Fresh Start . . .

(my) Tattoo by Zeke Edwards @ New Republic Tattoo Fort Wayne, IN

I have read numerous blogs lately about starting your kid's day fresh each day.  One was a question asked on Smiles and Trials, and four others were mommas opining that giving kids a fresh slate daily was a difficult task.  A couple were even questioning whether it was possible or a good thing.  

This is something that I wholeheartedly believe in for a number of reasons.  The most pressing reason is that I am selfish!  I want that clean slate for myself as well!  I make mistakes.  I get frustrated with myself.  I am the first one that needs to forgive myself.  If I allow my self a clean slate to start each day, then why can't I give it to my children?  Of course we need to start fresh. There is no need to revisit and stress over past decisions.  Wishing that we could change the previous days events is not getting me anywhere.  I need to move forward and make new and better decisions that allow me to move forward instead of looking back.

Forgiveness is freeing. There is something about a good night's sleep that allows me to wake up renewed and see things in a different perspective.  It allows me to distance myself from the trauma and look at it with new eyes.  It is liberating to take that eraser and wipe clean the cobwebs and the stress from the day before and look at things with a new and bright hope.  It allows me to drop the chains that bound me to the "crap" of the day before and embrace day of new possibilities.  I can better process what happened the day before it I allow myself some distance from it and look at it in an unemotional state.  For me it is not enough to JUST forgive, I must also let  go of the pain, frustration and/or drama it cost me in order to fully embrace the future.

I believe it is what God does for me.  I believe that the blood of Jesus wipes away my sins.  I believe that if I am freely given that grace then it is my responsibility to grant it to others. My children make their own decisions just as I do.  Their sins are no greater than mine.  We should be willing to grant that grace.  It serves no purpose to hold on to the crap from the day before and allow it take up space in your heart.  Allowing this just gives anger and resentment a place to grow.

In the case of my son, he is "broken".  The early trauma he experienced was life changing.  Even if he did not have prenatal brain damage due to alcohol consumption while pregnant, the trauma he experienced is enough to rock anyone's world.  Yes he makes his own decisions.  Yes, sometimes they are deliberate.  Yes, sometimes they are made to hurt others.  Is he capable of not making those choices? Maybe.  But each day should be a chance to prove it is possible to make better choices.  If I don't believe he is capable of that, how is he supposed to believe he is capable of that!

I have been on a journey recently and have taken classes in Reiki.  I just finished my second  certification and will be continuing my education and receiving a Master Reiki Certification.  The Reiki principles have resonated deeply within me and I have embraced them wholly.   They are :

Reiki Principles

Just for Today, Let Go of Anger.

Just for Today, Let Go of Worry

Just for Today, Do your work honestly.

Just for Today, Be Kind to all Living things.

Just for Today, Give Thanks for your many Blessings.

If you would like to know more about Reiki and energy work, you can visit Reiki.org  or Reiki for Chistians.
For me, Reiki is about pulling strength from God and allowing him to work through me for the greatest good.  It is not about me, it is about being in tune with that energy and allowing God to use me as he wishes.  It has given me a peace and a sense of oneness with God and myself.  It has definitely made me look at each moment in the here and now and not to focus on past anger and worry.  I have to remind myself daily that worry has no place in my present.  Giving that  clean slate helps dismiss all that previous garbage and ocus on the present.  

Good times . . .

Adoption . . .

Adoption is on my heart today.

I read a post on the Livesay's blog that talked about the work they do with Heartline Ministries in supporting mother's in Haiti and helping them raise their children.  In that post it said this:

"The Heartline prenatal program exists for a number of reasons; among those reasons is a desire to reduce the number of orphans in Haiti. The program seeks to achieve that by reducing the maternal mortality rate in Haiti and also by encouraging mothers that they can raise their own children and that material poverty doesn't need to mean placing a child in an orphanage."  
 
