I got into a discussion over on another blog about FAS and the fact that there is no known safe amount of alcohol consumption for pregnancy. I highly doubt that it will drive any traffic over here (because they assume they know everything already!) but I thought I would pull out the fav FAS awareness post. . .
Some of the most common characteristics of alcohol related brain-damage
include: poor impulse control and poor problem solving skills,
inability to predict what may happen next, difficulty linking actions to
consequences, poor social communication (inability to read environments
and adapt behavior accordingly), limited abstract reasoning and lack of
trial and error learning. In addition, people with FAS/FAE have great
difficulty internalizing values, feelings and laws. Therefore, they do
not feel empathy for others or have a sense of justice. They can be
entirely unattached, feeling nothing, even for the people who raise
them. Because of these deficits, they have no internalized sense of
right and wrong. A person with no morals, empathy, values or feelings
can be a danger to themselves and to society.
Fetal
Alcohol Spectrum Disorders are a spectrum of disorders that are a
permanent part of that child FOREVER because the mother made a choice to
drink while pregnant. It is a 100% preventable birth defect.
Pre-natal alcohol exposure was a choice. My son's mother chose to put
that bottle to her lips and drink, injuring his future and forever
altering the physical make-up of his brain. Intentional? No. But
permanent nonetheless.
Education is the best medicine for Fetal
Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. We MUST educate women who are pregnant. We
must educate women of child bearing age, whether trying to conceive or
not, that you do not drink if there is a possibility of pregnancy.
Let's face it. Most women don't know that they are pregnant for at very
least 3 weeks after conception . During that time you could have
already altered your child's brain, is it worth it? We must also
educate doctors that there is no safe amount of alcohol to be consumed
during pregnancy. Doctors who tell a patient to put their feet up and
have a simple glass of wine are negligent. They need education.
My
child's life was stolen from him. Just as a drunk driver hits a child
crossing the street and permanently disables her, my son was blind-sided
by a drunk mother. The vehicle just happened to be an ambilical cord
full of liquor. My son was robbed of a life he could've had.
If
that sounds like anger it is. I am irritated at the selfishness. I
am angry at the lack of education. I am frustrated in dealing with this
disorder every day. I love my boy and wish only the best for him. But,
while mother's of other 13 year olds are dropping their child of for a
day at the mall, I am looking at my son watching pre-school TV. While
those mothers are leaving their sons at a friend's house for the night, I
am drugging my son with very dangerous psychotropic meds to help him
fend off the hallucinations and get a restful night sleep. I don't
grieve for myself, I mourn the loss of my son's life.
Is he happy? Sure. Is he loved? Absolutely. His brain is broken. There are missing pieces. A few examples:
1.
I am sitting on the couch watching televisions. He is in the chair
not more than 3 feet from me. He has just been told to leave the cat
alone because he has tried to keep him on his lap when the cat wanted
down. About 3 minutes later the cat saunters past him. He says, "Ozzy,
come here kitty." in a normal voice. I look at him. He says, "What? I
didn't do anything." "Dustin I heard you call the cat." "You did?
How?"
If I wasn't looking at him he has no idea how I heard him.
He cannot fathom that I caught him. He denies it. With every fiber
of his being he denies calling the cat. He begins to whine and cry and
hit is legs in anger. I let it go. I have said nothing more. He
continues to holler that he did not call the cat. I say, "Okay. Just
leave the cat alone please." Not 3 minutes later I see him out of the
corner of my eye looking at me. Waving his arms. I say "Dustin, I see
you." He wait about 2 minutes and slaps his knees to call the cat,
and says, "Here Ozzy." In a normal voice. I look at him over he top of
my glasses and he raises his hands in the air and says, "What?". Argh!
2.
Dustin is CONSTANTLY hungry. If I let the child eat every time he
said he was hungry we would be in the poor house and he would be sick. I
buy him chips for the next day after school. Despite my efforts at
trying to keep them a secret he finds them. He asks if he can have
them. I tell him no, it is almost bedtime. I tell him that he can earn
them for a snack after school. About 3 minutes later he haaaaaaaaaaas
to go to the bathroom. I send him upstairs to avoid the kitchen because
I know he is trying to get he chips. Two minutes later he asks to let
the dog in, once again having to go through the kitchen. No thank you
Dustin. He asks to play on the computer. Sure. About 5 minutes later
I notice he is missing. The chips are open and he is munching and
crunching in the kitchen. RATS. Foiled again. I have him put them
away and return to the living room. He is watching TV at the kids
television in the room right next to me, in full view. About 10 minutes
later, I notice he is sitting on the floor. Unusual. I notice he is
sticking his hand under the couch. EATING CHIPS. "Dustin put the chips
back in the kitchen." I put him on the chair next to me. 20 minutes
pass, the asking is over. I think we are in the clear. I ask him to
go shower, he has to go through the kitchen. He showers and then runs
upstairs to get underwear. I realize is taking a remarkably long time
to get on underwear. He comes downstairs with a mouthful of barbecue
chips. "Dustin, put the chips away and get your pills for bed." He
complies. Morning comes, I decide to have a small baggie of chips to
take to work. I open the cabinet, no chips. I find the empty bag under his bed. Argh!
This is my life.
Object permanence is missing.
Impulsivity rules.
My child cannot ride a bicycle. He automatic memory is broken.
My son cannot read at more than a pre-school level.
My son cannot be left unsupervised very often.
My son cannot walk around the block alone.
My son cannot remember his address or phone number.
My son cannot understand risky behaviors and avoid them.
My son constantly needs an "external brain" to guide his behaviors and impulses.
My son cannot be medication free without hallucinating and living in another world.
My son cannot sleep without medication.
My son cannot be left alone.
My son cannot see consequences of his actions, or even see they are related.
My
son cannot ever have the life he should've had, but my son CAN live a
wonderful life that we have created for him and CAN say he is cared for
and LOVED unconditionally.
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders CAN
be eliminated. Not one more child needs to suffer their effects. Not
one more child needs to grow up with the uncertainty, the impulsivity
and the frustration of having their brain permanently altered due to
their mother's choices. It can happen. Get out there. Educate.
And while your at it, if you go to the store can you buy me a bag of chips?
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
To ask or not to ask . . .
I am a fairly open person. I have no issues with chatting with someone in the grocery or educating someone one my child's issues. As long as I think the person is being respectful and kind, I have problem with someone asking what the heck is different about my family or my kid.
The other day, I read a post by Michelle about this very same thing. Her darling Tori, is battling Neurofibromatosis and is currently undergoing chemo to shrink the size of the tumors in her brain. Tori is an amazingly resilient child who loves her bald head and thinks she is a beautiful child regardless of her differences right now. Part of that is likely because she has an amazing mama who will constantly fight for her and her differences, and partly because of her own personality.
