S-T-R-E-S-S . . .

Super stressed today. I am so terribly stressed. My son with FASD, Dustin, has had a difficult time sleeping since his last hospitalization about 3 months ago. We have tried every possible combination of timing with the current medication and we have reached a dead end. We need something else. This doesn't sound like a big deal to most people. But adding a new psychotropic drug is a BIG deal to Dustin's fragile chemical balance. I don't think the doctor wants to do it. But WE all need sleep. I cannot sleep well knowing Dustin is awake because I have no idea what he will do. He is impulsive and has no concept of consequences, so I am constantly vigilant.

That combined with the fact that he is STILL hallucinating is unnerving. He lives in a world that we cannot see. He is always talking to "someone" or "something" that he perceives as being real. I hate it. It freaks me out. It can't be healthy for him.

I do not want the doctor to suggest hospitalization again. I'm not ready for that. His behavior at home isn't that bad right now. The last time he was hospitalized is when the doctor suggested residential care. That did not go over well with me, and I am concerned he will go there again with that suggestion. Not acceptable.

My own fears and worries come to the fore-front when I have stressful times like this due to my own OCD. I tend to ruminate over worries and get quite frustrated and anxious. I need to relax, but my disorder won't allow it. I just want a resolution, and I want it NOW. It doesn't help that I have apartment for rent that I MUST rent soon, I hate winter and I have a situation at work that has me on edge. Aaaaaack!