Last month Tara posted something very similar (I am too lazy to find it right now) and it has been on my heart ever since.   I struggle with "adoption".  I struggle with the term "orphans" being tossed around. I have a love hate relationship with adoption and all it entails.

So here is Sheri's Adoption Random Thoughts :

1.  I hate that Dustin lives with brain damage due to his mother's choices.  I hate that he was abused by her boyfriends.  I love that I can give him a home and love.

2.  I love that he is forever part of our family, but I hate that his birth certificate says I birthed him and does not reflect his parent's names and his original name.

3.  I hate that he is torn between loving us and wishing he was with his "real mom".  I hate that he has to make that distinction and I hate that I am involved in that triangle. I wish he didn't have to be ripped from his family either.  I love that he is safe and cared for.

4.  I love looking at him and seeing the child we took in 11 years ago, but I hate looking at him and not knowing what he looked like as a baby.  I hate missing a huge chunk of his life and I hate that I cannot share that with him when he asks.

5.  I hate knowing that there are people in this world who have a HUGE hole of grief in their heart that he once used to occupy.  I hate that his grandmother died without ever seeing him again.  I hate that our adoption has to be closed due to mental health issues.  I love that our extended family looks at him as one of our own and makes no distinction between him and the other kids.

6.  I hate that children have to sometimes be removed from their families.  I hate that parents can't make better decisions. I hate that sometimes their illnesses make it nearly impossible for them to raise healthy kids.

7.  I hate that people think that LOVE is ALWAYS enough.  Sometimes it is not.

8.  I hate that some people think that I am selfless and should be praised for adopting.  I hate the phrase "God bless you for it, I know I couldn't do it."

9.  I hate Early Trauma and what it has done forever to my child.  I hate being a part of that trauma.

10.  I love the community that I have joined as an adoptive parent and with a kid of early trauma.  I don't know how I have lived my life without them in it.  I am blessed.  I am a better mom because of them.

11. I love that my husband and I parent as a team and work together to tackle this daunting task. And in the same breath, I hate that we have to "tackle" this task.

12.  I love that my bio kids are much more tolerant of differences and I hate that my bio kids are exposed to much more trauma than necessary.

13.  I LOVE my child and I mostly HATE his behaviors.

14.  I love that I have no regrets.  I hate that I even have to think about that.

Class of 2012 . . .

Dustin is a senior this year in school.  He will attend school until he is 22 years old, but he will receive a certificate of completion this year.  He attends a Functional Skills Class that serves moderately mentally handicapped kids.  They work on the skills he will need to participate in society as a whole.  He can make change, he can tell time, he knows the difference between men's and women's restrooms.  He is only reading at a prekindergarten level, but he can decipher a basic grocery list.  It is a program that has been successful for him.  I am not certain whether he will participate in graduation ceremonies, but I took his senior pictures today.

Johnny Appleseed Festival 2012

 Our favorite part of the Festival . .  Sassparilla

 My boys with their bottles filled.

The Sunday afternoon crowd

It is what it is . . .

I have a hard time writing about Dustin and our issues lately.  It seems that nothing much has changed and I have just acclimated his issues and behaviors into our normal life.  When I do think about sitting down and blogging about them it seems so silly to complain about the constant chatter and the constant vigilance.  1. I assume you have all heard it from me for years and 2. the average person has no idea how constant that chatter truly is. 

Talking.  Oh my goodness.  I cannot even express to you what living in a house with constant chatter is like.  I believe it is truly because he has no impulse control and no "filter" that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, that goes through his head spills right out of his mouth.  His life and our life has a running commentary.  He absolutely is NEVER quiet.  Ever.  (I know you are all sitting there thinking that I must be exaggerating, but alas, I am not!) He talks while there is food in his mouth.  He asks questions and tells stories while watching tv.  He talks while peeing.  He asks approximately 19.453,112 questions per day, sometimes the same question 4,562 times.  It is tiring.   As if the talking is not bad enough, there is no escaping it because he is under constant supervision. 

