Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Bad prognosis . . .

I walked into the room this morning and Grandma looked great. Her color had returned and her and her skin was even warm. She is however not doing well. Her already badly damaged haert is reeling from the sepsis and she is now in full-blown septic shock. Her blood pressure is dipping very low and her heart rate is racing due to the increased blood pressure meds and all the fluids they are pushing.

Her cardiologist came in shortly before I left for work and said things are not good. Her heart is not reacting well and they are concerned. She even asked to clarify her wishes. She does not wish to be resuscitated with shock paddles or even have chest compressions. I asked if that would happen soon and if I should stay, she said the next few hours are critical, but we are not there yet.

She really just wants to go home. She wants to see her parents, her brother Stanley, sister Mary and my father, her beloved son. She was asking for my brother today, and I called him. He came right up and was shocked at how old she looked. Since he has lived in Minnesota for the last few years he had not seen her in at least 4 years. She smiled a great big smile when she saw him and and mouthed the words, "Hi Josh. I love you." That's when things started to go downhill. My great uncle, her last brother, had been gotten there an hour before my brother. I think she was saying her goodbyes. I just don't want her to suffer any longer. . .

4 comments:

JR - A Green Eyed Gurl.... said...

Sheri -

I am so sorry. Its hard to lose a family member and even more difficult when you feel there are things left unsaid and undone. I pray for you to find some comfort and peace in this and not take it on as guilt. Its time to let go and let God.

I found a great peace after my grandmother passed and somehow could and still can feel her presence when I need her. We had some rough times and I had some guilt at first, but as I worked through it I became closer to her after her death. This probably seems odd now, but eventually you will see what I mean.

I hate that not being handed anymore than you can handle speach, I have been given that same speach a lot in the last couple of weeks. Its not even comforting and only angers me to hear it. So this is what I find comfort in, eventually it WILL GET EASIER. I just don't know when.

Hugs to you.

Jo said...

You are a good person to put her wishes above your own. I am so sorry. Being left behind is never easy. HUGS.

Carol said...

Much peace and love to you, your grandmother, and the rest of your family.

I'm sorry...

Lisa said...

Sheri, can you please check in?