My social deviant years . . .

I posted a few months ago about a website my friend developed as a scrapbook for all of us who hung out together to post photos of "way beack when." He called it Fort Wayne Subculture. At that time I think there were about 100 of us and there were about 900 photos. Now there are about 250 members and about 2000 photos.

It's actually been really nice to reconnect with old friends, some whom I haven't seen in about 15-20 years. I have met some old friends out and emailed others and chatted about the directions our lives have gone. There are always those comments posted that say "anyone heard from him?" and "I sure miss her" and the inevitable "I wish someone would direct her to this site" Well, last week the local paper, The Journal Gazette, ran a story on JR and Heather and their work on the site. It brought tons of new people to the site. You can read the article here if you are interested.

We are also having a "class reunion" of sorts in December. I can't wait to see everyone again. Man . . . I need to lose about 50 pounds by then. LOL

Monday Musings . . .

Wow, what a weekend. Not good mind you, just interesting. Let's take a look . . .

Robert and Dustin were sick Friday night. They both slept all afternoon into the late evening, thus Dustin was awake most of the night. Dustin awake and everyone else asleep makes for a disasterous situation, so I was awake most of the night. Harrison woke up coughing horribly at about 6:30 am, just as Dustin went to sleep again, so I was up and fully awake at 7:00 after doing a breathing treatment for Harrison.

Saturday was slow moving, but I had this gnawing urge to purge unwanted items from my house, so I went to work. I clean out all the kids clothes that no longer fit them and brought down the fall/winter stuff from the attic. Fun. . . not so much. I think I made more of a mess than I had before.

Saturday night Iw as supposed to attend a hog roast for Tina Taviano, my choice for sheriff, but my mom was sick so I got stuck at home with the kids while Robert had fun. About 10:00 pm I went to take a sleeping McCartney into the bathroom to potty before I took her up to her bed and I sat down on a stool while she was doing her business. As I plopped down, I prmptly fell throught the floor (no fat jokes here). Apparently, my old metal shower stall has been leaking from underneath for quite sometime and the SIX inches of flooring rotted clean through to the basement. Did you read that? SIX INCHES of flooring. You see this bathroom and my utility room was built on an old outside porch. Apparently someone thought it would be a good idea just just keep adding wood to the floor to build it up to meet the back of the house. The SIX inches of flooring was so wet it felt like mashed potatoes when you put your finger in it.

Histerics begin! Saturday night I spent a couple of hours destrying my floor to see how far into the bathroom the rot went. I had giant gaping holes in my floor and could like right into the crawlspace under my house. Not a good thing. Thankfully Sunday my uncle came over, gave me some direction , volunteered his plumbing services and we began to put together a plan. My house is terribly old and thankfully they used very thick very hard old hickory for floor joists, so I don't have any structural damage. It's actually gonna be a pretty easy fix with lots of elbow grease and sweat. Robert is home today tearing out the shower and bad parts of the floor. He did find that the bottom of the shower was about 4 inches of cement that had been tiled on, so I now own a sledgehammer. Positivity? Well, I will now own a brand spankin' new shower and have a beautiful new flooring. I may post some pictures of the bathroom damage, but then again I may not ever want to remember what it looked like again.

Sunday my Colts won a hard fought game. The last play nearly killed me. I thought it would never end. It a good thing there is rot in my living room because I would've went through the floor there too with the way I was jumping up and down. Here's how it went down . . .
How the Jets moved downfield on their multi-lateral, multi-fumble final play against the Colts:
• 3rd-and-3, Jets 32: (Shotgun) Chad Pennington pass short middle to Leon Washington to Jets 40 for 8 yards
• Lateral to Brad Smith to Jets 37 for minus-3 yards
• Lateral to Laveranues Coles to Colts 44 for 19 yards
• Lateral to Pennington to Colts 37 for 7 yards
• Lateral to Justin McCareins to Colts 35 for 2 yards. FUMBLE
• Fumble recovered by Brad Smith at Colts 33, to Colts 37 for minus-4 yards. FUMBLE
• Fumble recovered by Coles at Colts 40, to Colts 27 for 13 yards
• Lateral to Nick Mangold to Colts 27, no gain. FUMBLE
• Fumble recovered by Colts CB Jason David at Colts 34, to Colts 39 for 5 yards (tackle L.Washington)

Whew!