Michelle says, "I don't blame people for being curious. After all, she looks like a very happy little girl when she is skipping through the aisles of the store in her little dress. But she is very tiny, she has a huge red scar on the back of her little head and she is bald. Sometimes she looks very sick. Sometimes she is wearing a mask. I understand why they are curious." Please go visit Tori's blog and give her some positive encouragement, some love and some prayers! She is quite the amazing child. I promise you will laugh at her "Stop showing your boobs" campaign for Dancing With The Stars contestants.
Yesterday, I read a post by NieNie where she was asked in Jamba Juice what happened to her. She was distraught over this question. In my personal view, I think the man was being respectful and wanted to teach his daughter that although people look different, we are all the same. I am by no means suggesting that how she feels is wrong, she is entitled to her own feelings, and I respect that. It just showed me that what some people think is ok, other people may not.
I am always willing to share Dustin's story with others. I have grown so much from having a child like Dustin in my family. I used to be quite judgmental of children that could not act appropriately in public and mostly blamed the parents for their children's behaviors. Now, I am well aware that children's behaviors may not in fact be the parent's inability to parent even if the children seem completely typical. I am much more patient and much more understanding. I can remember a particular instance where my family was dining in a hotel restaurant when my kids were quite young. Dustin was acting a fool and a family that was seated right next to us kept looking over. At one point, Robert took Dustin out of the restaurant. The mom came over and said, "I don't want you to think I am condemning you, I am a foster parent and I can see your child has impulse control issues. Please don't think it bothers us." I was so grateful for her actions.
I think that most people mean well. Or at least, it helps me to think that they do! I try my best to think the best of people until I am proven wrong. I think advocacy and educating people are always the best policy for my family. But, I also understand that others are not so open about their issues and I respect that also.
The other day, I read a post by Michelle about this very same thing. Her darling Tori, is battling Neurofibromatosis and is currently undergoing chemo to shrink the size of the tumors in her brain. Tori is an amazingly resilient child who loves her bald head and thinks she is a beautiful child regardless of her differences right now. Part of that is likely because she has an amazing mama who will constantly fight for her and her differences, and partly because of her own personality.
Michelle says, "I don't blame people for being curious. After all, she looks like a very happy little girl when she is skipping through the aisles of the store in her little dress. But she is very tiny, she has a huge red scar on the back of her little head and she is bald. Sometimes she looks very sick. Sometimes she is wearing a mask. I understand why they are curious." Please go visit Tori's blog and give her some positive encouragement, some love and some prayers! She is quite the amazing child. I promise you will laugh at her "Stop showing your boobs" campaign for Dancing With The Stars contestants.
Yesterday, I read a post by NieNie where she was asked in Jamba Juice what happened to her. She was distraught over this question. In my personal view, I think the man was being respectful and wanted to teach his daughter that although people look different, we are all the same. I am by no means suggesting that how she feels is wrong, she is entitled to her own feelings, and I respect that. It just showed me that what some people think is ok, other people may not.
I am always willing to share Dustin's story with others. I have grown so much from having a child like Dustin in my family. I used to be quite judgmental of children that could not act appropriately in public and mostly blamed the parents for their children's behaviors. Now, I am well aware that children's behaviors may not in fact be the parent's inability to parent even if the children seem completely typical. I am much more patient and much more understanding. I can remember a particular instance where my family was dining in a hotel restaurant when my kids were quite young. Dustin was acting a fool and a family that was seated right next to us kept looking over. At one point, Robert took Dustin out of the restaurant. The mom came over and said, "I don't want you to think I am condemning you, I am a foster parent and I can see your child has impulse control issues. Please don't think it bothers us." I was so grateful for her actions.
I think that most people mean well. Or at least, it helps me to think that they do! I try my best to think the best of people until I am proven wrong. I think advocacy and educating people are always the best policy for my family. But, I also understand that others are not so open about their issues and I respect that also.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Our new normal? . . .
Much better in my world is a fair cry from normal in most people's idea.
We are still on constant supervision and likely will be anytime he is within reach of another person or animal. He is very impulsive and does not have the ability to make good choices so that will likely not change. We have some safeguards in place to help us, but in line supervision is our best bet at all times.
His medications are fairly stable, but we rely on them heavily. There are no options when it comes to taking medication. The medications he is on have been the same for at least 3 years. Any small change in dosage sends us reeling and we quickly head back to what works best.
Therapy is fairly elusive in our world. We could use the assistance of someone who can simply "witness" behaviors we see on a daily basis. The problem is, with his IQ, they cannot justify "talk therapy". They say that since he is unable to internalize what they are trying to help with, they cannot make progress. So basically, he will not change so they cannot do therapy. Nice eh? We are still trying to find someone who is willing to provide some basic services.
The new diet we have embarked on has made some small impact on his behaviors. It is not that his behaviors have changed, but they are definitely less intense. Yesterday he ate some donut holes and last night's behavior was HORRIFIC. It was obvious that sugar and/or processed food make him much more agitated and whiny. I think the diet has helped us calm down a bit around here. As an extra bonus, we no longer have snack food in the house so there is less food to hoard and obsess over. Win-win.
We are still having major issues dealing with the hormones of a 17 year old stuffed into the mind of a 6 year old. That will always be a problem, and the impulsiveness just makes it all much, much worse. Once again, in line supervision is really the only good way to keep everyone safe.
The constant supervision is absolutely tiring. It is hard, very hard to be vigilant every moment of every day. But there are glimpses, brief moments where I can enjoy his company. That is something that was lacking over the last few years. I am pleased with that small bit of progress.
I pray that as he grows we will have more small steps toward normal. I want it for us, but I want it more for him!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Introducing Dorothy . . .
A friend mentioned on facebook that she needed someone to come get a piano before she moved.She did not want to junk it and had no way to move it to the new city she as moving to. I jumped on the chance. The hubs has been wanting one for a long time. I told him if he wanted it, he had to figure it all out. After renting a UHaul and a furniture dolly, Dorothy came home. She was a really ugly minty green and needed a good paint job. I wanted something funky and decided to "henna" her. I painted her an antique white and free handed some designs. I think she is gorgeous!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Numbers . . .
23 . . . the number of days it has been since I blogged - which may be a record
3 . . . the number of children who currently reside in my house
1200 . . . the number of children you would think reside in my house by the mess they create
8 . . . the number of hours spent outside, yesterday on a field trip with both kids classes
6 . . . the approximate number of miles walked yesterday on said field trip
1 . . . the number of GIANT swollen ankles I currently own due to said field trip
38 . . . the number of pounds my husband has lost, making him look fabulous
5 . . . the number of pounds I have regained because I have been cheating on the new lifestyle
1027 . . . the number of times I have promised myself I will no longer cheat.
1026 . . . the number times I have broken that promise, life changing NOW.
24 . . . the number of days left until the crazy summer schedule of 9 field trips per week starts
7 . . . the number of days before I leave to see my bestie for the weekend WITHOUT kids!
