What an eye opener . . .

It was definitely an eye-opening day! I got a call at 8:15 this morning from Dustin's school. His behavior was out of control and they wanted t know if I would talk to him and try to settle him down. He had hit a student in the chest in the breakfast room and in the process had spilled his yogurt all over his pants. He then went to class and began running and hiding from the teacher. When she told him she was calling me he ran out of the room and locked himself in the staff bathroom.

I was appalled at his behavior and said, "Give me 10 minutes, I'll be right there." I have had enough of this kind of behavior at school. I am so tired of hearing bad reports just as much as they are tired of giving them. This child is able to function better than he does on a daily basis at school. I have mentioned in several different conferences that I would like to come and sit with him for a day at school. He doesn't think that I have an authority there because I have been in the classroom with him. This is how his brain functions. He thinks if I can;t see him do it, it never happened.

For instance . . . Dustin will sneak and steal a chocolate pudding. He will go through all the trouble to hide it in his pants and take it upstairs, but he will not dispose of it. He will stick the pudding top to the handrail of the stairs and leave the empty pudding cup on the floor and the spoon on the step and think I will never know he did it. Why? Because I didn't see him eat that. I will inevitably see it and say, "Dustin you stole pudding!" You know what he says? "How did you know?" He is totally shocked that I could figure out that he stole pudding.

Today I decided that I was going to push the issue and stay in school with him until lunch and make him understand that I do know what goes on in school and it is not acceptable. My secondary reason was that I wanted the school to see that he can be a wonderful and obedient child with the right guidance and direction. It worked! The teachers were completely shocked with the amount of work he was able to complete and with the behaviors that were totally in control. Why? Because I WAS his control. FASD kids have no control mechanism. They have total impulsivity. They rely on others to provide external control because they can't. They all kept commenting on how this was a totally different child. I left at noon, the remainder of today was positive and he came home happy and cheerful. At least we had some success.

Will it follow through and work for tomorrow? Who knows. Probably not. Tomorrow I am meeting the bus at school and I am going to sit in on breakfast. He will not act this way at school. I am determined. It was interesting to see the vast array of disabilities that were present in Dustin's Moderately Mentally Handicapped (MoMH) class. There were so many different disabilities and so many functional levels. Each child was different. Interestingly enough the first thing that struck me was that Dustin is the only child who does not outwardly LOOK disabled. I have said this so many times about FASD kids . . . they may not appear disabled, but they are just as disabled as any other MoMH child. They have an inward disability which causes people to expect more because they *look* "normal". That is the most frustrating thing!

McCartney's lipstick

McCartney found my new makeup and said she was putting on lipstick. Funny, I didn't buy any new lipstick. What she did find was my brand new mascara. Thank goodness it wasn't the nail polish she got into. . .

Our little miracles. . .

I'm not sure that I have ever shared this story . . .

Back in 1999 my husband needed to get new glasses. He was wearing bifocals and his eyes kept getting progressively worse. We had some pretty crappy vision insurance so we went to Eyeglass World to get his eyes screened. The optometrist did his examine and had some concerns. She said he had some anomalies and thought he should see an neuorologist. Neuorolgist? I thought she was crazy. Why in the world would this optometrist be sugesting that. We ignored it. He got his glasses and we went along with our lives. About a year later his eyes had gotten much worse. It was quite distressing that they had continued to go downhill and he almost didn't pass his vision test at the BMV. He had no peripheral vision. If the line of letters read K O L U M N P he would simply see LUM. I thought it was time to go see my Opthalmolgist. I sent him to see Dr. Kempler and I went with him. Dr. Kempler did some tests and was quite concerned with the findings. We had to go back for a test a couple of days later and we sat in that little eye doctors room and he told us most probably Robert had a tumor in his brain.

TUMOR. The word struck me like a baseball bat to he head. My father had passed away from an agressive cancer hat ate away at his brain. I couldn't deal with this trauma. All I could think about was losing my husband and I freaked out. He sent us to a . . . you guessed it . . . neurologist. I felt so much guilt for not listening to the woman at the other place. We had one hope, the doctor had told us that pituatary tumors were most generally not cancerous. This was little comfort to a woman who lost her father to brain cancer and who is a tremendous worrier.

