Mothers Day . . .

I am perpetually late. I posted an Easter post late and I seem to remember that I posted a late Father's Day post last year. Today I decided after reading some regular reads that I have it good in the Mother Department.

I have a fabulous mother. She is a strong woman of God and a fabulous role-model for me and my daughter. We have not always seen eye-to-eye, but what mother and daughter combo has. When growing up I was far more like my father than my mother. I was actually probably much much more like my maternal grandmother than anyone else. My grandma was ornery, opinionated and could be abrasive. I have never had much tact and I always speak my mind. My mother and I were close yet, not in the best-friend sort of way. She was my mother, I respected her, and I revered her. I saw her go through tough times and lean on her faith for support. I saw her weather infidelity on my father's part and I didn't understand her forgiveness. I saw her stand by him when the cancer ate away at his body. I saw her stand strong when the Lord finally took him home providing my brother and I with support and encouraging words, yet not be afraid to cry in front of us and with us.

I saw her happiness as she walked down the isle with my step-father. I rejoiced that she had once again found love. She couldn't have found a better man to share the rest of her life with. And I love him as if he was my own father because he treats my brother and I as though we are his own children.

I will never forget the gleam in her eye when my children were born. I have the image of her holding my newborn children in her arms in the hospital burned into my brain. I will always cherish the loving look she gives my children daily as they run into her office to give their Nannie a hug and a kiss. She spoils my children terribly and I love her for it. Our relationship has definitely changed and grown over the years after I had my own children. She has become a much larger part of my life and I respect her now more than I ever have before.

I irritate her and she irritates me. We spend far too much time together. We work together and I end up speaking to her on the phone at least once a night, sometimes more. We share our lives. I feel as though I can share anything with her and she will respect me for what I say and will offer the best advice I could ask for. Do I always listen? Nope. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes she is. I love our relationship. I love my mother with all my heart and I wouldn't have her any other way. She is my best friend and I would love to be just like her as I "grow up".

Eeeewww . . .

I have this aversion that I think I have blogged about before . . . it's to bumpy things. Bumpy things? You ask. Yes, bumpy things. I hate those warty gourds that they sell around Halloween. I hate the little barnacles that collect on the sea walls in Florida. I hate the little bumpy spores on the back of some greenery that comes in a bouquet of flowers. It creeps me out just writing about it. I get all shivery and itchy. It makes my skin crawl. My son has similar issues. When he was a baby he used to gag when he looked at his prune-y hands after being in the bathtub too long. Weird huh?

That being said I also have issues with bugs. They gross me out and give me the same reaction. I don't freak out when I see one. I'm not that crazy person who runs screaming from a spider, but I certainly don't want to look at one. The big pull out drawers at the zoo with the giant bugs . . . .NASTY. I once had a child at the daycare say, "Miss Sheri, there is something in my hair" It was the biggest tick I have ever seen! It had to have been there for days. I threw up. Great teacher huh?

I have been listening to much more country music lately. I have been a little bit of a fan for some time, and then my trip into Kenny-Land last summer with LJ sealed the deal. Much to the dismay of my husband, the kids and I listen to a country station while we are in the car and I have some selected tunes loaded into the I-Pod. I am by no means a connoisseur, but I have my preferences. I heard a Brad Paisley song the other day that gave me the creeps (hence the talk about my aversions) . . . " I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and I'd like to check you for ticks"

Gross.

Emergency haircut . . . .

It's s nice to have a fabulous beautician in the family. When you call your sister-in-law at 10:15 at night crying because you daughter just chopped her hair off, she meets you at the salon first thing in the morning, on her day off to fix it. And it comes out adorable . . . . that's Nanny n the chair with McCartney. She refused to sit in the chair alone.



The damage . . .


Aunt Kari is AWESOME . . .


My cute little peanut . . .

Anxiety . . .

I have OCD. I self-medicated myself and took 2 pills today. I probably won't make a bit of difference for real, but it helps me cope. Dustin has a med review today and we have been counting down the days. He is exteremely impulsive and been a true pain in the arse lately. I want medication changed, but I fear the unknown.

