My life is never boring . . .

Tuesday I was sitting home cuddling with my tonsil-free girl on the couch. It was about 3:00 and Dustin came down from upstairs. He had a pretty nasty scratch/cut on his cheekbone. I asked him what happened. Earlier we had an "episode" in the backyard when he didn't want to come in for lunch and weilded a rake around to "defend" himself from my insistence that he come inside. I thought maybe he had been scratched then. He said he didn't know what happened which is pretty typical since he has very few pain receptors and doesn't know when he gets hurt unless he sees blood. Then he looked at his hand and saw a tiny spot of blood from another scratch. I inspected his hands while he was freaking about about the smallest spot of blood I had ever seen (which didn't hurt, just freaked him out; you'd think his arm was falling off his body) Upon inspecting them I found many bites and scratches. . .

Backstory: our cat is a gem. We had origianlly got him because we had mice when Harrison was newborn. I didn't want to set traps and I convinced my husband the cat-hater to get a cat. He was insistent that it was not to be a pet, it was a working cat. Ozzy was brought into the house, a tiny ball of white and black fur. At 8 weeks he came into the house and moused the first night he was there. I knew his place in the household was secure. Little did I know that he would become a treasured pet. Ozzy doesn't know he is a cat. Other than the litter box escapades and the mousing, he is purely canine. He wags his tail like a dog, licks you like a dog, and comes when you call him better than any dog I have ever owned. He eats the dog's food (much to my dismay) and will eat scraps off your plate. He is the alpha-male in the home. Ozzy is my husband's BABY. He has turned from cat-hater to Ozzy-lover.

Back to the story at hand . . . Upon seeing Dustin's hand I knew precisely what had happened to his face and hands. Ozzy. Ozzy and Dustin have a love-hate relationship. Dustin LOVES him and he HATES Dustin. I will spare you the details of this, but rest assured it is hate and it is eternal. I sent Dustin to the kitchen to wash his hands and as soon as he walked out of the living room, Ozzy jumped onto the coffee table. He was slick, shiny and hair sticking up in every direction from his front paws to his tail. One ear was stuck back to his head, and his eyes were red and irritated. The following is the conversation I had next :

Me: DUSTIN get your butt in here! (loudly)
D: What? hands up and shoulders shrugged like he had no idea what in the world could be wrong
Me: Would you like to tell me what is all over the cat?
D: nothing
Me: excuse me?
D: I don't know anything
Me: It smells like hairspray, what did you do to Ozzy?
D: How did you know?

Typical Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. If I didn't see it happen, he has no idea how I could figure out that he had poured an entire bottle of harispray on the cat to get him to stay in his room. I told him to go to his room because I couldn't even look at him and proceeded to give the cat a very unwelcome bath . . . Yesterday I bought some aerosol hairspray.

My life with FAS.

Something you may not know . . . .

I have the loudest sneezes in the world. Understand that I don't sneeze loudly everytime, but boy sometimes they can knock your socks off. They are never quiet little proper sneezes. They range from startled loudness to nuclear bomb. I attribute them to being very asthmatic and not being able to get much air in, thus I holler when I sneeze to help push the air around. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens and has since I was little.

Today I was sitting in the car at a stop light on the way to work. I sneezed and the guy in the car behind me said, "God bless you". Now that's loud.

McCartney minus some tonsils . . .

Cart got her tonsils and adnoids removed toady. They were also going to remove her last remaining ear tube, but found more infection back there so they put new ones in. She was miserable waking up. She screamed for about 45 minutes in agony as the anesthetic wore off. She was not a happy camper. My mom and I took turns holding her as she wailed. Finally some time and some more pain medication settled her down. She was home last night playing in the backyard. She is doing quite well today.

Life may actually get back to normal soon . . .

It's over . . . .

The crazy week at work is over. We had our Spring Program last night and it went swimmingly. My kids totally shocked me. McCartney didn't perform hardly at all and Harrison who told me that he was in no way going to sing on stage did great! I must say in her defense that there were probably about 600 people in the audience and it was probably disconcerting.

We had special activities each night at work and I went from being a cashier at a book fair to being covered in sugar, spinning about 300 cones of cotton candy to making 250 bags of popcorn and then dressed-to-impress last night. What a week. I'm glad it is over.

This weekend the backyard needs some attention and then Monday morning will bring a tonsillectomy for McCartney. . .

A few random thoughts from some regular reads . . . .

Well, I've been so busy that I don't have a life so I thought I'd comment on some of yours. . .

Congrats to AWB on the beautiful granddaughter. I pray for health and happiness. I also pray that she is a stanch democrat and drives her grandpa crazy! LOL

Thanks to Joe over at Every Life has A Soundtrack I has the song Santa Monica by Everclear stuck in my head. He was talking about Fetcho taking a businees trip there. Ever since I can't get that beginning guitar rip out of my head. I think I have listened to it about 15 times this morning alone.

This whole Kelty sign thing stinks of Fries and his illegal sign over Clinton back last fall. The city ordinance says: in 154.131 I-2 (2) In any other zoning district, such signs shall not exceed 32 square feet in area and 6 feet in height. Such signs shall be permitted in addition to other permitted signage. The signs may be located in a required yard. It is an illegal sign and there is nothing more to say about it. I do however like the fact that the republicans are fighting like a bunch of catty girls over the 2 candidates, I can't wait to see who wins the primary and see who files behind them in the standard party line. Oh, and by the way . . . It does look like a toothpaste ad.

The Virginia Tech shooting . . . horrific! Covered nicely by my hubby.

Patty told us all about her race on Saturday. I got lost in the story. It makes me think I could run with her at my side . . .Yeah right! LOL Talk about a pep-talker and a motivator. I'm so glad I found your blog! You inspire me daily.

Laura had quite a week with some revelations and some soul searching. She continues to amaze me with her perserverance and attitude.

If you have yet to jump on over to Mimi Smartypants' page, you suck! She is my favorite read. Is it sad if I only check it about every 3 days because I get too dejected when it isn't updated? Yes, yes it is. Who could not adore the loving description of her other half . . . LT normally is pretty handy, but plumbing is not one of his things. Drinking whiskey, looking at girls, and .NET are his main things. Plumbing is not even in the top ten. Read her, NOW!

Once again, Kari has hit the nail on the head about discipline. She talks so well about how she is proactive with her kids instead of reactive. Reactive dioesn't make a darm bit of difference with kids who have frontal lobe damage due to prenatal alcohol exposure and it is equivalent to banging her head against a wall. It could do us all some good to deal with all our children in this manner. Kari continues to inspire me.

All the rest of my favorites have to wait . . . work is calling . . .

What a week . . .

I have had a rough week. I have been struggling to come to terms with Dustin's modified schedule and all that means for our household schedule. Due to this, Robert has less time for keeping up with the housework since most of his time is spent watching every move that Dustin makes. It does however allow us to have a chore chart for Dustin, but that requires even more supervision. So, it has been a restructuring of our routine.

It is also my busiest time of year as I work diligently on our special celebration week coming up in the next 10 days, and working on the big move in August, (with committee meetings and measuring and organizing and ordering and all that) as well as firming up the summer schedule of field trips and activities. I have new staff to train, orientations for families to do and First Aid classes this week and a HUGE slideshow presentation to put together. AGH!

Back to Dustin, is behavior has gone downhill at home probably due to the routine change. He is so out of sorts that I have had to return to restraining him (holds not shackles LOL) and deep pressure to calm him. It sucks and makes me feel like a horrible parent. Hopefully it is simply because of this schedule change or the absolutely CRAZY weather and we will even out soon.

I am off to a day of shopping with my mom . . .WITHOUT kids. That should turn my mood around!

Religion, a bunny, and Cadbury eggs . . . .