10 . . . the number of dollars it took to purchase a toll pass for the drive to see the bestie.
3 . . . the number of months it will take to see if son gets qualified for SSI.
1 . . . the number of fungus infections they found in said son's esophagus that they believe is making him have instances of vomiting and bowel issues
1 . . . medication they prescribed for said infection which I hope fixes his GNARLEY breath as well
3 . . . the number of children who currently reside in my house
1200 . . . the number of children you would think reside in my house by the mess they create
8 . . . the number of hours spent outside, yesterday on a field trip with both kids classes
6 . . . the approximate number of miles walked yesterday on said field trip
1 . . . the number of GIANT swollen ankles I currently own due to said field trip
38 . . . the number of pounds my husband has lost, making him look fabulous
5 . . . the number of pounds I have regained because I have been cheating on the new lifestyle
1027 . . . the number of times I have promised myself I will no longer cheat.
1026 . . . the number times I have broken that promise, life changing NOW.
24 . . . the number of days left until the crazy summer schedule of 9 field trips per week starts
7 . . . the number of days before I leave to see my bestie for the weekend WITHOUT kids!
10 . . . the number of dollars it took to purchase a toll pass for the drive to see the bestie.
3 . . . the number of months it will take to see if son gets qualified for SSI.
1 . . . the number of fungus infections they found in said son's esophagus that they believe is making him have instances of vomiting and bowel issues
1 . . . medication they prescribed for said infection which I hope fixes his GNARLEY breath as well
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tap, Tap, Tap . . .
Darling Lisa over at Life in the Grateful House has been touting the healing possible for our kiddos using the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Tapping, for a few years. J has been doing Tapping for some time and has had great success. Lisa began Tapping a while ago for herself and has found that it has helped her deal with many things in her own life. This year in Orlando, she shared the technique with a bunch of moms. These mamas went home, began tapping with their kiddos and for themselves. They have seen great changes in their kids and in themselves. I was still not moved. Lisa organized a teleconference with Tapping-Guru Brad Yates and I was not one to pass up on free, so I decided I would give it a whirl and listen, maybe.
I am a bit oppositional when it comes to things people think I should be doing. The posts on our Orlando forum were not helping me. I was thrilled these mamas were having success, but I was not having it. I would not be convinced. Until the other day. . .
I decided to Tap last Friday. I figured what could it hurt right? I was in a bad mood. Dustin has been horrific. We are dealing with some money issues. Work was crazy. I was not feeling well. I did not want my mood to carry over into my evening at home and make the kids bonkers. I was determined that my weekend would start off on a good foot. I did it. I tapped for the first time. It totally calmed me down and turned my mood around. As we all know, if mama is happy, everything goes much more smoothly. I was an immediate believer. I posted about it on our forum and Lisa refrained from hitting me with a big ol' TOLD YOU SO. She is gracious like that!
Yesterday I Tapped before coming home. Dustin has been very off lately. He yells and screams all the time. He is angry, foul tempered, and nasty. He is either screaming, whining or crying. He is argumentative and picks fights with everyone. I did not want to come home. I came home and Robert was fed up with Dustin. We began to bicker with one another. I was calm, but I could tell I was getting fired up. I ran to the store for a couple items and to catch my breath. I decided to Tap on the way home while at a stoplight and I look over and see the occupants of the car next to me staring. It was hysterical. I knew then I was hooked!
This brings us to tonight. I introduced my kids to tapping tonight. The littles Tapped on the ride home. We focused on them being kind, respectful and obedient. My thought was that they would be better able to deal with Dustin is they were in a calm frame of mind. I tapped with Dustin when I got home. He thought I was crazy, but he did it. I kept his script pretty simple, we talked about being calm, obedient and peaceful.
Here is the kicker. Tonight was AMAZING! He did not raise his voice once. He did not scream or cry. He took direction. If he asked for something and I said "No" he said, "Ok". That never happens. I swear. This stuff is the real deal.
If you want to understand more about Tapping and the science and history behind it, you can watch this short video. It is not voodoo. It is not religious. It is not new-age. It is based on acupuncture points. It is amazing.
If you want to figure out how to make your script, you can go here for the "recipe".
If you want to see some tapping videos you can search for Brad Yates on YouTube, or visit Lisa's blog.
Really, what can it hurt? Give it a chance. I promise you will not be sorry.
I am a bit oppositional when it comes to things people think I should be doing. The posts on our Orlando forum were not helping me. I was thrilled these mamas were having success, but I was not having it. I would not be convinced. Until the other day. . .
I decided to Tap last Friday. I figured what could it hurt right? I was in a bad mood. Dustin has been horrific. We are dealing with some money issues. Work was crazy. I was not feeling well. I did not want my mood to carry over into my evening at home and make the kids bonkers. I was determined that my weekend would start off on a good foot. I did it. I tapped for the first time. It totally calmed me down and turned my mood around. As we all know, if mama is happy, everything goes much more smoothly. I was an immediate believer. I posted about it on our forum and Lisa refrained from hitting me with a big ol' TOLD YOU SO. She is gracious like that!
Yesterday I Tapped before coming home. Dustin has been very off lately. He yells and screams all the time. He is angry, foul tempered, and nasty. He is either screaming, whining or crying. He is argumentative and picks fights with everyone. I did not want to come home. I came home and Robert was fed up with Dustin. We began to bicker with one another. I was calm, but I could tell I was getting fired up. I ran to the store for a couple items and to catch my breath. I decided to Tap on the way home while at a stoplight and I look over and see the occupants of the car next to me staring. It was hysterical. I knew then I was hooked!
This brings us to tonight. I introduced my kids to tapping tonight. The littles Tapped on the ride home. We focused on them being kind, respectful and obedient. My thought was that they would be better able to deal with Dustin is they were in a calm frame of mind. I tapped with Dustin when I got home. He thought I was crazy, but he did it. I kept his script pretty simple, we talked about being calm, obedient and peaceful.
Here is the kicker. Tonight was AMAZING! He did not raise his voice once. He did not scream or cry. He took direction. If he asked for something and I said "No" he said, "Ok". That never happens. I swear. This stuff is the real deal.
If you want to understand more about Tapping and the science and history behind it, you can watch this short video. It is not voodoo. It is not religious. It is not new-age. It is based on acupuncture points. It is amazing.
If you want to figure out how to make your script, you can go here for the "recipe".
If you want to see some tapping videos you can search for Brad Yates on YouTube, or visit Lisa's blog.
Really, what can it hurt? Give it a chance. I promise you will not be sorry.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
A part . . .
This weekend I was blessed to have my best friend come a spend the weekend with me. I have not seen her since Orlando at the beginning of last month. We didn't have any plans or anything to do so we just hung out and shared life. It was nice, no pressure to entertain her, we just enjoyed each other.