Constant supervision.  He is never not in the sight of an adult except in his bedroom at night.  He is always within 3 feet of an adult.  If there is one adult in the house that needs to shower he is sitting on the toilet in the bathroom . . . TALKING.  I go outside to water the plants, he goes and helps  . . .  while TALKING.  When I make dinner, he is a true help . . . but TALKS.  If he gets up in the middle of the night (his door alarm walks us up) and has to use the bathroom, I stand in the hallway waiting while we pees and TALKS.  When he is in the shower, I am in the nearby kitchen ignoring his TALKING.  He is allowed to go outside to take the trash around to the side of the house, if the windows are open, you can hear him TALKING to no one at all.  (or if his meds aren't working right, you can assume he is talking to his "friends")

It is tiring.  And did I say TIRING?!  It is!

It makes me want to stab forks in my ears. 

How are you?

Long time no type . . .

Whew!  It's been a while.  

Busy summer and crazy kiddos make for not much time to blog.

The kiddos are back in school and everything is settling back down. 

I will likely be back soon.

Questions? Anything you wanna know?

Pillow Obsession . . .

I have an obsession with pillows, it's true.  At Goodwill yesterday I found 2 18in feather inserts that were spic and span.  They were marked $2 a piece and I REALLY didn't need them, but I couldn't pass them up.  They went home with me along with a 95 cent pillow case that was cute stripes.  (I did promise myself I would purge two other pillows and I did!)

Today I made 2 envelope type covers using that pillow case and some scraps of $1/yard fabric I found at a WalMart that was clearancing out their fabric stash.  The inserts were particularly full so I added a bit of velvetty ribbon and a button to hold them closed.

Each pillow has the print side and the striped side. 

Fun with paint . . .

Nothing perks up your evening more than a garbage find chair or stool and some paint.

Quickie Loveseat with scraps . . .

I have been looking for something small and easily moved for the kid's television area in my house.  We had a loveseat there and it was disgusting so we purged it about 6 months ago.   I tried bean bags in that area, and even though I have refilled them 3 times, they were looking quite pitiful.  I liked having something that was easily thrown out of the way so that when the Wii was brought out they could play it without a big ol' issue. 

Last week, I was laying in bed in the middle of the night thinking about projects as I sometimes do and I remembered that we had an old toddler bed upstairs in the attic.  I knew I could rip it apart and Frankenstein something together.  I had some 2x4s and some 1x4s and left over paint.  Good as gold.

 

(not my photo, but same bed)

 

The toddler bed was easy to rip apart with allen wrenches.  I kept the metal slats and the mattress only.  The other plastic parts went in the recycling tub.

I decided I wanted the couch to sit a bit higher than the standard toddler bed so I marked 1 foot to the bottom of the 2x4 and drilled holes for the metal slats.  After adding arm rests and a back rest, I added some diagonal supports on the sides and a couple additional horizontal supports across the front and back. 

 (from the back you can easily slip a large basket for blankets and one deflated bean bag)

A bit of paint, a crib sheet and a few pillows and it is a great addition to the kid's area for almost nothing!

Divided. . .

I have been hearing a lot about our current political climate and the fact that I hear that  the political parties are dividing us.  I don't think the parties are dividing us, I think we are  doing that quite nicely ourselves.  Who votes for politicians? We do. Our country is greatly divided right now and I think that the media and ignorance have a lot to do with it.  People seem to believe anything they are told without researching it.  A few forwarded emails and a news broadcast with faulty or misleading information and someone is all up in arms about something that is totally not true.  It seems that technology has allowed people to become more uniformed than before.

Another issue is the idea that the "church" is being persecuted.  I don't think the church is being shaken. The church has right to worship as they please. They are afforded non-tax status. The church is not under persecution. The President redefining marriage is not persecution of the church. We still have the ability to hold marriage in a high regard.  We, the church, still have the ability to say that they believe marriage is between a man and a woman.  Why is it so wrong to allow others the rights afforded by marriage who are in love with someone of the same sex? The  church is not being asked to agree to it.  The church can pray to God. The church can rely on God. The church can pray to whomever they choose. Just because others are given rights does not mean your rights have changed.

