Scissor Happy . . .

Back awhile ago, McCartney chopped off her hair. She had boy-hair for quite some time. I thought that fixed her hair cutting desire. Nope. Today I came home from shopping, made dinner and looked at her. Her hair looked funny. She had whacked off one whole side. This time it was a bit more salvageable. But now we have layers again. Sigh.

A bright idea. . .

This week I am going to write to my state legislature and ask that Indiana do something that I saw in Kentucky over the Thanksgiving Holiday. Robert and I had stopped at Wal-Mart and I in the alcohol isle I saw the following sign. They were hanging about every 8 feet at the top of the shelves and were larger than a sheet of notebook paper. It is a fabulous idea . . .

I think I will offer to rent Dustin out to also hang in the isle for 8 hour shifts. That'd scare anyone away. Bwahahahaha!

Another driving adventure . . .

Towards the end of the trip Robert pulled over for gas and I asked him to get me a drink. I LOVE fountain pop! He comes out with the largest gas station pop I have ever seen for us to share. Thank God he didn't get us one each, I'm not sure they would've fit in the car.

Not only was it the size of a 55 gallon drum, but it did not fit in the cup holders in the van so I had to hold it. My favorite part was that every time you picked it up the lid popped off and nearly spilled. Listen up all you food service product engineers, if you are going to market a soda cup the size of Pittsburgh, please make certain you make a tight fitting lid.

Robert is no longer in charge of getting drinks!

The Drive to Kentucky was HOT . . .

So, Robert stopped at some random gas station before leaving town and picked up a few snacks. We hit the highway and he pulls out a package of Hot Tamales Fire. I love Cinnamon and the whole family loves Hot Tamales so I thought I would give them a try. He's the adventure in pictures . . .

Mmm, let's give these a try!

Robert loves them!

My tongue is on fire! This was just before hanging my head out the window to cool my mouth off in the wind generated by driving 70 miles per hour.

No more for me thank you!

It's a purple day . . .

What the heck was I thinking? But I do like it.

I am a dork . . .

Robert and I just got done eating chinese. We had yummy mongolian beef and and crab rangoon. And my favorite part was last. The fortune cookie. I was eating the cookie and checking my facebook account and I asked myself, "What is that in my mouth?"

One question, is the fotune valid if you eat it?

I am a dork.

By the way . . .

Since I have been using Google Reader to keep track of all the bloggy-friends I stalk, I haven't really added blogs to my blogroll for a while. I used to just use my blogroll to check you out daily, but now I don't so you got forgotten.

I just added a bunch of lovelies that I visit daily on my reader over on my blogroll so I can share the love. If I forgot you, please leave me a comment. . .

The only thing I hate about Google Reader is that I tend to not leave comments since you don't actually visit the site. I am trying to be better. . . If you haven't tried Google Reader or something similar, you really should, it has totally changed by blog habits. I am now much more satisfied with my obsession. . .

Crisis of christianity . . .

Here's what I have been pondering all day. I read an blog post by a woman talking about losing her religion. She is the mother of a child with special needs and she said she prayed for a sign while her child was going through a very difficult time and may lose her life and she didn't find the sign. She went on to say how her child survived and has since thrived. I commented that even though it happened some time down the road and even after some very difficult months, maybe that was the sign. . .

What I have been thinking about since is how I view my own relationship with God and how we as Americans expect our God to behave. I know for myself I pray for things whether it be healing, clarity or closure and I expect an answer to fall out of the sky. . . right now . . . while I'm waiting, with a tag attached to it. I think it comes from our ready made and drive-thru society. For goodness sake we don't even have to peel carrots or cut and clean celery after bringing them home from the store. We can buy pre-made mashed potatoes and already cooked pot roast, why should I have to wait for God to tend to my needs? God works in his own timing. It may be in years that I can look back and find that eveyrthing worked as it should.

Same things with praying for a specific answer. Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't pray for the answer because maybe I won't like what God has to say. His idea of what's best for me and mine may not always jive in the short term. It's when I look back and see how things worked out that I can understand and appreciate the greater plan.

