Families . . .

I used to think that my mother's family was close. We had holidays together, they came together for birthdays, and we spoke on the phone. My grandmother passed away about 12 years ago She was a wonderfully witty, ornery and loving woman. I didn't realize until a few years ago that she was the glue that held our family together. After she passed, we started having separate holidays. One of my mother's twin brothers completely withdrew from the family. They began having their won celebrations. His wife, my favorite aunt, became a distant part of my "old" life. She didn't even see my children until Harrison was about 2 and I'm not really sure if she's even met McCartney. My grandfather with whom I spent HUGE amounts of my childhood with became distant as well. You see, my grandma and grandpa pretty much "raised" me. I lived with my parents, but I was ALWAYS at their house. They took me out to eat several times a week, I went camping with them almost every weekend, and even as an adult I spent a lot of time at their house. I was the eldest and the only granddaughter and when my grandmother was sick for the last 2 years of her life, I was obligated to visit and eat dinner there at least once a week maybe more. My grandparents were a large part of my life.

My grandfather spent about 5 years mourning my grandmother. Spending each and every day at he grave site "visiting" her. Then . . . he found a girlfriend. I only see him on Christmas and he doesn't even know my children's names. He always calls Harrison the wrong name . . . Benjamin. Oddly enough he tells stories about "Betty's" great grandchildren's escapades including names and ages. I tried to keep close, I'd call and visit, but he never reciprocated. Remarkably phones work both ways, he could call me as well, but he doesn't give me the time. It makes me sad and bitter.

My father's family hasn't been much better since he passed away. They don't call even when my grandmother was hospitalized with a heart condition yet they harp on me for not keeping in touch. They must have those same one-way phones that only ring , what are the odds? They don't call on birthdays, holidays and didn't even visit when my kids were born. I try to keep in touch, but I have 2 small children and a special needs child. Still, I call more often than they do. My aunts and uncles on that side are not exactly classy. I attended my great aunt's funeral a few months ago with my mother. My aunts and uncle were rude which didn't surprise me, but what did surprise me is that my grandmother was nasty as well. What exactly did I do wrong?

On a positive side, my mother was remarried 9 years ago. She married into a wonderfully close-knit family. They have excepted my brother and I into the family as if we always belonged. I went to my step-brother's house for Thanksgiving. The whole family was there. They are wonderfully kind, generous, loving people. I think of them as my own family. Thank God for people who still value family. They know me better than my own families. They send my kids cards on their birthday, visited me right after I had the babies, pray for us nightly, and call to see how we are all doing. They treat us like families should.

I am still wondering how to deal with my dad's side of the family this Christmas. I don't really want to go to their smokey, trashy Christmas after they treated me the way they did at the funeral. I don't want my kids to have to spend their Christmas with people they don't know and people who don't care to be a part of their life. My dad would understand that. I think I'm going to have to write a letter to my grandmother explaining my choices. I don't think I could make it worse.

Wow, what a lengthy kvetch. I will hold the memories of my family close. I will miss them and maybe we will come together again. For the mean time. I truly am thankful to be welcomed into a family that values one another. I am blessed.

Memories . . .

Harrison had to return to the pediatrician's office today. The doctor is thinking this is a virus but he is concerned that it could be a percursor to Kawasaki Syndrome which is a blood infection that affects the heart. If they determine this could be the case, he would have to go into the hospital and have some intravenous gamma globulin. They will not label it Kawasaki until he has the fever for over 5 days. We are only on day four.

When we left for the doctor's office he was running a 102 fever. While there he was actually under 98.6 degrees. About an hour later he was up to 104 again. This is going to make me crazy.

Well, since we weren;t gonna be able to go to Kentucky fro Thanksgiving, I decided that McCartney and I would go downtown and attend the annual festivities of holiday lighting. Fort Wayne has this wonderful 155 foot long Santa and sleigh that is on a downtown bank building. It has been there for as long as I remember. I can rememebr going dowtown with my parents and brother and watching them light the Santa. I can remember there being about 20 cars in the parking lot and about 50-100 people to watch the lighting. We would then travel down the block and eat at Coney Island Weiner Stand, a Fort Wayne icon.

