He's got the look . . .

Dustin has the look of disregulation. I could see it this morning as he refused to brush his teeth. It starts with his left eye. It gets saggy. Then, they both begin to look empty.

Why? I am not sure. We are leaving for vacation soon. Dustin usually flips out when we leave the house for anything more than a few hours. He will not listen to Robert. Typically he is the one that controls him best. He clings to me. He is defiant and grouchy. He turns off and is glazed and almost groggy. I think it stresses him out to leave the house and all he knows is stable. He also freaks out about leaving the animals behind. We are having someone stay and watch them, but it is not us. I am almost certain that he was left alone when he was a child on many occasions.

I know these are his triggers, but it does not make things any easier to deal with. I just hope he doesn't do something stupid before we leave. I hope he enjoys himself while we are gone, and I hope he can let the rest of us enjoy ourselves as well. I think it will help that my mom and step-dad are already in Florida and the condo is a familiar place since we were there a couple years ago. He is all about consistency. The condo we rented is in the same complex and is a similar floor plan to my mom's place. He has already said, "I want to stay in the hotel we stayed at before. They miss us." No dear, the nasty, cheap hotel does not miss us.

I just hope I survive the car ride. We traveled to Florida long ago to visit Robert's dying father (who is still around!) when Dustin was just placed with us. He had only been with us for about 3 weeks and we stuck him in a car and traveled to Florida. Holy Lord! This was when he was in six years old and 5 medications, 22 pills daily and FREAKIN' bonkers all. the. time. We were stupid. On the way home, I truly almost left him at a gas station in Georgia. I literally got in the car and thought about driving away with him in the bathroom at like 3 in the morning. It was not my most motherly moment! It cannot be that bad again . . . can it? (don't answer that!)

This time we will stop in Georgia and see Lisa and travel to the top of Stone Mountain. I am looking forward to both. The last time I was on top of Stone Mountain was on our honeymoon. The kids really better be good on the trip there . . . or don't get too close to the edge.

(Hold your horses . . . I am joking!)