I purposefully neglected to post an Easter post the other day. Everyone has a take . . .truthfully I didn't want to get into it. For me it is personal. To be honest I feel guilty for the lack of "Churchinesss" we have displayed lately. I love my church. For goodness sake I work there. I have grown up in the building. I have had my issues, who hasn't, but I believe it is a place where God is present and I devote myself to my faith. I think I struggle with Easter being non-religious more than I struggle with Christmas. Not only does the birth of Jesus have nothing to do with a fat man in a red suit, but the supreme sacrifice of Jesus has nothing to do with an egg decorating rabbitt. Wow. I sound quite fanatical. I am not a nut who doesn't allow my children to believe in Santa, and they actually get Easter baskets, I'm not sure how that last sentence sounded so crazed . . .

So what's the problem Sheri? Well, you see when you have a child like Dustin, a place like church is not always a possiblity. Dustin cannot sit in service, kid's church is far too stimulating and now he is too old anyhow. Maybe I am simply too worried about him throwing fits and other's seeing that, but I cannot imagine having Dustin in church with us. We do attend Wednesday nights every now and then and we do hit and miss. Everyone I talk to at church would say, "Aw, bring him it's okay" But the looks would convey a very different meesage when he throws a fit in the middle of our 2 hour service. So I have avoided. Right or wrong that's how it is. Some may jusdge me for that, but so be it.

This was part of a sermon was given many years ago by S.M. Lockridge who was a contemporary of Martin Luther King Jr. It has long been a favorite of mine and it has come back into the limelight lately. I thought I would post it as my belated Easter post . . .

A Blessing . . .

Wow. Dustin had a SUPER day at school. I would like to say I am not surprised, but I am considering yesterday's post. I had hoped that being away from the other children would be beneficial and it was. I had also hoped that the aide that is with him developed a good bond with him and he respected her. Apparently that worked out as well. But, Sheri, it's only the first day you say. I know, Dustin however, does not have a "honeymoon" period like most children. Hopefully today will be positive as well.

I looked at PDF that was posted over at Kari's blog the other day. It scared the stink out of me. It said that out of 10,500 births daily in our country . . . 40 babies would later be daignosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder and 100 babies would be born with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. YIKES!

Que the horror movie music . . .

Today is the day.

Today, Dustin returns to school after being off nearly 3 weeks. He returns to a modified day of only 2 hours. He returns to not being the room with other students and having a 1 or 1 para-professional (aide) all to himself. I would love to think this will work. Three months ago I would've sworn it would. Now, I am not so sure. He has had so many foul days at school and has been in such a downward spiral there that I'm not certain it will be a positive experience. I hope and pray that it is.

I'm not sure what our near future holds for Dustin. Home this weekend was pretty ugly. He was nasty and disrespectful and could not keep his hands off the other 2 kids or the animals for any length of time. The cat got the brunt of it which ended last night with a jump rope tied around his collar like a leash. He got a few scratches on his face and thigh from that stunt. He ran from me on Friday evening after pulling on the dogs tail and ran directly into the table in the kitchen. It left a wicked bruise on his upper arm. We went to my mom's on Saturday evening for an Easter dinner and we had several melt-downs and I had to apply deep-pressure a couple of times just to calm him down. I'm not certain if we are going through a medication issue or simply anticipating returning to school has thrown him for a loop.

Anyhow, I think I will be on pins and needles all day until I find out how this first day went. I know it is only the first day, but they are so close to labeling Dustin a danger that one day could get him expulsion and home-bound schooling.

Spring Surprises . . .

This week has been nice. Since we returned from our family vacation the weather has been pretty nice. That is, however, all supposed to end today as it should get quite cold tomorrow and may snow by the weekend. Ugh! However, spring has sprung in my heart . . .

As corny as that may sound, I have come to a nice realization. People can be kind and helpful. You see, I am surrounded by kindness at home. Maybe it is simply that I have been refreshed by a week in Florida, but I am content and happy with my life right now. All is well at work, Dustin has been off school, so we don't have that stressor, we have a new therapist who truly seems to understand our families plight, and I have wonderful nieghbors.

Our new renters are the kindest, nicest people you could want living next to you. I thought we had a pretty good relationship with our previous neighbors, but these guys are one in a million. The mom and I have been walking in the evenings. She is a giving, kind and strong woman. She struggles with a pretty seriuos illness, yet she doesn't complain. She is a fighter. She is willing to give you anything you need. She sees someone in need and shares what she has. Her children also struggle with illness, but she is positive and supportive. She gets them out in the fresh air and keeps them active. They are respectful kids and my children love them! I am impressed with her spirit.

We have another neighbor who doesn't have much She has grown pretty close to this woman. I have always liked her and have helped her as I could. I like her, I enjoy her company. Her kids are beautiful. She does the best she can with the life she has been given. It is nice to see that my nieghbor also she's her gentle sprirt and kind ways. I think we are going to have a fantastic summer. . .

It's all over. . .

The remainder of our Florida vacation was awesome. Thekids settled into the routine of laziness and the beach and we had a swell time. My mom and step-dad did not have a relaxing time I'm afraid. We ran them ragged, but I think they enjoyed their time with us. Robert has made a video from the short clips we made on our camera. I have also posted the video of Harrison swimming across the pool.

The Magic Kingdom . . .

Okay, maybe not. We don't care for Disney. Our family's Orlando park of choice is Universal Studios. It's clean, entertaining and I don't have to hear "It's a Small World" 6,500 times. I know, I know, there are tons of Disney fans out there, but I'm not one of them.

Dustin has been to Universal before, but the "littles" had not, neither had my mom or step-dad. We spent 2 days there and had a super time. The first day was a little rocky as Dustin became acclimated to the environment. All in all he was pretty well behaved. He hurt his foot the day before on the beach and the first day at Universal did him in. When we went back today, we rented a wheel chair for him and it was FABULOUS. He kept his hands of the other 2 kids and we didn't have to chase him down or listen to him whine about how tired he was. A bonus was that people looked at him differently when he threw fits. I have remarked about how his disability is "hidden" before many times. He was looked at by others with patience today and irritation yesterday just because he "looked" handicapped in the wheelchair today. We also rented a double kid-buggy today for the littles . . . insert no-whining sentence here as well. Those choices also helped us move faster since we didn't have to rely on slow, little legs.

The best thing we spent our money on today was the "Express Pass". This wonderful little card allowed us to bypass the lines and speed right to the front. I knew they had them, but didn't want to spend the money on them before. HOLY CRAP. These little gems are well worth the money when you have pre-schoolers and a FAS child who cannot be patient for anything! I would've gladly given my left arm for this privilege after the long lines yesterday, thankfully a large sum of money was all they required.

A few funny moments . . .

My mother referred to the "Woody Woodpecker Kid Zone" as "Pecker Land" and I nearly pee'd my pants each and every time she said it. My son used to call the woodpecker that lives near her house a "pecker" when he was little. We used to get a kick out of him saying "Shhh, Nanny I hear a pecker"

As Dustin as I were ascending the "mountain" for the Dueling Dragon's ride he asked if it was coaster. I said yes to which he remarked, "Ha-Ha, you have to sit in a fat seat!" You see each coaster that has a pull-down bar had what they call "Modified Seating for guests with certain upper-body dimensions" I called them big-mama seats. Dustin cut to the chase and simply called them "fat seats". The funny part is, that when we got up to the ride, Dustin jumped in a seat and pulled the bar down and his scrawny little butt was in the "fat seat" since it was already locked, I had to squish into a regular one. Ha Ha.

Run on over to our family website to see some more pictures of our darling kids!

Sunny days . . .

What a couple days! We set off Monday afternoon for the airport. I was a little apprehensive since all three of my children have never flown. I wasn't sure how they would handle the take-off and the flight itself. I myself don't handle the final approach. They did great. I will post a video of Dustin just prior to the initial taxiing. I was quite worried about his behavior after he was this wired at the start, but he was great on the plane. Harrison and McCartney were blissfully unaware that we could plummet to our death at any moment and they were super.