Consequences . . .

We are having a very difficult time with Dusitn. Dustin is our adopted child who has FASD, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder. Now, is where I could copy every post I have ever written about Dustin and his behavior issues because it is a constant struggle.

I read a post on Claudia's blog today and it made so much sense to me. You cannot parent a child with FASD the same way as you parent "typical" children. They simply don't "get" consequences. Kari, who has been a wonderful resource for me about FASD and what it will entail for us in the future, wrote something I find teribly helpful. Here it is . . .

Consequences rarely work with kids who have FASD. To make a consequence effective it means that :

1) they need to understand the connection between what they did and the consequence

2) they need to be able to generalize their learning (If I get a speeding ticket I learn from it and apply that knowledge every time I drive from that point on- but a person with FASD might only make the connection in the same car and on the same road as the one he was driving on when he got the ticket)

3) they need to be able to remember what they did, remember the consequence, remember how the consequence affected them, apply that knowledge to future behavior, etc...

FASD is permanent brain damage that often affects the frontal lobe of the brain (decision making, impulse control, understanding abstract thought and cause & effect, etc..)and several brain areas involved in memory- especially short term memory. Consequences do not fix brain damage.

This sums it up for me. I wish every teacher Dustin has would read this everyday before school. (I need to read it everyday as well) We are having problems with him not getting social cues from the other children. He hits, sticks his tongue out, scratches, and flips his middle finger at everyone who walks by. He crawls around on the floor acting like a dog. He refuses to follow directions and locks himself in the time out room and refuses to come out.

We need to remember : His brain is broken!

Could they be any cuter . . .

My Baby is 3 . . .

Yesterday was McCartney's birthday. I can't believe she is 3 already. Time goes so very quickly. She is a joy of a child. Yes, she is strong-willed and ornery, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very loving. She knows more than you think, as she won't "perform" for anyone.

Every once in a while she will pop off with something and I'm like, "How did you know that". Like for instance Sunday. We were watching football and during the half they were showing highlights. She said. "Mommy look! Number 6 won." Since we have DVR I rewound the TV and said, "show mommy number 6." She said, "Right there" quite snot-ily and said "I told you". Sure enough. she was right! I was surprised she knew what a 6 was and so I began asking about other numbers. She knows most of them.

Harrison was very verbal early and was (and still is) quite happy to perform for you. He will spout off his newest "trick" at each turn. He would tell people in the grocery how to spell his name at two years old. He still spouts letters to people and tells them what it spells. McCartney is quiet and I think she just doens't KNOW things yet, but apparently she does she simply doesn't want to share them yet!

Happy Birthday McCartney, your mommy loves you terribly!

Where in the world did that come from? . . .

A few Harrison-isms from the weekend . . .

1. Harrison had put on a new pair of swim trunks while at my moms. He was heading to the hot tub and asked Papa if he liked them (they were balck and had flames on them) Papa said they were "cool" to which Harrison relied "Yeah, cooler that pizza parlors and rock-n-roll bands!"

2. Harrison asked Uncle Josh how old he was after singing Happy Birthday to him tonight. Josh said 29. Harrison said, "Next you'll be thirty". Surprised, my mom asked him how he knew that and he said, "Because I'm an expert counter."

Uncle Josh comes to visit . . .

My brother Josh lives in Minnesota. He is 7 years younger than me and were horrid to each other while we were growing up. He moved to Minnesota about 4 years ago to work with a friend for a summer and ended up loving the work and the state. My kids miss him horribly. We only get to see him at Christmas since he works so very hard and the drive is so long. Anyhoo, my mom and step-dad flew him home for his birthday this weekend. My kids ran him ragged. He and Harrison wrestled, McCartney climbed all over him and Dustin talked his ear off.