We usually know when the meds aren't working other than simply behavior issues because he is in what I call "internal turmoil". He can't make up his mind. Here's how it goes :

He will ask for a pop-tart.
We say, "of course. Go make one"
He will scream "I don't want a stupid pop-tart."
We reply, "Okay, you don't have to eat one if you don't want."
He jumps up and down, screaming "BUT I WANT A POP-TART! You are starving me, you want me to die!"

I am certain that the neighbors think we are crazy. They certainly get tired of hearing him holler and curse and throw things. Lately he has been running from the house hollering, "I don't want to live here, you hate me!" I end up running down the street chasing him. Nice. Oddly enough Robert and I have been totally and completely calm throughout these rages lately. We know he is not doing them to be bratty. He has no concept of what is going on in his body. The next minute he can be calm and loving and totally forget all the trauma he just caused in the house and the nieghborhood. It's not easy. It's frustrating and makes me angry.

I've said it before and I will continue to say it . . . His mother was selfish. Drinking during pregnancy has ruined my son's life. I believe she took the life he could've had from him just as if she had aborted him. This is not the life he was meant to live, but I will make sure he is healthy, safe and as happy as I can make him! I love you Dustin!

The Mart of Walls Experience . . .

Typically we have horrid shopping experiences with my three kids. It is a rare day that they are all well-behaved and nothing gets knocked over, broken or blown up wherever we choose to shop. Yesterday was an exception . . .

I decided that after work I would pick up Robert and the kids and head on over to your friendly neighborhood Mart of Walls to do some grocery shopping. I know, I know tell me all about the evils of the large corporate giant. . . all I know is that I am poor and a fairly loyal shopper much to my husband's dismay. Usually it is a struggle even getting them into carts for the journey through the hallowed halls, but I told Harrison he could take his Gameboy in if he rode in the bucket of the cart. (He has an old gameboy advanced with 3 games that was given to us) McCartney was too tired to walk since having her surgery and Dustin was in turn happy that the other 2 were confined. First battle won by the parents.

We huried inside since we had already won a battle, when McCartney saw a large "frozen" blow up advertisement. She wanted one. Typically I won't buy something like that while shopping, but I figured why not since we are pushing fluids and I am certain the frozen treat would feel good on her throat. So I bought one for all the kids and Robert. This allowed them to focus on their drinks and not annoying us at every turn. Second battle won by the parents.

We got through the store without much trauma. Dustin was even fairly well behaved and I didn't spend half a fortune on groceries even considering that I was starving and everyone knows not to shop when hungry! I patted myslef on the back forthinking about the Gameboy and thought I would have to use it everytime we shopped. We paid for the items without the usual screaming at the registers for a treat since they already had one at the beginning, and we loaded the van without incident. Third battle won by the parents.

I chose to sit in the middle seat of the can with McCartney since I wanted this pleasant trip to remain that way and not let Dsutin irritate her all the way home thus bringing the screaming and crying that usually accompanies our car trips. We got about half way home and Harrison says, "I don't feel so well. I think I'm gonna puke" With that warning I grabbed the closest bag I could find and he bagan to wretch into a grocery bag tarnishing my apple juice and tomato juice purchase. Good news? Not very much went elsewhere. Last battle won by Gameboy car sickness.

Oh well, it was pleasant til the end.

My life is never boring . . .

Tuesday I was sitting home cuddling with my tonsil-free girl on the couch. It was about 3:00 and Dustin came down from upstairs. He had a pretty nasty scratch/cut on his cheekbone. I asked him what happened. Earlier we had an "episode" in the backyard when he didn't want to come in for lunch and weilded a rake around to "defend" himself from my insistence that he come inside. I thought maybe he had been scratched then. He said he didn't know what happened which is pretty typical since he has very few pain receptors and doesn't know when he gets hurt unless he sees blood. Then he looked at his hand and saw a tiny spot of blood from another scratch. I inspected his hands while he was freaking about about the smallest spot of blood I had ever seen (which didn't hurt, just freaked him out; you'd think his arm was falling off his body) Upon inspecting them I found many bites and scratches. . .