We had to see a neurologist in Kokomo becasue of our insurance. I was irritated that we livei n the 2nd largest city in Indiana and I had to drive to a po-dunk town to see a doctor. I fought with the insurance company and they wouldn't budge. It turned out being a great thing . . .

He did an MRI and confirmed that Robert had a tumor growing on his pituatary gland that was the size of 2 large walnuts. He sent us to a Neuro-surgeon in Indianapolis since they would not cover one in Fort Wayne. That was the best thing that ever happened to us because this man, "Julius Goodman" pioneered the non-invasive surgery to remove just this kind of tumor. And what do you know? Robert was one of his last patinents before he retired. We also had the privledge of having his prodigy be in the operation, this man was taking over his practice. All the insurance hassles were a blessing in disguise. . . we got the best doctor in the country for this surgery!

Robert endured a 4 hour surgery where they broke nose and drilled a hole in the bone behind his nasal pasage. They went in and "sucked" the tumor out of his brain. They had to pack the remaining hole with fat from his stomach since we learned that you cannot have void in your head. They did not cut any other protion of his skull. He has a nose packed full of gunk for days and a very big head-ache. He went home in 2 days. The tumor was not cancerous. And the "crappy insurance" paid off. We ended up paying $150 of a $30,000 surgery. A miracle all around.

We received 2 other miracles from this operation. You see, we had being trying to have a baby. Robert had never had children and wanted them so badly. I can still remember sitting in the doctor's room in Indianapolis after the tumor was confirmed and the doctor asking if we had children. We had said no, but that we were trying. He said that the pituatary tumor had been there for probably 20+ years and it had affected Robert's ability to produce viable sperm since it was limiting his testerone. He said, "If this is the only reason you haven't gotten pregnant, you will be pregnant by Christmas". I will never forget that sentence. It was hope summed up in one phrase.

And by the way . . . I was pregnant by August.

Nice night . . .

What a nice night. We in the throws of a "blizzard warning" and I am cozy and warm inside. Cuddled on the couch with my kids. Dustin is safely and soundly tucked into bed and I have a bowl of m&m's to keep me company.

I love to shovel snow. Weird huh? It's kind of like mowing the lawn. I love to mow the lawn because you get this feeling of accomplishment when you are done. You can look back at the yard and see how much better it looks. Same thing with shoveling. You can stand back and see the progress you have made.

The only bad thing about shoveling is that it bothers the heck out of my asthma. I come in all wheezy and gaspy. Gaspy? Is that a word? It should be, I like it. Anyhoo, the streets are quiet, the snow is falling again and the wind has settled for now. The snow hasn't had a chance to get all slushy and brown so it is still in that pretty surreal state. . . and I am content under my blanket . . .

God is Good . .

Let it snow . . .

Today we have a blizzard warning in our fair city. We do not close down our school unless there is a level 2 citywide emergency issued. Our county called a level 2 but it did not include the incorporated parts of Fort Wayne. What is funny is that everyone thinks they have information. We have had so many parents call and tell us that it is a level 2. We have been in constant contact with the Fort Wayne Police Department to check the status. . . and it is not alevel 2.

What strikes me as amusing is that when you give information and you are incorrect and adamant about it you sound foolish. It is like playing operator when you were a kid and once it gets down the line you are saying something totally wrong. We even had a parent that works for the street department give us faulty information. I guess all I am saying is that if you haven't gotten the information from the source, don't think it's correct until you verify it . . . if not you just lose any credibility you had.

Today, Indiana Newscenter was reporting that we had a level 2 snow emergency. This information was incorrect and was confusing our parents who were calling. We called the newsroom and a really crabby lady asked "Why do you care anyway? Why is it your business?" Well, I'll tell you why it's my business, because you should be reporting the actual news . . . although I never rely on them for news anyway. . . apparently for a reason. And this is why people are confused . . .

You can see the actual county emergency information here . . .

