Monday, June 29, 2009

The weekend from Hades . . .

So, as far as my ablation goes. . . it is heavenly! I have had no pain, no spotting, no discharge (lord, I hate that word). I would do it 100 times over! If you have been offered this procedure, RUN to your nearest GYN and schedule it now! If you haven't and you done having children and having terrible cycles . . . . go do it! I will let you know what I think of it on or about July 21st for sure.

So, now for a vomiting of the issues I have been having . . . . you have been warned.

The weekend was horrific because my kids are horrid! My two littles are either picking up behaviors that they have seen from Dustin (our FAS child - for my few new readers) or simply because I have RUINED them. I have no idea what to do any longer. EVERYTHING in my life is a battle. They will do nothing without counting (1-2-3 magic is not working at all!) or screaming and threatening and even with those two things they still do not do anything they are asked. I am a mess. I am frustrated and I hate the fact that my kids are awfully behaved.

Yesterday we went to the Zoo. McCartney ahd a major meltdown and screamed from one end of the Zoo to the exit. Harrison, not wanting to be outdone, matched her scream for scream. it's a sad day when Dustin is better behaved than the littles! This morning, McCarntey had another meltdown, this time over clothes, then shoes. She ran out the door and down the block screaming the whole way. (Dustin anyone?) I am so done it isn't even amusing.

I feel like I am the worst mother on the planet. I am tried of hollering, I am tired of threatening. I am tired of being mean. I want to enjoy my kids, but I can't when they act like this. Some of you may recall the fits we were having last spring due to some constant pain she was having. Those fits are nithing compared to the ones we are seeing now. Last week at daycare she toppled a table and chairs in her room. She threw them over! In front of other kids. Holy mercy!

They will not go anywhere in our house alone. They won't even go to the bathroom unsupervised. I know it is because with Dustin we have never allowed them to be alone, now they are old enough and they will not do it. I have ruined my children.

I need help. I know that the key is following through and consistency. I know it will be long haul. But it sucks. I feel horribly and I know that my attitude and my feelings affect theirs. Good thoughts, suggestions, prayers and straightjackets are welcome . . .


zunzun said...

No true advice...due to the fact that everything I try only works temporarily....a hug instead.

Things got so bad for us last yr (we only had ONE) that I felt really defeated, and quite frankly not very maternal and it showed...for the 1st time EVER I didn't volunteer at school and I sort of shut down a bit...not good.

The thing about most of us (w/ kids who need "extra" help or are "extra" difficult)is that we do get defeated at one time or another but we always manage to come back just wait a little bit for your "up".

What worked for me...not saying it'll work for anyone else but just in case:
a. take more mini breaks alone if possible to drink coffee and read books or google the issues I'm dealing with.
b. take into account how "I" have probably not helped the situation (I tend to resort to screaming and long admonoshiments...'cause you know...I WANT her to UNDERSTAND...except she just tunes me out) and haven't been consistent (I thought I was but lately I'm realizing just how fricken inconsistent I am...partly due to exhaustion and partly due to "I feel bad for her" mentallity.
c. draw up a plan. For book du jour is "Transforming the Difficult Child" and through it I finally understood why my way of dealing w/ my daughter was TOTALLY wrong for someone w/ RAD and Conduct Disorder (yelling at someone for stealing doesn't make them stop for instance...appealing to their sense of wrong doesn't work if that sense is not developed...etc.)and although I felt TOTALLy hokey/weird commenting on what she (and now my new ADHD 5 yr old) are doing it's actually working...even I didn't believe it (thought the book was stupid the first time I read it but now I'm loving it!LOL). I'm trying to figure out what works the best (again and again as none of this is "new" to me) and to "remember" to apply them.
d. talk to people...but only those who internet people if no one around wasn't until last year or so that my sister and mother (and they LOVE me) finally GOT IT...they only GOT IT because after our big trip and before settling down we lived w/ them and this time I let them deal w/ some of the issues instead of covering (plus it was hard for my daughter to be "charming" to people she lived w/ so grandma and aunty got treated to the behaviors) - now I'm VERY choosie who I talk to about this...but talking sure does help!LOL
e. I started wogging (can't call what I do running with a straight face 'cause any runner out there would fall down laughing...I sort of shuffle my way down the street!LOL) even though I have to wake up at the crack of dawn but it's my only "me" time and something that is giving me more enery than the stupid pills I've been relying on...not above using energy drinks/pills but they don't work long term.
f. Fake the love...I know...this might get me booted out of the comments section or worse attacked if a troll like Torina's is hanging "dare" I but when I'm low on my love tank that is exactly what I know what's really weird/creepy...they buy it!LOL I hug my daughter who doesn't really want to let me know she loves me (or doesn't!LOL) several times a day when inside I want to lock her up in her bedroom or I'll tell the 5 year old how lucky I am to have him when inside I dread the possibility of a lifetime of his spastic behavior (which is likely...we may end up back at three or end up as a family of 7...yikes!) yeah..I fake it.

zunzun said...

g. hubby and I take breaks in the middle of the night...we are nutty religious like about bedtimes come hell or high water (we brake them right away and this is one where I don't budge...the oldest doesn't HAVE to sleep but must be in her room and not come out after a certain time) and after a while we are able to see a movie together, do hobbies or have grandma come over and watch tv (although last time "she" broke the rules!LOL) while they sleep and we went out for a couple of hours.

Sorry...practically wrote a book and all this stuff you already know but sometimes it's good to see just exactly what others do at times of crisis and know that feel like shit now but you will come out on the other have's either that or we may bump into one another at a greyhound bus depot going to Florida!LOL

I think I've joked about that last one too many times 'cause the other day my husband looked at me and said "Don't you DARE run away and leave me with all these kids!" hahahha...I was joking dear...I think.

Yondalla said...

All I got is good thoughts ... supportive energy over the 'net.

I can tell you I am familiar with the feeling of guilt that I have ruined my kids. In my case the guilt about what I may have done wrong gets in the way of figuring out what to do next. I sometimes am a better parent to the foster boys. Sometimes pretending that these children were just placed with me helps me figure out a better approach.

Sometimes not.

Thanks for sharing re: ablation. I have not been spotting for like 3 days so I feeling like the hormones must be working. Three whole days.

Torina said...

I am at the same point as you. My difficult one because my easiest kid and my easies are now terrors. I am going to try Lisa's M&M method by popping an M&M in their mouths every time I catch them doing something good. Who knows if it will work. It is like they have gone deaf. Maybe I will get hearing checks done on them, too, LOL.

Lisa said...

Well...I can't top any of these commenters so I'll send you ♥ and a hug.
You're a really amazing mother Sheri.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Seriously, we are about to call in the Vatican over here. No more messing with behavior mod, etc. Just get me an exorcist.
Other than that, I would have made all of zunzuns awesome points were I nearly as articulate and bright.

Sheri said...

You all rock!

Jo said...

They are not ruined. It is hard, when you are feeling down, to find anything good in life. Praying that you find some answers, reassurance and some sunshine. You are doing a hard job and some days, it just feels hard.

rosalie said...

if you come up with any suggestions please post them. your kids sound so much like mine most days with the behavior. i try to discipline and dad is no help so I feel overwhelmed most days myself.