Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Blow out . . .

Tonight was a bad night. I came home from work and immediately started mowing the grass before it rained. Dustin had to go get his every-two-weeks blood work and he was in a foul mood. Robert took him and he came home in a worse mood.

I came in from the yard work and took a quick shower, then began to work on dinner. Robert started the dishes and asked Dustin to dry them (which is ALWAYS his job) he refused. He refused. He just stood there staring at Robert. He calmly said, "Come on. Grab your towel and dry the dishes bud." I came out of the shower and he was standing there with his arms crossed and a foul look on his face. I said, "It's okay, I will dry them for you since you are grumpy." I thought he could use a break and adjust his attitude. He flipped the heck out!

He began kicking at me and trying to run from me. We have a 2/3 door in the kitchen and I pulled the lock closed. I asked him to take of his clothes, which typically stops him from running. He started flailing and kicking me. I had my hand on the waist band of his pants because he was trying to run out the back door. He was twisting and hurting fingers. I asked him to stop. He was out of control. He was hitting and trying to hurt me. Typically he doesn't really try to hurt me, he just flails. He ran to where Robert was and started hitting and kicking him. I was trying to get him in a hold and I couldn't really get a grip on him. I got him to the floor and got him into a bit of control. I asked him to go sit on the stool and settle down and he tried to hid between the wall and fridge still screaming at me. He ran into the laundry room and was throwing his sister's shoes at me. I stood my ground and gave him the "stink eye" and he stopped. He is still pretty afraid of me, so I think I still have the upper hand. He settled down after about a total of 15 minutes from start to finish.

The whole time he was yelling, "You hate me" and "You don't want me to live here" and the ever present "I should've said no!" (talking about when he said he wanted to be adopted to the judge) All this because I decided to dry the dishes for him because he didn't want to.

I have dealt with lots of fits and many, many restraints of the course of life with Dustin, but this one was U-G-L-Y. It kinda scared me. I could still handle him because although he is as tall as I am, he is scrawny and I am a big girl! I don't really recoil when he hits me (except when he slammed his elbow in my boob! OUCH! which I think was accidental) I have worked in daycare for 21 years and I have had my fair share of being spit at, kicked, hit, etc. But he was actually trying to inflict harm tonight and that is new.

I am tired, and my boob hurts! My back hurts and my hand hurts where it got twisted in his waistband. The sucky part is that within about 5 minutes he is fine. Once he is calm he thinks all is well. He holds no grudges. He thinks that once he is over it everyone else should be too and that is disconcerting. I hate it.

He wanted to hug me about 6 minutes after he was hurting me. I struggle with telling him no and explaining that people don't want to be around people who act like that and understanding that is how his very childish mind works. Do I hug him and reaffirm that I still love him no matter what, or do I say "later" and explain why? Thoughts?


Tubaville said...

I have been in this same situation so many times w Ttops & Butterboy. It is so frustrating. Ttops is mostly like Dustin where she basically forgets it ever happened. Butterboybis at least remorseful. Still, I really struggle when I'm bruised and hurting to just move on. I sometimes say, "I need a little time to find my calm." other times, I get mad & try to reason, even though I know it doesn't make a lick of difference. But damn. It's hard.

marythemom said...

BTDT, got the icebag. I mix it up. I sometimes say, "I need a chance to calm down first." Sometimes I try to reason with him/her (explain why I'm upset). Most of the time I try to accept the hug in the spirit it was intended - from a child who wants to "fix" what she did, barely remembers what happened or doesn't remember it at all, and is emotionally a very young child who is only going to remember the rejection and not my reasons.