For me my faith is more about resting assured that God has my well-being in His hands, not about asking for things I want or even need. I have always assumed that my God is omniscient and not only knows what I need, but usually knows better than I do what that might be. Because of that my prayers are not a laundry list of what He can do for me, but rather taking Him along for the ride. I chat. I talk about my struggles, I talk about my stupidity, I talk about His grace, I tell Him how thankful I am. It helps remember that I do have things to be thankful for even in times of turmoil and stress. Talking to Him helps me keep things in perspective and reminds me that I am human.

For me faith is not about FEELING there is an all-knowing, all-powerful God on my side, but KNOWING there is. I equate it with what someone once said to me about marriage. They said, "Feelings fade. You will not always feel like you are totally in love with the other person, you just have to remember that you are and try to remember what you once felt." I think that's why we are called BELIEVERS. We must believe there is a God and believe that he still has as part in our lives today, because we can't always FEEL it.

I think the problem I have with christians is that they tend to go all rabbid. They take everything in scripture to the honking extreme. (LOL . . . honking extreme . . . I think that will be my new favorite phrase) You can have tattoos and be a devoted follower. You can have a glass of wine or even a few shots *gasp* and be a devoted follower, you can enjoy music other than contempory christian and still love God. What's that bumper sticker . . . Jesus, a bleeding heart, long-haired, peace-loving, anti-establishment liberal with strange ideas, Everything Conservatives Hate. Jesus hung out with the dirty, unwashed masses. He loved-on the ones shunned by the church he ate in their homes, he embraced their families. He cleared out the "den of theives" in the temple. So many times, we forget what our "mission" is, so many times christians get caught up in their own little world and forget they are supposed to be community activists and fight social injustice and care about those that are not like themselves.

I think that because of the way christians judge everyone unlike them and turn them into pariahs we are creating a society in which there is a crisis of christianity. So many people are turning away from the church and on christians because so many times it "their way of the highway". Where's the love? What happened to hate the sin, love the sinner? Churches have interpretted the Word of God in so many different directions and yet forgotten some of the most important verses in red.

If churches don't wise up to how their followers are acting more and more people will begin turning their back on God due to his followers and their way of handling their religion. We ALL need to become christ followers as opposed to church followers. Churches are fallible. Christ is not.

Gandhi "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

Though my world my fall, I'll never let you go . . .

To distance myself from the complaining of the previous post, I will post my favorite worship song ever. It isn't new. It isn't fancy. It has been my favorite for years. Today I visited the same church I visited last week. I was once again impressed. This time I took Harrison and McCartney and next week we are considering taking Dustin so Robert can join me. I suppose it will depend on his week since he will have to sit in church with us. A bonus is, the church is not as long as my previous one. Instead of sitting in church for 2 1/2 hours or more, it is simply an hour and a half. Anyhoo, last week I felt that God gave me a few good signs that this was where I was to be. This week the message was great and at the end, we sang my favorite song. . .

Worst mother ever . . .

Today I feel like the world mother ever. Those of you without children who require constant in-line supervision have no idea how tiring it is. I am done. Check me out. I'd love to pack my children up and send them to grandma in Florida. I am frustrated, tired, disheartened ad stressed.

Dustin's behavior has escalated recently. He has begun to do anything and everything we have asked him not to, but he has also refused to do anything he is asked. He used to be able to help me put away laundry, in fact he loved to help in that way. Recently he has begun to just run up the stairs and throw the clothing on the floor, telling me it was done and asking for more, apparently wanting to contribute to the pile. The defiance pee-ing I blogged about earlier has increased and he can no longer go to the bathroom without supervision. He has found that he can make us crazy by telling us he has to go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME so we have to get up and escort him to the bathroom every 15 minutes or so. He escalates from I have to go the bathroom to I'm gonna pee myself in about 35 seconds. He knows it gets a response, so it continues but if I let him go on his own he pees randomly in the tub, the shower or God forbid the sink. * He whines about being starving. makes food and then throws it away saying he is not hungry. The defiance has gone off the charts. We have also added this noisemaking thing too. He claps all the time, bangs on things, makes noises with his mouth, and my favorite, moves his feet quickly back and forth on the carpet to make noise.

