NINJA tour 2009 . . .

Okay, fabulous show last night at Verizon Wireless Music Center! First off, Tom Morello and Boots Riley rocked with their new band Street Sweeper Social Club. They opened the show and the crowd definitely responded. It was early and still pretty warm out. They were pretty no nonsense, the stage was filled with equipment from the other bands and since it was still light out I don't think they even used lighting. Their album will be out June 16 and I will definitely be purchasing it. Tom Morello of course lit it up. This video was from earlier in the tour.





Of course Trent Reznor put on a great show. If you have ever seen Nine Inch Nails live before you know the light show is spectacular unless of course you have a seizure disorder! The strobes were mesmerizing and I was thrilled I had continuous shooting on my camera or I would've never gotten the shots I did, I uploaded 460 pictures this morning and I have no idea how many I deleted at the show. I personally like this Trent Reznor better. He is now a hardcore buff musician taking control of the stage as opposed to the scrawny, goth guy crawling around the stage. (no offense to scrawny goth guys)

My brother turned to me at this point and said, "He is the only guy that I know that can make a tambourine look bad-ass". Yes Josh, yes he is.

Even though I would've loved to see him smash his keyboard like old times, he didn't. But he threw lots of stuff into the pit, including a couple tambourines. (how many did he have on stage anyway?) And no stage diving, I think he is a little too old for that one too. It amazes me that I first saw him 18 years ago. . . I am not that old.

"Rawk on"

During the Nine Inch Nails portion of the show, it started to get ugly in the weather department. I was a little freaked because our seats were under the amphitheatre shed, but just barely and I knew that if it began blowing we were going to get wet. My brother went to the bathroom and get a drink before it began to truly rain and when he came back he informed me that the tornado sirens were going off. Nice. The heavens opened and it absolutely poured but as luck would have it, it was blowing perfectly and we stayed dry.



This cloud definitely looked like it had some slow rotation to me. My brother thought it was just an optical illusion from the strobes. I am not sure if he was trying to make me feel better or not!


By the time Janes Addiction came out the weather had cleared up and it was quite cool. The crowd thinned a little (which was fine with me since we had some punk rock/hillbillies next to us who early on was smoking something that was not regular tobacco if you know what I mean! Srsly!) I had prepared myself for Perry Farrell prancing around the stage looking a little girly since I had seen a bunch of YouTube clips of previous tour shows. I was thrilled that he did not have on the pink alligator leather pants and the boa! I love me some Janes Addiction but I must say Perry still makes me giggle a little with his prancing around. During and early song, he was shaking maracas and I lost it in a giggling fit!

Great stage show, great backdrop (could've done without the bare boobies though), nice lighting.

Notice the maracas . . .

Or course, with a bare chested Dave Navarro, is there any other kind? I think the leather vest lasted 2 songs.

Prance much?

Navarro, facing his Marshall stack, rips it up on guitar.

Singing my favorite of all time, "Jane Says", the encore of course.

Thank you!

I saw Janes Addiction for the first time 19 years ago this month. I am officially old. I was pleased however with the diversity of the crowd. There were people older than me, kids as young as 8 or 9 with their parents, people dressed in leather, fishnets, combat boots, and flip flops. There were more tattoos than I could possibly count. I even saw a pair of my daycare parents that I would've NEVER expected to be there. Fun times. I leave you with my favorite fashion disaster couple. . .

Trying things out . . .

I've heard tell about camera strap covers. I thought I would make one. It's 2 sided and I used left over fabric from the buttercup bag. I also made a little pouch to stick my stuff in for the concert. Cute eh?

Am I stupid . . .

I had to do grocery shopping last night. I decided to go right after work since I pass by the grocery I could hardly justify going home and then returning without children, and since dragging 2 kids kicking and screaming into the grocery sounded like so much fun! (it does go faster with 2 kids because I try to get finished and leave before someone from management asks us to leave, LOL)

Anyway, I needed another pitcher for the 'fridge so I headed down that isle. I saw a jar similar to the one picture, but it is plastic because I am not that delusional, with a spigot that I could use for the kid's lemonade addiction.

I bring it home, wash it out, and fill it with their crack lemonade and I gather all three kids around for an instructional talk on how to properly use the spigot. About 20 minutes later both the Littles come into the living room without shirts on. I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick what had happened. . .

They had attempted to fill their mouths with lemonade while holding their heads under the spigot. . . and they had sorely missed.

Nice.

I can't hardly stand it . . .

Saturday I am going to a concert with my brother. We are going to the NIN/JA tour. Street Sweeper Social Club which is Tom Morello's (Rage Against the Machine) new band is opening, followed by Nine Inch Nails and then Jane's Addiction closing. Holy crap, I cannot wait! Trent Reznor (NIN) has dubbed this the Wave Goodbye Tour.

I actually have a history with all three of these bands. Jane's Addiction is quite possibly my favorite band of all time. I think I have owned the Nothing Shocking album on vinyl, cassette and 2 CD's. The second was bought after my first roommate moved out and took it with her. For me it is one of the CD's I always return to. I chose it more often than not. It reminds me of summer, driving with my windows down and dancing around my first apartment. The remainder of their disks are good as well and definitely a stock in my CD collection, but I LOVE Nothing Shocking more than anything else!

I first saw Jane's Addiction at Deer Creek (Verizon Wireless Music Center) with Henry Rollins Band (of Black Flag fame - I have another story where I slept in the same room with Henry during a stop on the Spoken Word tour. . . a story for another day) in probably 1990. I was on crutches and spent almost the whole show in my chair. It was fabulous, but they didn't play "Pigs in Zen" much to my dismay (and the dismay of the boys next to me who traveled 6 hours to see them play Pigs in Zen). Later, I saw Janes in the first Lollapalooza tour in Cleveland at Blossom Music Center. That day rocked with Siouxsie and Banshees, Fishbone, the Violent Femmes and NIN among others. That was the first time I saw Trent Reznor and NIN. He came out on stage screamed "Hello Cleveland!", kicked down the fences to the pit and tore it up on stage. He was fabulous! I recall they had to stop the set 3 or 4 times to reset the fences and drag people off the stage who were stage diving. (I was also at the second Lollapalooza at Blossom where it rained through the entire Pearl Jam set and the Soundgarden set and the entire hill became on giant slip n' slide, but that's a post for another day.)