Yesterday we were in an out of the house, running errands and doing some projects I wanted to finish. We hit the farm market, Goodwill, did laundry, fixed some clothes that needed mending, did a sewing project for her camera lenses, made a wonderful lunch, picked up some items from a resale I was participating in, ran more errands and just generally laughed and had fun. It was 3:00 am before I headed upstairs and tried to turn off my mind. I went to sleep thinking about how very blessed I was.
It has only been 9 months since we were introduced through an email, and I cannot fathom my life with her in it. She knows me inside and out and she still considers me a friend. She knows the good, the bad, and the so very ugly. I know I can share anything with her and she will listen and not judge. She gave me some good advice this weekend on dealing with my kids and I am thankful for her wisdom. I am a better person with her in my life. She is kind, funny, wise and compassionate. My kids love her. My husband enjoys her wit and the fact she appreciates his sarcasm. I love her to pieces and I am thrilled she is a part of my life, my family and my heart.
How do you know that you enjoyed a busy weekend laughing with your best friend? When the both of you are photographers and have both cameras in the house and you cannot remember to take a picture of yourselves together! :)
Yesterday we were in an out of the house, running errands and doing some projects I wanted to finish. We hit the farm market, Goodwill, did laundry, fixed some clothes that needed mending, did a sewing project for her camera lenses, made a wonderful lunch, picked up some items from a resale I was participating in, ran more errands and just generally laughed and had fun. It was 3:00 am before I headed upstairs and tried to turn off my mind. I went to sleep thinking about how very blessed I was.
It has only been 9 months since we were introduced through an email, and I cannot fathom my life with her in it. She knows me inside and out and she still considers me a friend. She knows the good, the bad, and the so very ugly. I know I can share anything with her and she will listen and not judge. She gave me some good advice this weekend on dealing with my kids and I am thankful for her wisdom. I am a better person with her in my life. She is kind, funny, wise and compassionate. My kids love her. My husband enjoys her wit and the fact she appreciates his sarcasm. I love her to pieces and I am thrilled she is a part of my life, my family and my heart.
How do you know that you enjoyed a busy weekend laughing with your best friend? When the both of you are photographers and have both cameras in the house and you cannot remember to take a picture of yourselves together! :)
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Chip In . . .
One of our SOUL Sisters who attended Orlando this past year is having a rough go of it lately. Her husband has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor after having a seizure. He has had the same job for 18 years and he is not able to keep it with seizures. They are struggling to not only keep their heads above water, but also get through this medical crisis. Many mamas who know her expressed interest in contributing to a fund for her and her family.
This morning, with her permission, I set up a Chip In account. Any funds that are deposited there will go directly to her paypal account. No one else is the go between. Your donations go directly to her and her wonderful family.
Please consider donating.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
ACk! . . .
Dustin was admitted to the hospital on Sunday night with vomiting. They thought it was another bowel blockage like we had in October and he was immediately transferred to the new hospital that was just finished.
Turns out after a visit from the GI doc that he has nothing going on in the bowels and after reviewing the films from October, that was likely not an obstruction either. Seems we may be dealing with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome or possibly something else like a physical issue with his bowel that could be causing this. An upper and lower GI study is in order, but since he just had a CT scan with contrast they cannot do that until the contrast is completely out of his system.
The other issue is that for some reason he is having trouble urinating and they have no idea why. It is all very curious. They have said that we will likely end up in the hospital a couple more times until they get this figured out. So very tiring!
On top of everything else he is not able to get his psych meds and that is compounding to the troubles. I am just at my wits end! Prayers would be appreciated.
Turns out after a visit from the GI doc that he has nothing going on in the bowels and after reviewing the films from October, that was likely not an obstruction either. Seems we may be dealing with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome or possibly something else like a physical issue with his bowel that could be causing this. An upper and lower GI study is in order, but since he just had a CT scan with contrast they cannot do that until the contrast is completely out of his system.
The other issue is that for some reason he is having trouble urinating and they have no idea why. It is all very curious. They have said that we will likely end up in the hospital a couple more times until they get this figured out. So very tiring!
On top of everything else he is not able to get his psych meds and that is compounding to the troubles. I am just at my wits end! Prayers would be appreciated.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Examples of meals . . .
He is an example of what we have for a meal. Saturday night we had what I called taco wraps for dinner.
We took whole wheat tortillas and filled them up with tons of goodies! I mashed up a can of black beans and a half and avocado with some finely diced onions and a tsp of cumin. That was used as our "meat". Then we added lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, salsa, and a simple guacamole madewith the other half of the avocado, lime juice, salsa, and cilantro. We topped it off with a squirt of lime juice.
We also had the remainder of our rice and beans from the other night. Which was brown rice, a can of great northern beans rinsed and a can of tomatoes and chiles.Breakfast today was a warm oatmeal. We each took a 1/2 c of rolled oats (not instant) and added some frozen blueberries, walnuts, sunflower seeds, banana slices and about a 1/4 cup of blueberry pomegranate juice. We then stuck the bowl in the microwave for 3 minutes. Holy moley it was good!! The varieties are endless!
Today for lunch we had a plates of raw veggies (cauliflower, celery, carrots, green peppers, orange peppers, and cucumbers), some whole grain pita chips and some hummus. This kids were not thrilled with the hummus, so we added a bit of fresh squeezed lemon juice and that did the trick. We all ate at least a pound of fresh vegetables.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
What are we doing? . . .
Yesterday I stepped on the scale just to be curious. I was expecting a bit of loss, maybe a pound or two. I was down 9 pounds!! Today I lost another 4 pounds. Whew! This stuff is for real.
I have not even been following the plan hard core. I have been trying my best to be frugal and use things that are already in our home that aren't too terribly bad for us. But I have been pushing the vegetables and fruit like crazy.
After posting my excitement on facebook, people have of course been asking "What are you doing?". So here ya go . . .
The Fuhrman plan's entire premise is making your body work the way it is intended. It is all about giving your body the proper nutrient rich foods that aid in digestion. It gives your body the tools to work properly. There is a bunch of science that talks about Isothiocyanates, Anti Oxidant Response Elements, Angiogenesis and Aromatase inihibitors, and Myrosinase. I learned all sorts of things, like chewing cruciferous vegetables like kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage etc. while they are raw releases ITC (isothiocyanate) which are important for our immune system. I also learned that Angiogenesis inhibitors bind to bad cells and identify them to the body as being bad and needing attacked. Angiogenesis inhibitors include mushrooms, garlic, soy, cinnamon, berries and greens. Mushrooms are Aromatase inhibitors that actually target cancer cells. All this information comes together to give an outline for what we should be eating daily for maximum health.
The Eat to Live plan looks like this in a nutshell.
1 pound of raw vegetables
1 pound of cooked vegetables
1 cup of beans
1-2 oz of nuts and seeds
3 fresh fruits
Components should include GOMBBS or Greens, Onions, Mushrooms, Beans, Berries and Seeds. Easy Peasy! Plant strong!