Fast forward to today. McCartney and I headed downtown about 5:40pm to see the lighting at 6:15. Wow. People everywhere! We had to park a few blocks away and shuffle around until we got close enough for McCartney to see the Santa. We found a nice spot on the median on the road they closed off in front of the building. After about, oh I don't know, 3 minutes, she proclaims, "Mommy I have to potty." You have to be kidding me. I could not find a building that had a bathroom that was open, so we tromped back to the car and I did lots of convincing her to squat behind the van. The whole time she was saying "I have to pee in a potty!" quite loudly.

We then ran quickly back to the festivities, shuffled back through the crowd to yells from McCartney of "This is NOT our spot." Thankfully we got close enough to where we were to appease her. The Santa was lit and McCartney was thrilled. We then shuffled like a herd of cattle down the street to the lighting of the Christmas tree. By this time she was exhausted. I had her on my shoudlers when she starting getting heavier and heavier. A gentleman next to me said, "You should probably take her down she is nodding off" Apparently her head was bobbing around like and old man trying to stay awake in church. She refused to walk and my back was killing me so as I sat her down she collapsed on the ground in protest refusing to walk. Like the good mother I am, I took pictures of my child laying on the sidewalk. I knew daddy had to see this one. . .


Girls night out!


The big red guy


Before the meltdown


Fort Wayne's tradition


Oh the drama!

Bored and waiting for next medication dose . . .

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 8 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Thanks Claudia!

No Thanksgiving for us . . .

Well, I came home from therapy with Dustin this evening after a short trip to the grocery. I came home to Harrison sleeping on the kid's couch. He looked pretty blissful, about 2 hours earlier he was awake, alert and relatively non-fevering. After I had been home about 20 minutes I came over to feel his forehead and he was burning up. I took his temperature and it was 105.1 ! After a quick call to the after hours doctor and we were off to the hospital.

By the time he was seen at the hospital, he had a temp of 105.6 and was very lethargic. His eyes were red and swollen and he was barely able to stay awake. I was quite frightened. In all my years of daycare, had never heard of a fever so high before. I was so concerned that he was going to have a febrile seizure. Luckily, with more medication his fever did finally subside after about and hour and a half at the hospital. They think it is simply a viral infection or possibly Kawasaki Syndrome which can be quite severe. We have to really keep an eye on this fever and with any symptoms that he may develop in the next few days. I'm certain that we will be off to the doctor again tomorrow.

Keep my little sugar in your thoughts and prayers. Right now he is sleeping behind me, snoring away. His beautiful blond hair is wet with sweat as his fever hasn't quite subsided all the way. I am truly blessed with the ornery little thing, and I simply want him to feel better soon. Sorry Granny Wanda, Kentucky will have to wait.

Lysol bomb . . .

I think I need a lysol bomb in my house. Acutally yesterday I wiped everything down with bleach, walls, door knobs, light switches, and drawer handles. Our family cannot get better. Right now the two little kids are horribly sick. McCartney came down with it on Thursday: high fever, lethargic and very irritable. She went to the doctor and got medicine on Friday, but ran a 103 fever all weekend. Harrison was okay until Saturday when his eye starting getting goopy. I thought it was pink eye, but it kept swelling and spread to the other eye. I took him to the doctor on Monday, and our pediatrician was very concerned. He had a sever sinus infection which had effected his eyes as well and the doc was quite worried, treating it aggressively with a shot and hefty anitbiotics. I was in shock, McCartney was presenting much sicker than he was. Well, that is until about 9:00 pm. I came over to the kids couch and felt Harrison's head, he was ON FIRE. I temp-ed him and it was 104.8 degrees. YIKES!

I freaked out. I called the doctor's after-hours service - I got his partner, who is a fabulous doctor but has the personality of a potato. He acted like I was crazy for over-reacting. Over-reacting? My child's brain is cooking. I gave him a huge dose of Ibuprofen and it finally broke and starting going down in about an hour. Today, the shot is definately taking effect, he is doing much better and I think we may actually get to go to Kentucky for the holiday. Crazy how kids can bounce back from illness.

