1,000th post . . .

I started this blog to appease my husband who was quite into blogging at the time. In fact, he was featured on CNN one day and I decided it was time for me to succumb to the pressure and do it. I was found by Kari over at Thoughts Preserved and a whole new world of support and encouragement opened up for me. I really am not sure what I would've done without you all to vent to over these difficult years. It is so nice to know that we are not alone in this journey.

What better way to spend my 1000th post to tell you about a trip to the psychiatrist. I took the afternoon off so that I could go to the p-doc with Robert to get something done about Dustin and his constant impulsivity that is increasing exponentially. We have been dealing with some stuff I have not been blogging about because of privacy issues. But, we got a definite response yesterday that told us that Dustin is not in reality. He is quite delusional right now and while school is going well, we have found that he is telling some whopper stories. The scary part is that he believes everything he says and truly believes this things are taking place. Scary crap!

The p-doc did not just up his dosage of the anti-psychotic, but DOUBLED it. Nice. We shall see how this effects him. I hope it is the answer to many of the behaviors we have been dealing with at home. The doctor is so very kind to us. He told us that he is quite happy that we are able to manage him in a home setting. He believes that he would've been institutionalized a long time ago had he been in another home. He said he cannot believe that we can handle this and he said we are to be commended. It is SOOOOO nice to hear this after such difficult times. It is so easy to feel like you are a failure when you are unable to keep your kid in the house and safe, but when a respected doc says you are doing well, it makes it seem like you are succeeding. He thinks that the delusions that he is having is causing him to be even more impulsive because he is perceiving things being more of an issue than they are so he is running out of the house. (holy run-on Batman) We shall see.

The doc did apologize about the hospital issue. He said that once he took a step back and thought about it that the hospital would not be beneficial to Dustin since he would be in the teenage unit. He is concerned that the program is not tailored for moderately mentally handicapped children and that he would be victimized and made fun of. I appreciated his candor and his apology. I totally agree and that was our concern as well. We wanted to make sure that we were doing what he asked of us, and I am glad he rethought his position.

I have no idea what our future holds whether is be near or far. I just hold to the fact that we are doing the best we can. We feel we are able right now to keep us and the other kids safe and we are doing the best we can to keep him safe as well. He is never unsupervised at home and he has a one on one aide at school. As long as we are able to continue with these stipulations we think we can continue to have him in our home.

I want more for him than a hospital right now.

How I wish that this disability was not hidden. If this disability was outwardly present and we had kids that were horribly disfigured more people would take notice and wipe out FAS. That sounds so bad like I want my child to be horribly disfigured, I hope you understand what I mean. I am just so tired of dealing with this disorder and not having people SEE that there is something different about him. I am so tired of people thinking it is me who is at fault for his behavior. I am tired of explaining. I am tired of mourning the life he could've had.

I am tired of FAS. And I am tired of Schizophrenia.