Why do nonbelievers look at the church as hypocrites? Because we are. We say that we stand for the sanctity of marriage and commit adultery. We ask for God's blessings in our finances and withhold help from those less fortunate. We worship in well air conditioned, emense buildings and complain about those on welfare not pulling themselves up by the boot straps.  We tell people that they are welcome to come worship with us and then we talk about others in the hallways.  Everyone makes mistakes, I get that.  But it is the attitudes that typically go along with it.  Why is it always the one who condemns sexual impurity so strongly that ends up committing a horrid act?

I attended a church for about a year that was formed with the belief that all are welcome.  That it was our intent to friend the people who would typically be deemed undesirable, the tattooed, the pierced, the outcast and make them see that christians can be accepting, loving and different from their preconceived notions.  It drew artists and oddities.  It was a place that was proving that we can look beyond your outward appearance and focus on YOU and your soul.  They were trying to prove they were a different kind of christian.  You know what happened?  The pastor married a woman who was less than honest and she embezzled some money.  All these "fresh" converts said, "See!  I knew you were just like everyone else."  The church folded and everyone went their separate ways.  I fear that so many of those "odd balls" have been tarnished on religion for good.  We proved that we are no different than Jim Bakker or anyone else who promises and makes a grievous mistake. I believe that is why the Bible says that teachers will be judge more harshly.  You have the ability to break trust at a much greater level when you screw up.

We are not being divided by the political parties, we  contribute to dividing our country by our attitudes and our hypocrisy. We want to have the freedom of religion that our forefathers came here for, but want to take rights of others. Our country was founded on God, yes, but we are far from him. Where is our compassion, our love, our tolerance, our love, and our peace, our love!? We are called to pray for our nation, but are we praying for God's will or our idea of His will. Who are we to decide?  Our rights say we can make the choice to follow God's law, shouldn't someone else be allowed to make the  choice not to?

Why do nonbelievers look at what we have to offer and turn away? We come in judgment instead of love. We say that what they stand for is wrong and yet we make the same choices.  We say that our way is the ONLY way and then veer directly from it.  The political parties are not dividing us, our attitudes of us against them are dividing us. We can stand up as a church and declare our rights, but I don't believe that that means it is alright to take other's rights just because we don't agree with their choices. While the church may be convinced that those choices make them evil, it does not mean that our country cannot afford them those rights.   

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

I got into a discussion over on another blog about FAS and the fact that there is no known safe amount of alcohol consumption for pregnancy.   I highly doubt that it will drive any traffic over here (because they assume they know everything already!) but I thought I would pull out the fav FAS awareness post. . .

Some of the most common characteristics of alcohol related brain-damage include: poor impulse control and poor problem solving skills, inability to predict what may happen next, difficulty linking actions to consequences, poor social communication (inability to read environments and adapt behavior accordingly), limited abstract reasoning and lack of trial and error learning. In addition, people with FAS/FAE have great difficulty internalizing values, feelings and laws. Therefore, they do not feel empathy for others or have a sense of justice. They can be entirely unattached, feeling nothing, even for the people who raise them. Because of these deficits, they have no internalized sense of right and wrong. A person with no morals, empathy, values or feelings can be a danger to themselves and to society.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders are a spectrum of disorders that are a permanent part of that child FOREVER because the mother made a choice to drink while pregnant. It is a 100% preventable birth defect. Pre-natal alcohol exposure was a choice. My son's mother chose to put that bottle to her lips and drink, injuring his future and forever altering the physical make-up of his brain. Intentional? No. But permanent nonetheless.