A public service announcement . . .

I became a certified American Red Cross instructor about 3 years ago. Due to my job and the fact that I train all new employees as they come into our facility, we decided hat it would be more cost efective to have a trainer on site. It was a a lengthy process of classes and tests and was quite pricey, but I'm so glad that I did it. I have had to take CPR and First Aid for the past 16 years due to my profession, however I feel as though I really know the material for the first time.

I always have staff tell me that they don't know if they will know what to do in an emergency situation, I always encourage them that the skills will come back and you will remember them. Each age group used to be was diferent counts, different depths of compressions, different speeds etc. This past year the Red Cross and the American Heart Association revamped the CPR skills and make it far simpler. All the skills are generalized and pretty much the same for each age group, adult, infant and children. It is wonderful! It has given people the confidence to give CPR and it is still as effective as before. I am always very cautious to tell my students that you are not trying to resart the heart, the goal of CPR is to simply circulate the blood through the body until advanced medical care arrives.

Learn CPR. Your family is worth the time and effort.

Give me a break . . .

I just received a call from my son's school. Apparently he had punched a child in the "privates". The administrator called me because she was concerned that it may be sexually motivated. Bull-oney! He is a 5 year old in an 11 year old body. He thought it was funny! I understand he cannot hit, but hitting in the "privates" is not significant other than that. I spoke to him, gave him what-for and assured her that he would be punished and that he was not acting sexually, he simply does not function on that level. Her last statement was that she would "speak to him about how that could be construed as sexual harassment".

Whatever. She just doesn't get it.

The way kids heads work . . .

Today I was painting all day. The kids finally left me alone and got involved in playing a game in the computer room. Harrison was jumping on the daybed wearing a football helmet. He was playing "football" and making plays. Pretty much he was saying "hut-hut" a lot. Anyway, he was telling his sister that he was number 88 Marvin Harrison.

McCartney goes "Yeah, you're Marvin Harrison and I'm Marvin McCartney!"

I thought that was a pretty good grasp of our language, and darn funny too.

Blue Moon of Kentucky keep on shinin' . . .

The Rouse's will be venturing to Kentucky to see family later this month to celebrate the Turkey Holiday. I am oh-so thrilled to be traveling for 7 hours in a car with my three children. But, I suppose that I must have a pre-cursor to the 20+ hour drive we will be making in March when we travel to Florida.

We haven't been to the state of bourbon and spelunking for well over a year and a half. (speaking of spelunking that reminds me of a long 4 hour trip through Mammoth Cave 5 months pregnant and asthmatic UGH) The kids love to visit Granny Wanda and see the cows on her farm, so they will be thrilled. Mccartney will truly appreciate it this time as she is older and much more independant than she was the last time. Hopefully we will have good weather. This picture was taken the last time we were in the great state of Kentucky. It was not taken on the family farm, but I thought it was hysterical. Used Cows? Funny!

On a side note, it is always odd to join another families holiday celebrations. I am very much a creature of habit and when you change my traditions it screws with me. The weirdest thing is the difference in the food. I think my family's food is the best when it comes to holidays. Robert's family makes wonderful food, it's just different dishes and different ways to prepare them. It's weird for me. I miss my "traditional" Crozier family dishes, but after 9 years I have come to appreciate and enjoy their Thanksgiving as well.

So . . . watch out Granny Wanda, we're comin' . . .















Here's a picture af a very young Harrison on the farm

Scary stuff . . .

Anyone that has child involved in special education knows that IEP can be a scary thing. I had an IEP conference today to amend Dustin's IEP with a new behavior plan. I have been dreading it all week. I knew that I would have to bring up some issues that I thought the school was falling short in. Well, slap me face and call me spanky . . . they had already made adjustments to their programs and had included all my concerns into the behavior plan already. I made very few suggestions and they were all very minimal. I knew that this staff was pretty amazing and worked hard together, but I was dumbfounded.

