Busy mama . . .

I am one busy mama! Things are crazy around here as we cruise into the second month of summer. My summer program at the daycare is in full swing and I am doing 9 field trips each week. This week for instance I am going to a pottery place to paint tiles with the kiddos (a different group each day) and then the pool in the afternoons on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday mornings. On Wednesday we did our rotating trip with one group, this 4 week period is Zestos, a local ice cream place. It is FUN, but it is sooooo tiring! My days fly by and I still have some desk work to do the hour before each trip, the hour at lunch and the hour after the pools, so it is full to the brim!

Dustin is doing okay. Last week he had special needs VBS at a large church so we had something to look forward to and also to threaten with. It sometimes works when he has something he cares about. . . not always, but sometimes. We also increased one of his meds (abilify) last week so I am holding out hope this will help things around here. He has not ran, a couple times he has made threats about it, but he has resisted for the most part.

We are having an adventure this holiday weekend so I look forward to that!

Apparently . . .

posting from my phone apparently doesn't work! LOL

I am without internet at the house due to a blown booster and my lovely friends at com.cast could not get here for FOUR days! I think I have lost my mind. What did we do before the World Wide Web??

Anyhoo, I am at work and I am stopping by to holler from the rooftops!!! We got approved for services for Dustin! We applied for a program last week that takes the slack from the BDD waiver program (not sure if that is just an Indiana thing?!) that we have been waitlisted for 7 years with. It offers some in home services, some flexible spending, RESPITE care (woot!) and some care similar to the PCA program that I hear about from all of my Minnesota buddies.

There was some concern that we would not qualify since they require hospitalizations in the recent past, but he did score the best possible (worst?!) on his assessment at the highest level so we did slide in! I have never been so thankful to have horrible behaviors to deal with in my whole life! He should qualify for the largest amount of services that they offer if we are wanting him to have them. We get to pick and choose what we would like to take advantage of and what we think would not work with him.

You have no idea how thrilled I am. I feel like we have been floating around forever with nothing to reinforce us for so long. I really hope this helps! I really hope it ends up being a beneficial program not only for our peace of mind, but something Dustin will enjoy!

Summer Storm . . .

These were taken this past Friday about 6:30, of a storm that sprung up pretty fast and got ugly. They look pretty cool.

The Tin Caps . . .

A wonderful friend gave us some tickets to our local baseball team's game the other day. The littles went with daddy and I stayed home with Dustin. We were concerned he would run given his streak of bad decisions lately. They had a blast!




Their mascot is Johnny Appleseed, hence the name, Tin Caps. Here is a giant bobblehead of Johnny.

She's a beauty . . .

A week or so ago, I answered a friend's question on her facebook and I won something from her etsy shop, The Vintage Lane. I arrived today and it is gorgeous!

Head on over and check out Rachael's site . . . she does great work!

Going off the rails . . . .

. . . on a crazy train. (Are you singing Ozzy yet?)

The crazy train has not only pulled into the station, but it has left the tracks. School has been out two days at it has sent Dustin into a tailspin. I am hoping and praying that this is simply a reaction to the transition of school (which he ADORES) to being home for the summer.

Yesterday he slept until 4:00 in the afternoon and he was a little wacky when he woke up. I got home about 5:30 and he was not quite "normal". And trust me, we are rarely "normal" so if he is not even "Dustin normal" we are really concerned. I could see it in his eyes. It was not the typical vacant expression it was one of pure crazy. (probably offended several people with that, I don't mean it disrespectfully) It was deer in the headlights, confused, borderline teary, anxious, and just plain crazed.

He would NOT leave the little ones alone. I called him into the living room to talk to me and I had the laptop on my lap. He knew I could not easily chuck it and chase him so he took off. He left about 9:15 pm. We did not chase him out the door, I was hoping he would come right back. I started panicking becuase I did not even know the direction he went so I got into the car. We had not yet called the police, I usually try to wait about 20-30 minuted before I call. I drove a few blocks and I was rounding a corner back toward home and I saw him. He was on the sidewalk, near a tree, not too far from home with a stray black cat hanging from his arms. It was a little disconcerting. He was wearing an orange striped shirt and blue fleece pajama pants with giant polar bears on them with no shoes on. He saw me and you could see the anxiety in his eyes and he really wanted to dart across the street. He looked confused and burst into tears which was a new reaction. He got into the car without much trouble and we chatted. He was NOT in reality. He kept talking about the cat being the one we lost a long time ago. He was obsessed with the cat and kept saying he rescued it. The rest of the evening we made sure we were strategically placed between him and the front door.

Today I got home from work and Robert was out of breath. He had been chasing Dustin who had just ran out about 5 minutes before I got home. I got in the car and took off to look for him. I suspected he would go back to where the cat was so I headed that direction. He was not there, but he was across that street up on the River Greenway (a trail system in our city that winds around the rivers) which scares the living crap out of me, because from there it is one stumble away from drowning in the river. He saw me and initially started to dart and I told him to get in the car and we would go home to get ice cream. He sat in the car and wept. Real big tears. He was talking about wanting the police to come, almost being taken by two big men, not wanting to leave our family, being taken away, going to jail, having our dogs go to the pound, wanting to go to the hospital for 5 days etc. All of this was disjointed and crazed. Do you see a pattern? It seems like a lot of attachment and neglect stuff to me.

I have a plan to deal with the running. We are going to try it tomorrow. I am not even going to talk about it because I am afraid I will jinx it or it will end really badly. I will blog about it if we see some success then you'll think I am nuts AND a genius!