I cannot deal with it anymore. My limit has been reached. I am done. Please God can we over medicate him for a break? See I told you I am horrible. I could use respite like you couldn't imagine, but those services are not available here and I would kill for a PCA.

Things have been far worse. He rarely throws fits that require restraint anymore. He hasn't been screaming so the neighbors call the police in a very long time. He is not hallucinating. He has not threatened us or anyone else with bodily harm in over a year. School has not called and told us he is suspended this entire year. He has not awoken in the middle of night for months and he has not stayed awake for days on end since late 2006. Things have most definitely been worse. I suppose it's all relative. I should be thankful he is doing so well (I actually typed that with clenched teeth)but I really can't deal with much more right now. I need to remember how far we have come, and not stress over the daily crap.

I hate FAS.

I hate defiance.

I hate being an awful mother.

Tomorrow I will feel better. Tomorrow will provide a new day. Tomorrow will mean I get to work and spend 8 hours away from him! LOL

*as I was typing this blog he kept telling me he had to go to the bathroom, I ignored him because he went less than 20 minutes ago. I ignored and ignored and he pee'd on my living room floor. ARGH!

Oh What a Night . . .

Last night I was awakened at 3:00 am by a very sick little boy leaving a trail of vomit behind.  He vomited all over his bed, on a pile of laundry, and even on his brother's bed and well, even his brother.  I got everything all cleaned up and started the laundry.  By the time I got back upstairs I noticed my head was thumping.  I didn't really want to go back downstairs for medicine so I thought if I went back to bed I would be fine.  

At 6:00 am I woke to one of the worst migraines.  I actually thought I may need to go to the hospital.  I couldn't lay down because it hurt too badly.  At one point I thought I may be suffering from an aneurism.  Some Vicodin finally kicked in and I slept for a few hours.  I slept off and on all day and took 3 different kinds of medications.  My head still hurts, but it is definitely better.  

Harrison didn't move off the couch in the "kid area" all day.  He hasn't vomited all day, but he hasn't eaten either.  ( we have a small area in the room next to the living room where we have a kid couch and chair as well as a tv and the playstation set up)

I took yesterday off work and I hated missing yet another day.  We are already short staffed because my mom is in Florida for 3 weeks (ugh I know ) and I really feel badly about not being there today.  I hope that tomorrow will be better.  I have some training to do and I have to do my work for the last 2 days.  Oh man, my head hurts.

My own faith's journey . . .

I visited a church this morning.  I have been planning on visiting for  some time, but I haven't gotten around to it.  With the questioning I was doing earlier in the week, I decided I would try to check it out this weekend.  Then, I decided I would wait.  I really didn't want to hear anything about the election and have my new experience foiled by political malarky.  I really felt a pull on my heart and decided what better way to see how they handle situations such as this by going the Sunday before the election.  Truthfully I hoped that nothing would be mentioned about November 4th.

McCartney went with me and shock of all shocks, she went into her classroom willingly and without any tears.  That in itself is amazing.  I sat down and the service started shortly.  They sang a few songs and then the pastor got up.  The first thing he said was something about Tuesday being an important day.  I swallowed hard and braced myself for what would come next.  He said that he as a pastor was supposed to be neutral, but he wanted to say something. *gulp* I began to wonder if I would walk out depending on what I heard.  He confirmed that this was the most divisive election that he remembered and that he wanted everyone to remember that regardless of what candidate you support that there are good, christian people on either side.  That he didn't want the congregation to look at those who disagreed with them as the enemy and question their faith.  He wanted everyone to remember that God was in control and would still be on Wednesday regardless of who voted for who.    The remainder of the service was about community service and seeing those who needed help and helping those around you.  

Wow.  You have no idea the relief I felt.  I was meant to be there today.  I have no idea if it will be my new church home, but I am willing to give it a try. . .