My brush with Tom Morello came with the third Lollapalooza back at Deer Creek in Indianapolis. We abandoned Cleveland after the wicked day we had at Lollapalooza 2 the previous year and decided to stay closer to home. We had great seats on the front row of the second section. I was thrilled with the lineup because it included Alice in Chains, Primus and Front 242. In the middle of the show was Rage Against the Machine. I remember it well because my friend Peggy and I were so into skater boys at the time (I know, I know I was 22! Mind your business!) and Rage fit that bill perfectly! We had walked the venue to head over to the second stage to see Tool and Luscious Jackson play. When we returned to our seats there were cute little skater boys sitting in our row next to us. (Most of the venue had cleared out to see Tool on the second stage) Peggy and I were thrilled to find these boys next to us and our friend Kate was not inhibited in any way to run right up and talk to them. Turns out it was Zack de la Rocha and Tom Morello sitting there waiting for Primus perform. And now my son tries to beat Tom Morello in Guitar Hero and thinks I am cool when I told him Mommy met him long, long ago, am I getting old or what?

I suppose I will see how old I am Saturday when all these kids are at the concert that I cannot wait for! They have a very relaxed camera policy this tour so I will take my SLR and try to get some good pictures unless I an too busy dancing, and singing, and reliving my youth to remember to take pictures!

Squished . . .

My ta-tas were squished today.

I had my first mammogram today. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

I also had a vaginal ultrasound. Not so nice.

I have no idea why I felt compelled to share that here.

A rude awakening . . .

Robert woke me up this morning asking if someone had pooped their pants. I replied that I didn't think so. He kept smelling something REALLY bad. I have a poor sense of smell, especially with allergies this time of year, so I didn't smell much of anything. I went down the hall and did smell something faintly burning. The Littles were up and Robert and I walked downstairs to investigate.

As I was alking downstairs, McCartney says, "Harrison did try to make a donut." Odd, we don't have donuts. . .

Robert found the microwave still on with 41 minutes and 51 seconds left on the timer. Inside he found this . . .

I asked McCartney to show me what it started out as and she opened the freezer and showed me a bag of small hamburger patties. Hard telling how long it took to reduce the patty to this.


No wonder it smelled like decomposing flesh. My house still stinks, but the microwave still works!

Dustin-a-rooni . . .

Forgot to tell you all that Dustin came home from the hospital last night. He is on medication for his pneumonia, and he is pretty much back to normal. Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts!

Hey, hey lookie . . .

I am so proud of myself! I have been thinking about sewing Rae's pattern for the Buttercup Bag, which is FREE, for some time. I have a sewing machine that I use to fix things and make drapes and such, but I have never sewn with a pattern. Little Birdie Secrets also mentioned Rae's pattern today so I decided to give it a whirl.

I love this fabric that Miss Becky picked out. She is McCartney's teacher who moonlights at JoAnn fabric. She saw us browsing and I was frustrated with the fabric selection when she asked me if I had been back in the quilting section . . . HOLY MERCY, I was a kid in a candy store! I adored the polka dot liner also.

Anyhoo, the pattern is super easy and I will definitely be making more of these. I increased the pattern by 30% because I carry too much crap in my purse. . . go on over and give Rae some love, and make yourself a cute Buttercup Bag!

Updates all around . . .

The Littles: My mom has been watching the Littles and now she knows what he deal with at bedtime. Na Na Na Na Na Na! They are doing well, I haven't seen them since Monday and I miss them horribly. Harrison threw a whopper of a fit last night according to mom. I guess he raged for like 20 minutes at bedtime. I don't know what to do about him and his anger at bed . . . . The jury is still out as to whether he passed the marble yet or not, he insists on looking in the toilet each and everytime thinking it will be "free" in there. I keep telling him it will be "wrapped up". LOL


Robert: is home with a fever and sore throat. Agh! I was planning on heading back to work today since we had a "sitter" last night we were bothe able to go home and sleep well. I hope it is just exhaustion and he feels better with a little more rest.

Dustin: is on a liquid diet. Nothing has moved through the system yet, so they said they may need to "help him expell" today. Nice. Hopefully Robert will be back up here for that one! They did an upper GI study last night and the blockage is clearing. They believe it was all a precursor to pneumonia. Crazy huh? I am praying for a "sitter" again tonight so the Littles can come home.

Me: Crabbby. Tired. I got a great haircut yesterday and "normal people" haircolor. It is kinda dark but I like it alot. I am really glad the IEP is done and ready for next year. I had an early "visitor" and I NEVER get cramps . . . today I am DYING! Of course, I have the best luck . . .

Updates . . .

It is 6:30 pm our time. I was nearly in tears 30 minutes ago. I had been sitting in a hard chair in the fluroscopy room for 3 hours with Dustin while they do an upper GI study. I was soooooooooooo tired I could hardly hold my head up. In the 20-30 minutes between films I am certain I looked like a little old man in church with my head nodding while I fell asleep.

We come back up to his room to finish with a portable unit and the nurse informs me that they have a sitter for tonight. I GET TO GO HOME and sleep. I wouldn't consider this, but they have really been good with him, my favorite nurse is here, and we live VERY close by. He is sick enough and on enough morphine that combined with his chlozapine, he will sleep through the night. We don't have to be back here until 7 am.