Ugh!

Busy as a Bee . . .

Man am I tired! I have spent the past 5 days getting my duplex ready to re-rent. It is always a chore to get everything in order that needs to be done. . . painting, carpets, windows, etc. I feel as though I have been painting for my entire life. But there is nothing better than freshly painted walls to make a place truly fresh and clean. It does look great. I have cleaned and scrubbed, replaced carpet, replaced faucets, replaced light fixtures, and painted every room . . . all 1500 square foot of space. The renter picked out some really nice colors and the place looks fantastic! I have a little more cleaning to do and a short list that is finally under a full page, then I am DONE. Dustin was quite helpful and Robert was great.

On another note, I have a new front door and it looks fabulous. The only bad thing is that I cannot paint it until it is at least 45 degrees. . . it will kill me to wait! I want to paint it something bold and vibrant. All the pieces that my life broke into last week seem to be falling back into place. That's always a nice thing. . .

Dustin had a difficult weekend since his schedule was messed up with all the painting and today at school he bit a teacher. Yes, you read that right, BIT a teacher. I was in a meeting and since we only have one car, an administrator actually brought him home for his suspension. They must have really wanted him out of there LOL. It was, however, nice that they did that. He has a doctor appointment tomorrow, but we are expecting a big snow and then it will be canceled, so we shall see what tomorrow holds. . .

The kids are all in bed, and the dogs are huddled up on the couches. For now I am trying to catch up on all of our DVR-ed television shows . . .

Not fun . . .

Fair warning . . . I'm gonna whine.

Sunday morning I woke to a frozen toilet feeder line in my back bathroom. I put a heater on it in the basement crawl space and it broke free in about 2 hours and there was no damage. Lucky . . . or so I thought.

I spent the whole day patiently waiting for the BIG game and watching all the pre-pre-pre game fluff. I was enjoying myself . . . until I sat down on the toilet and the seat cracked (no fat jokes) pinching my thigh. Not very fun. I decided to run to Lowe's and get a new seat before the game. I headed out the front door and I heard this horrific crack. The door jam inside the wall snapped and I could not shut my door in sub-zero weather. After about 20 minutes of messing with it I got it closed and I have someone coming out to measure this week so I can get a new one installed. Not fun!

I sit down with pizza and a warm snuggly house to watch the game. About an hour into the game I decide I should run next door and check the apartment and make sure everything is still dripping since it so miserably cold and I don't want anything else to freeze. As soon as I walk in the back door I hear rushing water. I had a pipe break in the basement and it was spewing water. I had to turn water off to the whole house. I spent the remainder of the superbowl trying to get a plumber out to no avail. We went without water until the next day.

The plumber came out and put new shut-offs on those lines and turned the rest of the house back on. He cannot fix the lines in the half bath on the other side until it gets warmer. that's okay because my new renters aren't moving in until later in the month. The kicker is . . . they had us turn on the faucets to drain the lines, so when the water went back on Robert forgot the renter's side was on. The upstairs sink was on and it is a slow drainer so it was raining in the dining room. The water was on for about 1 hour before he realized it. Now I have a wonderful mess in the dining room to work on.

Lastly, my renters moved out this weekend, so I have repairs to make as well as painting and hauling away all their old junk. They left crazy amounts of crap and trash and junk, old tvs, old microwaves, nasty curtains and various stuff. The basement is a disaster and every wall in the house has crayons or marker drawings, along with about 500 nail holes. (ok maybe an exxageration). They didn't even vaccuum, I dumped my vaccuum 3 times before I was finished sweeping the mess. You should've seen the laundry room and the mess they left from behind the washer and dryer. I about puked. And by the way, don't think that you're gonna get all your deposit if I have to clean your nastiness out of the fridge. In my whole life I have never left an apartment that was not clean and neat. I have scrubbed the fridge, the toilet and the tub. I want my deposit, and I was raised to respect other people's things. Makes me irritated and crazy angry!

Have a great day!

Blue Friday . . .

That's me and my mom desecrating a co-wrker's desk who is a Bear's Fan!