This picture of McCartney shows her in the first of 5 seats she occupied during the flight. That is, if you don't count the 3 trips to 2 separate bathrooms during the hour and 57 minute flight. Harrison looks so little in the seat and I stuck Dustin near the window. God was with us and not only did we not spiral toward earth, but no one sat in the seats in front of us or behind us. Dustin was unable to annoy all our fellow passengers as we were on the wing so the noise pretty much drowned him out.

Harrison stepped off the plane to see my mother and step dad waiting for us. The first thing he says is "Nanny, where is the beach?" He had this impression that Florida is one HUGE beach. He was disappointed that by this time it was after 10 pm and the beach had to wait until the morning. They were so over-tired by the time I got the car and got to the hotel hat bedtime was awful!

This morning we headed over to "Nanny's Condor". as Dustin calls it. Harrison remarked that all the houses "stuck" to Nanny's were all the same color. My mom owns a condo in between the gulf and the inter-coastal. We had Nanny's famous waffles for breakfast and set off across the street for the beach. McCartney stepped of the ramp and onto Madeira Beach in awe. My mom asked her if she liked the beach and she said, "Yep, it looks like pepper" I love the way kids see things! I was pleasantly surprised that Harrison and McCartney were very brave and hit the water's edge like true champs. They didn't have much fear. Dustin was much better than expected since the last time we were in Florida before he "littles" were born, he was terrified of sharks getting him in the water We practically had to drag him to the shoreline. Today he had to be called in constantly because he was scaring Robert with how fearless he was. THey played for hours in the very cold water with little to no problems and "dug" the sand . . . no pun intended. What a nice day!

Tonight we headed to the inter-coastal waterway to see the boats and over to the Condo's pier. Robert had a close encounter with a pelican who thought he might have some dinner. The park across the street is awesome and the kids had a blast way past dark.

Tomorrow? Universal Studios.

Kinda good . . . Kinda crappy . . .

Case Conference was interesting. We did accept a modified schedule which means Dustin will only attend school for 2 hours daily and he will be receiving his very own 1:1 assistant. They will provide transportation and the modification has to be revisited in 20 days to see how effective it has been. We did get all of our concerns on the table and I think we were heard. They may not have agreed, but they listened. I did have some issue with the ways that Dustin's "aggression" was characterized. Dustin does bite, kick and hit. These are not anger based, they are simply a lashing out due to his low frustration tolerance. I also see them as being a product of the environment at school and that they "work" for him there. They achieve his goal which is always attention and 1:1 working environment.

I was dead-set against modifying his day before walking into the conference, but I listened to the reasons and the stories of success that they have seen due to modifying a student's day. We decided to give it a chance. Something has to stop this down-ward spiral that he is in. We have to break the cycle of "crappy" days and give him some success. I have seen his self-esteem plummet in the last month and it upsets me.

We also agreed to keep him out of school for the next 3 weeks. One One and half weeks will be due to our family vacation and the following full week is Spring Break. We thought that 3 days in the middle would be completely non-productive.

I think the school system saw our desire to work with them to create a suitable environment for learning for Dustin. I think the administration saw that we are behind them 100% and respect the chances they have given Dustin. I hope that they saw our love for Dustin and our determination that he become a functional member of society along with positive assistance at school and home. And I did see the Special Education department's drive to provide a positive and successful placement for Dustin. The resource administrator from the department is determined that Dustin will have this one more chance to succeed in this program. She is even going to come and give the new assistant guidance and training on how this needs to be done to make it work for Dustin. I can't ask for much more than that.

Gigantic Stress . . .

We have a case conference Thursday. The phrase that strikes fear in the hearts of parents of any FASD child. The school is not happy with Dustin's behavior. We cannot change his behavior while he is there. I have went to school and Robert has went to school to shadow Dustin and when we are there his is fine. We are his external brain . . . we are his control mechanism. He lacks one for himself. The school hasn't developed that skill yet. They are overworked and under staffed. He needs his own 1:1 aide. I don't feel as though that will happen easily if at all. I am not up for a fight. It sucks to have to fight for my child's education.

I am one who always looks for and waits for the worst in every situation. Thursday may be fine, but it may be ugly. I look for the ugly. I pray for the fine. The problem is the aggression that he is showing at school. It isn';t truly aggression, it's poor impulse control and it's poor judgement. He attempts to hurt someone because he thinks it will intimidate them. Last week for instance he took a teacher's hand and squeezed it. The teacher has a wrist injury and as a brace on that arm. He looked at her as though he will twist her arm, he did not. He wanted to see if that would "scare" her away from disciplining him. This was relayed to me by the teacher. By the time the office got the information, he had "twisted the teachers arm and tried to hurt her"

I have no more answers for them. I am all out of suggestions. The law says that the school district must provide my child with a free and appropriate educational placement. If this one isn't working, find one that does. If one doesn't exist you have to make one. I don't know, I am scared. I think they will try to remove him from school. That is a bad thing.

I am reminded of my favorite line from Lloyd Dobler in the movie Say Anything. "I don't know, but I know that I don't know".

What an eye opener . . .

It was definitely an eye-opening day! I got a call at 8:15 this morning from Dustin's school. His behavior was out of control and they wanted t know if I would talk to him and try to settle him down. He had hit a student in the chest in the breakfast room and in the process had spilled his yogurt all over his pants. He then went to class and began running and hiding from the teacher. When she told him she was calling me he ran out of the room and locked himself in the staff bathroom.

I was appalled at his behavior and said, "Give me 10 minutes, I'll be right there." I have had enough of this kind of behavior at school. I am so tired of hearing bad reports just as much as they are tired of giving them. This child is able to function better than he does on a daily basis at school. I have mentioned in several different conferences that I would like to come and sit with him for a day at school. He doesn't think that I have an authority there because I have been in the classroom with him. This is how his brain functions. He thinks if I can;t see him do it, it never happened.

For instance . . . Dustin will sneak and steal a chocolate pudding. He will go through all the trouble to hide it in his pants and take it upstairs, but he will not dispose of it. He will stick the pudding top to the handrail of the stairs and leave the empty pudding cup on the floor and the spoon on the step and think I will never know he did it. Why? Because I didn't see him eat that. I will inevitably see it and say, "Dustin you stole pudding!" You know what he says? "How did you know?" He is totally shocked that I could figure out that he stole pudding.

Today I decided that I was going to push the issue and stay in school with him until lunch and make him understand that I do know what goes on in school and it is not acceptable. My secondary reason was that I wanted the school to see that he can be a wonderful and obedient child with the right guidance and direction. It worked! The teachers were completely shocked with the amount of work he was able to complete and with the behaviors that were totally in control. Why? Because I WAS his control. FASD kids have no control mechanism. They have total impulsivity. They rely on others to provide external control because they can't. They all kept commenting on how this was a totally different child. I left at noon, the remainder of today was positive and he came home happy and cheerful. At least we had some success.

Will it follow through and work for tomorrow? Who knows. Probably not. Tomorrow I am meeting the bus at school and I am going to sit in on breakfast. He will not act this way at school. I am determined. It was interesting to see the vast array of disabilities that were present in Dustin's Moderately Mentally Handicapped (MoMH) class. There were so many different disabilities and so many functional levels. Each child was different. Interestingly enough the first thing that struck me was that Dustin is the only child who does not outwardly LOOK disabled. I have said this so many times about FASD kids . . . they may not appear disabled, but they are just as disabled as any other MoMH child. They have an inward disability which causes people to expect more because they *look* "normal". That is the most frustrating thing!

McCartney's lipstick

McCartney found my new makeup and said she was putting on lipstick. Funny, I didn't buy any new lipstick. What she did find was my brand new mascara. Thank goodness it wasn't the nail polish she got into. . .

Our little miracles. . .

I'm not sure that I have ever shared this story . . .

