extremely hot person. By 3:00 I was at home in bed sick as a dog. By 8pm I had called my mom over to get the "littles" so they could spend the night because by then Robert was sick as well. I ran a high 103 fever all through the night, praying for morning when I could call the doctor. You see, my doctor is fabulous. She always gives shots so that the medication is pretty fast acting. I was waiting for that shot! So I wait and wait and wait through what seemed like an eternity that early morning and called at 9am. Well, what do you know, it's Thursday and her office is closed! ACK!

By Thursday night I actually felt a little better, that is until about 3am. I was absolutely miserable telling Robert that I wanted to die. I did finally get into the doctor on Friday afternoon to get one of her FABULOUS shots and lo and behold. . . it made me sicker. By the time I got home I was projectile vomiting and has a vicious migraine. She sent me to the hospital. After several hours of IV fluids, Xrays, nausea medication and a couple shots of morphine they had ruled out meningitis and found out my old friend strep is back. I have a horrible relationship with this friend named strep, you can read about our escapades here.

Today I am a little better. I haven't been this upright in days. I can't close my mouth because my throat is so swollen and I still haven't eaten anything. But I am no longer wishing for death. That has to count for something doesn't it . . .

My guilty pleasure . . .

Here is a confession . . . I love Rocktar.


I am a semi-fan of reality TV. I Big Brother, Rockstar, and yes I am still a Survivor fan. I have never seen an episode of Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. *gasp* It's true! I do however like Rockstar. This season is shaping up to be better than last year. I adore all the women this season. What powerhouse voices they have! Storm Large is fantastic, and is currently my favorite woman, while Lukas is a hottie and a talent in his own right.

I wouldn't consider myself a "rocker chick", so I was kinda surprised I would enjoy this season. The new band that is forming and looking for a lead singer is "Supernova" and is made up of Gilby Clarke of Guns n Roses fame, Jason Newsted of Metallica and Tommy Lee of Motley Crue.

I know it's summer and there is so much to do (that's why I love DVR), but give it a chance if you haven't seen it already. . . I think you may enjoy it. Who wouldn't like lookin' at that hunk of a man Tommy Lee and listening to some fabulous musicians and singers?

A Day of Fun . . .

Today my mom and I took the kids to the Indianapolis Children's Museum. We had an awesome day. What a great place! It is fun, interesting, interactive and very well maintained. The kids were totally enthralled the whole day and we had very few episodes from Dustin. He enjoyed his day and even with all the comotion and crowds, he did VERY well.

The museum has done a very good job at peeking the children's interests and sparing no cost at making nearly everything interactive. I didn't see any exhibit or manipulative that didn't work properly and everything was clean and organized. At the end of the day they even led a parade down the 4 story ramp that runs throught the middle of the museum. The kids got to follow "Rex" the dinosaur as they waved flags, chanted and marched to the exits. There was no crying that the museum was closing, they even made leaving fun! It was FANTASTIC!

Here are some pictures of our journey. . .

Ouch!

I mentioned in my last post that Harrison took a while to learn how to pedal. Since he's figured it out about 2 months ago he has been riding non-stop. Today he had his first big wipe-out. Luckily he is pretty good when he gets hurt, he doesn't whine and moan for too long. Here's his battle wounds . . .

Weekend Bliss . . .

What a nice weekend. We had a wonderful family weekend. It was fun and yet relaxing. Saturday Robert and I filmed a television show for a firend who has a cable access show. It was interesting and a lot of fun. We talked about adopting out of the foster system and the challenges and rewards of adopting a child with special needs. I know it’s only cable access, but maybe someone will come to a better understanding of special needs kids after seeing this show.

Robert had volunteered to walk in a parade Saturday afternoon with our choice for candidate for sheriff. . . Tina Taviano. . . at the local 4H Fair. The kids and I decided to go, and since he had to be there an hour early, we got to walk around the fair and see all the sights and eat some grease-soaked junk food. . . Mmmmm. The kids LOVED the animals and they were all terrifically well behaved for me. Having all three myself is usually a daunting task, but it was a great afternoon. We came home and took a walk with Cayenne, our hurricane dog, and the "littles" rode their bikes. (which is great because Harrison FINALLY learned how to pedal a couple weeks ago) Dustin and I did a whole bunch of work in the yard and it looks awesome.

Sunday we had a restful day and went to our association picnic and swim party at a local pool that has a FANTASTIC kiddie area. I would post pictures, but SOMEONE forgot to put the memory stick back in the camera. . . Hmmmm . . . who could that be Robert?

All in all, it was an wonderful weekend with my three blessings! Robert and I deserved a good weekend after all the turmoil our family has been through in the last few weeks with behaviors and such.

What a week . . .