It was a very positive experience and that is rare when it comes to FAS kids, IEPs and behavior plans. The administrator that was there was kind, encouraging and helpful as well. I was totally impressed.

Another scary thought . . . Tina Taviano lost her race for sheriff. Scary? Yes. We now have a good old boy running a multi-million dollar budget on a high school diploma. . . yikes. Congrats Tina on all the hard work and effort and heart you put into your campaign. You are a true hero in my book!

Funny stuff . . .

I was reading one of my daily reads and Claudia did this. I thought I'd give it a try and it is some funny stuff. All I did was google, "Sheri is a". Thanks for the idea Claudia! Here's what I found . . .
Sheri is a dedicated professional who takes great pride in her ability to transform an average head of hair into a work of art (if only I could do my own hair so that it looked presentable)

Sheri is a sweetheart, but don't think that means she won't speak her mind! ( you got that right sister!)

Sheri is a mother to three daughters (oh heavens, thankfully no)

Sheri is a kewl chick (Sheri hates when people spell cool KEWL)

Sheri is a certified pet dog trainer through the Certification Council for Pet Dogs (have you met my dogs? Definitely not obedient)

Sheri is a wise, wonderful and vivacious Teacher and Counselor of Wholistic Sexuality for Men & Women (uh, yeah)

Sheri is a Registered Master Level Reiki Teacher and Practitioner, a Certified Arch Healing Practitioner and a Birth Doula with a Spiritual Birthing (apparently you weren't within a 2 mile radius when I gave birth, or you would've heard me screaming profanities mixed with prayers for the end)

Sheri is a saint by my definition and you can't go wrong supporting this project! (oh well, that's right)

Sheri is a straight-talking woman (once again, nailed it on the head)

Sheri is a cozy "comfort sweater" that has all the appeal of your favorite polar fleece (way too hot blooded for fleece)

Sheri is a morals advocate by day, and an exotic dancer by night to help ends meet (this one just cracks me up!)

I could've done this all night. Very funny!

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE, and by the way, VOTE . . .

I woke this morning by rolling over and putting my hand into something wet. I waz thinking that Harrison, who had joined us sometime in the night, had pee'd in my bed (eeeew) so I lifted him out of my bed and sent him to the potty. I went to the bathroom and told him to change his undies when he said, "But mommy, they're not wet." I walked back into the room and realized he had "yacked" all over my bed. Then I realized that I had put my arm in it. Gross! You must realize that I was awoken yesterday to my daughter telling me at 4 in he morning that "Mommy I choked" and was covered in puke. Robert has been working at headquarters, so I had to stay home. Yesterday and apparently today as well. I better not get it next! I'm loading up on my herbs so that maybe I'll ward it off.

I decided to get up and go vote early. It was a wreck. There were no signs on the street or in the complex where we vote. And no signs near the door of the building where we vote. This voting place is new and changed just before he primary, so many people haven't used it. I was told I had to sign in on a legal pad. When I asked why, they said it was for the volunteers. I asked who, and they couldn't give me a reason. After about 3 more questions I was told it was voluntary, but it was not made to seem that way. I still don't know what it was for, I did however, not sign it. I waited in a long line and did my civic duty. I took great pleasure in NOT pressing the button for Mark Edward Souder for the 7th time. That is a personal record!

Got out and vote. And by the way . . . don't let your son crawl in bed with you after your daughter has been sick. . . it's yucky!

I give up . . .

I'm done. The strep is back. I have given up on traditional medication and I will try herbal remedies. My sister in law is a staunch advocate of herbal remedies and I have also resorted to them in the past. I have had strep 3 times since the beginning of August. Obviously the medicine is not cutting the infection. It is still laying dormant in my body.

I am off the slay the strep with lots and lots of Echinacea, Golden Seal, Vitamin C and an immune booster that I can't spell. . .

My big man , , ,

Check out this picture. Harrison is getting SO old. I amazes me how big they get so quickly. Each and every day I look at him and think it can't possibly be true that he has grown into the child in front of me.

Halloween fun . . .