Education is the best medicine for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. We MUST educate women who are pregnant. We must educate women of child bearing age, whether trying to conceive or not, that you do not drink if there is a possibility of pregnancy. Let's face it. Most women don't know that they are pregnant for at very least 3 weeks after conception . During that time you could have already altered your child's brain, is it worth it? We must also educate doctors that there is no safe amount of alcohol to be consumed during pregnancy. Doctors who tell a patient to put their feet up and have a simple glass of wine are negligent. They need education.

My child's life was stolen from him. Just as a drunk driver hits a child crossing the street and permanently disables her, my son was blind-sided by a drunk mother. The vehicle just happened to be an ambilical cord full of liquor. My son was robbed of a life he could've had.

If that sounds like anger it is. I am irritated at the selfishness. I am angry at the lack of education. I am frustrated in dealing with this disorder every day. I love my boy and wish only the best for him. But, while mother's of other 13 year olds are dropping their child of for a day at the mall, I am looking at my son watching pre-school TV. While those mothers are leaving their sons at a friend's house for the night, I am drugging my son with very dangerous psychotropic meds to help him fend off the hallucinations and get a restful night sleep. I don't grieve for myself, I mourn the loss of my son's life.

Is he happy? Sure. Is he loved? Absolutely. His brain is broken. There are missing pieces. A few examples:

1. I am sitting on the couch watching televisions. He is in the chair not more than 3 feet from me. He has just been told to leave the cat alone because he has tried to keep him on his lap when the cat wanted down. About 3 minutes later the cat saunters past him. He says, "Ozzy, come here kitty." in a normal voice. I look at him. He says, "What? I didn't do anything." "Dustin I heard you call the cat." "You did? How?"

If I wasn't looking at him he has no idea how I heard him. He cannot fathom that I caught him. He denies it. With every fiber of his being he denies calling the cat. He begins to whine and cry and hit is legs in anger. I let it go. I have said nothing more. He continues to holler that he did not call the cat. I say, "Okay. Just leave the cat alone please." Not 3 minutes later I see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me. Waving his arms. I say "Dustin, I see you." He wait about 2 minutes and slaps his knees to call the cat, and says, "Here Ozzy." In a normal voice. I look at him over he top of my glasses and he raises his hands in the air and says, "What?". Argh!

2. Dustin is CONSTANTLY hungry. If I let the child eat every time he said he was hungry we would be in the poor house and he would be sick. I buy him chips for the next day after school. Despite my efforts at trying to keep them a secret he finds them. He asks if he can have them. I tell him no, it is almost bedtime. I tell him that he can earn them for a snack after school. About 3 minutes later he haaaaaaaaaaas to go to the bathroom. I send him upstairs to avoid the kitchen because I know he is trying to get he chips. Two minutes later he asks to let the dog in, once again having to go through the kitchen. No thank you Dustin. He asks to play on the computer. Sure. About 5 minutes later I notice he is missing. The chips are open and he is munching and crunching in the kitchen. RATS. Foiled again. I have him put them away and return to the living room. He is watching TV at the kids television in the room right next to me, in full view. About 10 minutes later, I notice he is sitting on the floor. Unusual. I notice he is sticking his hand under the couch. EATING CHIPS. "Dustin put the chips back in the kitchen." I put him on the chair next to me. 20 minutes pass, the asking is over. I think we are in the clear. I ask him to go shower, he has to go through the kitchen. He showers and then runs upstairs to get underwear. I realize is taking a remarkably long time to get on underwear. He comes downstairs with a mouthful of barbecue chips. "Dustin, put the chips away and get your pills for bed." He complies. Morning comes, I decide to have a small baggie of chips to take to work. I open the cabinet, no chips. I find the empty bag under his bed. Argh!

This is my life.
Object permanence is missing.
Impulsivity rules.


My child cannot ride a bicycle. He automatic memory is broken.

My son cannot read at more than a pre-school level.

My son cannot be left unsupervised very often.

My son cannot walk around the block alone.