I am finding that the Eat to Live recipes from the book are quite involved. I think that I will be putting a lot of my own things together as we transition completely. The salad dressings in the book are awesome and I have also collected a bunch of recipes from the Engine No. 2 diet and from the Fat Free Vegan blog that follow the Eat to Live program. I am just starting to put together a menu and I will share what our week looks like as we move forward.
We have invested in a good blender (not the Vitamix as it is $500!) and a nice juicer. I am working on a plan to increase our garden this summer and grow a myriad of things that we will use. I plan on learning how to can vegetables. I also plan on making weekly trips to our farmers market with my mom. (she and my stepdad are also on this journey!)
An example of what we are eating now. . .
last night's dinner -
Whole wheat tortillas filled with refried beans, avocado, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, onions and mexican rice.
The mexican rice was simply a cup of brown rice in a sauce pan and I dumped in a can of great northern beans drained and rinsed and a can of tomatoes and chiles and simmered for 5 minutes.
I am not saying I didn't miss the sour cream and cheese, but I lived! It was super filling and quite yummy.
I have not even been following the plan hard core. I have been trying my best to be frugal and use things that are already in our home that aren't too terribly bad for us. But I have been pushing the vegetables and fruit like crazy.
After posting my excitement on facebook, people have of course been asking "What are you doing?". So here ya go . . .
The Fuhrman plan's entire premise is making your body work the way it is intended. It is all about giving your body the proper nutrient rich foods that aid in digestion. It gives your body the tools to work properly. There is a bunch of science that talks about Isothiocyanates, Anti Oxidant Response Elements, Angiogenesis and Aromatase inihibitors, and Myrosinase. I learned all sorts of things, like chewing cruciferous vegetables like kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage etc. while they are raw releases ITC (isothiocyanate) which are important for our immune system. I also learned that Angiogenesis inhibitors bind to bad cells and identify them to the body as being bad and needing attacked. Angiogenesis inhibitors include mushrooms, garlic, soy, cinnamon, berries and greens. Mushrooms are Aromatase inhibitors that actually target cancer cells. All this information comes together to give an outline for what we should be eating daily for maximum health.
The Eat to Live plan looks like this in a nutshell.
1 pound of raw vegetables
1 pound of cooked vegetables
1 cup of beans
1-2 oz of nuts and seeds
3 fresh fruits
Components should include GOMBBS or Greens, Onions, Mushrooms, Beans, Berries and Seeds. Easy Peasy! Plant strong!
I am finding that the Eat to Live recipes from the book are quite involved. I think that I will be putting a lot of my own things together as we transition completely. The salad dressings in the book are awesome and I have also collected a bunch of recipes from the Engine No. 2 diet and from the Fat Free Vegan blog that follow the Eat to Live program. I am just starting to put together a menu and I will share what our week looks like as we move forward.
We have invested in a good blender (not the Vitamix as it is $500!) and a nice juicer. I am working on a plan to increase our garden this summer and grow a myriad of things that we will use. I plan on learning how to can vegetables. I also plan on making weekly trips to our farmers market with my mom. (she and my stepdad are also on this journey!)
An example of what we are eating now. . .
last night's dinner -
Whole wheat tortillas filled with refried beans, avocado, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, onions and mexican rice.
The mexican rice was simply a cup of brown rice in a sauce pan and I dumped in a can of great northern beans drained and rinsed and a can of tomatoes and chiles and simmered for 5 minutes.
I am not saying I didn't miss the sour cream and cheese, but I lived! It was super filling and quite yummy.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Eat to Live . . .
This past Saturday I attended a conference with the amazing Dr. Joel Fuhrman. It was held at the church where I work and I had been contemplating going for some time. I was blessed to get to attend at the last minute and I am so grateful I did!
A few weeks ago, we decided at the prompting of my kid's doctor to go milk free. Since that time I have started reading about the milk industry and it scares the living daylights out of me! The stuff we put in our bodies is disgusting. We started eliminating fast food about 4 months ago. It was difficult but oh so worth it! The junk that they do to the "food" there is mind-blowing! I don't need my food injected with sugar and salt to make me crave more. I don't need pesticides and antibiotics! I want food, real food that makes my body work!
We are leaving for Spring Break in 2 1/2 weeks. We will go full tilt boogy when we return, for now, we are finishing up everything in our house that will be considered "toxic" later. For now we are adding a bit here and there as we purchase new food, trying recipes and deciding what works for us. Our diet will be 90% plant based. We will eat unlimited amounts of vegetables and fruits. We will add nuts and seeds as well as a bit of grains and a minute amount of animal products. We will become NUTRITARIANS. Our bodies will learn to function as they were intended. Our bodies will learn to heal and we will enjoy life.
As we make this journey, I will likely report here how it is going. I don't think it will be easy, but I think it will be worth it! So many people have given me support and offered ideas that they employ. The small changes we have already made are making a difference! My kids adapted well to the no-dairy portion. They went from hating water to embracing it! Their digestive systems are working better. Harrison CHOSE bell peppers for a snack the other day! CHOSE it! McCartney on the other hand HATES this. While she was laying on the floor of Sam's Club the other day whining about not getting cereal, Harrison asked her if she wanted to die earlier eating JUNK. She said, "Yes, I would rather die than eat this way!" Haha! She will adjust . . . sooner or later she will get hungry and it will become easier. She is all for the green smoothies, so I just keep adding things in there that I know she needs whether it be mushrooms, nuts or seeds.
I am already noticing that I am no longer craving sugar and salt. I can only hope that we continue with this and our bodies begin to function the way God intended. Sitting listening to Dr. Fuhrman the other day I realized how very much we rely on medication. One of his analogies was that medication was like a mechanic who cuts the wire to the check oil light in a car instead of actually changing the oil! I hope we can eliminate costly and dangerous medication in the lives of both of us as well as the children. I am heading into the journey with my mom and stepdad too so we can lean on one another. It will be hard, but we will do it.
So here is GOOD-BYE to 282 pounds! While I am not doing this expressly for weight loss, it will be a nice product. I would love to lose 100 pounds in the next year. Most people doing this nutritarian diet lose 75-100 pounds in the first 12 months so we shall see! Benefits include lowered cholesterol, lowered blood pressure, blood sugar regulating, etc. I am looking forward to being healthy for the first time ever!
I am hanging onto the promise that "Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels!"
A few weeks ago, we decided at the prompting of my kid's doctor to go milk free. Since that time I have started reading about the milk industry and it scares the living daylights out of me! The stuff we put in our bodies is disgusting. We started eliminating fast food about 4 months ago. It was difficult but oh so worth it! The junk that they do to the "food" there is mind-blowing! I don't need my food injected with sugar and salt to make me crave more. I don't need pesticides and antibiotics! I want food, real food that makes my body work!