Backstory: our cat is a gem. We had origianlly got him because we had mice when Harrison was newborn. I didn't want to set traps and I convinced my husband the cat-hater to get a cat. He was insistent that it was not to be a pet, it was a working cat. Ozzy was brought into the house, a tiny ball of white and black fur. At 8 weeks he came into the house and moused the first night he was there. I knew his place in the household was secure. Little did I know that he would become a treasured pet. Ozzy doesn't know he is a cat. Other than the litter box escapades and the mousing, he is purely canine. He wags his tail like a dog, licks you like a dog, and comes when you call him better than any dog I have ever owned. He eats the dog's food (much to my dismay) and will eat scraps off your plate. He is the alpha-male in the home. Ozzy is my husband's BABY. He has turned from cat-hater to Ozzy-lover.

Back to the story at hand . . . Upon seeing Dustin's hand I knew precisely what had happened to his face and hands. Ozzy. Ozzy and Dustin have a love-hate relationship. Dustin LOVES him and he HATES Dustin. I will spare you the details of this, but rest assured it is hate and it is eternal. I sent Dustin to the kitchen to wash his hands and as soon as he walked out of the living room, Ozzy jumped onto the coffee table. He was slick, shiny and hair sticking up in every direction from his front paws to his tail. One ear was stuck back to his head, and his eyes were red and irritated. The following is the conversation I had next :

Me: DUSTIN get your butt in here! (loudly)
D: What? hands up and shoulders shrugged like he had no idea what in the world could be wrong
Me: Would you like to tell me what is all over the cat?
D: nothing
Me: excuse me?
D: I don't know anything
Me: It smells like hairspray, what did you do to Ozzy?
D: How did you know?

Typical Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. If I didn't see it happen, he has no idea how I could figure out that he had poured an entire bottle of harispray on the cat to get him to stay in his room. I told him to go to his room because I couldn't even look at him and proceeded to give the cat a very unwelcome bath . . . Yesterday I bought some aerosol hairspray.

My life with FAS.

Something you may not know . . . .

I have the loudest sneezes in the world. Understand that I don't sneeze loudly everytime, but boy sometimes they can knock your socks off. They are never quiet little proper sneezes. They range from startled loudness to nuclear bomb. I attribute them to being very asthmatic and not being able to get much air in, thus I holler when I sneeze to help push the air around. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens and has since I was little.

Today I was sitting in the car at a stop light on the way to work. I sneezed and the guy in the car behind me said, "God bless you". Now that's loud.

McCartney minus some tonsils . . .

Cart got her tonsils and adnoids removed toady. They were also going to remove her last remaining ear tube, but found more infection back there so they put new ones in. She was miserable waking up. She screamed for about 45 minutes in agony as the anesthetic wore off. She was not a happy camper. My mom and I took turns holding her as she wailed. Finally some time and some more pain medication settled her down. She was home last night playing in the backyard. She is doing quite well today.

Life may actually get back to normal soon . . .

It's over . . . .

The crazy week at work is over. We had our Spring Program last night and it went swimmingly. My kids totally shocked me. McCartney didn't perform hardly at all and Harrison who told me that he was in no way going to sing on stage did great! I must say in her defense that there were probably about 600 people in the audience and it was probably disconcerting.

We had special activities each night at work and I went from being a cashier at a book fair to being covered in sugar, spinning about 300 cones of cotton candy to making 250 bags of popcorn and then dressed-to-impress last night. What a week. I'm glad it is over.

This weekend the backyard needs some attention and then Monday morning will bring a tonsillectomy for McCartney. . .

A few random thoughts from some regular reads . . . .

Well, I've been so busy that I don't have a life so I thought I'd comment on some of yours. . .

Congrats to AWB on the beautiful granddaughter. I pray for health and happiness. I also pray that she is a stanch democrat and drives her grandpa crazy! LOL

Thanks to Joe over at Every Life has A Soundtrack I has the song Santa Monica by Everclear stuck in my head. He was talking about Fetcho taking a businees trip there. Ever since I can't get that beginning guitar rip out of my head. I think I have listened to it about 15 times this morning alone.