Back in 1999 my husband needed to get new glasses. He was wearing bifocals and his eyes kept getting progressively worse. We had some pretty crappy vision insurance so we went to Eyeglass World to get his eyes screened. The optometrist did his examine and had some concerns. She said he had some anomalies and thought he should see an neuorologist. Neuorolgist? I thought she was crazy. Why in the world would this optometrist be sugesting that. We ignored it. He got his glasses and we went along with our lives. About a year later his eyes had gotten much worse. It was quite distressing that they had continued to go downhill and he almost didn't pass his vision test at the BMV. He had no peripheral vision. If the line of letters read K O L U M N P he would simply see LUM. I thought it was time to go see my Opthalmolgist. I sent him to see Dr. Kempler and I went with him. Dr. Kempler did some tests and was quite concerned with the findings. We had to go back for a test a couple of days later and we sat in that little eye doctors room and he told us most probably Robert had a tumor in his brain.

TUMOR. The word struck me like a baseball bat to he head. My father had passed away from an agressive cancer hat ate away at his brain. I couldn't deal with this trauma. All I could think about was losing my husband and I freaked out. He sent us to a . . . you guessed it . . . neurologist. I felt so much guilt for not listening to the woman at the other place. We had one hope, the doctor had told us that pituatary tumors were most generally not cancerous. This was little comfort to a woman who lost her father to brain cancer and who is a tremendous worrier.

We had to see a neurologist in Kokomo becasue of our insurance. I was irritated that we livei n the 2nd largest city in Indiana and I had to drive to a po-dunk town to see a doctor. I fought with the insurance company and they wouldn't budge. It turned out being a great thing . . .

He did an MRI and confirmed that Robert had a tumor growing on his pituatary gland that was the size of 2 large walnuts. He sent us to a Neuro-surgeon in Indianapolis since they would not cover one in Fort Wayne. That was the best thing that ever happened to us because this man, "Julius Goodman" pioneered the non-invasive surgery to remove just this kind of tumor. And what do you know? Robert was one of his last patinents before he retired. We also had the privledge of having his prodigy be in the operation, this man was taking over his practice. All the insurance hassles were a blessing in disguise. . . we got the best doctor in the country for this surgery!

Robert endured a 4 hour surgery where they broke nose and drilled a hole in the bone behind his nasal pasage. They went in and "sucked" the tumor out of his brain. They had to pack the remaining hole with fat from his stomach since we learned that you cannot have void in your head. They did not cut any other protion of his skull. He has a nose packed full of gunk for days and a very big head-ache. He went home in 2 days. The tumor was not cancerous. And the "crappy insurance" paid off. We ended up paying $150 of a $30,000 surgery. A miracle all around.

We received 2 other miracles from this operation. You see, we had being trying to have a baby. Robert had never had children and wanted them so badly. I can still remember sitting in the doctor's room in Indianapolis after the tumor was confirmed and the doctor asking if we had children. We had said no, but that we were trying. He said that the pituatary tumor had been there for probably 20+ years and it had affected Robert's ability to produce viable sperm since it was limiting his testerone. He said, "If this is the only reason you haven't gotten pregnant, you will be pregnant by Christmas". I will never forget that sentence. It was hope summed up in one phrase.

And by the way . . . I was pregnant by August.

Nice night . . .

What a nice night. We in the throws of a "blizzard warning" and I am cozy and warm inside. Cuddled on the couch with my kids. Dustin is safely and soundly tucked into bed and I have a bowl of m&m's to keep me company.

I love to shovel snow. Weird huh? It's kind of like mowing the lawn. I love to mow the lawn because you get this feeling of accomplishment when you are done. You can look back at the yard and see how much better it looks. Same thing with shoveling. You can stand back and see the progress you have made.

The only bad thing about shoveling is that it bothers the heck out of my asthma. I come in all wheezy and gaspy. Gaspy? Is that a word? It should be, I like it. Anyhoo, the streets are quiet, the snow is falling again and the wind has settled for now. The snow hasn't had a chance to get all slushy and brown so it is still in that pretty surreal state. . . and I am content under my blanket . . .

God is Good . .

Let it snow . . .

Today we have a blizzard warning in our fair city. We do not close down our school unless there is a level 2 citywide emergency issued. Our county called a level 2 but it did not include the incorporated parts of Fort Wayne. What is funny is that everyone thinks they have information. We have had so many parents call and tell us that it is a level 2. We have been in constant contact with the Fort Wayne Police Department to check the status. . . and it is not alevel 2.

What strikes me as amusing is that when you give information and you are incorrect and adamant about it you sound foolish. It is like playing operator when you were a kid and once it gets down the line you are saying something totally wrong. We even had a parent that works for the street department give us faulty information. I guess all I am saying is that if you haven't gotten the information from the source, don't think it's correct until you verify it . . . if not you just lose any credibility you had.

Today, Indiana Newscenter was reporting that we had a level 2 snow emergency. This information was incorrect and was confusing our parents who were calling. We called the newsroom and a really crabby lady asked "Why do you care anyway? Why is it your business?" Well, I'll tell you why it's my business, because you should be reporting the actual news . . . although I never rely on them for news anyway. . . apparently for a reason. And this is why people are confused . . .

You can see the actual county emergency information here . . .

Ugh!

Busy as a Bee . . .

Man am I tired! I have spent the past 5 days getting my duplex ready to re-rent. It is always a chore to get everything in order that needs to be done. . . painting, carpets, windows, etc. I feel as though I have been painting for my entire life. But there is nothing better than freshly painted walls to make a place truly fresh and clean. It does look great. I have cleaned and scrubbed, replaced carpet, replaced faucets, replaced light fixtures, and painted every room . . . all 1500 square foot of space. The renter picked out some really nice colors and the place looks fantastic! I have a little more cleaning to do and a short list that is finally under a full page, then I am DONE. Dustin was quite helpful and Robert was great.

On another note, I have a new front door and it looks fabulous. The only bad thing is that I cannot paint it until it is at least 45 degrees. . . it will kill me to wait! I want to paint it something bold and vibrant. All the pieces that my life broke into last week seem to be falling back into place. That's always a nice thing. . .

Dustin had a difficult weekend since his schedule was messed up with all the painting and today at school he bit a teacher. Yes, you read that right, BIT a teacher. I was in a meeting and since we only have one car, an administrator actually brought him home for his suspension. They must have really wanted him out of there LOL. It was, however, nice that they did that. He has a doctor appointment tomorrow, but we are expecting a big snow and then it will be canceled, so we shall see what tomorrow holds. . .

The kids are all in bed, and the dogs are huddled up on the couches. For now I am trying to catch up on all of our DVR-ed television shows . . .

Not fun . . .

Fair warning . . . I'm gonna whine.

Sunday morning I woke to a frozen toilet feeder line in my back bathroom. I put a heater on it in the basement crawl space and it broke free in about 2 hours and there was no damage. Lucky . . . or so I thought.

I spent the whole day patiently waiting for the BIG game and watching all the pre-pre-pre game fluff. I was enjoying myself . . . until I sat down on the toilet and the seat cracked (no fat jokes) pinching my thigh. Not very fun. I decided to run to Lowe's and get a new seat before the game. I headed out the front door and I heard this horrific crack. The door jam inside the wall snapped and I could not shut my door in sub-zero weather. After about 20 minutes of messing with it I got it closed and I have someone coming out to measure this week so I can get a new one installed. Not fun!

I sit down with pizza and a warm snuggly house to watch the game. About an hour into the game I decide I should run next door and check the apartment and make sure everything is still dripping since it so miserably cold and I don't want anything else to freeze. As soon as I walk in the back door I hear rushing water. I had a pipe break in the basement and it was spewing water. I had to turn water off to the whole house. I spent the remainder of the superbowl trying to get a plumber out to no avail. We went without water until the next day.