We had the Harvest Party at our church last night. My kids are so funny. They wanted to dress up as Rocky and Bullwinkle. We got lots of laughs. After this picture was taken they decided they wanted to switch costumes. So McCartney was actually Rocky and Harrison was Bullwinkle.

Give me a break . . .

Dustin has been out of the hospital since Monday morning. He has had a great week. Now, remember that your defination of "great" and mine may be different. Great for us is no therapeutic holds, no crawling around on the floor biting our ankles like a dog, no pretending to pee on his peers like a dog, no "meltdowns, no agressiveness, and he has slept through the night since Tuesday. It does not mean we have had perfect behavior, he is still impulsive and has to be watched. "Great week" for us means that we can actually enjoy our life and our family without wanting to pull our hair out.

Which brings me to school. . . (Oh I so hope that his teachers aren't reading this blog) Dustin gets a behavior card to bring home everyday. It tells us whether he had a happy-face day or a sad-face day. Tuesday through Thursday had an OK in the middle of the faces. The comments were things like, "kicked a student in the hall" and "ate candy he was asked to put in his bookbag". Whoop-de-doo. This is the child two weeks ago who was out of control, running out the building, doing all the behaviors above AND and threatening to spray 3 or more adults with a can of Lysol. . . yes my child was wielding a can of Lysol like a weapon, my life is so fun. Anyhoo, today we got a note that while changing his clothes after gym he pulled down his pants in the boys bathroom and shook his butt at the other boys. Okay, you have to understand Dustin has had this same note sent home about 15-20 times in he last three years since he has been in a regular school. GIVE ME A BREAK. This is a problem. Hmmm . . . it doesn't take a rocket scientist to stop this behavior. . . DONT LET HIM CHANGE WITH THE OTHER BOYS. You are setting my child up for failure by allowing him into the bathroom with all the boys in the class. Duh.

We are gonna have some issues at our behavior plan conference coming up. Artivle 7 in Indiana says that you must change your environment so that my child can succeed. You need to change your program to benefit the needs of my child, and having him change alone is not that diffcult of a thing. Okay . . . vent over . . . I feel better now.

My little star . . .

If you live in the county, you may have received this flyer to promote Taviano for Sheriff. As anyone who reads this blog knows, we are supporting her campaign and volunterring for her. Tina called me one morning this summer at about 7:30am, while I was still sleeping, and asked if she could take pictures of our family for promotion.

I ran around getting the kids up, doing their hair all in about 100 degree weather in about 15 minutes. This was their favorite picture and they choose to use McCartney for the cover of the mailer. (And the best part is . . . my gut is covered by her head LOL)

Isn't she adorable? My little democrat. . .

My friend . . .

My friend strep returned this week. If you read this blog at all you'll remember that we have a hate-hate relationship. I had strep in August and it kicked my butt heavily. I ended up in the hospital for a short time on morphine. This time I got it early and I didn't end up too bad. I was at a church function Monday evening when my throat began feeling horrible. Luckily Tuesday I got into the doctor and got a shot and some anitbiotics. I was out the whole week, which sucks for the paycheck, but I am feeling tons better now.

Dustin is doing well. We had arough week with medication. He began shoing signs of EPS from the Geodon. EPS is a nasty reaction to some psychotropic drugs. We have been down this road before. Last time it was with Trazadone. It was so severe that he began having terrible hallucinations of demons coming to get him to take him to hell, his tongue swelled up and the muscle contractions were so severe they looked like seizures. We spent 3 days in a regular hospital that time. This time I caught the EPS early in a visit last Saturday (before anyone at the psych hospital did) and they pulled back the medicine hoping it would level out. With benadryl and some time it did and we got to keep giving the Geodon. The doc added another mood stabilizer last night, and he is terrific. He is happy, smiling and definitely not drugged up. I think he may get to come home tomorrow. So now we are on Statera, Geodon and something else. NOTHING he was on went he went in. It amazes me the amount of medication they can choose from.

McCartney has adouble ear infection and crabby . . . I'm off . . .

Weekly woes . . .