I can back from an IEP meeting and getting my haircut and colored to a fabulous blanket covering Dustin. The Linus Project brought in a blanket for him to take home. What a cool thing! AND it is his favorite color and they didn't even know! Robert took pictures, but the camera is at home with him so I will have to post later.

Oh and by the way, the morning Xray showed that he now has pneumonia. Nice. He is close to blowing out a vein, so we have to have another IV put in, finish the GI study, meet with the surgeon to discuss finding then I am headed to MY OWN BED!

Tuesday . . .

I spent the night at the hospital with Dustin since I have to do his IEP today and I am supposed to get my hair cut and colored (which may not happen). It was freakin' miserable. He could not decide whether he wanted to pee, chat, watch TV, or complain loudly of his chest and belly. . .

My poor boy is miserable and I am wickedly tired!

Nothing is moving down there and just in the last few hours they have pulled 300cc out of his belly so nothing is heading that way either. I have a feeling that we may be headed to surgery today, but then again, I thought that yesterday. . .

He did get his chlozapine and even his morning meds. Yay! I am particularly tired of telling every new nurse that Dustin is moderately mentally handicapped and that he will not "chat" with you like a typical 14 year old! read the freakin' chart already. (when my dog goes to the vet there is a huge red tag on the front of his chart that says she may bite if you try to give a shot. They really should put a big red tag on Dustin's chart that says, "He cannot tell you his pain on a scale of 1-10, he cannot tell you what school he goes to, and he will not chat about friends, his favorite subject, or sports. He may however tell you about Dora and Barney if you ask" Boy, a red sticker to identify MoMH status, that would piss off some of the militant special needs moms out there! hehehehe) I may sound like I am complaining here, but all in all our experience with the hospital and the nurses has been very positive. I suppose I can always find something to complain about . . .

By the way . . .

They have not allowed Dustin to have his Chlozapine like they promised in the ER. It seems that only a handful of docs can actually write orders for that and they are having hard time finding someone willing to do it since he is having bowel issues. I just spoke to the pediatric pharmacist and she assured me that she is trying to make it happen by tonight at bedtime.

I am scared beyond belief that he will begin to hallucinate. Please please please no!

He is finally resting, he slept very littel last night. Robert said it was a rough night.

I was in the room when they did the X-rays and holy mercy you could see the obstruction and it did not look happy today. It looked like a very angry intestine to me. . .

Heading to bed . . .

I am home and heading to bed. Dustin has a small bowel obstruction and fluid in his stomach. They are pretty sure it is not his appendix, but the fluid suggests it may have ruptures. They think they see it on CTscan and it looks okay. They are are not sure what could be causing either problem, but he is miserable.

I finally convinced them to let him have his Chlozapine. I kept telling them that he would NOT sleep and would begin hallucinating if we didn't try to get some in him. They agreed. They have been very kind and super understanding of his disabilities. They said he must be in severe pain! I feel so badly for him. He has an NG tube in right now and they are starting morphine. The Zofram sems to really help the nausea.

Robert is staying the night and I am going to attempt to get some sleep. If things don't change much by mid morning we are probably looking at surgery. He will see a couple of intensivists in the morning and the pediatric surgeon will be back up.

Keep up in your prayers, this could be ugly. Spread the word, we can use all the good mojo we can muster! He is being soooo brave!

Take two . . .

Where am I? ER you say? BINGO. Twice in one weekend. Dustin is still vomiting and not keeping ANYTHING down. He began complaining today of severe side pain. Remember this is the child who doesn't typically feel pain. He cannot walk upright yet he cannot bend completely over. The fever has returned. I called the pediatrician this afternoon and he was very concerned that he may be having appendicitis.

So here we are again. We were concerned that he may have to go into "sugar-ry" (as he calls it) so I dropped the littles off at my mom's and Robert and I are both here at the hospital. Right now they are running tests. The poor boy is miserable. The Zofran has kicked in and at least he is not vomiting anymore.

By the way, the ER doc came in and said, "Hey! I know you!" and I said, "Yes, I belong to marble boy". What are the odds in a large hospital that I would get the same ER doc? Apparently pretty good.

How I spent my Friday evening . . .

My mom and I went shopping today after work planning on hitting 2 of the Goodwill's here on 50% day. We were at the first one and we get and emergency call from work. One of our special needs kids was throwing a fit and we needed to get back there right away. So we rushed back across town, dealt with it and then headed to another Goodwill. After shopping we hit Zesto's Ice Cream for a cone.

I headed home with tired and hyper kids. I was trying to get Harrison to pick up his shoes and he jumped off the couch and inhaled a marble that was apparently in his mouth. It was actually a metal ball from a Magnetix set. He began choking and gasping. He was panicking and I ran him to the bathroom. As I was bending him over and giving him backblows he says, "Quit hitting me, I swallowed it". I called the pediatrician and he said we needed to go to the ER for an X-ray to determine where it "landed".

A hyper child at 10:00 a night on a Friday night is not fun for mommy! We went to X-ray and determined it was not in his lung or his esophagus. It was found in his stomach. We were ushered back to the ER room and I asked him how he thought it would come out. He said, "my mouth?" I said no, and asked what other places could something come out? I asked, "Ears?" "No!" (giggling) "Nose?" "No!" (more giggling) "So Harrison, where else do you think?" He began to think about it and a small smile came over his face, " . . .. my . . . butt?" (Lots of giggling!) "Yes darling" and then he said, "I'm gonna poop it out?"

Yes son, hopefully.

Dustin has been sick all day. He has only been sick a handful of times since we have had him and he has only yakked once in 8 years. Last night he was doubled over with stomach pain. This is odd since he rarely feels pain. I thought it was gas and gave him some alka-seltzer. At about 2:00 am he threw up a couple times. He had a field trip today and he really wanted to go. He woke up and said he felt fine. We sent him to school . . . 45 minutes later I was heading to the school to get him after throwing up in the bus before the field trip and causing 3 other students to hurl. That's my boy! He has been laying on the couch not moving all day. A little bit of 7up did not stay down this afternoon either.