This whole Kelty sign thing stinks of Fries and his illegal sign over Clinton back last fall. The city ordinance says: in 154.131 I-2 (2) In any other zoning district, such signs shall not exceed 32 square feet in area and 6 feet in height. Such signs shall be permitted in addition to other permitted signage. The signs may be located in a required yard. It is an illegal sign and there is nothing more to say about it. I do however like the fact that the republicans are fighting like a bunch of catty girls over the 2 candidates, I can't wait to see who wins the primary and see who files behind them in the standard party line. Oh, and by the way . . . It does look like a toothpaste ad.

The Virginia Tech shooting . . . horrific! Covered nicely by my hubby.

Patty told us all about her race on Saturday. I got lost in the story. It makes me think I could run with her at my side . . .Yeah right! LOL Talk about a pep-talker and a motivator. I'm so glad I found your blog! You inspire me daily.

Laura had quite a week with some revelations and some soul searching. She continues to amaze me with her perserverance and attitude.

If you have yet to jump on over to Mimi Smartypants' page, you suck! She is my favorite read. Is it sad if I only check it about every 3 days because I get too dejected when it isn't updated? Yes, yes it is. Who could not adore the loving description of her other half . . . LT normally is pretty handy, but plumbing is not one of his things. Drinking whiskey, looking at girls, and .NET are his main things. Plumbing is not even in the top ten. Read her, NOW!

Once again, Kari has hit the nail on the head about discipline. She talks so well about how she is proactive with her kids instead of reactive. Reactive dioesn't make a darm bit of difference with kids who have frontal lobe damage due to prenatal alcohol exposure and it is equivalent to banging her head against a wall. It could do us all some good to deal with all our children in this manner. Kari continues to inspire me.

All the rest of my favorites have to wait . . . work is calling . . .

What a week . . .

I have had a rough week. I have been struggling to come to terms with Dustin's modified schedule and all that means for our household schedule. Due to this, Robert has less time for keeping up with the housework since most of his time is spent watching every move that Dustin makes. It does however allow us to have a chore chart for Dustin, but that requires even more supervision. So, it has been a restructuring of our routine.

It is also my busiest time of year as I work diligently on our special celebration week coming up in the next 10 days, and working on the big move in August, (with committee meetings and measuring and organizing and ordering and all that) as well as firming up the summer schedule of field trips and activities. I have new staff to train, orientations for families to do and First Aid classes this week and a HUGE slideshow presentation to put together. AGH!

Back to Dustin, is behavior has gone downhill at home probably due to the routine change. He is so out of sorts that I have had to return to restraining him (holds not shackles LOL) and deep pressure to calm him. It sucks and makes me feel like a horrible parent. Hopefully it is simply because of this schedule change or the absolutely CRAZY weather and we will even out soon.

I am off to a day of shopping with my mom . . .WITHOUT kids. That should turn my mood around!

Religion, a bunny, and Cadbury eggs . . . .

I purposefully neglected to post an Easter post the other day. Everyone has a take . . .truthfully I didn't want to get into it. For me it is personal. To be honest I feel guilty for the lack of "Churchinesss" we have displayed lately. I love my church. For goodness sake I work there. I have grown up in the building. I have had my issues, who hasn't, but I believe it is a place where God is present and I devote myself to my faith. I think I struggle with Easter being non-religious more than I struggle with Christmas. Not only does the birth of Jesus have nothing to do with a fat man in a red suit, but the supreme sacrifice of Jesus has nothing to do with an egg decorating rabbitt. Wow. I sound quite fanatical. I am not a nut who doesn't allow my children to believe in Santa, and they actually get Easter baskets, I'm not sure how that last sentence sounded so crazed . . .