Here are a few pictures from the weekend. . .


Let's get ready to rumble . . .


Princess McCartney with her Uncle Josh


Josh & Harrison the Ornery



McCartney has Uncle Josh pinned


Singing "Happy Birthday" to Josh
**Note the black eye in this picture. Harrison decided to head-butt his uncle Josh while Josh had called a truce and was trying to watch football.

Crikey! . . .

I have been watching the Crocodile Hunter for many years. I loved Animal Planet before it was very popular, and Steve Irwin was my favorite. Over the years I have tired of his show, but I still think he was a wonderful man. It's unfortunate that he died doing something that is done by tourists and was not alltogether that dangerous. . .

SYDNEY: Steve Irwin, the ebullient Australian TV personality and conservationist known as the Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray barb to the heart during a diving expedition, police and his wildlife park said.

The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," John Stainton, Irwin's friend and producer who was on board Croc One said in the statement. "He died doing what he loves best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind" he said.

Rest in Peace Steve.

Oh, What a night . . .

Yesterday was truly an adventure. The wait all summer was definitely worth it. Here are a few observations from the concert :

1. Kenny Chesney fans sure know how to tailgate. But, please remind me never to be an old woman who opens her van hatch and places a sign that says "Bar's Open" so I can mix drinks for all the young hotties walking around while shaking my old butt. . . enough said.

2. There are some funny T-shirts out there nowdays. There was a group of "kids" across from us and one had a T-shirt on that I don't think would get him a date. It said, "My Balls Itch". Not a good sign for prospective girlfriends. My favorite T-shirt of the day was "I Would Do Me".

3. Laura knows how to party. Thanks for the tickets, and thanks for the fun! Cruzan confusion rocks.

4. Uncle Kracker is a hottie, pure and simple.

5. The Pretty Princess rocked the house. It was a fun night and definitely an experience ending the tour at Verizon Wireless the band and "Mostly Crue" seemed to have a great time.

6. TBWYH can sing.

7. Kenny fans are rabbid. One4JC said it all when she said that it was like going to "the Church of Chesney".

8. Port-a-Potties suck. . . (and they don't flush do they Stacy)

9. Verizon Wireless needs a new plan on getting cars out of the parking lot. Getting there when the gates open and being close to the front is a bad thing when you are leaving the lot.

The adventure begins. . .

Well, I'm almost ready to leave to meet a friend, then we are heading off to the Kenny Chesney concert to meet one of my IIF (imaginary internet friends) Laura. I'm so excited I can't wait!

Not only have I "met" some awesome people through blogs and gotten to peer into their lives, I will get to meet a fabulous one face to face . . . and hear some GREAT music.

Wooohooo!

School of hard knocks . . .

Dustin had a hard day at school yesterday. I knew that the transition to middle school would be difficult for Dustin since he is simply a 4 year old in an 11 year old body. He enjoys "baby" toys, likes to play with dolls, enjoys Dora and Little Einsteins. Beginning last school year with therapist and teacher's suggestions we began removing these things from his "world". It was difficult, at times I felt like a horrible person because that's what he was interested in. . . but I knew it was necessary to get him to "move on". Well, yesterday he came to me crying that he was being called names at school. . . wonderful names like "bitch", "gay" and the ever popular "baby".

We had a long talk about why these names were being used. For example. . . "Eleven year old boys don't like being touched by other boys, if you do this, they WILL call you gay" These talks were probably completely unproductive as they won't change his behavior much. Unlike a child who touches a stove and burns his hands then learns not to touch a stove, Dustin's brain is "broken". Dustin will continue to irritate his peers, cry and whine, and carry-on in class like a four year old. His Fetal Alcohol Syndrome makes him impulsive and eliminates the ability to see cause and effect, and his moderately handicapped mental status doesn't allow for the learning process to get very far. It's going to be a rough road. Hopefully, continual reinforcement of the rules and consequences will sink in . . . eventually. . . maybe, if we're lucky. Probably NOT.