The plumber came out and put new shut-offs on those lines and turned the rest of the house back on. He cannot fix the lines in the half bath on the other side until it gets warmer. that's okay because my new renters aren't moving in until later in the month. The kicker is . . . they had us turn on the faucets to drain the lines, so when the water went back on Robert forgot the renter's side was on. The upstairs sink was on and it is a slow drainer so it was raining in the dining room. The water was on for about 1 hour before he realized it. Now I have a wonderful mess in the dining room to work on.

Lastly, my renters moved out this weekend, so I have repairs to make as well as painting and hauling away all their old junk. They left crazy amounts of crap and trash and junk, old tvs, old microwaves, nasty curtains and various stuff. The basement is a disaster and every wall in the house has crayons or marker drawings, along with about 500 nail holes. (ok maybe an exxageration). They didn't even vaccuum, I dumped my vaccuum 3 times before I was finished sweeping the mess. You should've seen the laundry room and the mess they left from behind the washer and dryer. I about puked. And by the way, don't think that you're gonna get all your deposit if I have to clean your nastiness out of the fridge. In my whole life I have never left an apartment that was not clean and neat. I have scrubbed the fridge, the toilet and the tub. I want my deposit, and I was raised to respect other people's things. Makes me irritated and crazy angry!

Have a great day!

Blue Friday . . .

That's me and my mom desecrating a co-wrker's desk who is a Bear's Fan!

Here's McCartney with Hunny-Bunny her favorite Build-a-Bear!

School troubles. . .

I had a phone conference for Dustin's behavior plan today. It was not fun. His behavior is spiraling downward at school for a couple weeks. At home we are having loads of progress with the new medication. What do I think is the problem at school? His behavior is working for him. He gets the attention that he is trying to get. At home when he is behaving improperly he gets "that's enough" or a simple "stop it". At school he gets lots of information. He gets explanations and cause and effect discussion. He gets ATTENTION. He is throwing himslef on the floor if he doesn't get his way. Let him lay there. Give him direction and state the intended result and let it be. He will c omply when he is no longer getting your attention.

I am not faulting the school. They are doing what is "normal" to do. They are fabulous and trying their best to work with him and keep him in school. I truly believe they have a heart for moderately handicapped children. Dustin is a whole new ball of wax. The "normal" stuff doesn't cut it. Reasoning is wasted. It will not work for Dustin. He has them wrapped around his finger.

I feel like banging my head against the wall. I wish that I could sit in class with him for a week. Then, I could redirect and be involved. Not only showing them what to do, but giving me some authority over the situation at school would help in disciplining him at home. He is a very compartmentalized child and if I could insert myself into the school setting it would help.

I did give them one suggestion that I stole from Kari. I told them to let Dustin send us email updates about his day. I thought maybe that would encourage him behave in order to give a good report to dad in an email. They thought it was fabulous. Other than that I said I am fresh out of fresh ideas for you. I cannot control the situation you deal with. . .

Families. . .

Harrison had a wonderful surgery yesterday. His tonsils are gone, he had to have a revisional adnoidectomy and the remaining ear tube has removed. Thankfully the eradrum had grown in behind it so it did not need to be patched, so swimming in Florida is in!

He did so well. I was really bracing for the worst since the tubes and adnoids were awful when he was younger! He did puke quite a bit since he is far too much like me and he pukes well, but he was up running around and eating normally in about 8 hours. He hasn't even had any substantial pain medication. he slept better last night than he has in months since he could finally breath. and best of all, NO snoring!

McCartney was in the the doctor's office on Tuesday for a sinus and ear infection, and I was told her tonsils are big and her adnoids are huge and pussy . . . hope you're not eating as you read. . . so I have a hunch we'll be in surgery with her after our trip in March.

I have friends at my employer who are going through a rough time. There are 3 girls who adore their "daddy". Their father, who is a local pastor, is quite ill. He suffered a heartattack yesterday and is CICU and they don't think he will pull through. Funeral plans are being made and the family is devastaed as to be expected. I went and vistited today and they are doing as good as one can. It brought back so many memories of sitting at the hospital waiting for my dad to pass 10 years ago. It hardly seems like it could've been so long ago. . . Think about this family in your thoughts as you go about your day. Think also about your parents if you are blessed to still have them. Call them. Talk to them and listen to their voice. Pack it away in your memory and hold it in your heart. There will come a day when that voice is silenced. Let them know they are loved!

What a weekend . . .

Robert left me for the weekend. He went to D.C. for the peace march that I mentioned before. He had a nice time and I stayed home with all 3 kids alone. My mom and I took them out to eat on Friday evening and then did some shopping for Robert's upcoming birthday. The kids were very well behaved, but my mom looked frazzled by the time we were done. LOL

Saturday I stayed true to my word I didn't get out of my pajamas all day! It was glorious. I did however do a bunch of laundry and cleaned a little. I have a funny story about the washed from earlier in the week. . . when the washer went into spin cycle on Wednesday, it was making this horrible scratching-screeching sound. It sounded like something metal was hitting and scratching up against the drum. I was irritated because it was only one month out of warranty. I called a repar guy and he was out in a matter of a couple hours. When Robert called to give me a report he was laughing. I had a lang drywall screw in my pants pocket the other day, apparently it went through the wash and ended up poking through one of the holes in the bottom of the washer tub. It was the screw that was making the noise. I paid $60 to have a repairman open the lid and reach in to remove a screw! ARGH! But I am happy that I did not have to buy a new washer. . .

Sunday I was terribly depressed that I didn't have any football to watch . . .

Today I had to rescheduled Harrison's tonsilectomy for this week instead of at the end of the month since he can barely breathe in the night. It is almsost like sleep apnea and he wakes himself up from the snoring as well. His tonsils are so big that they touch his uvula and gag him. He has lost nearly 5 pounds in the past month because he struggles with swallowing. He gags most everything up. So . . .we are off to the surgery center this Wednesday to have those puppies yanked out.

ON the Dustin front, his behavior is just plain crappy. I was so looking forward to this new midication and it definitely has stopped the hallucinations, but his impulsivity is horrific! He cannot control himslef in he very least. The doc has added yet another medication tonight. We shall see. . .

Excited . . .

My life seems to be getting better . . . knock on wood. I have rented the apartment to a really nice family. . . big load off. Dustin is doing pretty well on the new medication. He is acting up at school and we had made some corrections with the medication, but he is SLEEPING. And that, my friends, is a great thing! Sleep disorders in FASD kids are awful since they have to be under constant supervision. Kari blogged about the same problem today, and it is not a fun thing.

Robert is heading to Washington DC tonight with a bunch of people for a rally tomorrow sponsored by United for Peace. He is looking forrward to that and I hope for a calm relaxing weekend. Mom and I are taking the kids out to dinner tonight and I don't plan on getting out of my pajamas tomorrow!

The Colts are in the Superbowl and all is right with the world. . .

More. . .

I didn't get enough Replacements with that last clip. I needed this one to remind me of all those days at Columbia Street West in the 90's watching every cover band in the area do this one . . .

Old times. . .

Here's one from my days at the skatepark checking out all the cute little skater boys. I loved to sit and watch them fly on the half pipe. I even got to meet several of the more famous skaters like Bill Danforth, Tony Hawk, Jeff Kendall and others. . .


This one is fIREHOSE. . .

Strange . . .

My husband was doing some researce on the Manning family this weekend. He found an interesting tidbit. . . Peyton Manning grew up in a home between Anne Rice, of the Vampire Chronicles fame, and Trent Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails fame. If you know anything about these two you would ask yourself. . . How oh how did he grew up so "white bread"? Just funny.

It's a mindset . . .

I have been majorly stressed lately. I have a lot on my plate right now and everything is not working together. I have tried to get myself together, but it hasn't worked too successfully. Yesterday I decided that I would try to let things go and stop worrying. That is difficult with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it can be done (along with some extra medication)! I made sure that I organized a few things last night that were weighing on my mind and I got a good night's sleep. Today I decided to wear some new shoes that I bought just for fun. I decided that if I had a differnet outlook, maybe I would feel differently. . .

