I have been thinking about my dad alot of the last few days. When I was going through the video that my grandmother had made of those 8mm films, I found a few gems. Mostly they were of a blond headed boy in the 50's dancing and acting silly outside, and of a brother pushing his sister through the house on her tricycle she just got for her birthday. They made me smile. I had small glimpses of my grandmother and even one of myself playing in the sprinkler at my grandmother's house in the 70's.
Back in 2007 I wrote about crying my sister-in-laws living room when I saw a bottle of Corn Huskers Lotion. My dad ALWAYS had a bottle of Corn Huskers Lotion in his side of the headboard and just seeing the bottle made me cry even 11 years after his death. The other night while I was recording those old films to DVD I saw something that made me weep. It wasn't just the video of the wedding, but a movement my dad made with his fingers and thumb. This was something he always did. When he and mom are cutting the cake I saw him make that movement and it made me cry.
I often lament that my dad can't hold my babies. I will never get to see him open the door and swoop my kids up into his arms and smooch them when they come over to visit grandpa. I never got the pleasure of introducing Robert to my dad. I will miss him begging me to go get him a Peanut Buster Parfait from DQ and saying, "You fly, I'll buy!" I never will get to hug him again and have him call me "Sher". I miss all those things, but I miss the small things too. . .
. . . like the smell of Corn Huskers lotion on his rough factory hands, and the small circular movement he made with his fingers and thumb.
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