It should be a fun day tomorrow. . .

Runaway bride . . .

I got this adorable dress at the Goodwill on the last 50% off day. It was only $10 and I thought it would make a fabulous Halloween costume this next year. Today I took her over to the Rose Gardens and took her picture in the dress. This was my favorite . . .

There are of course many, many, many more over at my photo blog. Click on the first image to go to the previous one, or browse to see them all.

Crazy Idea in Honor of Mothers Day . . .

Essie had a great post today about her expectations of motherhood before she actually had kids. In her usual fashion she cracked me up! I thought I'd take her challenge and give it a go. . .

I have worked in the childcare field for over 19 years. Believe me, I had expectations of how I would run my home and how my kids would act! I definitely had expectations that applied to daycare. There were several things I imagined as a mother . . .

1. My child would come to daycare each day dressed nicely. This would include underwear on the right way (not the waist in the leg hole, or not backwards) and shoes on the right feet (the left and right shoe would also be from the same pair). Their clothes would be straightened (the buttoning would not be mixed up and the shirts would be on frontward, socks would actually be their socks and not their older brother's who has feet the size of skis).

2. My children would come to daycare each day with face clean and hair clean and combed. (I would not be doing a spit polish on their face at the door to get off the chocolate cupcake I gave them for breakfast so they would stop howling and would not be ripping their hair out at the roots with a comb I found under the seat of the car while we scurried down the hall so I would not be late)

3. My children would not clinge to me at the door. They would LOVE to come to school and would be the most popular kid in the classroom with the students as well as the teachers! The teachers would love them because of their brilliant disposition and their well-behaved attitude. The kids would adore having them in the classroom because they were kind and thoughtful. (They would not be kids who the teachers grimaced at, they would not take til they were almost 4 to potty train and they would not hit and kick and scream. They would not have to be peeled off my body in the morning while dropping them off hollering and having to be held down for several minutes so they would not run out the door)

4. My children would not come to daycare when I had the day off. I would use these days to take them to the park, the art museum and make wonderful projects with them. We would make forts and have tea parties on these special days. (I would not use this day to sleep in and have a peaceful home. I would not enjoy the day away from the little demons while they tortured their teachers and I slept blissfully in the middle of the day)

5. My kids would not have to be the ones being dragged out of the daycare as I threatened them with bodily harm. My children would be thrilled to see me and run and jump into my arms thanking me for picking them up and telling me about their wonderful day at daycare. They would smother me with kisses and thank their lucky stars they had a mother like me. (They would not holler that it was almost time to go outside and now they are missing it or ask if their friend could stay the night because I am boring. They would not grumble about dinner choices or have a flaming fit that it will be bed time in 3 hours or scream that I suck and they hate me because I will not get ice cream on the way home)

6. I would never forget to bring a movie for movie day, treats for party day or show-n-tell. I know how hard that is on the kids and I would be a wonderful parent who had the kids, who had the latest movie, the best treats, and the most fabulous show-n-tell ever! I would give the best teacher gifts ever! (I wouldn't forget the calendar under the car seat, covered in yogurt, that told me all about the special days. I wouldn't tell them that if it didn't take 20 minutes to choose a pair of shoes they would have time to pick a movie and I really would never tell them that they could name the Transformer in the car "Quintin" and take him in for "Q" show-n-tell if they can pry him out of the sticky barbeque sauce holding him in the cup holder. And I would NEVER regift something for their teacher presents)

All those parenthetical examples are not actual occurrences. (yeah right)

While I am getting this all of my chest, let's also say that I would NEVER tell a checkout person that "I used to organized before I had three kids" while I am frantically searching for my debit card in a mess of papers in my purse. And Lord knows, I would NEVER tell the clerk at the gas station that the 3 sticks of Grape Tangy Taffy (my biggest addiction) I bought are actually for them so I wouldn't feel foolish eating Tangy Taffy for lunch just to get energy for the daycare pick-up later that day.

Rock on . . .

On the way home from daycare, Harrison informed me of a couple things. He said, "Mom, I want to grow my hair out so I can dye it green and have liberty spikes. Then I need to learn how to play the guitar, because when you are bad the crowd throws food at your band."

Good to know.

This was about an hour before he found out he got a mini flying V electric guitar and amp for his birthday. The boy has an uncanny ability, much like his father, to guess what he is getting for a gift.

The hair comment did my old punk rock heart good.

Happy Birthday dear boy . . .

Dear Harrison,

I am proud to be your momma.

I love you with all my heart. Happy 7th Birthday!

Mommy

What is it? . . .

Guesses? Anyone?

Love it . . .

"If you were actually going insane, you'd likely have no idea it was happening." Walter on Fringe

A new endeavor . . .

Due to my recent addiction, I now have a new blog. Come on over and give me some love at Sherifically Candid.

A present for momma . . .

I have really wanted an SLR camera for quite awhile. Last night I got one! I am thrilled. I have contacted a doctor about having it permanently attached to my right hand. . .


Here is one of my little lovelies at daycare. His momma gave me permission to post this one. I love it!

Do you see . . .

Do you see why I cannot take my eyes off my kids for a single moment? If you look closely, while Robert was inside getting food, and I was stretching my arm out to take this sweet picture of McCartney and I, you can see my boys fighting precariously close to the road behind us. (In all truth, they aren't that close, there is a ditch separating them from the road, but seriously, I could turn my head for one minute . . . )

Grass Angels . . .

Lush, green grass must make you a little kooky. Dustin was flailing around in the grass and said, "Look, I'm making grass angels!" He then got up and said, "Oh, that didn't work" Derr!

A quick pitstop . . .

