Monday, February 06, 2006

Down in the dumps . . .

Man, what a crappy mood I am in.

I was late to work today, I had to drop clothes off at the hospital for my son. (Which by the way he is making progress) I also had to get two toddlers ready for school which sucks. My kids are polar opposties. McCartney jumps right up and as soon as her feet hit the floor she is ready to go. Harrison on the other hand, takes his own sweet time waking up, kinda like his mommy. When I'm in a hurry, it simply makes it worse because I push to hard.

My boss is in a crappy mood also, she was out for almost two weeks having surgery on her eye and then a work related "retreat" so she is knee deep in work. That makes her grumpy and irritable, primarily towards me. See, my boss is my mother, so I get the worst of her moods. Some seem to think that I get *special* treatment and I don't really work that hard. EXCUSE ME, why didn't I get that memo. I work my butt off and I don't get the luxury of tact or pleasantries that the boss gives others. Just once I wish those who thought that could spend one day with me . . . they'd change their tune.

Then there is this nagging feeling of betrayal. It isn't that someone betrayed me intentionally, but an action they took definitely "cut to my core". I don't believe this person meant to hurt me. I don't think this person thought it would be so traumatic. . . but that was the end result. I'm not angry with them, I will not hold it against them. It is after all their decision, but I am disappointed. I'm terribly sad. You see, I am a FIXER and I don't know how to fix this. So it nags at me, and stresses me out. It makes me depressed.

I tell myself, you cannot change this. I tell myself to get over it. I tell myself that you have to stop trying to control everything. That does not stop the pressure I feel. That is part of my Obssessive Compulsive Disorder. I will get through it, it simply takes me some time. There is always the hope that this person will "pony up" and change their thinking.

By the way . . . anyone seen my navy Vera Bradley bag . . . it's still missing. :)

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