Here's McCartney with Hunny-Bunny her favorite Build-a-Bear!

School troubles. . .

I had a phone conference for Dustin's behavior plan today. It was not fun. His behavior is spiraling downward at school for a couple weeks. At home we are having loads of progress with the new medication. What do I think is the problem at school? His behavior is working for him. He gets the attention that he is trying to get. At home when he is behaving improperly he gets "that's enough" or a simple "stop it". At school he gets lots of information. He gets explanations and cause and effect discussion. He gets ATTENTION. He is throwing himslef on the floor if he doesn't get his way. Let him lay there. Give him direction and state the intended result and let it be. He will c omply when he is no longer getting your attention.

I am not faulting the school. They are doing what is "normal" to do. They are fabulous and trying their best to work with him and keep him in school. I truly believe they have a heart for moderately handicapped children. Dustin is a whole new ball of wax. The "normal" stuff doesn't cut it. Reasoning is wasted. It will not work for Dustin. He has them wrapped around his finger.

I feel like banging my head against the wall. I wish that I could sit in class with him for a week. Then, I could redirect and be involved. Not only showing them what to do, but giving me some authority over the situation at school would help in disciplining him at home. He is a very compartmentalized child and if I could insert myself into the school setting it would help.

I did give them one suggestion that I stole from Kari. I told them to let Dustin send us email updates about his day. I thought maybe that would encourage him behave in order to give a good report to dad in an email. They thought it was fabulous. Other than that I said I am fresh out of fresh ideas for you. I cannot control the situation you deal with. . .

Families. . .

Harrison had a wonderful surgery yesterday. His tonsils are gone, he had to have a revisional adnoidectomy and the remaining ear tube has removed. Thankfully the eradrum had grown in behind it so it did not need to be patched, so swimming in Florida is in!

He did so well. I was really bracing for the worst since the tubes and adnoids were awful when he was younger! He did puke quite a bit since he is far too much like me and he pukes well, but he was up running around and eating normally in about 8 hours. He hasn't even had any substantial pain medication. he slept better last night than he has in months since he could finally breath. and best of all, NO snoring!

McCartney was in the the doctor's office on Tuesday for a sinus and ear infection, and I was told her tonsils are big and her adnoids are huge and pussy . . . hope you're not eating as you read. . . so I have a hunch we'll be in surgery with her after our trip in March.

I have friends at my employer who are going through a rough time. There are 3 girls who adore their "daddy". Their father, who is a local pastor, is quite ill. He suffered a heartattack yesterday and is CICU and they don't think he will pull through. Funeral plans are being made and the family is devastaed as to be expected. I went and vistited today and they are doing as good as one can. It brought back so many memories of sitting at the hospital waiting for my dad to pass 10 years ago. It hardly seems like it could've been so long ago. . . Think about this family in your thoughts as you go about your day. Think also about your parents if you are blessed to still have them. Call them. Talk to them and listen to their voice. Pack it away in your memory and hold it in your heart. There will come a day when that voice is silenced. Let them know they are loved!

What a weekend . . .

Robert left me for the weekend. He went to D.C. for the peace march that I mentioned before. He had a nice time and I stayed home with all 3 kids alone. My mom and I took them out to eat on Friday evening and then did some shopping for Robert's upcoming birthday. The kids were very well behaved, but my mom looked frazzled by the time we were done. LOL

Saturday I stayed true to my word I didn't get out of my pajamas all day! It was glorious. I did however do a bunch of laundry and cleaned a little. I have a funny story about the washed from earlier in the week. . . when the washer went into spin cycle on Wednesday, it was making this horrible scratching-screeching sound. It sounded like something metal was hitting and scratching up against the drum. I was irritated because it was only one month out of warranty. I called a repar guy and he was out in a matter of a couple hours. When Robert called to give me a report he was laughing. I had a lang drywall screw in my pants pocket the other day, apparently it went through the wash and ended up poking through one of the holes in the bottom of the washer tub. It was the screw that was making the noise. I paid $60 to have a repairman open the lid and reach in to remove a screw! ARGH! But I am happy that I did not have to buy a new washer. . .