On the way home from Indy, we stopped for some "slliders" at White Castle. The littles get car sick, so we played in the grass while Robert went inside for food. I snapped a quick picture and love the bright green grass and the sun was at a nice angle so the colors were great. We had a little photo shoot right there in the strip between White Castle and a gas station. People must've thought we were nuts!

Headin' south . . .

Today we headed to Indianapolis, to see Robert's mom and sister (not the one from Cali) who were up visiting from Kentucky. We had a little impromtu family reunion with family here from Kentucky, Indy and Chicago. We met at a park and then his niece decided to take her kids to the Children's Museum, so I took the kids over there while Robert visited with his family. Yep, I took all three kids to the museum with Crystal and her 2 kids. The kids were FABULOUS. There is so much to do there that they were well behaved and engaged the whole time. We are planning another trip down there in a couple weeks. . .

Harrison is jousting in the Lego Castle area.

A Lego Dragon

Harrison diggin in the Science area

Super Girl and Batman save the day!

Dustin digging . . .

Oh dear Lord, this gives me nightmares! Dustin behind the wheel. . .

Harrison had to read EVERYTHING!

Apparently, even Dinosaurs can pose like a superstar!

A couple of Dinosaurs in a nest. . .

Getting ready to dig for Dinosaur bones.

A few things. . . .

1. I spent Wednesday afternoon and evening in the ER. My doc thought I was having a stroke, the ER doc thought it could be an aneurysm. It was a stupid migraine. The ER was swamped with people freaking out about the Swine Flu.

2. My crazy week at work is coming to an end. Thank you Jesus!

3. I had a cowboy hat and boots on Thursday for our Hoedown Dinner. I came in the house making a bee line for the bathroom and my dog didn't recognize and bit my boob. Nice. She's a very nice dog and we have always said if someone breaks in we weren't sure if she would lick them to death. At least now I know that she would bite them . . . maybe only if they had a cowboy hat on.

4. Dustin has had a pretty decent week. Shhhh, don't jinx it, I need an easy weekend.

5. Robert's sister left her husband. So, the trip to California is off as she is moving to Finland, yes Finland. We are still traveling westward (I'm coming Jo!), but we won't be going all the way to California, and we may even dip into Georgia on the way home . . . hmmmm, who could we visit there??

Our normal . . .

I have had two comments from the last post asking how Dustin and the other kids feel about the changes we have had to make to keep Dustin safe. I started a comment and it got long, so I was going to edit the last post and it got even longer, so I decided I would address it as a post.

I know the readers who asked weren't thinking these changes were wrong, they just wanted to know how he felt, I will try to explain. I will use words that will probably piss people off, but you get me as I am. I really hope I don't bring on a slew of criticism with this answer, but here goes

The prime answer: He has no concept that it isn't "normal" for parents to do this.

Even though Dustin looks perfectly "typical" he is severely brain damaged due to prenatal alcohol exposure. Just last week the psychiatrist said to me (in his thick Indian accent) "I am 100% sure that Dustin has great damage to his frontal lobe. It simply does not work properly, and he has come a long way with what he can accomplish". It took my breath away being said like that. I have always understood that Dustin could accomplish more than the county DFS gave him credit or, but I think we may be pushing the limits as to what he can truly do and now is time to come to grips with that.

It is exceedingly difficult for people to meet Dustin and immediately understand he is "not right". He presents completely "normal" as a charming, if not childish, 14 year old. He is lanky, clutzy, sweet and communicates "normally". He is very kind and extremely helpful. He looks "regular". As a stranger you are GOLD to him because he loves meeting new people. He knows no stranger and you will immediately be his best friend.

Let's take a look at a normal conversation in the check out line at the grocery. . .

Dustin will not normally engage without being spoken to first. (took YEARS of reminders)

Cashier: Hi, did you find everything okay?
Me: Yes, thank you. (my snarky mouth thinking, "If I hadn't I would've asked you idiot")
Dustin: Can I pack the groceries.
Me: No thanks. (Oh dear Lord, I wouldn't have anything left looking normal, but thanks for starting in . . .)
Cashier: That's nice you wanted to help, most kids your age won't offer.
Dustin: I am a good helper, do you have any pets? I like potato chips.
Cashier: (a slight eyebrow raise) Oh really? How old are you?
Dustin: 12 . . . I mean 13 . . . Uh 14 . . . Right mom?
Me: Yes Dustin 14.
Cashier: What school do you go to?
Dustin: (Looks at me to answer and I do) He agrees shaking his head.
Cashier: Oh! That sounds fun. What is your favorite class?
Dustin: No, my mom planted stuff in the garden today. I am really good at Mario on the Gameboy.
Cashier: Oh, that's nice. (confused)
Dustin: Mom, when we get home can I have a snack since I was good at the grocery pleaaaassse? (with a little hopping and begging)

Then they kinda trail off not knowing how to continue the conversation. I know she is thinking, wow, she must really baby him, or something is really wrong with this boy. Usually we get a kind smile and silence for the rest of the transaction.

He is a 5 year old "trapped in the body of a game show hostess" . . . oh wait, that an obscure reference from the movie Say Anything. He is a 5 year old trapped in the body of a 14 year old. He may always be. I have accepted that from my end, but I will continue to push him to go farther and succeed more for him. The truth is, no one really knows how much he can advance, and why not give him every chance possible? Probable and possible are light years apart in some cases. . .

So, when he came to us he was like a 2 year old. He is now, 8 years later, like a 5 year old. We have come a long way. We are the only "normal" he will ever know. I struggle with things like television. He would enjoy Barney and Dora and Wonderpets all day. I was conflicted awhile ago with letting him watch what he wanted (baby shows) or getting him interested in a little bit more age appropriate shows like Drake and Josh or The Suite Life. We didn't tell him the "baby shows" were prohibited, but we told him it was time to switch the TV for the afternoon. Robert also introduced him to Brady Bunch and Leave it to Beaver and other shows from our childhood. He mostly is appropriate, still, he would choose Barney if it was on but we have stopped allowing him to watch those kinds of shows. It was time. Maybe it was selfish, but I couldn't let him any longer. He survived. It really wasn't even a fight.