So what's the problem Sheri? Well, you see when you have a child like Dustin, a place like church is not always a possiblity. Dustin cannot sit in service, kid's church is far too stimulating and now he is too old anyhow. Maybe I am simply too worried about him throwing fits and other's seeing that, but I cannot imagine having Dustin in church with us. We do attend Wednesday nights every now and then and we do hit and miss. Everyone I talk to at church would say, "Aw, bring him it's okay" But the looks would convey a very different meesage when he throws a fit in the middle of our 2 hour service. So I have avoided. Right or wrong that's how it is. Some may jusdge me for that, but so be it.

This was part of a sermon was given many years ago by S.M. Lockridge who was a contemporary of Martin Luther King Jr. It has long been a favorite of mine and it has come back into the limelight lately. I thought I would post it as my belated Easter post . . .

A Blessing . . .

Wow. Dustin had a SUPER day at school. I would like to say I am not surprised, but I am considering yesterday's post. I had hoped that being away from the other children would be beneficial and it was. I had also hoped that the aide that is with him developed a good bond with him and he respected her. Apparently that worked out as well. But, Sheri, it's only the first day you say. I know, Dustin however, does not have a "honeymoon" period like most children. Hopefully today will be positive as well.

I looked at PDF that was posted over at Kari's blog the other day. It scared the stink out of me. It said that out of 10,500 births daily in our country . . . 40 babies would later be daignosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder and 100 babies would be born with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. YIKES!

Que the horror movie music . . .

Today is the day.

Today, Dustin returns to school after being off nearly 3 weeks. He returns to a modified day of only 2 hours. He returns to not being the room with other students and having a 1 or 1 para-professional (aide) all to himself. I would love to think this will work. Three months ago I would've sworn it would. Now, I am not so sure. He has had so many foul days at school and has been in such a downward spiral there that I'm not certain it will be a positive experience. I hope and pray that it is.

I'm not sure what our near future holds for Dustin. Home this weekend was pretty ugly. He was nasty and disrespectful and could not keep his hands off the other 2 kids or the animals for any length of time. The cat got the brunt of it which ended last night with a jump rope tied around his collar like a leash. He got a few scratches on his face and thigh from that stunt. He ran from me on Friday evening after pulling on the dogs tail and ran directly into the table in the kitchen. It left a wicked bruise on his upper arm. We went to my mom's on Saturday evening for an Easter dinner and we had several melt-downs and I had to apply deep-pressure a couple of times just to calm him down. I'm not certain if we are going through a medication issue or simply anticipating returning to school has thrown him for a loop.

Anyhow, I think I will be on pins and needles all day until I find out how this first day went. I know it is only the first day, but they are so close to labeling Dustin a danger that one day could get him expulsion and home-bound schooling.

Spring Surprises . . .

This week has been nice. Since we returned from our family vacation the weather has been pretty nice. That is, however, all supposed to end today as it should get quite cold tomorrow and may snow by the weekend. Ugh! However, spring has sprung in my heart . . .

As corny as that may sound, I have come to a nice realization. People can be kind and helpful. You see, I am surrounded by kindness at home. Maybe it is simply that I have been refreshed by a week in Florida, but I am content and happy with my life right now. All is well at work, Dustin has been off school, so we don't have that stressor, we have a new therapist who truly seems to understand our families plight, and I have wonderful nieghbors.

Our new renters are the kindest, nicest people you could want living next to you. I thought we had a pretty good relationship with our previous neighbors, but these guys are one in a million. The mom and I have been walking in the evenings. She is a giving, kind and strong woman. She struggles with a pretty seriuos illness, yet she doesn't complain. She is a fighter. She is willing to give you anything you need. She sees someone in need and shares what she has. Her children also struggle with illness, but she is positive and supportive. She gets them out in the fresh air and keeps them active. They are respectful kids and my children love them! I am impressed with her spirit.

We have another neighbor who doesn't have much She has grown pretty close to this woman. I have always liked her and have helped her as I could. I like her, I enjoy her company. Her kids are beautiful. She does the best she can with the life she has been given. It is nice to see that my nieghbor also she's her gentle sprirt and kind ways. I think we are going to have a fantastic summer. . .

It's all over. . .