I'm sad he has to travel this road. I'm sorry he is rejected by his peers. I know (hope) that things can be better if we just continue to plod along. Pray for my boy.

Row Row Row your boat . . .

Today we packed up the kids and a picnic lunch and went to Celina Ohio to see the Governor's Cup Regatta at Grand Lake. What a fun day watching the hydroplane races and chasing the kids around in the sun! We got in about 4 good hours until the rain came and since the kids were already grumpy and ready for a nap, we came home. You can see more pictures over at our family's site.

Oddly enough I ran into some old friends that have a band in the Lima area named the Indoorfins. When I introduced Doug to my kids, he said, "Wow! Another McCartney". Whoa! I thought we were the only ones. Apparently we were beat to the punch. The drummer, Dave, and his wife named their son McCartney. He is 5. Weird huh? They were pretty shocked as well. Shhhhh . . . Whispering . . . personally I think McCartney is a better girl's name.

Mercy . . .

I blogged earlier about being more positive in life. I have been trying to speak positive to influence my own attitude as well as others around me. I have also been trying to quell my complaining . . . things like, "boy, I'm tired" and "wow, I'd like this day to be over" do nothing to help you through the day. It makes you focus on the bad instead of the postive, so I've been trying to eliminate those comments from my conversations. It's not easy!

We have also had a change in our schedules recently. Dustin's school starts an hour early since he is in middle school and his bus gets to the house at 7:00! Yikes! That's early for us! Last year Robert got Dustin up and the littles and I sleep until we absolutely MUST get up and rush around and leave the house in a giant "flurry of hurry". Well, I decided this year we would all get up wioth Dustin and enjoy our morning together like a normal family (LOL). I was prepared for some resistance, mostly from myself, but it has gone swimmingly! The kids are also going to bed a lot earlier than they usually do which is a huge bonus . . . if you've read any of my blogs about their bedtime habits you know that is a feat in and of itself.

So anyhoo, I have adopted saying "mercy" instead of "crap" or "shoot" or any other negative expletive. Today when I came down the hall at work and sighed a big sigh and said "mercy" it also made me smile. It reminds me each and every time that I say it that God has MERCY on me. He not only saved me with his son's sacrifice, but also saves me daily from my despair and heartache. His mercy is abundant in my life and I need to remember that when I get down and caught up in daily toil. Mercy rescues His children from our difficult situations. Mercy heals the sick. Mercy saves those who are powerless. Psalm 145:9 says "his tender mercies are over all his works" I claim that mercy in my life as I go through my daily routine.

Your thought for the day:
It is the grace of God that he gives us what we do not deserve, but it is His mercy that withholds the punishment that we do. God's mercy endures forever and extends to us an invitation to be his child. Lamentations 3:22 says "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not."

Not too bad . . .

FALL CLEANING . . .
Okay, so it wasn't a carousel ride, (see previous post) but it wasn't all that horrible either. This weekend wasn't half bad. I got into this purging mood where I began throwing out uneeded stuff from the house. I went a little crazy and I think I may have made more of a mess than if I had left it alone, but all is well and I am on my way to a non-cluttered autumn . . .

MIDDLE SCHOOL BEGINS . . .
Dustin's first day of Middle School was alright. I guess he wandered around the room and the lunch room continuously, but all in all they said he was pretty good. I suppose they don't want to be too harsh on me the first day. . . or maybe he really was alright. Just wait . . .

SMALL TOWN FESTIVAL . . .
We all walked in a parade for the Tina Taviano for sheriff campaign this weekend in Monroeville, even the littles. They both had a great time passing out stickers to the crowd ( and eating all the candy the truck ion front of us was throwing out) . I was amazed at how well Tina interacted with the crowd, she was amazing to watch. She has a real heart for the outlying areas of our county. Hopefully they all saw her committment and her personality shine through. She is an admirable woman.

