I have been thinking about my dad alot of the last few days. When I was going through the video that my grandmother had made of those 8mm films, I found a few gems. Mostly they were of a blond headed boy in the 50's dancing and acting silly outside, and of a brother pushing his sister through the house on her tricycle she just got for her birthday. They made me smile. I had small glimpses of my grandmother and even one of myself playing in the sprinkler at my grandmother's house in the 70's.
Back in 2007 I wrote about crying my sister-in-laws living room when I saw a bottle of Corn Huskers Lotion. My dad ALWAYS had a bottle of Corn Huskers Lotion in his side of the headboard and just seeing the bottle made me cry even 11 years after his death. The other night while I was recording those old films to DVD I saw something that made me weep. It wasn't just the video of the wedding, but a movement my dad made with his fingers and thumb. This was something he always did. When he and mom are cutting the cake I saw him make that movement and it made me cry.
I often lament that my dad can't hold my babies. I will never get to see him open the door and swoop my kids up into his arms and smooch them when they come over to visit grandpa. I never got the pleasure of introducing Robert to my dad. I will miss him begging me to go get him a Peanut Buster Parfait from DQ and saying, "You fly, I'll buy!" I never will get to hug him again and have him call me "Sher". I miss all those things, but I miss the small things too. . .
. . . like the smell of Corn Huskers lotion on his rough factory hands, and the small circular movement he made with his fingers and thumb.
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2 comments:
Okay, that made me all weepy. My grandbabies are so lucky, and they are adore their pop-pop.
I lost my Dad five years ago. We were the best of friends. i understand what you mean about all of those little things that can pop up out of nowhere to make you cry. I was lucky in that my Dad got hold my three children. On the other hand, just two weeks ago I married the love of my life, and though my Dad met him ( we were high school sweethearts many, many years ago) he didn't get to see our relationship succeed. he didn't get to know B as my husband, and as we are trying to have just one more baby together, there will probally be that one child of mine that will never know the comfort of their Grandpa's arms. It makes me sad to think of it. I feel for you. hang in there!!
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