So, the other kids? They have grown up with locks on the doors, door alarms, and constant supervision. At this point they don't know that this is odd. They will soon I suspect. But they know that their brothers "brain is broken" and that he requires different things than other children so I assume they will accept it well. The only thing that I think this has damaged is their ability to be alone. They are afraid to be upstairs without an adult. It is getting better as I force encourage them that is is okay, but it has been difficult. I was a very fearful child, so I am hoping it is more out of fear of being alone than the fact that I have ruined them. LOL

So, how does Dusin and the other kids feel about the changes? The rational, nice mommy answer is: Fine, they think it is normal. The bad mommy answer is: Who cares? It keeps him safe and me sane.

I'm not even sure I could raise a normal kid surrounded by normal at this point . . .

Opinions? Criticisms? Bring it on . . . I wanna hear it all.

Snippits. . .

1. We put in our garden this weekend. It was over 80 degrees and beautiful! I planted tomatoes, squash, zucchini, cucumbers, couple different peppers, and kohlarabi (just for my grandpa!) . . . Mmmmmmm! We shall see how successful we are. . .

2. We finally got our child locator functioning! ( We had to mail it back to the company because the base unit was broken ) It will work fabulously for Dustin when he runs away, I think. . . a later post on that.

3. This is my crazy celebration week at work . . . I offered my husband up for a project, I bit off more than he could chew. It is done and we are still married however, so it was success. The remainder of the week is CRAZY busy.

4. My hair is driving me bonkers, I wish I could pull-off bald.

5. I am starting to freak about my busy summer. For you new readers, I head to schoolage summer program at the daycare and I do 9 (yes she said 9!) Field Trips a week. Four of those are swimming trips! Argh! It is fun and it makes my summer go really fast, but I start freaking about it right about now. . .

6. We have definintely decided to head across the country this summer. I cannot wait! I am looking forward to all the cool things we can stop and see, I would love some suggestions if you have any . . .

I totally stole it . . . .

. . . from Cathy. It actually brings me to tears to see kids enjoying creating art. This is cool, Harrison LOVES this song. So much so that I had to print out the lyrics for him because I was tired of arguing about the words.

Done . . .

I would change a few things for the next bag . . . which I already having cooking in my head . . . but here's the finished bag. I finally got used to the way the plastic crochets about halfway up the bag, so it is definitely a learning piece which means it is seriously flawed in places. I still HATE making the plarn, but I am getting faster at it. I really need to teach my kids at daycare to make it for me and I'll have TONS of balls of plarn . . .

Awesome . . .

So I am cruising right along in my plastic bag project and it is super easy and fun. I really hate making the "plarn", but I got into the groove of it late last night and made a big ol' fat ball that I think will finish off the bag. I hope to be done today. I still have no idea how to read crochet patterns (I haven't really tried) so I am inventing my own style. We shall see how it turns out. I want to finish it today for Earth Day and start one more . . . I will get to crocheting as soon as I get home from work, it's sitting on my chair calling my name . . . can you hear it?

You can find the instructions for making plarn here. (waving . . . Hi Cindy!) And please go check out her creations using cassette tape, VCR tape, and bread bags. She makes scrubbies, can cozies, hats, and Too stinkin' cool! I have a feeling I will be crocheting with plastic for a long time. . .

I have one problem, I don't use the bags from the store. I use totes. I do however have a solution. We ask people to bring us their used store bags into the daycare so we can reuse them for soiled clothing. When we ask to donations, we get oodles and oodles of bags. Usually so many we don't have room to store them. So now I will have an endless supply of plastic bags, and be fashionable with my crocheted bags!

A new adventure . . .

I am crocheting a bag made of grocery bags. I was alerted to their existence a few months ago on Facebook, and I was quite frankly afraid of trying. My neighbor got out of her car on Saturday and she had two. I asked her where she got them and she said she made them and that they were easy. I made the "plarn" today (plastic yarn) and began crocheting tonight. I will keep you apprised of how it went. . . So far it is fun! You can find all sorts of coolio things on this site.

A fine mess . . .

I worked my tail off in the yard today. I took care of my house and the vacant house next door. I have done the yard over there for the past year and I will continue doing it again this summer. I cannot handle the yard overgrown, and it is small so I would rather take care of it than have it an eye sore on the block. I mowed, trimmed, raked, used the blower and weeded my beds. I also spread 8 bags of mulch out front and 80 pounds of cow manure out back in the garden. My hands are stained red from the mulch and my nails will never be the same. I hate wearing gloves.

I am a mess, but I feel good. I love yard work. It gives me a huge sense of accomplishment. I even took some of my plants out to the porch . . . ah, spring.

A letter to my baby girl . . .

Dearest McCartney,

Last night you threw the mother of all fits got really sad. If you recall it started because you have decided you are afraid of the cat. You know, the cat that has been with us since before you were born. The cat that never bothers you, that loves you and you give tons of attention to . . . yeah, that one. The cat must have liked the ruffles on the bottom of your adorable dress and tried to grab your ankle. Remember my darlin' that the cat has no front claws. He cannot hurt you. But that did not stop the screeching that may or may have busted eardrums of the people on our block your apprehension. Of course you knew it was beautiful spring day and the front door was open, so where did you run my darling? Of course, the front door so the neighbors could better hear your blood curdling screams share our experience and perhaps have the broken eardums bleed even more feel sorry for you. It took at least 15 minutes for you to calm down after that calamity tell us how you really felt, then we heard the jets fly over.

