Monday, July 26, 2010

Patience . . .

Patience is not my strong suit.

After the explosive evening last Monday when Dustin ran away Tuesday was even worse. Tuesday evening, Robert came to bed and rolled over. He immediately clutched his chest and began panicking. I sprung out of bed and began asking him what was wrong. He said he felt like he was having a heart attack. After some questions, I called for an ambulance. A fire truck was here within 3 minutes (we live around the corner from station #1) They gave Robert some aspirin and began checking him out. The EMT's arrived soon and they did a quick EKG. His heart looked ok but they transported him to the hospital. My mom came over to stay with the kids and we spent the night in the ER. Turns out, he pulled a muscle in his chest wall probably when chasing Dustin the night before.

While taking some Xrays, they found what they described as a mass in his lung. I was really proud of myself. I did not FREAK OUT. I stayed calm and listened when they told me it was probably nothing. It was small, they initially thought it was a shadow of his nipple. They wanted him to check it out immediately.

We were in the ER until 6:00am. Robert slept most of the next day and I called the doctor. The doctor wanted to see him the next day (Thursday) and sent him for an immediate CAT scan on Friday.

It was a long weekend. I thought about the mass a lot and what that would mean for us. I lost my father to cancer and most of his family. I fear cancer. We did a quick, impromptu trip down to Kentucky to visit Robert's family on Saturday which kept my mind off it for the most part.

Today we found out it is a benign nodule. Nothing to be concerned about.

I couldn't be more relieved.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Perspective . . .

Last night was not a good night. I have a sneaking suspicion that it was because he got called out on snowing the new worker. He was in a rotten mood. About 1:30 in the morning Robert woke me up and said Dustin ran. He was in his skivies. While our neighborhood is not terribly bad, I fear him running around the neighborhood in his underwear in the middle of the night. I just looked it up and we have 9 registered sex offenders in a .5 miles radius of our home. Scary.

Anyway, he had been gone about an hour and a half before 2 officers chased him done in a dark alley. The officer actually had to run after him. That was new one. Typically he comes to the car when asked.

He spent the next hour telling us how he hated us and wanted to go to "kid jail" because he didn't want to live with us. Once he finally broke down and starting crying he kept saying, "I am afraid you will get rid of me." We reassured over and over that this is his home and he is family. There is no getting rid of him and why on God's green earth would we chase you if we wanted you gone?

Anyway, I posted on facebook and a friend said she had just spent the afternoon at the ball diamond with a toddler, a baby and two preschoolers who were less than happy to be there. She said this put her trauma in perspective. I suppose it is all about perspective and we have no idea how anyone else lives and goes through daily. I am sure there is much worse than my trauma as well.

But, we'll keep plugging away because he is my son.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Snowed. . .

So, we have been visited by our services coordinator 2x so far. This week we will meet with his mentor and set some goals for the program and for Dustin to work on. We have sat in the living room and talked about Dustin's strengths and weaknesses. She told us how the program works and we chatted about our needs. Both times Dustin has been present while we chatted. He got approximately 1500 stink eyes from me during this time. He has however been decent. He usually is when he is the center of attention.

Today she said, "Honestly I am surprised he qualified for this program since he is so well behaved."


I said, "He has you snowed!"

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Understanding . . .

I am probably opening myself up to a whole slew of criticism here , but I cannot let it go. . .

I have spoken about disruption and my ideas about it several times If you are tired of hearing my opinion just move along, but I truly mean to be respectful and I want to understand.

One of the blogs I read occasionally posts about children whose adoptive parents are needing to find them a new adoptive home for a myriad of reasons. Mostly their behaviors make them difficult to deal with in a particular family situation. This time it is about children who have been home for a week and a half and they have some significant, yet treatable, medical issues . . . here is part of the text. . .

We adopted a sibling group, brother (7-8 yo) and sister (4-5 yo), from Ethiopia. When we started this process with our agency in November 09, we stated we could take children with minor, correctable medical conditions... Two days after we passed Ethiopian court, when they became legally ours, we were told the little girl had a heart condition, Tetrology of Fallot, which is correctable with heart surgery. Her prognosis after surgery is a normal, healthy life... ...we were told he (the boy) had 4 cervical vertebrae fused, a condition which may or may not need treatment. As previously mentioned, we went into the adoptive process stating we could only accept minor, correctable medical conditions based upon our existing family situation...