Here's to an uneventful day!

The game that was . . .

Wow. What a game. I thought it was a goner early on, but had hope that my boys could pull it out and comeback to win. I didn't think it would be as nerve-racking as it became. After that good rally at the end of the first half, the crowd got back into that game and the boys got back into their stride. Much was said later about what Dungy had said in the locker room and they all said it wasn't "magic" just talk of execution. They had to execute the plays to get the yardage, and they definitely came back onto the field to execute!

The first drive of the second half yielded 76 yards in 14 plays resulting in a touchdown and they kept matching New England's scores until the last minute of the game when the Colts took the lead for the first time in 59 minutes.
That 3 yard run by Jospeh Addai (who I have said all year is my new favorite, and was a fantastic replacement for Edgerrin) cinched the Colts lead. The "comeback king" Brady still had time to work the ball up the field, but a field goal would not tie the game. But the "clutch" got stuck. Brady threw and interception right into the hands of Marlin "not of the Jackson 5" Jackson and clinched the victory. Nice! I love that it was Brady who handed us the win and I love that it was a defensive player that finished off the game. What a way to give our defense that has truly stepped up to the plate in the playoffs some much necessary confidence. I will remember that interception and the picture of Jackson diving on his back holding tight to the ball is forever etched in my mind.



There were many more wonderful plays and memorable moments. The offensive line touchdown on the fumble recovery by Jeff Saturday, the quarterback sneak on the first touchdown for the Colts, the Klecko (a former Pat) touchdown that resulted in the 2-point conversion to tie the game the first time and that play by Reggie Wayne as he recovered his own fumble before he or the ball even hit the ground.



The pure excitement and joy shown by all players especially Dungy and Manning, should have washed away any doubt that nay-sayers had about the Colt's being a Superbowl caliber team. Yet, today on NFL network I heard some fool talking about how San Diego and Baltimore have a right to be proud because they are better teams. He says that the Colts are not the best team in the AFC, that they were just lucky. What does it take for this team and for Peyton to get the recognition and the respect they deserve. There will still be those who will still say it was luck and they are not the best team even if they win in 2 weeks in Miami. Sad.

I can't decide what I am more excited about. The fact that they are going to the Superbowl or the fact that they stomped Tom Brady and the Patriots. Or the fact that they did it with the help of Adam Vinateri.

I am excited about the Superbowl, but today I will revel in the apparent disgust on the face of Tom Brad, the dejected attitude of Belichick after the game and the victory dance of Dwight Freeney.. Apparently sweater vests are better than sweatshirts. . . Go Colts!




*all photos from Superbowl.com

Nice realization . . .

Last night Dustin was laying on the couch watching TV in the "kids room". (We have a second family room downstairs that has a small couch and a TV mounted on the wall. It's nice because since we have to monitor Dustin closely, we can keep an eye on what he is watching and what the other two are doing as well.) He pops off the couch at about 10:00 last night and starting frantically looking around. It seems he has lost something. I ask "Dustin are you okay?" He replies with a puzzled look , "HEY! Have you seen my friends?" (He has been hallucinating for about 3 months continually and has a very "real" world made up that he communicates with them in.) I said, "Well, no. But I don't ever see them. Don't you see them?" HE says, "No, I haven't seen them all day."

SUCCESS. It may be a little success, but I'll take what I can get. At this point he had only had the new medication for one day and we had already seen progress. We also saw him sleep 12 hours last night apparently only waking once. He slept so hard I couldn't even get him to wake this morning. This is a child that once his feet hit the floor he is off and running. His poor little body must be making up for lost sleep and he seems to finally be resting comfortably. I will keep my fingers crossed that it continues to get better.

Chlozaril rocks . . . for now.

Drugs . . .

I will never complain about having to sign a book to get Sudafed again. It is ridiculous trying to get Chlozaril! First of all, our normal pharmacy doesn't even carry it. They told me it is too much trouble to do everything necessary to fill the script. The problem is, they didn't tell me this until 8:00pm tonight instead of 3:00 this afternoon when they knew this.

I went to pick up the script and the bloodwork that the hospital lab faxed over so that I could take it to another pharmacy and they initially refused to give it to me. Okay, let's see . . . you won't fill it, but you won't give it to me to get it filled elsewhere. Well, after hollering and nearly swearing I finally got my information and headed off to the other place.

The new pharmacy would fill it but had to make a call to a database first. They had to register my son with this national registry before they could fill it. The registry needed the bloodwork and other information. They will process it, call another place and verify the script and then they will call back to tell the pharmacy it is okay to fill it. Whew! I wonder how much it costs.

I'm still waiting to see if it will happen tonight. . . we'll see.

New medication . . .

The psych visit went great. The doc is putting him on the "mother of all anti-psychotics", chlozaril. I am happy that a change was made, happy that he listened, but concerned none-the-less because we are talking about a very seriuos medication. He had to get a blood draw done today and they will only give us 7 days of medication at a time. A blood draw must be done before we get another weeks worth. We will have this weekly blood draw continued for 6 months, then every other week for 6 months then we can go to once a month.

I hope that this will completely eliminate the hallucinations and allow him to function at a higher leve than he is currently. He has been given such a bum-deal in life and I hope that we will see a brighter future. I went from worried and frustrated to hopeful and positive in about one hours time. . . Maybe I need some new medication!

S-T-R-E-S-S . . .

Super stressed today. I am so terribly stressed. My son with FASD, Dustin, has had a difficult time sleeping since his last hospitalization about 3 months ago. We have tried every possible combination of timing with the current medication and we have reached a dead end. We need something else. This doesn't sound like a big deal to most people. But adding a new psychotropic drug is a BIG deal to Dustin's fragile chemical balance. I don't think the doctor wants to do it. But WE all need sleep. I cannot sleep well knowing Dustin is awake because I have no idea what he will do. He is impulsive and has no concept of consequences, so I am constantly vigilant.

That combined with the fact that he is STILL hallucinating is unnerving. He lives in a world that we cannot see. He is always talking to "someone" or "something" that he perceives as being real. I hate it. It freaks me out. It can't be healthy for him.

I do not want the doctor to suggest hospitalization again. I'm not ready for that. His behavior at home isn't that bad right now. The last time he was hospitalized is when the doctor suggested residential care. That did not go over well with me, and I am concerned he will go there again with that suggestion. Not acceptable.

My own fears and worries come to the fore-front when I have stressful times like this due to my own OCD. I tend to ruminate over worries and get quite frustrated and anxious. I need to relax, but my disorder won't allow it. I just want a resolution, and I want it NOW. It doesn't help that I have apartment for rent that I MUST rent soon, I hate winter and I have a situation at work that has me on edge. Aaaaaack!

News . . .

Pretty soon you will be hearing about a large property purchase in our fair city. There has been talk of it for some time, and was even mentioned in the newspapers a few months back. It involves the property that was originally owned by Calvary Temple Ministries on the corner of Lima Road and Washington Center Road.

The Paino family were pastors at that particular church for many years and a church split happened in 2003 after allegations of financial issues and indiscretion of the pastoral staff . The Paino family went on to found Carroll Road church, from which they recently resigned after Paul C. Paino's marriage to Sharon Carney last fall. The congregation that was left formed Lifebridge. It has been a rocky road with a lawsuit by the Paino family, a foreclosure on the building on Washington Center. Both churches that formed from the old Calvary Temple have since gone on to build new buildings.

The Washington Center Property reverted back to the hands of the Assemblies of God Financial Services when it didn't get enough money at a sheriff's auction last year. At this point, First Assembly of God on Coliseum Boulevard began to actively search for a buyer for their building. A seller was found and was courted over the past few months. That seller was courting another buyer for their property.