I know other things need changing if we are going to survive the summer. We need to find more ways to say yes since NO triggers the running more times than not. I think we are simply going to have to figure out a way to say yes even if it is not answer to his question. Does that make sense? Let's say he asks, "Mom can I have a buffalo for the backyard?" we are gonna answer something like, "You can have a popsicle, but the buffalo won't work!" I think it will be referred to as creative redirection from now on. We shall see if this works. Maybe more positivity, even if it is misdirection, may work. Hey, it works for magicians doesn't it? Maybe I will create a new behavior modification program called "slight of hand", hey, it could happen! LOL

Tonight when I left to find him I pulled around the corner and had to park for a few minutes. I was crying too hard to drive. I am just so tired of all this. I am tired of searching for him. I am tired of having the trauma for the littles. I am tired of feeling like we cannot keep him safe. It is NOT time for a group home, it is not time for residential, we HAVE to be able to find a way to make this work. I will not give up. (I mean no disrespect to those who had to make that decision, I don't live in your shoes, I just really don't want that right now for us)

Wish me luck with this hair brained idea tomorrow!

Yummy chicken . . .

A few weeks ago we were at Sam's Club, or as I like to call it The Appetizer Bar, on a Sunday afternoon. One of the things they were sampling was Weber's Canadian Chicken Seasoning. My kids went back for seconds so I finally tried it. It was fabulous!! We got the last container of seasoning they had and we have made it several times since.

All you do is put some boneless, skinless breasts in a gallon zip lock bag and add some olive oil. Sprinkle liberally with the Canadian Chicken Seasoning and mix it around. Throw it in the fridge over night and grill it up. It is so YUMMY!

PC . . .

Today I was talking to someone and I used the phrase, "my special needs child". They corrected me saying, "he is NOT his diagnosis, you should say 'my child who has special needs'". I know this. I have even done a training on using Person First Language. But to me I really couldn't care less.

Take me for instance. I am OCD. Everything I do revolves around the fact that my brain is wired different than others without OCD. I don't get bent out of shape about the phrasing.

I am well aware that my child is more than a sum of all his parts. In this particular instance I was talking to someone who had really no concept of my child's abilities. I was attempting to make them aware that this was not a neuro-typical child. Dustin IS my special needs child. Dustin IS my FAS child. It controls who he is and what he does. It makes him who he is. In our case, it is all encompassing and pervasive.

Does this language offend you? What is your take on it?

Where are you . . .

I don't know where it is. I have lost my blogging mojo. One would think that with the crazy crap I deal with daily I would have some story to tell you. One would also think that with as much as I like to talk I could come up with something, but I got nothin'.

Dustin is still Dustin. I am kind of in avoidance mode. Tomorrow is the last day of school. I am terrified for the summer. He is on this screaming loudly kick. You know, just because the windows are open and he knows others can hear him. We have new neighbors I really need to go talk to.

The littles are doing well. They are growing up too fast. They get up on their own and head downstairs to fix their own breakfast. Seriously! Not my babies! They need to stay littler longer.

I am heading into the crazy busy time at work with 9 field trips a week. (2 a day with the exception of 1 on Wednesday) I will be busy and the day will go quickly, but it is so crazy and disorganized and tiring! I love my job, and I don't think I could be a stay at home mom, but the older I get I wonder!

Avoidance . . .

Dustin is still off kilter. Last weekend I did yardwork to keep my mind off the trauma at home. Tonight I decided I would do something crafty. I have recently seen a few of the crafty blogs I read doing cute ruffles out of jersey fabric. I had some old Tshirts to throw away and decided I would cut them up and make something ruffle-y.

I made McCartney a cute little purse. Check it out . . .

Double ruffles across the top.

Adorable Lining.


Ruffled strap with a covered button.

I think it will be perfect to take her Nintendo DS to daycare this summer. Whatcha think??

Not good . . .

Dustin is not in a good place right now. Perhaps it is the anticipation of the end of school (we have 8 more days), perhaps it is a cycle, perhaps he just plans on sending me to an early grave . . . or jail. I don't know what it is, but I hate it with a passion.

He is foul! F.O.U.L. Grouchy, whining, anxious. He has no volume control; hollers, whines, screams, and throws major tantrums. He must do everything "heavily"; he walks like he weighs 600 pounds. He has no spatial awareness; he runs into everything. Everything. He hits his shoulders on door jambs. He cannot form complete sentences without really struggling. He has trouble finding words. His mind is RACING.

On Sunday he ran out of the house in underwear. He stopped because I told him if he ran he would not go to Grandma's for the cookout Monday. To his credit, he immediately turned around and came home. He did however lock me and Robert and McCartney out of the house. Harrison was playing on the computer and was ZONING. He ignores the door because he is forbidden to answer it. It took some time to get his attention. Dustin was eating popsicles in the kitchen. I had to walk away for fear I would say something not too nice or appropriate. Robert handled it.

Today hasn't been too bad. He took a nap after school and he helped me in the yard finish up a left over project from the weekend. Just a clue as to how messed up he is . . . I asked him to bring me the rake. He looked confused and I assumed he didn't hear me so I said it again only more slowly. He brought me a brick and said, "Is this the rake?"

Seriously.

On a happy note, I accomplished so much this weekend. I made 7 window screens for our rental and installed them. Installed 2 sets of blinds in the rental. Painted the porch floor on both sides. Ripped out and replaced 12 foot of porch skirting and dug out the planiting bed that ran the length of that skirting. I then laid new weed fabric and tonight I spread 9 bags of mulch. I also mowed our yard and the vacant house next door. Woot! ( I only made 5 trips to Lowes in 3 days!)