What a week. It is so busy at work during the summer for me. This month I have 9 field trips a week! I know, I know, field trips don't seem like hard work, but they are. Not only am I responsible for 80 children that belong to other people, but I am responsible for making sure they don't get lost, injured or dead. It is quite unnerving most of the time. I am always on alert, always vigilant and always disciplining. It is not just sun tanning at poolside. It is making sure someone else's kid doesn't drown.

I am also in charge of training and orientation at work. I have people how need their CPR and First Aid renewed, and new staff coming in who need their orientation. . . it's a little crazy! I enjoy being busy though since it makes the day go quickly.

I work with 50 women. I have worked there for 16 years. It is a place I care about and have a vested interest in. I also have the strange predicament to be in that I work in the office and in the "field" so to speak. I get to see how the office works and how hard the supervisory staff works to make certain that regulations are followed, parents are happy, questions are answered, ratios are followed, staff are doing what they are supposed to be doing and when they are supposed to be doing it. It is a DIFFICULT job. I get frustrated when I am in the classrooms and hear complaints about the office. These complaints are unfounded and foolish. The staff have no idea what goes on minute to minute in the office. It's a bunch of women talking about something they don't understand, feeding off each other and creating their own reality. I know there are issues, there are issues in every job you work. People are people, you won;t get along with everyone. You won't always get hard workers. Do your job and do it well. Yes, other people's performance will affect your duties. Sorry,, that's how life is. You can do more to change it by taking it honestly to someone above you than you can do complaining about it . . to anyone who will listen. . . and changing the "facts" each time.

Yes your job is difficult. Yes you are underpaid, if you don't like it get out. It's not a job that you should be in if you hate it. Good bye and good riddance. In my 16 years I have seen staff hang on for WAY too long and other leave too early when I think they show a true talent and love for the job. I have heard ALL of the gossip, sometimes even about me. Every time I listen to one staff's "information" I would love to say, "interesting that the person you think is on your side was just giving me a different explanation 10 minutes earlier." I rarely comment on this "information" usually I direct them to tell someone who can help, as opposed to simply complaining. I am a fixer, not much gets fixed unless you deal with it. It is always so interesting to me how someone can be so trusting of people who you know are talking about others as though they aren't talking about you too. It's like marrying the man who cheated on his wife to be with you. DUH! But that person always swears these employees are loyal to you . . . yeah right! And best of all . . . after doing this job for 16 years and working with hundreds of petty women you do really think I don't know what's going on anyway?? Uh . . . yeah.

WOMEN.

We need more men who do their job and do it well and don't play these games. Oh. . . and who will work for mere pennies.

Sacrifices . . .

Sacrifice. People talk about sacrifices. They talk about sacrificing new cars so their children can attend private schools. They talk about sacrificing while they finish college. We have a whole different kind of sacrifice in our daily lives. Not a worse sacrifice or a greater sacrifice, just different. . .

Our family has sacrificed friendships and "normal" family life in order to adopt a child with special needs. Our child's special need happens not to be an outward need. Sometimes I think it would be easier if Dustin was in a wheelchair, or had an obvious physical disability, but our child has a hidden disability. Our child has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Our sacrifice has been friendships.

Robert and I have no one to "hang out" with as a family. No matter what we say to try to explain to others about Dustin and his disability, we are looked at as horrible and mean parents. People don't understand what we go through behind closed doors. People have no idea how a little ignoring of a behavior in public will affect our entire family life at home for days. We discipline Dusitn in public. We are firm and strict, we have to be. People give us a chance for awhile, they understand a little, then they avoid us like the plague. We are looked at like unbending and deliberately mean. New neighbors question how we can be so harsh and seemingly cruel. We try to explain his disorder, they say they understand, but you can tell they don't. Old neighbors understand sometimes. You explain what the therapists say, what new techniques you are using, but they just don't get it . . .they don't live it. I feel so terribly alone.

Heres an example . . . Dustin happens to be very fixated on animals at the time. He WILL hurt and animal if given the opportunity. He won't mean it . . . it will begin with kindness, the animal will try to get away, and the cruelty begins. He is very capable of killing an animal. He will feel no remorse. There will be a very good reason in his head as to why he choked that animal. Due to this latest fixation, he is not allowed to touch ANY animal. We have completely taken away that privelege so that maybe that fixation will disapate, AND maybe we can spare that trauma from happening. People don't understand that, people see us as heartless. They see US being cruel. I know what he is capable of, I want to spare everyone that possibilty, especially him.

Our sacrifice? We have a very difficult time going out to eat. We cannot go to the grocery as a family. We haven't been in a church service as a family in MONTHS. We don't have a babysitter to watch the kids with the exception of my mother. We don't get invited to cook-outs, walks, hikes, bike rides, or family outtings with others. We have NO friends, everyone has abandoned us. We are looked at as the problem when we are simply dealing with what we have been dealt as best as we know how.