Today the dominoes all fell. In a joint closing, Saint Francis bought the piece of property across from the university that was owned by Abundant Life Ministries. They in turn purchased the land that First Assembly currently sits on, and that left First Assembly open to buy the Washington Center property. The Washington Center property will undergo extensive renovation since most of the building behind the new 3,000 seat sanctuary is old and very outdated and will house First Assembly as early as this fall.

The crankie threes . . .

My daughter has the most annoying habit. When she is upset at me or her daddy she she screams, very loudly, "I want my Nanny!" (My son called my mom Nana and we were Mama and Dada. When we became Mommy and Daddy, she became Nanny)

The funny part is that her Nanny doesn't baby her at all. She is just as tough and fair with her as we are. McCartney thinks it is a good thing to scream because she wants her own way and we are the ones not giving it to her.

The original O.C. . .

I love Social Distortion. All this reminiscing and getting back with old friends has got me listening to all my old music again. After almost 30 years, several treatment programs and many new members, Social Distortion still rules. Mike Ness is even still performing. He last performed at a charity function for Wheels for Humanity last month along with a veritable who's who of the punk scene. Here's a SD favorite of mine . . .

A new year . . .

I can't believe it is 2007. What a crazy year it has been. . .

We started off January with Dustin being admitted to the psych hospital for the first time here in Fort Wayne. It was both frightening and necessary. He spent 14 days in the hospital and was released only to return 10 days later. The positives . . . our we finally saw our son without any medication and our psychatrist had a far better idea of what we deal with on a daily basis.

In February I nearly sliced the end of my "pointer" finger off with an exact-o knife doing a proect at work. It was not fun! My son, Dustin, turned 12 and my mother had the first of 2 cornea replacement surgeries. My husband turned 51!

March was awesome as I joined a support group for parents of children with special needs. Dustin also spent the night at church with about 200+ kids for an overnighter. This was a true treat as we can't ever do anyting like this. He had a "shadow" the entire time and was great.

April brought with it nice weather, a trip to Camp Casey in Crawford Texas for Robert and a case of Scarlet Fever for Harrison. My pup, Cayenne, was hit by a car on Easter weekend, but did really well recovering after a brief stay in the pet hospital. Robert also lost his aunt Anne to cancer.

May was a month of funerals. We attended my aunt Mary's funeral and Robert lost his uncle Jr. It was a difficult time. We added rats to our pack of pets . . . my little babies. And Harrison turned 4.

June began my crazy summer hours. It also brought us a couple big storms. One storm brought a lightning strike that fried our fuse box, costing a pretty penny and then a day later we lost electricity to our block as trees fell all around us. We were without electricity for about 60 hours in a 3 day period. The tickets were also purchased for my first country concert . . . Kenny Chesney Labor Day weekend.

July was a month of reunions for me. The month prior I was given the address to a website that an old friend put together for us to post pics and get together. A bunch of my old friends contacted me and I reconnected with them a couple weeks in a row. What fun seeing old friends again.

August brought the first round of strep. I was hospitalized for a brief time and was given morphine for the horrible pain that I had in my head. UGH! The worst? The bill.

September opened with the Kenny concert at Verizon Wireless and I was finally exposed to country music tailgating! Woohoo. Met LJ and had a BLAST! MY baby turned 3! 3! Uncle Josh came to Fort Wayne and spent a week here. The kids loved having him here and I loved having my kids crawl all voer him and abuse him. And I was definitely ready for some football . . .

In October I fell through my bathroom floor. But, it made me find out that the shower had been leaking under the floor for years! And now I have a great bathroom. Dustin was once again hopsitalized to regulate medication for 2 weeks. School has been difficult this year, and the staff simply doesn't get it. The strep came back with a vengenance.

In November Harrison was quite sick and for a while they thought he had some rare illness. McCartney and I were the only ones to celebrate Thanksgiving and then I shopped my booty off the next morning with mom. The elections brought with it happiness with some of the turnouts in the county, and frustration with the sheriff's race.

December was productive and way too fast. We finally spent our Thanksgiving in Kentucky. Robert and I actually had dinner out with friends, that never happens! And, I had my Crass Reunion. About 150 people showed up and it was a wonderful time catching up with what everyone was doing! Christmas was great and I am looking forward to the new year!

And rest assured I'll blog all the juicy bits . . .

Old friend . . .

I had totally forgot an old friend was a cheerleader in the Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit video and then was hired to be in the Smells Like Nirvana video by Wierd Al. Here they both are . . .





Teri was a bit older than me but we ran in the same circles. She was so beautiful and was quite frightening. I know she could've kicked my butt. She had the coolest leather jacket with "the screamers" logo painted on the back. . .

There ain't no hole in the washtub . . .

I was reading Marked Hoosier today and I found a post he wrote before Christmas about Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas. It is my FAVORITE Kiddie Christmas movie of all time. So . . . even though it's past Christmas I had to post this :



How cute is that?

One Punk Under God . . .

I just finished watching the third episode of One Punk Under God. The show is basically what the documentary crew following Jay Bakker catches on camera. Jay Bakker is the son of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker of PTL fame. It is a wonderful program and I am so impressed by his convictions and his apparent mission to simply "love people" through Jesus Christ. The episode I watched tonight had him visiting his father in Branson. It was painful watching the riff between them. You could feel the tension between them after they spoke in private.

It reinforces to me that the "religious" sect or especially evangelical had a hard time when the disagree with someone. They are not the all-knowing translators of the Bible. They still interpret, and how do they know they are 100 % right? It scares me that they can be that exclusive. You need to understand that I grew up in a Pentecostal church. I still attend that church and support it monetarily. I do not agree with everything that is spoken from the pulpit. Do I have to? I don't think so. I can still see the greater good and can get past those things I think may be too open to interpretation. I have a personal prayer life, God can deal with me if I am in the wrong. Jay Bakker said something last week that I LOVED. He was preaching about homosexuals in the church and accepting them into his congregation. He said something I found totally astounding, "Because if we serve a real God and the Holy Spirit is real, if you think it's a sin, then don't you think the Holy Spirit will convict that person." Hallelujah! You got it! How can we turn those people away who are seeking the Lord? You need to give the Holy Spirit more credit than that.

That's exactly how I feel. WE are far too exclusive and far to judgmental. . . let's focus on loving people and let the Lord do His work.

Christmas Time . . .

We had a great Christmas. My mom, stepdad and brother (who came in from Minnesota) came over to our house on Christmas Eve for a simple little dinner and we opened a couple presents per child. They had a great time playing with Nanny and Papa and Uncle Josh. They had a difficult time getting to bed even though I cancelled the nap for the day. McCartney was so over tired and whiny. By the time we got her in bed, and told her she better sleep because Santa is coming, she began screaming "I don't want a present" in her nasty-est little girl voice. She was still awake at midnight. Mom stayed and helped me wrap all the kids presents while Josh stayed and watched Elf. It was like Christmas for me as we wrapped. I shop clearance sales all year 'round for Christmas gifts and put them in a large rubbermaid contained in the attic. By the time Christmas comes I forget what I've bought! We wrapped in record time. Everything was done in less than an hour. Robert and I stayed up and watched another movie and thankfully the kids didn't get up to see what Santa had brought them until about 11:00am.

Dustin was pretty well behaved. We went to my uncle's house and had holiday dinner and spent some time with my mother's family. Dustin was once again very well behaved and was even able to play appropriately with the cousins. He was by no means perfect, but he was better than I expected. Last year was awful, so any improvement is good. It's nice when the family says, "Wow, Dustins' doing well." You always have to lower you expectations and it's especially nice when the family doesn't expect too much from him either. All in all it was a good day.

McCartney and I took a looooong nap when we got home. Bad idea. McCartney was still up at midnight when I went to sleep finally giving in and telling her to keep on talking, but I was tired. I have no idea when she gave in, but she was horrid to get up this morning for daycare.