Sunday I was terribly depressed that I didn't have any football to watch . . .

Today I had to rescheduled Harrison's tonsilectomy for this week instead of at the end of the month since he can barely breathe in the night. It is almsost like sleep apnea and he wakes himself up from the snoring as well. His tonsils are so big that they touch his uvula and gag him. He has lost nearly 5 pounds in the past month because he struggles with swallowing. He gags most everything up. So . . .we are off to the surgery center this Wednesday to have those puppies yanked out.

ON the Dustin front, his behavior is just plain crappy. I was so looking forward to this new midication and it definitely has stopped the hallucinations, but his impulsivity is horrific! He cannot control himslef in he very least. The doc has added yet another medication tonight. We shall see. . .

Excited . . .

My life seems to be getting better . . . knock on wood. I have rented the apartment to a really nice family. . . big load off. Dustin is doing pretty well on the new medication. He is acting up at school and we had made some corrections with the medication, but he is SLEEPING. And that, my friends, is a great thing! Sleep disorders in FASD kids are awful since they have to be under constant supervision. Kari blogged about the same problem today, and it is not a fun thing.

Robert is heading to Washington DC tonight with a bunch of people for a rally tomorrow sponsored by United for Peace. He is looking forrward to that and I hope for a calm relaxing weekend. Mom and I are taking the kids out to dinner tonight and I don't plan on getting out of my pajamas tomorrow!

The Colts are in the Superbowl and all is right with the world. . .

More. . .

I didn't get enough Replacements with that last clip. I needed this one to remind me of all those days at Columbia Street West in the 90's watching every cover band in the area do this one . . .

Old times. . .

Here's one from my days at the skatepark checking out all the cute little skater boys. I loved to sit and watch them fly on the half pipe. I even got to meet several of the more famous skaters like Bill Danforth, Tony Hawk, Jeff Kendall and others. . .


This one is fIREHOSE. . .

Strange . . .

My husband was doing some researce on the Manning family this weekend. He found an interesting tidbit. . . Peyton Manning grew up in a home between Anne Rice, of the Vampire Chronicles fame, and Trent Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails fame. If you know anything about these two you would ask yourself. . . How oh how did he grew up so "white bread"? Just funny.

It's a mindset . . .

I have been majorly stressed lately. I have a lot on my plate right now and everything is not working together. I have tried to get myself together, but it hasn't worked too successfully. Yesterday I decided that I would try to let things go and stop worrying. That is difficult with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it can be done (along with some extra medication)! I made sure that I organized a few things last night that were weighing on my mind and I got a good night's sleep. Today I decided to wear some new shoes that I bought just for fun. I decided that if I had a differnet outlook, maybe I would feel differently. . .

Here's to an uneventful day!

The game that was . . .

Wow. What a game. I thought it was a goner early on, but had hope that my boys could pull it out and comeback to win. I didn't think it would be as nerve-racking as it became. After that good rally at the end of the first half, the crowd got back into that game and the boys got back into their stride. Much was said later about what Dungy had said in the locker room and they all said it wasn't "magic" just talk of execution. They had to execute the plays to get the yardage, and they definitely came back onto the field to execute!

The first drive of the second half yielded 76 yards in 14 plays resulting in a touchdown and they kept matching New England's scores until the last minute of the game when the Colts took the lead for the first time in 59 minutes.
That 3 yard run by Jospeh Addai (who I have said all year is my new favorite, and was a fantastic replacement for Edgerrin) cinched the Colts lead. The "comeback king" Brady still had time to work the ball up the field, but a field goal would not tie the game. But the "clutch" got stuck. Brady threw and interception right into the hands of Marlin "not of the Jackson 5" Jackson and clinched the victory. Nice! I love that it was Brady who handed us the win and I love that it was a defensive player that finished off the game. What a way to give our defense that has truly stepped up to the plate in the playoffs some much necessary confidence. I will remember that interception and the picture of Jackson diving on his back holding tight to the ball is forever etched in my mind.



