Sunday, March 02, 2008

Sad . . .

I am incredibly off right now. Dustin has had an extremely difficult week and ended it with torture this weekend. He has been AWFUL. I'm not sure that many of you understand what awful can be . . . but I'm telling you it is not been fun. The little ones are on edge and grumpy because all of our attention and energy is wrapped up in keeping Dustin respectful and safe. Robert and I are snapping at one another because we are at our limit. The dog is even moping around. I have no one to turn to. I need a break. I just want to give up. . .

Another week will begin tomorrow and I will try to get through it without near as much turmoil. I am hoping that Dustin is struggling because he needs sunlight (the weather still sucks here) or becuase he needs some better sleep, or because he has a slight cold. I am not yet putting any stock in the thought that we may be dealing with medication issues. We have been on the same medications for a year an they have been wonderful. I CANNOT deal with the possibility that they may need changed right now. If I have to deal with that the way I feel this afternoon I may lose it. I'm not sure I can handle much more.

He takes so much energy. He takes a constant level of vigilance. I have to be "on" all the time. What I would really like is to climb under the covers, bury my head in a pillow and cry until about next Thursday. But I will stuff it down and pretend I am "good" for the kids. I will stuff it down and be a good wife. I will probably self-medicate and take extra Zoloft for a couple days. I don't have time or the luxury to lose it . . . it sucks being the mommy.

7 comments:

Claudia said...

You are exactly where I was a few days ago -- and you know, from reading my blog, that things got better.

And they will for you, too.

No peaks without valleys....

FAScinated said...

Hang in there, Sheri. I've been there more than I care to think about. It will get better. ~Kari

Kevin Whaley said...

Sheri,

I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through in its entirety, but your descriptions certainly give your readers a good idea. You are remarkably strong and I know that you will persevere!

Psycho Mom said...

I hear ya!!!!!!! I was there last weekend, thankfully, this one has been better. Or I might have left!!! HA. Barb

Angie said...

Thinking of you. I wish there was a way I could help. Dinner again sometime? Let me know.

Jo said...

I don't know what was going on this weekend, but one little boy at our house is lucky to be among the living still. It was horrible! Must be the moon or season or something.
I wonder if we traded if we would both be glad we had the ones we have?
Hang in there dear.

Marla said...

I am so sorry Dustin is having a rough time. Hugs.