It was whirlwind of a weekend, with the reunion, the parties and the big guy's arrival at home, but I had a super time. We are truly blessed!

Fort Wayne's Subculture's still got it . . . .

Wow! Last night my a bunch of my old friends from the 80's and 90's got together for a "Crass Reunion". It was fantastic! We had people fly in from Maryland, California, Wahington State, New York, Portland, Minneapolis. . . etc. We had the best time! It was so awesome to see everyone again and it was as though 20 some years hadn't passed. I think my husband even had a good time. I'm certian that a ton of pictures will be posted on our site at FWSubculture. The best part of it was that I'm not the only one who has put on some weight! LOL. So many of my friends looked fantastic and many looked as though they hadn't even aged! We are some good lookin' people for as hard as we played as young'uns. It was so great to ask people about their families and have them pull out pictures of their kids. Some of them have kids that are as oldas we were when we met. Growing up is crazy! Hopefully we willall get togehter more often. . .

Bored & holiday surfing . . .

Open Sesame . . .

This was my favorite from Sesame Street. . .

Head banging . . .

I found this information on Kari's blog. I found it quite interesting and informative when it comes to FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) kids and how it affects them. It sums up my life with Dustin pretty well. . .

Let me tell you a story about some baby chickens who had FASD- Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders- who were a part of a research study. These chicks were put in a plexiglass box and they were deprived of food for long enough to make them quite motivated to find it. Food was then placed outside one of the walls of the plexiglass box where they could see it but not easily get to it. The exit for the chicks to get to the food was at the other end of the box. Non-exposed chicks figured it out in no time but the chicks with FASD did not. Sadly, they sat and banged their heads against the plexiglass wall again and again trying to get to the food. But that is not the end of the story....

The researchers showed the baby chicks with FASD how to get out of the box and how to get to the food. The chicks were able to repeat the action and get food.... until the next day when the experiment was repeated. The chicks with FASD had forgotten how to get out of the box and get to the food, (Welcome to my world) but again it is not the end of the story.

The researchers repeatedly and patiently showed them the way out and eventually most of them were able to retain the information and get food! Some took a long time and had to be taught over and over and over again but most were eventually able to do it.

Amazing! Repetition does work. It is annoying when you have to do it each and every day. Sometimes something will sink in and you think, "YES! Something got through that wall of FAS finally!" But the difficulty is that you don't know how many times, how many days, how many weeks, how many years it will take. You have to keep perservering. You have to remember that it is not his fault that he cannot do a task you have told him 2513 times how to do. We are human and it is hard. I lose my cool sometimes. I try really hard to be patient and calm, but life doens't always work that way.

Dustin is the chick. He has been prenatally exposed to alcohol. But somtimes I feel like the chick banging my head against the wall. I can see the end for Dustin, but I have to figure out a new way to get that end accomplished. But, I still bang my head on the wall, the wall of FAS.

Golden slumbers fill your eyes . . .

Dustin did not sleep one wink last night. When you have an impulsive child that needs constant supervision this is not a good thing. Robert was up with him most of the night, but the "alarm" that we have on his door woke me almost every time he opened the door, which by the way felt like 3198 times. He finally went to sleep about 8:30 this morning.

It is amazing to me how a child can be on enough medication to make a grown adult sleep for days, and still manage to stay awake. It once again points to the fact that his brain chemistry is just plain wacky.

This is not just from the crazy weekeend. His sleep habits have been going downhill fast. The last 5-6 nights have been difficult and now they have finally bottomed out. I have an appointment at the pychiatrist at 12:10 for him. Hopefully we can get this remedied. We also need to get a handle on his hallucinations. He has an entirely fictional world that lives around him. He is constantly talking to people who are not there, and creates this fantasy life for himself with a wife and an alternate family. Some people may say that is a good imagination. The problem is that it is real to him. Not good, not good at all for a child who doesn't know how to seperate te two and doesn't always live in reality to begin with.

13 days . . .

With 13 days until my "reunion" party. I thought I'd post an oldie but a goodie.



You see several months ago my friend came up with this wonderful idea for a website for a bunch of us old friends to get together, share old photos and old memories. Since that time a whole ton of us have found the site and relived our teenage and early-twenty past. It's been a blast. We are all coming together this Christmas Season for a Crass Reunion. I have friends coming in from all over the United States, and I can't wait to see them.

Pre-Monday Meanderings. . .

I have had a whirlwind of a weekend. We were so very busy this weekend, but it all ended very nicely. Dustin was pretty well behaved this weekend especially since we had so many different things happen to screw with his routine. I'm not so certain that tomorrow at school will be very good though. Typically a whirlwind weekend ends up making a crazy Monday. He did go with my mom to a fast food "jungle" to crawl through tubes tonight while Robert and I attended a holiday function, so he should sleep well. Hopefully no biting, hitting or crawling around will happen at school tomorrow.

I had the opportunity as we attended 2 holiday parties this weekend to talk to some people about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and I always love when I get to educate someone new about this horrible disorder. My least favortie thing is hearing "Oh you two are so wonderful. He's so lucky to have you" because I don't feel wonderful most of the time. I feel ineffective and angry most of the time . I also hate referring to it as a disorder, because it is totally 100 % preventable, unfortunately the one who gets the disorder has nothing to do about it. I think that educating people is important, but I think that educating prospective mothers, young mothers and addicted mothers is the true key . . . like what Kari does. I'm working on my bitterness. I am truly angry with Dustin's birth mother for being so selfish to continue to drnk while she was pregnant, but I wasn't there, I wasn't in her shoes. I need to heal from that anger, but it is so difficult as I and more importantly Dustin lives with her mistake daily.

NEXT. . .

There has been all sorts of talk about me and my views lately. I've been called names had cute little commentary on other's blogs about me and my views, etc. I put those views out there so they are indeed fair game. I am not be-moaning that fact. Your commentary makes me laugh. It makes me more certain that I have chosen the proper friends in life, and more importantly, makes me happy that I live in a country where I can post what I please, and others can as well. As long as I am not breaking the rules of the service I am using, or the laws of the land, I have the wonderful opportunity to spill my guts. If you don't like it or agree, post a comment. I welcome your opinions so long as they are not nasty. Go ahead and write about me on your blog. It simply increases traffic here and maybe one of your readers will come over here, read something they agree with and/or learn something. Life is full of differing opinions. That makes for a wonderfully fullfilling life.

Believe what you may, I am an open minded person. I love to learn about what other people are thinking, that's why blogging is fun for me. (well that and the plain and simple nosey-ness)
I will never know you from reading your blog. I will only know what I read, tempered with my own experiences in the vaccuum that typing produces. I may learn certain things about you, but I will never KNOW you. In the same manner you will not know me. I am pretty up front in person. I am right there. What you see is what you get, but blogging will never get you that "feeling". You will never know my intentions, so don't make an ass of yourself and assume you do. So go ahead call me a liar. You are simply making yourself look foolish. That is, except in the eyes of your sheep. . .

Baaaaah

It's the most wonderful time of the year . . .

Today we took the kids to Democrat headquarters for the kids Christmas party. They had a blast! They got to decorate cookies, ( they still are wearing the blue food coloring on their hands, lips and clothes from about 2:00 this afternoon) meet Santa, open a small gift and knock the stink out of a pinata. It was such a nice event and even Dustin was very well behaved! Harrison shocke the heck out of us by being quite "brave" when it came to meeting Santa. As a matter of fact when Santa came in, Harrison ran right over to him and hugged him. I'm sill shocked by that one. This is the child that freaks at the sign of Chuck E Cheese . . . okay I guess he is a giant mouse. . . anyway, he was great. At the end he talked Tom Hayhurst's ear off. Once you get Harrison started he doesn't quiet easily! Here are some highlights of the afternoon . . . .


McCartney with the man of the hour . . .


This one was a shocker. . .


Tired kids.