I haven't blogged all week. The fact that I have been so incredibly busy may have something to do with it. Where do I begin?

My son with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) was hospitalized again on Monday evening. His impulsivity had grown to an alarming rate and with all the med changes his doctor had done over the past month, his psychiatrist thought it was time to re-admit Dustin. They took him in as an emergency admit since all the beds in the children's unit were full. That is not a prime situation for Dustin as too many kids (all with issues) do not make it easy to get much accomplished.

He has not had a real good week, which I am thankful for. I know it sounds funny, but I want them to see the true behaviors we are dealing with. The school sees horrible behaviors as well, and with the number of kids on the unit, I think they have been seeing those also. When we admitted him on Monday, his doctor made the comment "Have you ever considered residential care?" I freaked out. NO! I will not institutionalize my child. He is a 4 year old in an 11 year old body. He doesn't get consequences, behavior modification rarely works and NO I will not lock up a child I made a commitment to when we chose to adopt him! I would have loved to say all those things, but mostly I just cried and told him I could not do that. Robert was quite upset when I told him about that conversation and agreed that it was definitely not the time for residential care. I was glad that we are on the same page.

Today I went in for family therapy and for his treatment planning meeting. I kept hearing the therapist saying "he's making bad choices" and "you need to do the right thing". He can tell you what choices are the good ones, and he can tell you what the "right thing" is but HIS BRAIN IS BROKEN. He cannot equate the situation you talk about with the situation at hand. I pretty much told her that I was tired of the expectations being too high; that he cannot function in that manner and he probably never would. I explained that I feel only about 30% of his choices are defiance, and the rest are chemical and impulsivity. In treatment planning we visited the same issues. The doctor heard me out and agreed to some extent. He said that we should have no expectations when it comes to behavior, which is so very true. He began talking about residential care again and I emphatically told him I would not revisit that subject and that I would tell him if it was ever the right time. I told him I would *NOT* do that now and he should not mention it again. I totally respect this doctor and his opinions, but this subject is closed. I was so proud of myself!

Hopefully this weekend will help Dustin to calm down and give the new meds some time to take effect and see if they will work. We shall see . . .

Success . . .

Guess what I did last night? I took a shower in my very own new shower! Well, that kinda sounds like the start of a Foley instant message . . .LOL . My shower is complete, and better yet, watertight. Woohoo. I have always considered myself the handy one in this marriage. In fact, a few months after Harrison was born I can recall sitting in the dining room fixing something with my drill and Robert washing dishes about 5 feet from me. Harrison was watching me and Robert said, "this child is gonna be so confused, you with the drill and me washing dishes." Robert turned out to be quite handy in fixing the bathroom. He did almost everything himself with a little help and direction from a couple people. Now he's in for real trouble. . . I know he can fix things, so he's gonna be quite busy this winter around here! Best of all, no more baths for me!

This whole Foley thing honks me off. And the worst is the comments about the Democrats holding on to it until it was hurtful to the Republicans. If that was the case wouldn't they have used it before the last presidential election? And even if they did hold onto it, the other side would've done the same. That's all I'm saying.

Friday night was quite eventful around here. We had just gone up to bed about 3:00 when my nieghbor's beagle began barking madly. He would not stop that howling beagle bark. Then my dog started in her kennel downstairs. I heard shouting and when I got up to look out the window I saw police officers running to my house. The street was crawling with police cars and I hadn't even heard a siren. Robert threw on some clothes and headed downstairs. Then I saw the officers dragging a man to their car and hand-cuffing him. When we went outside we found out that he had robbed a convenience store around the corner, shot the clerk as he tried to run away, driven the car to the front of my house (iwth the cash register still in the back seat), and tried to escape on foot. The officers found him next to my house hiding in my shower box! Zoinkes! The officers spent a short time looking around our property for the shotgun he had used and did not find it. He probably chucked it somewhere, but now I'm paranoid that my kids will find it somewhere nearby. I'm glad we went to bed just before all this, had he seen we were up he may have tried to get in our house.

Off to watch the Colts whoop on the Titans. . .