LAZINESS . . .
I have a roast in the oven tonight, so when we get home there will be carrots, potatoes, onions and warm scrumptious roast waiting for us. Mmmmm! It is the one thing I make that makes me proud I can cook that way! Big Brother (Go Janey) and Rockstar are on tonight. I'm ready to sit my butt on the couch overdose on reality TV, but I'll bet my kids have other plans for me. Thank Goodness for DVR. . .

Claudia's Great Analogy . . .

Claudia had a great post that sums up my experience of adopting a special needs/abused/traumatized child. She said :

"I think that parenting is like an amusement park ride. Some people choose the Carousel. . . Adopting a child who is a victim of abuse or neglect is like getting on the roller coaster. You experience really high hills that are very fun and some calmer times that are very pleasant, and you also experience rapid downhill surges that make your knuckles white and cause you to grit your teeth."

Downhill surges. That's unfortunately where I was last night. I lost my cool, which I rarely do and I am sorry for it. Dustin loves schhol and yet is having a difficult time with the prospect of going back. Although he needs and loves the structure and routine of school, the unknown Middle School-factor is throwing a wrench into our lives. He is looking forward to it and stressing about it at the same time and that is more than his brain can handle. He is hateful, spiteful and extremely obsessive. In that past few days he has emptied an entire can of shaving cream all over the bathroom, ate TONS of candy from the candy-basket that he stole and took to his room, ate a whole FAMILY size bag of Doritoes, will not keep his hands off the animals (which is a rule since he hurts them) poured a whole bottle of hand soap into the toilet, spread toothpaste all over the bathroom, and has been quite aggressive with his siblings. He has also been extremely obsessed with looking at the ceiling . . . weird. ARGH!

All I can do is hope that this weekend will be calm and uneventful. I pray that he will enjoy his last school-free weekend and laugh and giggle and be my wonderful boy, not that mean spirited nasty thing I have seen recently. I am going to try my best to keep things even-keel and low stress. . . it's the least I can do. I want a carousel ride this weekend!

Oh woe is me . . .

Ever feel like a complete and utter failure? That's me right now. I feel as though I couldn't be a worse mommy, wife, friend or employee right now. Maybe it's coming off this sickness, or maybe it's simply the truth. . . maybe right now I just plain suck.

Right now work is simply difficult. It's the beginning of the new schoolyear and we have so much to do. Working for my mother I take the brunt of her frustration, irritation and anxiety. Sometimes I'm not only the brunt of it, but also the source. I have an extremely hard time dealing with this since I struggle eveyrday to be the best employee I can, but typically NOHTING is good enough.

My FAS child is so very difficult right now as the anxiety for school increases. He is not only changing schools, but knows many changes will accompany his switch to Middle School. I fail him at every turn. I don't seem to have the patience or the understanding I need. I know that life with a child with special needs to particulary difficult. I know it sucks the life out of you and makes you feel completely useless to make any sort of change. I know that we are helping him the best we can. I know that in my head, but it's difficult to "feel it".

I feel as though there aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I have to do. I try and try, but I ultimately fail. I just feel as though I can't make anyone happy.

Thanks for listening to my pity party . . . you may now return to your original programming.

What a week . . .

Wow. It's been quite a week. I spent all day Monday pricing my items for a children's clothing resale that I participate in. I am usually much more organized, but this time I was so sick that I didn't get anything done until the day I had to turn it in. Robert and I worked about 8 hours on preparing and ticketing the items. The sale was yesterday, and the work was all worth it. I made quite a bit of money on my children's out-grown clothing. The sale is 2 times per year and it is wonderful place to shop for gently used clothing, but also a great way to get rid of all those extra clothes. And best yet, they do all the work, I just prepare and price my clothing, they inspect it, put it out and sell it. I get 90% of my asking price. With over 1000 buyers, it's better than any garage sale I could ever have.