My son cannot remember his address or phone number.

My son cannot understand risky behaviors and avoid them.

My son constantly needs an "external brain" to guide his behaviors and impulses.

My son cannot be medication free without hallucinating and living in another world.

My son cannot sleep without medication.

My son cannot be left alone.

My son cannot see consequences of his actions, or even see they are related.

My son cannot ever have the life he should've had, but my son CAN live a wonderful life that we have created for him and CAN say he is cared for and LOVED unconditionally.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders CAN be eliminated. Not one more child needs to suffer their effects. Not one more child needs to grow up with the uncertainty, the impulsivity and the frustration of having their brain permanently altered due to their mother's choices. It can happen. Get out there. Educate.

And while your at it, if you go to the store can you buy me a bag of chips?

To ask or not to ask . . .

I am a fairly open person.  I have no issues with chatting with someone in the grocery or educating someone one my child's issues.  As long as I think the person is being respectful and kind, I have problem with someone asking what the heck is different about my family or my kid. 

The other day, I read a post by Michelle about this very same thing.  Her darling Tori, is battling Neurofibromatosis and is currently undergoing chemo to shrink the size of the tumors in her brain.  Tori is an amazingly resilient child who loves her bald head and thinks she is a beautiful child regardless of her differences right now.  Part of that is likely because she has an amazing mama who will constantly fight for her and her differences, and partly because of her own personality. 

Michelle says, "I don't blame people for being curious. After all, she looks like a very happy little girl when she is skipping through the aisles of the store in her little dress. But she is very tiny, she has a huge red scar on the back of her little head and she is bald. Sometimes she looks very sick. Sometimes she is wearing a mask. I understand why they are curious."  Please go visit Tori's blog and give her some positive encouragement, some love and some prayers!  She is quite the amazing child.  I promise you will laugh at her  "Stop showing your boobs" campaign for Dancing With The Stars contestants.

Yesterday, I read a post by NieNie where she was asked in Jamba Juice what happened to her. She was distraught over this question.  In my personal view, I think the man was being respectful and wanted to teach his daughter that although people look different, we are all the same.  I am by no means suggesting that how she feels is wrong, she is entitled to her own feelings, and I respect that.  It just showed me that what some people think is ok, other people may not.

I am always willing to share Dustin's story with others.  I have grown so much from having a child like Dustin in my family.  I used to be quite judgmental of children that could not act appropriately in public and mostly blamed the parents for their children's behaviors.  Now, I am well aware that children's behaviors may not in fact be the parent's inability to parent even if the children seem completely typical.  I am much more patient and much more understanding.  I can remember a particular instance where my family was dining in a hotel restaurant when my kids were quite young.   Dustin was acting a fool and a family that was seated right next to us kept looking over.  At one point, Robert took Dustin out of the restaurant.  The mom came over and said, "I don't want you to think I am condemning you, I am a foster parent and I can see your child has impulse control issues.  Please don't think it bothers us."  I was so grateful for her actions. 

I think that most people mean well.  Or at least, it helps me to think that they do!  I try my best to think the best of people until I am proven wrong.  I think advocacy and educating people are always the best policy for my family.  But, I also understand that others are not so open about their issues and I respect that also.

Our new normal? . . .

We are a full week into summer vacation and we are all still alive.  For the most part things are even keel around here.  Dustin is doing fairly well and we have fallen into a basic routine.   Dustin and Robert are home all day while the kids and I go to daycare.  One on one Dustin is fairly decent so things go much better. 

Much better in my world is a fair cry from normal in most people's idea. 

We are still on constant supervision and likely will be anytime he is within reach of another person or animal.  He is very impulsive and does not have the ability to make good choices so that will likely not change.  We have some safeguards in place to help us, but in line supervision is our best bet at all times.  

His medications are fairly stable, but we rely on them heavily.  There are no options when it comes to taking medication.  The medications he is on have been the same for at least 3 years.  Any small change in dosage sends us reeling and we quickly head back to what works best. 

