Friday, May 08, 2009

Crazy Idea in Honor of Mothers Day . . .

Essie had a great post today about her expectations of motherhood before she actually had kids. In her usual fashion she cracked me up! I thought I'd take her challenge and give it a go. . .

I have worked in the childcare field for over 19 years. Believe me, I had expectations of how I would run my home and how my kids would act! I definitely had expectations that applied to daycare. There were several things I imagined as a mother . . .

1. My child would come to daycare each day dressed nicely. This would include underwear on the right way (not the waist in the leg hole, or not backwards) and shoes on the right feet (the left and right shoe would also be from the same pair). Their clothes would be straightened (the buttoning would not be mixed up and the shirts would be on frontward, socks would actually be their socks and not their older brother's who has feet the size of skis).

2. My children would come to daycare each day with face clean and hair clean and combed. (I would not be doing a spit polish on their face at the door to get off the chocolate cupcake I gave them for breakfast so they would stop howling and would not be ripping their hair out at the roots with a comb I found under the seat of the car while we scurried down the hall so I would not be late)

3. My children would not clinge to me at the door. They would LOVE to come to school and would be the most popular kid in the classroom with the students as well as the teachers! The teachers would love them because of their brilliant disposition and their well-behaved attitude. The kids would adore having them in the classroom because they were kind and thoughtful. (They would not be kids who the teachers grimaced at, they would not take til they were almost 4 to potty train and they would not hit and kick and scream. They would not have to be peeled off my body in the morning while dropping them off hollering and having to be held down for several minutes so they would not run out the door)

4. My children would not come to daycare when I had the day off. I would use these days to take them to the park, the art museum and make wonderful projects with them. We would make forts and have tea parties on these special days. (I would not use this day to sleep in and have a peaceful home. I would not enjoy the day away from the little demons while they tortured their teachers and I slept blissfully in the middle of the day)

5. My kids would not have to be the ones being dragged out of the daycare as I threatened them with bodily harm. My children would be thrilled to see me and run and jump into my arms thanking me for picking them up and telling me about their wonderful day at daycare. They would smother me with kisses and thank their lucky stars they had a mother like me. (They would not holler that it was almost time to go outside and now they are missing it or ask if their friend could stay the night because I am boring. They would not grumble about dinner choices or have a flaming fit that it will be bed time in 3 hours or scream that I suck and they hate me because I will not get ice cream on the way home)

6. I would never forget to bring a movie for movie day, treats for party day or show-n-tell. I know how hard that is on the kids and I would be a wonderful parent who had the kids, who had the latest movie, the best treats, and the most fabulous show-n-tell ever! I would give the best teacher gifts ever! (I wouldn't forget the calendar under the car seat, covered in yogurt, that told me all about the special days. I wouldn't tell them that if it didn't take 20 minutes to choose a pair of shoes they would have time to pick a movie and I really would never tell them that they could name the Transformer in the car "Quintin" and take him in for "Q" show-n-tell if they can pry him out of the sticky barbeque sauce holding him in the cup holder. And I would NEVER regift something for their teacher presents)

All those parenthetical examples are not actual occurrences. (yeah right)

While I am getting this all of my chest, let's also say that I would NEVER tell a checkout person that "I used to organized before I had three kids" while I am frantically searching for my debit card in a mess of papers in my purse. And Lord knows, I would NEVER tell the clerk at the gas station that the 3 sticks of Grape Tangy Taffy (my biggest addiction) I bought are actually for them so I wouldn't feel foolish eating Tangy Taffy for lunch just to get energy for the daycare pick-up later that day.

4 comments:

Lisa said...

Too funny.... I resemble a lot of those remarks.

PreSchoolMama said...

I love that. Truly though I have had both of your kids in class and I think you are great,and your kids are hilarious. I don't know what I'll do for entertainment next year. Did you realize you have been a parent in my room for 3years in a row.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Bwaaah ha ha! That's awesome!
I have to confess to never having done every single thing in #6, never ever. Ever. (stupid Q day!)

Janie said...

Thanks for bringing a laugh. I needed it. It's nice to know that everyone doesn't have it all together and that I'm not the only one who eats Tangy Taffy (or peanut m & m's, spree, or a nerds rope) as a meal.