After this terrible sickness, I did go back to work mid-week. With the new schooyear coming up we have GOBS of work to do. My mom and I went in a worked yesterday for several hours and got a ton accomplished. This week will be crazy. My field trips are over, but we have something special each day since it is the last week. Tomorrow I get to make about 300 comes of cotton candy. What fun! I will be a sticky pink mess!

Last night Robert and I walked over to ChiliFest with the kids. They had a great time. Almost all the chili was sold out due to a larger than expected crowd, but Robert had some awesome white-chili made with chicken and white beans. The kids and I ate buffalo chicken and curly fries. There was a band later in the evening and McCartney danced until she was exhausted. We had to give both kids a piggy-back ride home becasue they just wore themselves out. The weather this weekend has been wonderful, not too hot and quite breezy. I think I'll take them to the park today and give Robert a break.

Have you ever wished for death. . .

I hate Strep. It kicks my butt everytime. This one was the worst. Wednesday morning I was sitting at work and my throat started hurting. By 2:00 my body was cold and I was uncontrollably shivering. . . that doesn't happen to me, I'm an extremely hot person. By 3:00 I was at home in bed sick as a dog. By 8pm I had called my mom over to get the "littles" so they could spend the night because by then Robert was sick as well. I ran a high 103 fever all through the night, praying for morning when I could call the doctor. You see, my doctor is fabulous. She always gives shots so that the medication is pretty fast acting. I was waiting for that shot! So I wait and wait and wait through what seemed like an eternity that early morning and called at 9am. Well, what do you know, it's Thursday and her office is closed! ACK!

By Thursday night I actually felt a little better, that is until about 3am. I was absolutely miserable telling Robert that I wanted to die. I did finally get into the doctor on Friday afternoon to get one of her FABULOUS shots and lo and behold. . . it made me sicker. By the time I got home I was projectile vomiting and has a vicious migraine. She sent me to the hospital. After several hours of IV fluids, Xrays, nausea medication and a couple shots of morphine they had ruled out meningitis and found out my old friend strep is back. I have a horrible relationship with this friend named strep, you can read about our escapades here.

Today I am a little better. I haven't been this upright in days. I can't close my mouth because my throat is so swollen and I still haven't eaten anything. But I am no longer wishing for death. That has to count for something doesn't it . . .

My guilty pleasure . . .

Here is a confession . . . I love Rocktar.


I am a semi-fan of reality TV. I Big Brother, Rockstar, and yes I am still a Survivor fan. I have never seen an episode of Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. *gasp* It's true! I do however like Rockstar. This season is shaping up to be better than last year. I adore all the women this season. What powerhouse voices they have! Storm Large is fantastic, and is currently my favorite woman, while Lukas is a hottie and a talent in his own right.

I wouldn't consider myself a "rocker chick", so I was kinda surprised I would enjoy this season. The new band that is forming and looking for a lead singer is "Supernova" and is made up of Gilby Clarke of Guns n Roses fame, Jason Newsted of Metallica and Tommy Lee of Motley Crue.

I know it's summer and there is so much to do (that's why I love DVR), but give it a chance if you haven't seen it already. . . I think you may enjoy it. Who wouldn't like lookin' at that hunk of a man Tommy Lee and listening to some fabulous musicians and singers?

A Day of Fun . . .

Today my mom and I took the kids to the Indianapolis Children's Museum. We had an awesome day. What a great place! It is fun, interesting, interactive and very well maintained. The kids were totally enthralled the whole day and we had very few episodes from Dustin. He enjoyed his day and even with all the comotion and crowds, he did VERY well.

The museum has done a very good job at peeking the children's interests and sparing no cost at making nearly everything interactive. I didn't see any exhibit or manipulative that didn't work properly and everything was clean and organized. At the end of the day they even led a parade down the 4 story ramp that runs throught the middle of the museum. The kids got to follow "Rex" the dinosaur as they waved flags, chanted and marched to the exits. There was no crying that the museum was closing, they even made leaving fun! It was FANTASTIC!

Here are some pictures of our journey. . .