We are leaving for Spring Break in 2 1/2 weeks. We will go full tilt boogy when we return, for now, we are finishing up everything in our house that will be considered "toxic" later. For now we are adding a bit here and there as we purchase new food, trying recipes and deciding what works for us. Our diet will be 90% plant based. We will eat unlimited amounts of vegetables and fruits. We will add nuts and seeds as well as a bit of grains and a minute amount of animal products. We will become NUTRITARIANS. Our bodies will learn to function as they were intended. Our bodies will learn to heal and we will enjoy life.
As we make this journey, I will likely report here how it is going. I don't think it will be easy, but I think it will be worth it! So many people have given me support and offered ideas that they employ. The small changes we have already made are making a difference! My kids adapted well to the no-dairy portion. They went from hating water to embracing it! Their digestive systems are working better. Harrison CHOSE bell peppers for a snack the other day! CHOSE it! McCartney on the other hand HATES this. While she was laying on the floor of Sam's Club the other day whining about not getting cereal, Harrison asked her if she wanted to die earlier eating JUNK. She said, "Yes, I would rather die than eat this way!" Haha! She will adjust . . . sooner or later she will get hungry and it will become easier. She is all for the green smoothies, so I just keep adding things in there that I know she needs whether it be mushrooms, nuts or seeds.
I am already noticing that I am no longer craving sugar and salt. I can only hope that we continue with this and our bodies begin to function the way God intended. Sitting listening to Dr. Fuhrman the other day I realized how very much we rely on medication. One of his analogies was that medication was like a mechanic who cuts the wire to the check oil light in a car instead of actually changing the oil! I hope we can eliminate costly and dangerous medication in the lives of both of us as well as the children. I am heading into the journey with my mom and stepdad too so we can lean on one another. It will be hard, but we will do it.
So here is GOOD-BYE to 282 pounds! While I am not doing this expressly for weight loss, it will be a nice product. I would love to lose 100 pounds in the next year. Most people doing this nutritarian diet lose 75-100 pounds in the first 12 months so we shall see! Benefits include lowered cholesterol, lowered blood pressure, blood sugar regulating, etc. I am looking forward to being healthy for the first time ever!
I am hanging onto the promise that "Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels!"
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Orlando . . .
Last weekend, I attended the Early Trauma and Attachment Meeting for mamas who are parenting kids with attachment issues. Orlando is no longer a place for me.
It is difficult to blog about my experience as I want to keep it for myself. I will say that I felt more accepted, more loved, more understood, more at HOME than I have ever felt since we began this journey of foster care and adoption. I came home with a peace that it hard to understand let alone explain. Yesterday, Corey responded to something I wrote and said, "Orlando is a sacred experience that is nearly impossible to describe" and that is right where I am.
Last year at this time I said I would never go to Orlando. I thought it was wonderful, but I never thought it was my cup of tea. Then my world was shaken and I needed the support. Laurie pushed me to my limits and forced me to take a leap of faith. Corey encouraged me and placed me in the perfect Villa. The ladies I spent the weekend with will forever be part of my family. In some ways, they know me better than my family does. I was gifted with the most important friendship that I have ever had prior to coming to Orlando (because of Orlando) and got to bask in her goodness while there. I was blessed.
I sat with women who told me stories that made my hair curl. I sat and wept with others. I laughed. I felt an immediate sense of sisterhood. I created a bond with ladies that have forever changed the woman, the mother and the friend that I am. For that I am forever thankful. I am changed. I am better.
It is difficult to blog about my experience as I want to keep it for myself. I will say that I felt more accepted, more loved, more understood, more at HOME than I have ever felt since we began this journey of foster care and adoption. I came home with a peace that it hard to understand let alone explain. Yesterday, Corey responded to something I wrote and said, "Orlando is a sacred experience that is nearly impossible to describe" and that is right where I am.
Last year at this time I said I would never go to Orlando. I thought it was wonderful, but I never thought it was my cup of tea. Then my world was shaken and I needed the support. Laurie pushed me to my limits and forced me to take a leap of faith. Corey encouraged me and placed me in the perfect Villa. The ladies I spent the weekend with will forever be part of my family. In some ways, they know me better than my family does. I was gifted with the most important friendship that I have ever had prior to coming to Orlando (because of Orlando) and got to bask in her goodness while there. I was blessed.
I sat with women who told me stories that made my hair curl. I sat and wept with others. I laughed. I felt an immediate sense of sisterhood. I created a bond with ladies that have forever changed the woman, the mother and the friend that I am. For that I am forever thankful. I am changed. I am better.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Praying for Tori . . .
Baggage is gonna have quite a day tomorrow. Her darling Stargirl is having brain curgery to remove a tumor. She will them have chemotherapy to reduce to size of other tumors that are near her optic nerve. Prayers would be appreciated.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Yum! . . .
I am absolutely obsessed with brussel sprouts right now. I read a post over at Flower Patch Farm Girl a while back and pinned it on my Pinterest board. I made them last night and they are A. Maz. Ing.
I made them last night for dinner and all I could think about today was making them again! They are super easy. I followed her directions and they turned out great. You steam them in the microwave for 3 minutes, cut them in half and lay them cut side down in some olive oil. You simply leave them on medium until they caramelize. When they are done, you squirt them with some lemon juice and sea salt.
I am definitely eating these until I puke! :)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Perfect...
My darling friend G and her family were heard to my state this weekend for a conference her husband was attending. I jumped at the chance to spend some time with her dear family. Hotwire got us an awesome deal on a 5 star hotel exactly where they were staying. They spent Friday evening at my house and we left today.
Her husband left early this morning for the conference and my husband and I had a talk about the him staying home. I knew he would be terribly bored and I knew it would elevated my Orlando guilt in I let him stay home. So it was a win-win.
We left shortly before lunchtime and did a few errands in my town. I had a wicked headache the night before and it was coming back with a vengeance. In the one store I was sweaty and very dizzy. I thought I just had too many meds without lunch. Nope. I got one whiff of Wendy's and barfed.
I felt better and we hit the road. Bad idea. I lost my cookies about every 30 miles on our 120 mile journey. Ugh. It was bad!
I may have wished for death a few times during that ride, especially when I almost passed out and cracked my head on the curb so I sat down a puked down the front of me. But, I was not upset. I was with a friend who was willing to tell Dustin to shut his lips approximately 6542 times for me. Her youngest was playing with my littles appropriately. She drove my vehicle and endured my wrenching, albeit with the windows up so she didn't hear me too loudly.
I am feeling better and took her son and my 3 kids to dinner so that her and her husband could go to the conference dinner. They are all now swimming. The noise is atrocious, but I am smiling.
The trip has been perfect.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Where are we . . .
Where are we? I ask myself that often.
