There are so many things wrong with the foster care system. Some of it is the case workers and more of it seems to be foster parents. My husband and I gave up our license several years ago when a perpetrator was put in our home and he molested a child in my home. This case worker knew this could be a possibility and never told us. I hate the system.
Last night one of our kids came by. He is now 16. He and his sister were put into an aunt's home from ours and I wrote about seeing him in Wal-Mart not too long ago. He looked great, was happy and seemed to be doing nicely. When he showed up on our porch, he didn't look so great. He said he was "going to find a place". He said he and his sister were no longer in the system and he needed a place to live. I asked if he was with his parents and he said no. I don;t understand how he is "out of the system" and I have no idea what in the world he is doing looking for a place to live at 16 with no driver's license and no job. It made me sad. He said he had walked many miles to get over in our area because he knew there was an apartment complex nearby that his uncle told him was inexpensive.
We have been really struggling with Dustin and his eating issues lately. He had always hoarded food, sometimes much more than others, but now he is hoarding dishes and other random things from the kitchen. I think it is partially his PTSD, going without food, or multiple placements, but he also has lower pain tolerance due to FASD and has no sense of feeling "full" so he eats and eats and eats. I struggle with it immensely I think because it was sin in my home to waste food. I know I have to just deal with it and stop trying to reason it out of him, but it is terribly hard. Claudia posted about it today here.
Then, I go about reading some regular reads and find an extremely troubling remark over at Kari's blog. This was the remark . . . "But really, I don't know how you do it. I would have disrupted on both of these kids, long ago. You have my admiration and sympathies." HOW VERY WRONG.
I wrote a rant about DISRUPTION not that long ago. I wrote that "I chose to adopt this child, I knew what it meant for our future and his. Do I have surprises daily? Yes. Do I regret? Never! I know institutionalization may come in the future, I will still be his parent. I will not disrupt the adoption . . .EVER . . .do you hear me?!" And then . . . "I don't feel like a very good parent daily. I don't experience success very often. I get frustrated by behaviors and expectations. I get angry and I lash out when I shouldn't. I struggle constantly, but . . . I would never choose to "return" Dustin. I feel weird even saying that. I envision someone saying, "Well, it is past the 90 day return policy, but you do have your receipt so I will have to give you store credit Do you have to box and the packing materials?" That post was entitled SICKENING and it still turns my stomach when people even remotely discuss this "option". I held my tongue the best I could, which probably wasn't very well. . .
Seventeen years, seventeen stories.
5 hours ago