Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Oh the drama. . .

I am REALLY struggling with McCartney's behavior. I need help. Here's the issue . . .

McCartney is a very lovey, pleasant child. She is sort-of shy, but makes friends easily. Odd huh? She doesn't like to be looked at when she comes into someplace. She shys away from adult attention from people she doesn't know, but put her in a room with a bunch of kids and as soon as she warms us she has a dozen or so best friends. She plays well with others. She is super-attached to me and always has been. Given the chance she will hug me 250+ times a day. As the evening progresses and she gets tired she becomes stuck to me. Sitting with me, laying on, hugging me. Stuck. What's the problem you ask . . . she sound delightful. She is . . . .

until

She explodes. Ever seen Katie Kaboom from the Animaniacs? That's my girl. Take a minute watch this . . .



Yep, that about says it all. She is a gem. But she gets angry. Unreasonable. Downright ugly. She runs from me in places. She runs from me at home. She screams "I hate you". She yells "You're stupid" to daddy. She hits her siblings. I am losing it! I know, I know, SHE'S A GIRL. She has hormones. But come on! What oh what have I done wrong.

Dealing with Dustin's FASD and teaching pre-school for YEARS I have become really good at not using empty threats. I follow through with everything I say. I am strict, but kind. I set acceptable limits. I praise good choices and behaviors. We have a reward chart. NOTHING works for her.

Even though we have stepped up the rewards and positives. It has gotten worse lately. I have been wanting to re-read Transforming the Difficult Child, The Nurtured Heart Approach, but I haven't had the time or the energy to get through it with all the trauma. I am struggling with questions.

Is it because there are 2 VERY difficult children in her class? I don't think I can blame it all on that. She definitely had the tendencies, but they may be pushing her to the edge of more unacceptable behaviors. Definitely modeling really bad choices. She loves her teacher. I lover her teacher. I don't want to move her to a different class, but I think I may have to. We have also considered leaving her home a couple days a week, but then she gets more time with Dustin, which leads me to . . .

Is some of it grappling for attention with Dustin in the home? Or modeling his behavior? Yep. I think it does have a lot to do with both of those, but that could happen with any other sibling with defiant behavior not just one with FASD. He irritates her. Puts her on edge.

Could it be this post-strep arthritis the doctor thinks she is dealing with. Is it making her grumpy and nasty. She has been complaining of pain pretty much daily for 7 months. We've endured blood tests, pee-tests, MRI's, pokes, prods and appointments. The rheumatologist still hasn't said he will see her. He has to assess her issue from the tests and get back with me as to whether she qualifies for his services. Meanwhile, we could have an answer, on he could potentially fix, and he is dinking around. The penicillin is making her belly hurt and I think the Naproxen is putting her on edge.

Is it that I am simply a bad parent? I should know how to correct this. I should have more patience. I should know the way to turn this around. But I don't.

Meanwhile she is Ka-booming more and more often. I HAVE to make time to finish that book.

HELP!

4 comments:

Torina said...

Hmm..That's funny...I thought Katie Kaboom was based on MY daughter. Unfortunately, I can only relate too well.

Scott Greider said...

I'm sorry to hear of your trials with your daughter. Don't know anything about the book you referenced, but my all time favorite is Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp (http://tinyurl.com/57schr).

Jo said...

Chronic pain is a difficult thing to live with. Both for the person who is in pain, and the others forced to live with them. I would look at that first, before anything else. It is hard to be happy or feel okay when you just feel lousy all the time. My guess would be, when she is distracted, she can deal with it okay. But when something else unpleasant happens, or she is just too tired, or hungry, or whatever, it pushes her off that cliff really fast. She has a short fuse right now. (Just my 2 cents)

Jo said...

P.S. There are a lot of techniques you can use for pain management, and in the long run, will help her in her life, as she learns to listen to her own physical and emotional cues. Heat is very helpful for pain, a hot bath or hot pack can be a lifesaver. When you have to live with everyday, you lose the ability to pinpoint IT as being painful, but the undertone is there and continues to nag and chew at the edges.