The jets were doing a fly over of the new ballpark on opening night. As you know pumpkin, we live close to downtown, so we stepped outside to see them fly back over. That was fun! Until of course, it was time to go inside. Wow! Cue the screaming You really expressed your displeasure. You do such a good job of making me want to get in the car and drive to Nebraska making sure we all know what you like and don't like. You really excel at the hollering communicating my darling. THAT is something to be proud of! That screaming match conversation lasted about 10 minutes.

Then, the last straw end of our evening was the fit you threwconversation we had when I used the word "bedtime". Holy Mercy! If you will recall this was the point that I lovingly snatched you by the arm took you by the hand and marched you up the stairs. I endured your screeching and the shouts of "I hate you!" words while I took off your clothes and put your pajamas on. I left you screaming and kicking snuggled alone on your bed. You did attempt to come down the stairs one time, but at this point you knew my patience was far exceeded and once you saw my face turn and look at you, you ran back up the stairs it was bedtime . . . screaming all the way.

Your daddy was so unhappy that I was getting all the abuse attention he decided that if he liked being married he better take over chose to go upstairs and sit in the hall until you went to sleep. It was then that I decided I would run far far away, before I gouged my eyes out with the potato peeler go to Target and run some errands.

Honey, you may wonder why mommy is taking the time to type all this out for you. I am doing this so that I will have it to show to your first boyfriend because he needs to know what he is getting himself into how much your mommy loves you.

For the love of all that is holy, please do not put mommy through this again tonight I love you darling!

Mommy

An inspiration . . .

Isn't it funny how you get sucked into these blogging groups? I have my adoptive/foster parenting blog circle, then I have my local's blog circle, then I stumbled upon this IVF blog circle. I began reading Mandy's blog when she lost her twin girls during week 19 of her pregnancy.

I have followed Mandy's story as she struggled to make sense of her world without her girls. I have become a regular reader who gets a little stressed if I don't see a blog post from her for a few days. You see, she is once again expecting. I began to pray for Mandy and her family as the new little one is formed within her. I recently decided to make little "Sherbert" a blanket and I crocheted the twins names into the corners with beads. I was so thrilled with the way it turned out.

I mailed it last week and Mandy blogged about it today. Go on over and take a peek and give Mandy some comment love!

Easter Sunday . . .

He arose. . .

or as Dustin said once when asked what Easter was about . . . "Jesus popped up!"

Earworm . . .

I have one. I think it started with the new show Cupid the other day. Which if you haven't watched you really should. It is fabulous! Anyway, there was a scene where they do karaoke, mariachi karaoke no less, and 2 characters did this song. My littles started in, and now I cannot stop singing it. I remember having Elton and Kiki Dee on 45. . . . (all those versions on YouTube have embedding disabled)

And my heart swelled . . .

Yesterday I had my son, Harrison's, parent-teacher conference. It was wonderful. She said that he is a joy to have in class. That even though she knows that he knows everything she is teaching, that he is still respectfully taking it all in. (I know I am his mom, but he is a freaking GENIUS) She said, it is as though he is listening to see if he can find some new tidbit of information in there to absorb. She said kids like Harrison tend to be arrogant or snotty about knowing what the teacher is teaching, or simply don't listen because they know the material. She also said that he is the first 1st grader in all of her years of teaching who not only knows all the conventions of writing (like grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc), but actually puts them to use.

She said he amazes her.

I swelled up with joy and pride.

It was especially nice because he was sitting there next to me in those little 1st grade chairs listening intently as she praised him. It was too cute. He sat up straight and tall and crossed his hands in front of him at the table. I enjoyed every minute of it. He struggles with a little tad of anxiety and he worries terribly what other's think of him so it was brilliant that he got to hear all this!

She did mention that he struggled a little the last quarter with some behavioral issues like talking over others and being in other people's business. She said he was emotional and distracted but had shown great improvement in the last 6 weeks. I told her that we up-ed his dosage of Focalin 6 weeks ago. She stared at me, mouth open. She said she usually isn't a fan of medication, but it obviously works for Harrison. I was thirlled that the break-out behaviors we were seeing stopped immediately after up-ing the dose. I was also thrilled that yet another person can see that meds aren't always for "bad" kids and aren't always so horrible.

I will do whatever helps my son be a productive student and a loveable child, meds or no meds. I think it is Jill who says, "Better living through pharmaceuticals". I love it!

Getting excited . . .

A couple years ago my husband mentioned driving across the country to see his sister who lives in California. His sister went out to Cali the day after high school graduation and married, had babies, and hasn't returned but a couple times. The last time being in the 90's. He misses her like crazy and would love to see her.

We are in Indiana people.

That is a long drive.

With three kids.

I have resisted thus far with reasons as to why it is impossible. This reason's included : I may be tempted to leave Dustin in Missouri, we wouldn't want to travel with kids in diapers, I may leave Dustin in Colorado, we wouldn't want to travel with kid's who are potty training, I may leave Dustin in New Mexico, gas is too expensive, I may leave Dustin in Oklahoma, I hate riding in the car, I may leave all the kids in Illinois. You get the picture.

With the exception of being tempted to leave the children standing on the side of the road as I cry uncontrollable curled in the fetal position in the trunk of the car clicking my heels together to just be home, all those reasons are no longer valid. It is time to acquiesce. We are driving across the country this summer.

When I finally told him I would consider it, I told him it would only be possible if I could stop near the great stinky lake and visit with Jo and meet Little Man, Squid, Pea, and June Bug. He was more than happy that I would consider the trip and agreed to the meet and greet!

So, If any of you, my blogging friends, are within the states we will be traveling through (we will head there on a northern route and back on a southern route) I would LOVE to make it a bloggy-friend meeting vacation as well! Let me know . . . but keep in mind that meeting me would entail meeting the whole Rouse family (maybe even the dog, but not the bird), warts and all! :) And I promise I won't stay more than 4 days while I eat all your food, sleep on your couch and wait on my flight back to Indiana because I cannot take ONE MORE MINUTE in the car with my children!

