Pure fear . . .

You could tell when Dustin opened his eyes this morning he was "off". Robert actually laid down with him for another 2 hours hoping he was extra tired. McCartney and I went to a youth auction at a friend's church and he was pretty good for Robert.

When the late afternoon came, it went downhill fast. He was annoying the littles and I called him over to talk to me. He took off toward the door. We do this often. Usually he stops at the door or on the porch. This time he headed down the block like he usually does, turns around toward the house, crosses his arms on his chest and defies us to chase him. If we don't he usually comes back.

Tonight has different.

I was keeping my eye on him through the windows without him seeing me. He came back to the porch and I moved to the front door so I could look through the peep hole. By the time I got there he was gone. I moved back to the front window and I couldn't see him. I tried not to panic. I waited a couple minutes for a glimpse of him. I really didn't want him to take off.

He was gone.

By this time, he had been out of the house for 10 minutes. I walked outside and looked around the house. He was not anywhere he normally hides. I was beginning to panic. I got in the van and decided to drive around. He could not be seen.

It was getting colder and starting to get dark.

I went down to the park that is about a half a mile away. I was panicking now. I called Robert and asked him what I should do. I went around the "circuit" that is the one way street that our house is on, to the park, and back to our house on the adjacent one way street. Nothing. I started freaking out that he had gone to the river behind our house and began imagining the worst.

I call 911.

There were immediately about 6 cars in the neighborhood. I came home to the house to talk to the officer and the supervisor. They were very understanding. They understood he looked "typical". They "got" that he was a 3 or 4 year old in a 14 year old body. They were kind and helpful. They asked for another description and pictures. They were on it. The main officer was reassuring. I was a mess. It was dark.

He had been gone 40 minutes.

I was standing outside in the yard and looked at the empty house next door. I said, "The house next door is empty. Could he be in there?" The officer ran in and apparently the apartment upstairs was unlocked. He was there. In an house that has been empty for well over a year that has no electricity. I cried when they brought him out.

The officer gave him an earful. (the only other time I called 911 he got a puppet)

We are researching a GPS locator.

It's going to be a long summer.

Do you like puppets? . . .

Well, it happened. I had to call the police on Dustin Saturday night. He has taken to running away from the house. It has happened about five or six times since October. The two worst times were with Robert. The times it has happened with me were minor and he came home after a few threats from me that I would have to call the police if he continued to run. I would love to let him run and not chase him at all, but I'm afraid and fairly certain that he would not choose to come back or run a couple blocks and get lost.

So Saturday night about 11:00 I am standing on the corner of our street in slippers asking, begging Dustin to come back to me. He kept running. If I dared make a move in his direction, he ran farther. I had my cell phone and called 911. The dispatcher was less than helpful. I told him where I was and what was happening and he said, "What do you expect the police to do." I informed him that I had a conversation with 2 different officers since this behavior began and both told me to call 911 and both chastised me for not calling prior times. I also told him that he is a 4 year old in a 13 year old body, so technically he should not be considered a runaway but a lost child and the fact he is mentally ill. He said, "Ma'am if you can see him how is he lost? Again, what do you expect us to do about this?" I answered, "Make sure my child is returned home safely." And he said something to the affect that that is not law enforcements job. I began crying and thanked him for his help and proceeded to hang up when he said, "Ma'am don't over react, take a deep breath, I never said I wouldn't help you". Just then a police officer pulled onto our block. He had notified officers all along. Why then did this dispatcher choose to hassle me?

When Dustin saw the car, he ran back to me immediately. He started crying and saying "Don't take me to kid jail." The officers were nothing but kind. They listened to me and chastised Dustin for running. They reiterated that we cannot keep him safe if he runs from the house. Then they gave him a puppet. Great. I know they were trying, but you just rewarded my son for running away. Sometimes it doesn't pay to play the "he's really a 4 year old" card. I sobbed and thanked the officers. I apologized for having to call. They both said that I did the right thing.

Why then did I feel so badly? We are going to be "that family" I just know it. . .