We are looking for a Christian family to take these two children as their own. Back in Ethiopia, the Uncle made us promise that his niece and nephew would be raised in a Christian home and we want to honor his request. I know it seems as if one and a half weeks is not enough time to make this kind of decision but we feel certain that this is what needs to be done for the sake of everyone involved. We feel that it would be best to move the children into their new family as soon as possible so that they can begin bonding with their forever family sooner rather than later.

Wow. I truly mean to be respectful, I do, But HOW does a family do this? How can they go through all that they did to get these kids and treat it like a "return" at the store? I will never understand. What will these kids feel? How can they not feel broken, returnable, unimportant, disposable?

I have an adopted son who is VERY difficult and 2 bio kids with their own issues. I cannot return them or find them another home if they are not what I expected.

I understand they said they needed a certain thing, but medical issues can arise at any time. . . these children could've been involved in a very bad car accident and required medical intervention that far exceeds their expectations . . .

I guess what I am saying is that life is not predictable.

Adoptions cannot be ordered off a menu.

Help me understand.

(Out of respect for the other blog, I will not link to her site. I respect what she is doing in posting this, but I do not understand the intentions of the primary family. I am sorry I just don't)

Monday, July 12, 2010

PBJ . . .

A couple weeks ago I was reading a blog (forgive me, I cannot remember which one) and they were talking about Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. I LOVE PBJ's! I am slightly addicted to them. I would take them to work everyday if I could. We have a child at work who is HIGHLY allergic and we cannot have them in the building. So I have to get my fix in the morning and evening . . . usually I have one for breakfast and one for a nighttime snack.

Anyway, this blogger was talking about hating when the jelly is lumpy. I also hate lumpy jelly. It is a travesty! Even worse, I hate when I am trying to spread lumpy jelly and it tears my bread. Ugh. This blogger decided to put their jelly (or jam) in the blender and make it smooth. Then they put it in a squirt container.

I felt stupid! I had never thought of blending my jelly. I did however imagine a terrible mess in the blender (I do not have a dishwasher) and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Since then I have been putting the jam in a small dish and stirring it briskly for a minute to smooth it out. Woot! Works perfectly! Even better, when I use my Pampered Chef sandwich cutter it turns out all even. (meds only treat so much of my OCD!)

My husband laughed at me for taking pictures of my sandwich making process, but here it is :

Mmmmm, Schmuckers Concord Grape Jam. . . is there any other kind?? (Grape is strictly for peanut butter and strawberry is only for toast in my world)

Mmmmmmm, smooooth!

Look at the even-ness.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Oh deer . . .

While we were in Washington DC, we experienced an odd sight. One that is still haunting me and Robert as well. We were leaving DC about midnight Monday evening and traveling the Clara Barton Parkway. It is the road we took most out of the city to Maryland where our hotel was. This road is a divided road that is full of trees and has a canal to one side. It is truly a beautiful piece of road.

I had just gotten that feeling that we should be careful to look for deer. Do you ever do that? Get this wonky feeling in the pit of your stomach that deer are nearby and you should be cautious as to not hit one? I said to Robert, "Honey watch out for deer" and just then we saw a very small deer laying in the other lane. A larger deer, that we assumed was the mama, was standing at the side of the road completely still looking at the baby in the middle of the road. It was heartbreaking. It was as though the small deer was not yet dead and the larger animal had an instinct to not leave until it was over.

So we were shaken. We traveled down the road a stretch and saw a fawn standing half on the road half off right to the side of our van. Robert slowed and I hollered out the window for it to run away. Dustin starts clapping telling me, "You did good mom!" and then he says, "I think we should raise it!" I said, "Oh good Lord, Dustin, we are not raising a deer . . . and we are on vacation!" Then he says, "Mom! It's the only way!" That is when we lost it and began laughing. It was pretty funny. He is a piece of work.

Robert starts really laughing and says we should call a "Bambi-lance" . . . any Bob and Tom fans out there? Ever heard the "bambulance" bit? I was laughing so hard I could hardly breath.