The remainder of our Florida vacation was awesome. Thekids settled into the routine of laziness and the beach and we had a swell time. My mom and step-dad did not have a relaxing time I'm afraid. We ran them ragged, but I think they enjoyed their time with us. Robert has made a video from the short clips we made on our camera. I have also posted the video of Harrison swimming across the pool.

The Magic Kingdom . . .

Okay, maybe not. We don't care for Disney. Our family's Orlando park of choice is Universal Studios. It's clean, entertaining and I don't have to hear "It's a Small World" 6,500 times. I know, I know, there are tons of Disney fans out there, but I'm not one of them.

Dustin has been to Universal before, but the "littles" had not, neither had my mom or step-dad. We spent 2 days there and had a super time. The first day was a little rocky as Dustin became acclimated to the environment. All in all he was pretty well behaved. He hurt his foot the day before on the beach and the first day at Universal did him in. When we went back today, we rented a wheel chair for him and it was FABULOUS. He kept his hands of the other 2 kids and we didn't have to chase him down or listen to him whine about how tired he was. A bonus was that people looked at him differently when he threw fits. I have remarked about how his disability is "hidden" before many times. He was looked at by others with patience today and irritation yesterday just because he "looked" handicapped in the wheelchair today. We also rented a double kid-buggy today for the littles . . . insert no-whining sentence here as well. Those choices also helped us move faster since we didn't have to rely on slow, little legs.

The best thing we spent our money on today was the "Express Pass". This wonderful little card allowed us to bypass the lines and speed right to the front. I knew they had them, but didn't want to spend the money on them before. HOLY CRAP. These little gems are well worth the money when you have pre-schoolers and a FAS child who cannot be patient for anything! I would've gladly given my left arm for this privilege after the long lines yesterday, thankfully a large sum of money was all they required.

A few funny moments . . .

My mother referred to the "Woody Woodpecker Kid Zone" as "Pecker Land" and I nearly pee'd my pants each and every time she said it. My son used to call the woodpecker that lives near her house a "pecker" when he was little. We used to get a kick out of him saying "Shhh, Nanny I hear a pecker"

As Dustin as I were ascending the "mountain" for the Dueling Dragon's ride he asked if it was coaster. I said yes to which he remarked, "Ha-Ha, you have to sit in a fat seat!" You see each coaster that has a pull-down bar had what they call "Modified Seating for guests with certain upper-body dimensions" I called them big-mama seats. Dustin cut to the chase and simply called them "fat seats". The funny part is, that when we got up to the ride, Dustin jumped in a seat and pulled the bar down and his scrawny little butt was in the "fat seat" since it was already locked, I had to squish into a regular one. Ha Ha.

Run on over to our family website to see some more pictures of our darling kids!

Sunny days . . .

What a couple days! We set off Monday afternoon for the airport. I was a little apprehensive since all three of my children have never flown. I wasn't sure how they would handle the take-off and the flight itself. I myself don't handle the final approach. They did great. I will post a video of Dustin just prior to the initial taxiing. I was quite worried about his behavior after he was this wired at the start, but he was great on the plane. Harrison and McCartney were blissfully unaware that we could plummet to our death at any moment and they were super.

This picture of McCartney shows her in the first of 5 seats she occupied during the flight. That is, if you don't count the 3 trips to 2 separate bathrooms during the hour and 57 minute flight. Harrison looks so little in the seat and I stuck Dustin near the window. God was with us and not only did we not spiral toward earth, but no one sat in the seats in front of us or behind us. Dustin was unable to annoy all our fellow passengers as we were on the wing so the noise pretty much drowned him out.

Harrison stepped off the plane to see my mother and step dad waiting for us. The first thing he says is "Nanny, where is the beach?" He had this impression that Florida is one HUGE beach. He was disappointed that by this time it was after 10 pm and the beach had to wait until the morning. They were so over-tired by the time I got the car and got to the hotel hat bedtime was awful!