Dustin is nearly 17. He is still very much a 5 year old. His early trauma combined with Fetal Alcohol and mental illness has taken the opportunity to be a 17 year old out of his hands. He will never drive a car or likely live on his own. We are still dealing with the impulsivity of FAS on a daily basis. The scars from his early life are apparent. The attachment issues are constantly rearing their ugly heads. We go from wanting 6000 hugs a day to hating us and wishing we were not his family in 0-60 seconds. He thinks we can and will "just throw him away". It breaks my heart. It makes me angry both at him and for him. While I know he is unable to control and process his issues, it is frustrating.
Our plan is to be his family forever. Our plan is to care for him until we cannot. How's that for ambiguity? It is impossible for us to know what the future holds. He is changing every day. I think as the littles get older it is becoming easier to care for him and his needs. It is more of a group effort and I don't fret about them being so vulnerable as much as when they were toddlers.
If there becomes a point where we are unable to care for him in our home, we will still be committed to him as a family. He will forever be our son. It is what it is.
Dustin is nearly 17. He is still very much a 5 year old. His early trauma combined with Fetal Alcohol and mental illness has taken the opportunity to be a 17 year old out of his hands. He will never drive a car or likely live on his own. We are still dealing with the impulsivity of FAS on a daily basis. The scars from his early life are apparent. The attachment issues are constantly rearing their ugly heads. We go from wanting 6000 hugs a day to hating us and wishing we were not his family in 0-60 seconds. He thinks we can and will "just throw him away". It breaks my heart. It makes me angry both at him and for him. While I know he is unable to control and process his issues, it is frustrating.
Our plan is to be his family forever. Our plan is to care for him until we cannot. How's that for ambiguity? It is impossible for us to know what the future holds. He is changing every day. I think as the littles get older it is becoming easier to care for him and his needs. It is more of a group effort and I don't fret about them being so vulnerable as much as when they were toddlers.
If there becomes a point where we are unable to care for him in our home, we will still be committed to him as a family. He will forever be our son. It is what it is.
Friday, February 03, 2012
New ink . . .
Tattoo by Zeke Edwards @ New Republic Tattoo Fort Wayne, IN
I got another tattoo today! This one is on my left wrist. If you read here at all, you know my hubby and I are HUGE Beatles fans. Not only is Let it Be an amazing song, but it is something that I need to be reminded of frequently. I worry and stress and I need to just learn to let things alone and work out for themselves. I need to remember that there are certain things that I cannot change and I just need to accept them. Let it Be is my mantra of 2012!The bird reminds me of my favorite Beatles song of all time. . . Blackbird. I love it! I wanted the Ellipsis (dot dot dot) because of course the lyric continues, but to me, it reminds me of my blogging. I use A LOT of ellipsis in my my blog and in each and every title. It will remind me that through blogging I have met some of the most wonderful families, raising kids just like mine, and we are in this journey together . . . forever.
Squeee! I love it. ♥
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
In line supervision . . .
I write here often that Dustin is on constant supervision or I sometimes call it In-line supervision. I am not sure that everyone quite understands what that means. Let me tell you what that is like for us and why that has to be the case.
Dustin has not impulse control issues. He also lacks object permanence. He cannot connect cause and effect and struggles with empathy. His issues with attachment also causes him to act out in ways that can be a danger to himself, others and animals. His flight or fight response is always on high alert and he tends to take off or lash out. All those things combined make for a child who cannot make good choices and his need for an "external brain" to help guide him in those decisions is very important.
Dustin ahs to always be within 3 feet of us or less. If he goes to the bathroom, we go with him. I stand in the kitchen waiting for him to be done, or at the end of the stairs. If he needs a drink, I go with him to the kitchen or I make sure that one of us can see him. If I am cooking dinner, he is sitting on his stool or helping. If the littles are not home, he is sitting at the table next to Robert playing his Nintendo or he is 3 foot from us in the kid's TV area watching television. When he is in his room, there door is always shut and his door alarm is on so we know if he leaves the room. He has to be able to be seen at all times. If he is particularly ramped up he has to be within arm's reach in case he decides to bolt toward the door.
Even with this type of supervision proximity is not enough. I cannot tell you how many times a night he is sitting with us watching television in the living room, and he makes a poor choice and tries to hit the dog RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Or I catch him out of the corner of my eye watching me while he tries to scoot across the floor to take my scissors off the coffee table to cut up his pajamas or try to cut the cat's tail. Those are the time when he has to move to come sit on the couch right next to me. While sitting there, within inches of my leg, he will STILL try to smack the dog, or kick the kids as they walk by. When I tell him to stop, he says, "I didn't do anything." It is absolutely frustrating! Supervision is not enough, constant vigilance is necessary to keep everyone safe.
So what other reasons make it necessary to keep this tight a rein on him? He has gone to the bathroom upstairs unsupervised and intentionally shoved a rag down the drain of the sink and turned on teh water to make it rain in my dining room. He likes to pee in places that should not hold pee like the shower, the corners of the kid's bedrooms, the sinks, drawers, toy cubbies, etc. He LOVES to pick the plaster off the walls of my very old house and make holes big enough that you can drive a truck though. He hides things that he can use as weapons like : thumbtacks, paperclips, screws, nails, etc. He takes other people's belongings like watches, game cartridges, stuffed animals, pencils, etc. I am afraid he will hurt himself or others or leave the home without anyone knowing. He has some issues with showing parts of his body that should not be shown to others.
Thankfully most of these issues have not happened in a long time. Why? Because he is constantly watched! I have him make sweeps of his room and throw away trash from his food hoarding and clepto ways that he somehow still gets past us (usually tucked in his underwear - ick!). He is simply asked to return it to it's place or to the trash as necessary. I know this is a product of his trauma and we deal with it on an unemotional level.
We do our best to make him feel safe and happy while we are keeping everyone else safe and happy as well. I am not certain he would be able to be in a home without the level of supervision we use. Yes! It is tiring, and it wears on us all, but it is necessary to allow him to live in a family. As my children get older they have begun to help with the supervision. I have struggled with that as I don't want them to feel as though they need to be a "warden" and I don't want him to think they are in charge of him. We have worked hard to strike a balance. I told my daughter the other day that I could do it when she offered to take him toward he bathroom. She said, "It's ok mommy. I am helping you." I told her she was not in charge and she said, "Dustin is it ok if I help you? Mommy could use a break and I know you need some help to be safe." He agreed and I was ok with her understanding of the situation. And he was okay with it too.
The life I lead is not NORMAL, but I don't regret what we are doing.
Dustin has not impulse control issues. He also lacks object permanence. He cannot connect cause and effect and struggles with empathy. His issues with attachment also causes him to act out in ways that can be a danger to himself, others and animals. His flight or fight response is always on high alert and he tends to take off or lash out. All those things combined make for a child who cannot make good choices and his need for an "external brain" to help guide him in those decisions is very important.
