Okay, so I am pushing 40, officially 39 today. I am feeling terribly sorry for myself. Not about the age, I couldn't care less how old I am, but right now my life seems to be spiraling out of control.
Robert is down for the count. He has necrosis in the other hip (opposite the one from January) and from the looks of the MRI it is quite extensive. Dr. Arrogant says he has never seen anything like this. Transient osteoporosis doesn't typically repeat in an opposite joint. It doesn't typically repeat at all and certainly not in 6 months. He could have regional migratory osteoporosis, but Dr. Arrogant doesn't think so. We shall see. Anyway. he is on no weight bearing restriction indefinitely until it heals or the bone marrow weakens to the point of collapsing and he gets a new hip. Fun times. I am back to doing everything on top of the killer summer schedule and it sucks.
Dustin is also in a downward spiral of behaviors. He has been running out of the house. In true cyclical fashion it had only been into the backyard and into the doghouse until today. Today he ran outside to the front yard this afternoon. Tonight he took off at 10:00pm and was GONE. I waited 10 minutes. Hollered things like, "Honey, come home. No one is mad at you." and "Dustin, mommy is worried about you, come on home." When I wanted to scream "You better run and not come back or I will tan the dickens out of you!" Nothing worked. Caught a glimpse of him once around the block, but he saw me and ran down an unlit alley. I had to call the police. Sgt. Perturbed did not seem to think it was his business to search for him and seemed quite irritated at the fact that he had to. He was missing for over one hour altogether. One of my neighbors had seen him a couple times running around the block. At one point I saw a skinny person get in a car with 2 adults and I freaked out thinking it was Dustin. He was found hiding in my neighbors garage.
I feel like such a failure. I feel like there is nothing I can do to change this behavior. I hate that he runs from us. I hate that I cannot keep him safe. I am terrified that he will run into traffic or into someone's house of get into someone's car. I am fearful he will tell someone a whopping story and cause trouble for us. I hate that the police don't get it. I am scared and I am pissed and I hate it.
I am whiny.
I am feeling sorry for myself.
I am pissed off that his mother drank while pregnant.
I am 39.
Down to the River
16 hours ago