This morning we headed over to "Nanny's Condor". as Dustin calls it. Harrison remarked that all the houses "stuck" to Nanny's were all the same color. My mom owns a condo in between the gulf and the inter-coastal. We had Nanny's famous waffles for breakfast and set off across the street for the beach. McCartney stepped of the ramp and onto Madeira Beach in awe. My mom asked her if she liked the beach and she said, "Yep, it looks like pepper" I love the way kids see things! I was pleasantly surprised that Harrison and McCartney were very brave and hit the water's edge like true champs. They didn't have much fear. Dustin was much better than expected since the last time we were in Florida before he "littles" were born, he was terrified of sharks getting him in the water We practically had to drag him to the shoreline. Today he had to be called in constantly because he was scaring Robert with how fearless he was. THey played for hours in the very cold water with little to no problems and "dug" the sand . . . no pun intended. What a nice day!

Tonight we headed to the inter-coastal waterway to see the boats and over to the Condo's pier. Robert had a close encounter with a pelican who thought he might have some dinner. The park across the street is awesome and the kids had a blast way past dark.

Tomorrow? Universal Studios.

Kinda good . . . Kinda crappy . . .

Case Conference was interesting. We did accept a modified schedule which means Dustin will only attend school for 2 hours daily and he will be receiving his very own 1:1 assistant. They will provide transportation and the modification has to be revisited in 20 days to see how effective it has been. We did get all of our concerns on the table and I think we were heard. They may not have agreed, but they listened. I did have some issue with the ways that Dustin's "aggression" was characterized. Dustin does bite, kick and hit. These are not anger based, they are simply a lashing out due to his low frustration tolerance. I also see them as being a product of the environment at school and that they "work" for him there. They achieve his goal which is always attention and 1:1 working environment.

I was dead-set against modifying his day before walking into the conference, but I listened to the reasons and the stories of success that they have seen due to modifying a student's day. We decided to give it a chance. Something has to stop this down-ward spiral that he is in. We have to break the cycle of "crappy" days and give him some success. I have seen his self-esteem plummet in the last month and it upsets me.

We also agreed to keep him out of school for the next 3 weeks. One One and half weeks will be due to our family vacation and the following full week is Spring Break. We thought that 3 days in the middle would be completely non-productive.

I think the school system saw our desire to work with them to create a suitable environment for learning for Dustin. I think the administration saw that we are behind them 100% and respect the chances they have given Dustin. I hope that they saw our love for Dustin and our determination that he become a functional member of society along with positive assistance at school and home. And I did see the Special Education department's drive to provide a positive and successful placement for Dustin. The resource administrator from the department is determined that Dustin will have this one more chance to succeed in this program. She is even going to come and give the new assistant guidance and training on how this needs to be done to make it work for Dustin. I can't ask for much more than that.

Gigantic Stress . . .

We have a case conference Thursday. The phrase that strikes fear in the hearts of parents of any FASD child. The school is not happy with Dustin's behavior. We cannot change his behavior while he is there. I have went to school and Robert has went to school to shadow Dustin and when we are there his is fine. We are his external brain . . . we are his control mechanism. He lacks one for himself. The school hasn't developed that skill yet. They are overworked and under staffed. He needs his own 1:1 aide. I don't feel as though that will happen easily if at all. I am not up for a fight. It sucks to have to fight for my child's education.

I am one who always looks for and waits for the worst in every situation. Thursday may be fine, but it may be ugly. I look for the ugly. I pray for the fine. The problem is the aggression that he is showing at school. It isn';t truly aggression, it's poor impulse control and it's poor judgement. He attempts to hurt someone because he thinks it will intimidate them. Last week for instance he took a teacher's hand and squeezed it. The teacher has a wrist injury and as a brace on that arm. He looked at her as though he will twist her arm, he did not. He wanted to see if that would "scare" her away from disciplining him. This was relayed to me by the teacher. By the time the office got the information, he had "twisted the teachers arm and tried to hurt her"

I have no more answers for them. I am all out of suggestions. The law says that the school district must provide my child with a free and appropriate educational placement. If this one isn't working, find one that does. If one doesn't exist you have to make one. I don't know, I am scared. I think they will try to remove him from school. That is a bad thing.

I am reminded of my favorite line from Lloyd Dobler in the movie Say Anything. "I don't know, but I know that I don't know".