Therapy is fairly elusive in our world.  We could use the assistance of someone who can simply "witness" behaviors we see on a daily basis.  The problem is, with his IQ, they cannot justify "talk therapy".  They say that since he is unable to internalize what they are trying to help with, they cannot make progress.  So basically, he will not change so they cannot do therapy.  Nice eh?  We are still trying to find someone who is willing to provide some basic services.

The new diet we have embarked on has made some small impact on his behaviors.  It is not that his behaviors have changed, but they are definitely less intense.  Yesterday he ate some donut holes and last night's behavior was HORRIFIC.  It was obvious that sugar and/or processed food make him much more agitated and whiny.  I think the diet has helped us calm down a bit around here.  As an extra bonus, we no longer have snack food in the house so there is less food to hoard and obsess over. Win-win.

We are still having major issues dealing with the hormones of a 17 year old stuffed into the mind of a 6 year old.  That will always be a problem, and the impulsiveness just makes it all much, much worse.  Once again, in line supervision is really the only good way to keep everyone safe. 

The constant supervision is absolutely tiring.  It is hard, very hard to be vigilant every moment of every day.  But there are glimpses, brief moments where I can enjoy his company.  That is something that was lacking over the last few years.  I am pleased with that small bit of progress. 

I pray that as he grows we will have more small steps toward normal.  I want it for us, but I want it more for him!

Introducing Dorothy . . .

A friend mentioned on facebook that she needed someone to come get a piano before she moved.She did not want to junk it and had no way to move it to the new city she as moving to.  I jumped on the chance.  The hubs has been wanting one for a long time.  I told him if he wanted it, he had to figure it all out.  After renting a UHaul and a furniture dolly,  Dorothy came home. She was a really ugly minty green and needed a good paint job.  I wanted something funky and decided to "henna" her.  I painted her an antique white and free handed some designs.  I think she is gorgeous!

Numbers . . .

23 . . . the number of days it has been since I blogged  - which may be a record
3 . . . the number of children who currently reside in my house
1200 . . . the number of children you would think reside in my house by the mess they create
8 . . . the number of hours spent outside, yesterday on a field trip with both kids classes
6 . . . the approximate number of miles walked yesterday on said field trip
1 . . . the number of GIANT swollen ankles I currently own due to said field trip
38 . . . the number of pounds my husband has lost, making him look fabulous
5 . . . the number of pounds I have regained because I have been cheating on the new lifestyle
1027 . . . the number of times I have promised myself I will no longer cheat.
1026 . . . the number times I have broken that promise, life changing NOW.
24 . . . the number of days left until the crazy summer schedule of 9 field trips per week starts
7 . . . the number of days before I leave to see my bestie for the weekend WITHOUT kids!
10 . . . the number of dollars it took to purchase a toll pass for the drive to see the bestie.
3 . . . the number of months it will take to see if son gets qualified for SSI.
1 . . . the number of fungus infections they found in said son's esophagus that they believe is making him have instances of vomiting and bowel issues 
1 . . . medication they prescribed for said infection which I hope fixes his GNARLEY breath as well

Tap, Tap, Tap . . .

Darling Lisa over at Life in the Grateful House has been touting the healing possible for our kiddos using the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Tapping, for a few years.  J has been doing Tapping for some time and has had great success.  Lisa began Tapping a while ago for herself and has found that it has helped her deal with many things in her own life.  This year in Orlando, she shared the technique with a bunch of moms.  These mamas went home, began tapping with their kiddos and for themselves.  They have seen great changes in their kids and in themselves.  I was still not moved.  Lisa organized a teleconference with Tapping-Guru Brad Yates and I was not one to pass up on free, so I decided I would give it a whirl and listen, maybe.

I am a bit oppositional when it comes to things people think I should be doing.  The posts on our Orlando forum were not helping me.  I was thrilled these mamas were having success, but I was not having it.  I would not be convinced.  Until the other day. . .

