This is truly the last straw. . .

This is no longer amusing. I got to work this morning and my mom asked if I had heard from my aunt Dot (my dad's sister). I had turned off my phone because I did not charge it the weekend, so I didn't get a call. I turned it on and got a message that my grandma is in the hospital and is not doing well. She has a blockage in her colon and has contracted C-diff colitis and has had another heart attack. She is not well in general anyway, she has had cancer a couple times, heart stints, open heart surgery, blocked colon 2x before. She is a sick woman.

I have struggled in our relationship since my father died. We grew apart a little. When my mom remarried I think it hurt her and we weren't as close as we had been. Then, when we adopted Dustin we had the added pressure of family not really understanding his issues and our way of dealing with them. The family slowly floated away. . . And we were left being the bad guys. I had never really understood that until we went to my aunt's funeral a couple years ago and my uncle was quite rude to my mom. Then while there someone said to my grandmother, "Oh Martha! You must adore your great grandbabies!" And she made some comment about not really knowing them because I keep them away. I was devastated. I wrote her a letter and attempoted to explain myself. Over the following couple years her health has very quickly deteriorated and I have not been kept informed as much as I had before.

She has so much to share. Her grandfather was a Miami chief and she has a rich history in her head. I regret not pulling that out more. I just recently lamented to Jo that I had not explored that portion of my heritage. My grandmother was very interested in doing some Geneology work a decade ago but stopped when she ran into so many roadblocks with the Miami side. I wish I would've pushed her and helped her more. She always spoke of her spirit guides and "prayed spirits" to protect me and watch over me. My aunt told my this morning that she was been talking to her spirit guide "Running Fever" and saying she misses her mommy and daddy and Gary (my dad) terribly and would love to come home. This morning I was talking with Jo and she said something very comforting when I told her this, "seems unfair to pray for her to stay then...".

Yes, yes it does.