Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Adoption . . .

Adoption is on my heart today.

I read a post on the Livesay's blog that talked about the work they do with Heartline Ministries in supporting mother's in Haiti and helping them raise their children.  In that post it said this:

"The Heartline prenatal program exists for a number of reasons; among those reasons is a desire to reduce the number of orphans in Haiti. The program seeks to achieve that by reducing the maternal mortality rate in Haiti and also by encouraging mothers that they can raise their own children and that material poverty doesn't need to mean placing a child in an orphanage."  
Last month Tara posted something very similar (I am too lazy to find it right now) and it has been on my heart ever since.   I struggle with "adoption".  I struggle with the term "orphans" being tossed around. I have a love hate relationship with adoption and all it entails.

So here is Sheri's Adoption Random Thoughts :

1.  I hate that Dustin lives with brain damage due to his mother's choices.  I hate that he was abused by her boyfriends.  I love that I can give him a home and love.

2.  I love that he is forever part of our family, but I hate that his birth certificate says I birthed him and does not reflect his parent's names and his original name.

3.  I hate that he is torn between loving us and wishing he was with his "real mom".  I hate that he has to make that distinction and I hate that I am involved in that triangle. I wish he didn't have to be ripped from his family either.  I love that he is safe and cared for.

4.  I love looking at him and seeing the child we took in 11 years ago, but I hate looking at him and not knowing what he looked like as a baby.  I hate missing a huge chunk of his life and I hate that I cannot share that with him when he asks.

5.  I hate knowing that there are people in this world who have a HUGE hole of grief in their heart that he once used to occupy.  I hate that his grandmother died without ever seeing him again.  I hate that our adoption has to be closed due to mental health issues.  I love that our extended family looks at him as one of our own and makes no distinction between him and the other kids.

6.  I hate that children have to sometimes be removed from their families.  I hate that parents can't make better decisions. I hate that sometimes their illnesses make it nearly impossible for them to raise healthy kids.

7.  I hate that people think that LOVE is ALWAYS enough.  Sometimes it is not.

8.  I hate that some people think that I am selfless and should be praised for adopting.  I hate the phrase "God bless you for it, I know I couldn't do it."

9.  I hate Early Trauma and what it has done forever to my child.  I hate being a part of that trauma.

10.  I love the community that I have joined as an adoptive parent and with a kid of early trauma.  I don't know how I have lived my life without them in it.  I am blessed.  I am a better mom because of them.

11. I love that my husband and I parent as a team and work together to tackle this daunting task. And in the same breath, I hate that we have to "tackle" this task.

12.  I love that my bio kids are much more tolerant of differences and I hate that my bio kids are exposed to much more trauma than necessary.

13.  I LOVE my child and I mostly HATE his behaviors.

14.  I love that I have no regrets.  I hate that I even have to think about that.


Sunday Taylor said...

I truly DO love this post, wouldn't life be easy if everything were black or white and LOVE were enough!

Sarah said...

OMG! I LOVE this post! SO true! SO many conflicting feelings! I am with you on ALL of it! <3

Country mom said...

I am totally with you. I love my daughter, but I have located her parents (in another country) I saw the anguish on their faces as they looked at pictures of a child with deformed legs who now dances. I heard the pain in her father's voice as he said to the camera, "I am ashamed of myself and of my country that we could not give her the life she needed, tell her we loved her, we loved her, what must they think of us?" I hate that the culture she was born into could not accept her as she born. She would not have been allowed to go to school and she would not have gotten the medical care she needs. I love that I get the privilege of raising this beautiful child and watching her dance. I hate that my other adopted child is damaged inside by his years in an orphanage. I hate that he cannot trust adults. I love that he is now loved, but I hate that he cannot accept it. I love that he has a chance a good life, I hate that he may not choose to accept it. I hate that due to circumstances he has nothing to do with he will never meet his biological family.