I am sad that we will not be anywhere near Minnesota to see all the FAB bloggers up there . . . when I learn top embrace the frozen tundra we will head in your direction! (and of course, Georgia is out of the path as well . . . so sadly, no Lisa-time this visit)

Peace!

Anyone deal with this . . .

Dustin cycles through behaviors.

We have . . .

1. The torment the animal phase. It is just what it sounds like. He steps on the dogs feet, pulls her tail, kicks her, throws stuff at her. He is particularly fond of throwing things at her that will stick to her fur. He grabs the cat and won't let him go. He holds him around the neck so the cat cannot get away. He has been known to stick the cat down his pants so he can take him to another room to "pet" him. One time the cat got a new "do" with an entire bottle of hairspray. He doesn't save this for our furry friends, the birds get poked with long things like straws and sticks. He recently poured a coke over Caesar our African Grey. He has popped the heads off fish trying to give them "hugs". It is not a sensory issue, he torments.

2. The eat everything in site, hoard, steal, and/or gorge yourself stage. This one is currently having it's way at our home. Food gets stuffed under couch cushions, under things, in pockets. He saves cheese for later in shoes. He hides an entire box of fudgesicles under the bed for later. Chips and salsa are poured into a bowl and are left in the shower. You cannot have chips anywhere in the house during this stage if you actually want to eat them. We thought we had a fabulous hiding place in the laundry room . . . he just found it after success for 3 months. He doesn't just hoard, he eats 6 pudding cups at a time, leaving the sticky lids stuck to the walls going up the steps. He will eat 40 pizza rolls if not supervised and then will throw a huge tantrum in 30 minutes because we are "STARVING" him. We "NEVER FEED" him. He hates us and will tell everyone we are trying to kill him by not letting him have food. Good times.

3. The runaway or threaten to phase. He runs out of the house 2-3 times a day, sometimes just to the doghouse (it is huge - but it grosses me out and he knows it). Or every time we say something he doesn't like he says, "I'm outta here!" or my favorite, "I should've picked a different family!" You need to strategically place yourself between him and the escape route every moment of the day so you can grab clothing as he tries to push past you to get to the door. This one is escalating to actually running and hiding, hence the police visit last week.

4. The "I do not want to eat anything except pizza rolls" stage. Hello, how many bags of pizza rolls can one kid eat. Not so much a behavior issue except when I limit his pizza roll consumption and/or run out and then there is hell to pay!

5. I want this, no I don't this stage. Dear sweet Lord, my least favorite. (although they all are my least favorite while going through them)

D:Can I have a Pop-Tart Mom?
Me: Sure Dustin. (makes Pop-Tart) Here you go darling.
D: Why did you make me this! I hate Pop-Tarts! I don't want it!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Okay, put it away for later.
D: Can I have a bowl of cereal

or

D: Can I play the Nintendo?
Me: Sure.
D: I hate you for making me always play this stupid game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lather, rinse, repeat

6. The getting up in the middle of the night phase. This is the scariest one for me ever since I found an entire box of spent matches in the living room one morning shortly after he moved here. This one usually goes hand with the crazy overeating stage. Door alarms could quite literally be lifesavers.


Sometimes they last 2 weeks, sometimes 4 weeks. At least they don't happen at the same time for the most part. As soon as I think I can take no more, they usually dissipate and we are left to tend to another, yet different, cycle of crazy.

Heard around our house . . .

McCartney: Mommy, if Hannah Montana quits being Hannah Montana in Hannah Montana the movie this weekend, and is only Miley, can I take her place?

**********

My mom bought McCartney Heely's while in Flordia. She rolled into the dining room and promptly fell. (she does a lot of that) . . .

McCartney : Wow! I was heeling!
Harrison: Actually that is called falling.

How bad can it be . . .

I seriously needed a haircut. My stylist only works at the place I go to two days a week. Tuesdays is one of them. I called early this morning to beg her to fit me in and thank heavens she had an open slot at 10:15. I am blessed to have a flexible work schedule most days and I took the time slot.

This salon is in a small town north of here and it only takes me about 15 minutes to get there from my work. I was expecting to be back in less than an hour. I sat in the chair, we discussed the annoying parts of my hair and she went to chopping. She disappears in the color closet and I say, "Oh, I didn't want a color today." She says, "Oh, well we are coloring it, it looks bad."

It's a good thing I adore her.

So today's question is, how bad does your hair have to look for you stylist to demand a color?

(So, I have the last pink in my hair until at least September. I swim way too much in the summer and the pool would turn pink if I colored it any more this season.)

Monday Mumbo-jumbo . . .

This weekend I took on a project that I was not prepared for. I tore up the floor of the dining room. It sucked. I got into it about 20 minutes and sat in the middle of the floor and cried. But, it is done and it is better.

******

Spring break is to Dustin like oil is to water. Holy mercy his behavior was of the charts. I would've gladly exchanged him for a meno-pausal hippopotamus doped up on ritalin and sporting a thong that is 4 sizes too small. It would've been calmer around my house . . . get the picture?

******

I had a fabulous late lunch at the Firefly Coffee House yesterday will a mom who "gets it" on so many levels! She is awesome and I love her company. I think this could be the beginning of a good friendship. I took McCartney and she drove me bonkers, and Jill rolled with the punches! Yay. I also saw my dear friend Peggy and her hubby there for the open house. For anyone in the Fort, drop by the Firefly and see some stuff from local artists that you can purchase. Not only will it support local artists, but you will get some FAB stuff for next to nothing!

******

Also, for anyone in the Fort, you MUST go check out House of Greens! Awesome food, great prices. It is my new favorite lunch destination, and oh-so-close to work!