Praying for Tori . . .

Baggage is gonna have quite a day tomorrow. Her darling Stargirl is having brain curgery to remove a tumor. She will them have chemotherapy to reduce to size of other tumors that are near her optic nerve. Prayers would be appreciated.

Yum! . . .

I am absolutely obsessed with brussel sprouts right now. I read a post over at Flower Patch Farm Girl a while back and pinned it on my Pinterest board. I made them last night and they are A. Maz. Ing.

I made them last night for dinner and all I could think about today was making them again! They are super easy. I followed her directions and they turned out great. You steam them in the microwave for 3 minutes, cut them in half and lay them cut side down in some olive oil. You simply leave them on medium until they caramelize. When they are done, you squirt them with some lemon juice and sea salt.



I am definitely eating these until I puke! :)

Perfect...

My darling friend G and her family were heard to my state this weekend for a conference her husband was attending. I jumped at the chance to spend some time with her dear family. Hotwire got us an awesome deal on a 5 star hotel exactly where they were staying. They spent Friday evening at my house and we left today.

Her husband left early this morning for the conference and my husband and I had a talk about the him staying home. I knew he would be terribly bored and I knew it would elevated my Orlando guilt in I let him stay home. So it was a win-win.

We left shortly before lunchtime and did a few errands in my town. I had a wicked headache the night before and it was coming back with a vengeance. In the one store I was sweaty and very dizzy. I thought I just had too many meds without lunch. Nope. I got one whiff of Wendy's and barfed.

I felt better and we hit the road. Bad idea. I lost my cookies about every 30 miles on our 120 mile journey. Ugh. It was bad!

I may have wished for death a few times during that ride, especially when I almost passed out and cracked my head on the curb so I sat down a puked down the front of me. But, I was not upset. I was with a friend who was willing to tell Dustin to shut his lips approximately 6542 times for me. Her youngest was playing with my littles appropriately. She drove my vehicle and endured my wrenching, albeit with the windows up so she didn't hear me too loudly.
I am feeling better and took her son and my 3 kids to dinner so that her and her husband could go to the conference dinner. They are all now swimming. The noise is atrocious, but I am smiling.

The trip has been perfect.

Where are we . . .

Where are we? I ask myself that often.

Dustin is nearly 17. He is still very much a 5 year old. His early trauma combined with Fetal Alcohol and mental illness has taken the opportunity to be a 17 year old out of his hands. He will never drive a car or likely live on his own. We are still dealing with the impulsivity of FAS on a daily basis. The scars from his early life are apparent. The attachment issues are constantly rearing their ugly heads. We go from wanting 6000 hugs a day to hating us and wishing we were not his family in 0-60 seconds. He thinks we can and will "just throw him away". It breaks my heart. It makes me angry both at him and for him. While I know he is unable to control and process his issues, it is frustrating.

Our plan is to be his family forever. Our plan is to care for him until we cannot. How's that for ambiguity? It is impossible for us to know what the future holds. He is changing every day. I think as the littles get older it is becoming easier to care for him and his needs. It is more of a group effort and I don't fret about them being so vulnerable as much as when they were toddlers.

If there becomes a point where we are unable to care for him in our home, we will still be committed to him as a family. He will forever be our son. It is what it is.

New ink . . .

Tattoo by Zeke Edwards @ New Republic Tattoo Fort Wayne, IN

I got another tattoo today! This one is on my left wrist. If you read here at all, you know my hubby and I are HUGE Beatles fans. Not only is Let it Be an amazing song, but it is something that I need to be reminded of frequently. I worry and stress and I need to just learn to let things alone and work out for themselves. I need to remember that there are certain things that I cannot change and I just need to accept them. Let it Be is my mantra of 2012!

The bird reminds me of my favorite Beatles song of all time. . . Blackbird. I love it! I wanted the Ellipsis (dot dot dot) because of course the lyric continues, but to me, it reminds me of my blogging. I use A LOT of ellipsis in my my blog and in each and every title. It will remind me that through blogging I have met some of the most wonderful families, raising kids just like mine, and we are in this journey together . . . forever.

Squeee! I love it. ♥