Dustin ahs to always be within 3 feet of us or less. If he goes to the bathroom, we go with him. I stand in the kitchen waiting for him to be done, or at the end of the stairs. If he needs a drink, I go with him to the kitchen or I make sure that one of us can see him. If I am cooking dinner, he is sitting on his stool or helping. If the littles are not home, he is sitting at the table next to Robert playing his Nintendo or he is 3 foot from us in the kid's TV area watching television. When he is in his room, there door is always shut and his door alarm is on so we know if he leaves the room. He has to be able to be seen at all times. If he is particularly ramped up he has to be within arm's reach in case he decides to bolt toward the door.
Even with this type of supervision proximity is not enough. I cannot tell you how many times a night he is sitting with us watching television in the living room, and he makes a poor choice and tries to hit the dog RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Or I catch him out of the corner of my eye watching me while he tries to scoot across the floor to take my scissors off the coffee table to cut up his pajamas or try to cut the cat's tail. Those are the time when he has to move to come sit on the couch right next to me. While sitting there, within inches of my leg, he will STILL try to smack the dog, or kick the kids as they walk by. When I tell him to stop, he says, "I didn't do anything." It is absolutely frustrating! Supervision is not enough, constant vigilance is necessary to keep everyone safe.
So what other reasons make it necessary to keep this tight a rein on him? He has gone to the bathroom upstairs unsupervised and intentionally shoved a rag down the drain of the sink and turned on teh water to make it rain in my dining room. He likes to pee in places that should not hold pee like the shower, the corners of the kid's bedrooms, the sinks, drawers, toy cubbies, etc. He LOVES to pick the plaster off the walls of my very old house and make holes big enough that you can drive a truck though. He hides things that he can use as weapons like : thumbtacks, paperclips, screws, nails, etc. He takes other people's belongings like watches, game cartridges, stuffed animals, pencils, etc. I am afraid he will hurt himself or others or leave the home without anyone knowing. He has some issues with showing parts of his body that should not be shown to others.
Thankfully most of these issues have not happened in a long time. Why? Because he is constantly watched! I have him make sweeps of his room and throw away trash from his food hoarding and clepto ways that he somehow still gets past us (usually tucked in his underwear - ick!). He is simply asked to return it to it's place or to the trash as necessary. I know this is a product of his trauma and we deal with it on an unemotional level.
We do our best to make him feel safe and happy while we are keeping everyone else safe and happy as well. I am not certain he would be able to be in a home without the level of supervision we use. Yes! It is tiring, and it wears on us all, but it is necessary to allow him to live in a family. As my children get older they have begun to help with the supervision. I have struggled with that as I don't want them to feel as though they need to be a "warden" and I don't want him to think they are in charge of him. We have worked hard to strike a balance. I told my daughter the other day that I could do it when she offered to take him toward he bathroom. She said, "It's ok mommy. I am helping you." I told her she was not in charge and she said, "Dustin is it ok if I help you? Mommy could use a break and I know you need some help to be safe." He agreed and I was ok with her understanding of the situation. And he was okay with it too.
The life I lead is not NORMAL, but I don't regret what we are doing.
Daily . . .
My blogging has slacked lately and I need to get back on the train in order to keep myself sane.
Life at our home is chaotic right now. Dustin is absolutely bonkers. As his birthday looms and the nasty weather keeps changing, it gets worse and worse. He does not do well with change. He likes his routine. Winter is supposed to be snow and we have had one crazy winter this year. It messes with his head. He is confused and confusion makes him angry. Not a good combo! On a good note, it has either been snowing or really wet from all the rain and melting snow so he has not rain out of the house is a few weeks (you know I just jinxed myself right?) so that is a plus. He did go out into the backyard and sit in the mud in his underwear a couple weeks ago. Good times.
My foot is still massively jacked up. I am 27 weeks post accident and am dealing with a torn tendon on the inside of my ankle. I am back in a boot. Boo. I do not want to have tendon repair surgery so I am trying to baby it and I have had a custom orthotic made. Hopefully when that is done, it will help with the support that will allow the ankle to heal properly. One stupid move, and 7 months later I am still in pain. Ugh.
The littles are doing well. School will always be super easy for one and somewhat of a challenge for the other. I fear for my baby girl as she will always live in the shadow of her brother. It does not help that she has also had his former teachers so she is really held to his standards. She is doing well, just not on his level and her behavior is MUCH different. It breaks my heart that she realizes this and it makes her sad. I have been trying really hard to make sure she realizes she is a wonderful, kind and special child in her own way. Dustin's behavior also tends to stress her out more and she is very troubled that he is not typical. I ache for her. She has begun saying things like, "I don't like myself." I am hoping she learns quickly to love herself and that being different is not only okay, but better than being like everyone else!
I have only a short time until I leave for Orlando to meet up with other Trauma Mamas and revel in 4 days without our children to meet with women who GET IT in ways that others cannot. I also have a short 3 weeks until I get to love on a Soul Sister who is traveling to Indianapolis and we are making a weekend of it with our kiddos! Life is good, even when it stinks!
Life at our home is chaotic right now. Dustin is absolutely bonkers. As his birthday looms and the nasty weather keeps changing, it gets worse and worse. He does not do well with change. He likes his routine. Winter is supposed to be snow and we have had one crazy winter this year. It messes with his head. He is confused and confusion makes him angry. Not a good combo! On a good note, it has either been snowing or really wet from all the rain and melting snow so he has not rain out of the house is a few weeks (you know I just jinxed myself right?) so that is a plus. He did go out into the backyard and sit in the mud in his underwear a couple weeks ago. Good times.
My foot is still massively jacked up. I am 27 weeks post accident and am dealing with a torn tendon on the inside of my ankle. I am back in a boot. Boo. I do not want to have tendon repair surgery so I am trying to baby it and I have had a custom orthotic made. Hopefully when that is done, it will help with the support that will allow the ankle to heal properly. One stupid move, and 7 months later I am still in pain. Ugh.
The littles are doing well. School will always be super easy for one and somewhat of a challenge for the other. I fear for my baby girl as she will always live in the shadow of her brother. It does not help that she has also had his former teachers so she is really held to his standards. She is doing well, just not on his level and her behavior is MUCH different. It breaks my heart that she realizes this and it makes her sad. I have been trying really hard to make sure she realizes she is a wonderful, kind and special child in her own way. Dustin's behavior also tends to stress her out more and she is very troubled that he is not typical. I ache for her. She has begun saying things like, "I don't like myself." I am hoping she learns quickly to love herself and that being different is not only okay, but better than being like everyone else!
I have only a short time until I leave for Orlando to meet up with other Trauma Mamas and revel in 4 days without our children to meet with women who GET IT in ways that others cannot. I also have a short 3 weeks until I get to love on a Soul Sister who is traveling to Indianapolis and we are making a weekend of it with our kiddos! Life is good, even when it stinks!
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