There were many more wonderful plays and memorable moments. The offensive line touchdown on the fumble recovery by Jeff Saturday, the quarterback sneak on the first touchdown for the Colts, the Klecko (a former Pat) touchdown that resulted in the 2-point conversion to tie the game the first time and that play by Reggie Wayne as he recovered his own fumble before he or the ball even hit the ground.



The pure excitement and joy shown by all players especially Dungy and Manning, should have washed away any doubt that nay-sayers had about the Colt's being a Superbowl caliber team. Yet, today on NFL network I heard some fool talking about how San Diego and Baltimore have a right to be proud because they are better teams. He says that the Colts are not the best team in the AFC, that they were just lucky. What does it take for this team and for Peyton to get the recognition and the respect they deserve. There will still be those who will still say it was luck and they are not the best team even if they win in 2 weeks in Miami. Sad.

I can't decide what I am more excited about. The fact that they are going to the Superbowl or the fact that they stomped Tom Brady and the Patriots. Or the fact that they did it with the help of Adam Vinateri.

I am excited about the Superbowl, but today I will revel in the apparent disgust on the face of Tom Brad, the dejected attitude of Belichick after the game and the victory dance of Dwight Freeney.. Apparently sweater vests are better than sweatshirts. . . Go Colts!




*all photos from Superbowl.com

Nice realization . . .

Last night Dustin was laying on the couch watching TV in the "kids room". (We have a second family room downstairs that has a small couch and a TV mounted on the wall. It's nice because since we have to monitor Dustin closely, we can keep an eye on what he is watching and what the other two are doing as well.) He pops off the couch at about 10:00 last night and starting frantically looking around. It seems he has lost something. I ask "Dustin are you okay?" He replies with a puzzled look , "HEY! Have you seen my friends?" (He has been hallucinating for about 3 months continually and has a very "real" world made up that he communicates with them in.) I said, "Well, no. But I don't ever see them. Don't you see them?" HE says, "No, I haven't seen them all day."

SUCCESS. It may be a little success, but I'll take what I can get. At this point he had only had the new medication for one day and we had already seen progress. We also saw him sleep 12 hours last night apparently only waking once. He slept so hard I couldn't even get him to wake this morning. This is a child that once his feet hit the floor he is off and running. His poor little body must be making up for lost sleep and he seems to finally be resting comfortably. I will keep my fingers crossed that it continues to get better.

Chlozaril rocks . . . for now.

Drugs . . .

I will never complain about having to sign a book to get Sudafed again. It is ridiculous trying to get Chlozaril! First of all, our normal pharmacy doesn't even carry it. They told me it is too much trouble to do everything necessary to fill the script. The problem is, they didn't tell me this until 8:00pm tonight instead of 3:00 this afternoon when they knew this.

I went to pick up the script and the bloodwork that the hospital lab faxed over so that I could take it to another pharmacy and they initially refused to give it to me. Okay, let's see . . . you won't fill it, but you won't give it to me to get it filled elsewhere. Well, after hollering and nearly swearing I finally got my information and headed off to the other place.

The new pharmacy would fill it but had to make a call to a database first. They had to register my son with this national registry before they could fill it. The registry needed the bloodwork and other information. They will process it, call another place and verify the script and then they will call back to tell the pharmacy it is okay to fill it. Whew! I wonder how much it costs.

I'm still waiting to see if it will happen tonight. . . we'll see.

New medication . . .

The psych visit went great. The doc is putting him on the "mother of all anti-psychotics", chlozaril. I am happy that a change was made, happy that he listened, but concerned none-the-less because we are talking about a very seriuos medication. He had to get a blood draw done today and they will only give us 7 days of medication at a time. A blood draw must be done before we get another weeks worth. We will have this weekly blood draw continued for 6 months, then every other week for 6 months then we can go to once a month.

I hope that this will completely eliminate the hallucinations and allow him to function at a higher leve than he is currently. He has been given such a bum-deal in life and I hope that we will see a brighter future. I went from worried and frustrated to hopeful and positive in about one hours time. . . Maybe I need some new medication!