What about positivity Sheri? I have been trying to be positive lately. It is my hope that my positivity can further help our family deal with our daily issues. Why am I then whining about my trials and issues here. Because I can, because I need to, because I am sad, because this is the only palce I can say it. I hope that I can release it here, maybe make others aware of what families with special needs children deal with, and maybe, just maybe, I can get over it. Maybe I can no longer care about the looks, the questions and all the explanations that I feel I am obligated to give. Maybe I can overlook that fact that people leave when our family joins in on something. Maybe I can avoid the stigma that I feel when I discipline my child in public or in my own yard because I, and I alone, know what's best for him. You dont walk in my shoes, you can't possibly know what I deal with. I have to understand that I don't walk in other's shoes as well, and I have to be more tolerant and less demanding as well.

I'm tired of feeling as though I am on high alert and I have to have explanations ready for anyone that asks. I'm tired of being the pariah. I'm sad we don't get asked to do things with other families, it breaks my heart, not just for me, but for my children as well. We as parents are the ones that struggle dailywith this we could use support and encouragemwnt instead we are met with "knowing" looks and fake understanding. I'm tired of always being scrutinized. I am a family dealing with someone elses mistake. . . embrace me. Welcome me. Love me AND my child. I cannot force you to deal with my child. I have to find those who want to do it.

All of that being said. . . do I regret adopting this child and taking on the responsibilty? NO. Do I wish this world held something better for him and all of us. Absolutelty, but I will deal with the path I chose and make it the best path I can give him.

Apparently we will do it alone, we have made our choice.

Firsts . . .

My baby went to the dentist for the first time today. He did great. I, however, was a nervous wreck because I had to work, so daddy got to take him. Unfortunately he is a gagger like mommy, but daddy said he did so well and he didn't gag at all! He couldn't be more excited about his new Lightning McQueen toothbrush he got from the dentist . . . who in Harrison's words is "Bigger than God" because he is incredibly tall.

Things you hear at daycare . . . part 4 . . .

Friday, a co-worker came into the office and wanted to tell me about what a child said the day before. I laughed so hard I nearly pee'd myself.

This co-worker "V" was watching kids wash their hands after coming in from outside and was also washing their faces as they finished. One child was talking to her while she washed and this sweet child said, "Miss "V" I like your sparkly earrings."

"V" says, "Why thank you! What a nice thing to say"

The next child in line hears this and takes this oppotunity to say "Miss"V" I like your pretty blue eyes"

Once again "V" thanks the child for the compliment and fawns all over her.

The next child in line is a little boy. Cute as pie, ornery as dirt. Of course not wanting to be outdone or to miss a "Thank you" and a little attention of his own., this boy jumps right in and says "Miss "V" I like your boobies."

The really funny part is . . . Miss "V" had the humor and the guts to tell the boy's daddy this story the next day becuase she thought he would find it very funny. . . he did.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night . . . .

I spent Saturday at my mom's house with my step-siblings and their families. We had fun and the kids had more fun. Mom said she would watch the kids so Robert and I could go to an old friend's house. Well, good 'ole "C" was throwing a "Totally 80's" party and it was kinda surreal walking into the house seeing a bunch of my old friends dressed in various states of 80's attire and hearing the same 80's songs from back then. Talk about flashback. Throw into the mix that we were in SUBURBIA and "C" had a little 2 year old spitting image of him running around and you can imagine my crazy swirl of reality.

You see "C" and I dated for quite some time and this is the guy that I caught in my garage "smokin" with my dad! "C" is the guy that you knew would never grow up and really truly hasn't even though he lives in suburbia. "C" is the guy that used to dress like Billy Idol and dyed his hair fuschia for my family reunion. Anyhoo, the little one is beautiful and I'm thrilled that he is happy he deserves it. . . but it was a picture I never thought I would see.

Oddly enough there were about 4 or 5 children there that belonged to old friends. Kinda weird seeing my old friend's likeness on little ones. Very weird. But, we had a good time. I even went to mom's to get my kids and let them play awhile. They had a good time too. It was nice to see "A" this weekend and reconnect with some long lost friends who I thought I'd never see again. It does however make me feel quite old.

By the way, Laura, you would've died laughing when I was standing with all my old "punk-rock" friends talking and my cell phone rings . . . ringtone? When the Sun Goes Down. You would've cracked up to see the look on a couple of their faces. It was priceless!

I also wanted all of you to check out my friend's art here. She is pretty amazing, and a Fort Wayne native who is now out of Indianapolis. It was nice to see her this weekend as well.