I decided to Tap last Friday.  I figured what could it hurt right?  I was in a bad mood.  Dustin has been horrific.  We are dealing with some money issues.  Work was crazy.  I was not feeling well.  I did not want my mood to carry over into my evening at home and make the kids bonkers.  I was determined that my weekend would start off on a good foot.  I did it.  I tapped for the first time.  It totally calmed me down and turned my mood around.  As we all know, if mama is happy, everything goes much more smoothly.   I was an immediate believer.  I posted about it on our forum and Lisa refrained from hitting me with a big ol' TOLD YOU SO.  She is gracious like that!

Yesterday I Tapped before coming home.  Dustin has been very off lately.  He yells and screams all the time.  He is angry, foul tempered, and nasty.  He is either screaming, whining or crying.  He is argumentative and picks fights with everyone.  I did not want to come home.  I came home and Robert was fed up with Dustin. We began to bicker with one another.  I was calm, but I could tell I was getting fired up. I ran to the store for a couple items and to catch my breath.  I decided to Tap on the way home while at a  stoplight and I look over and see the occupants of the car next to me staring.  It was hysterical.  I knew then I was hooked! 

This brings us to tonight.  I introduced my kids to tapping tonight.  The littles Tapped on the ride home.  We focused on them being kind, respectful and obedient.   My thought was that they would be better able to deal with Dustin is they were in a calm frame of mind.  I tapped with Dustin when I got home.  He thought I was crazy, but he did it.  I kept his script pretty simple, we talked about being calm, obedient and peaceful.

Here is the kicker.  Tonight was AMAZING!  He did not raise his voice once.  He did not scream or cry.  He took direction.  If he asked for something and I said "No" he said, "Ok".   That never happens.  I swear. This stuff is the real deal.

If you want to understand more about Tapping and the science and history behind it, you can watch this short video.  It is not voodoo.  It is not religious.  It is not new-age.  It is based on acupuncture points.  It is amazing. 

If you want to figure out how to make your script, you can go here for the "recipe". 

If you want to see some tapping videos you can search for Brad Yates on YouTube, or visit Lisa's blog.   

Really, what can it hurt?  Give it a chance. I promise you will not be sorry.

A part . . .

This weekend I was blessed to have my best friend come a spend the weekend with me. I have not seen her since Orlando at the beginning of last month. We didn't have any plans or anything to do so we just hung out and shared life. It was nice, no pressure to entertain her, we just enjoyed each other.

Yesterday we were in an out of the house, running errands and doing some projects I wanted to finish. We hit the farm market, Goodwill, did laundry, fixed some clothes that needed mending, did a sewing project for her camera lenses, made a wonderful lunch, picked up some items from a resale I was participating in, ran more errands and just generally laughed and had fun. It was 3:00 am before I headed upstairs and tried to turn off my mind. I went to sleep thinking about how very blessed I was.

It has only been 9 months since we were introduced through an email, and I cannot fathom my life with her in it. She knows me inside and out and she still considers me a friend. She knows the good, the bad, and the so very ugly. I know I can share anything with her and she will listen and not judge. She gave me some good advice this weekend on dealing with my kids and I am thankful for her wisdom. I am a better person with her in my life. She is kind, funny, wise and compassionate. My kids love her. My husband enjoys her wit and the fact she appreciates his sarcasm. I love her to pieces and I am thrilled she is a part of my life, my family and my heart.

How do you know that you enjoyed a busy weekend laughing with your best friend? When the both of you are photographers and have both cameras in the house and you cannot remember to take a picture of yourselves together! :)

Chip In . . .

One of our SOUL Sisters who attended Orlando this past year is having a rough go of it lately. Her husband has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor after having a seizure. He has had the same job for 18 years and he is not able to keep it with seizures. They are struggling to not only keep their heads above water, but also get through this medical crisis. Many mamas who know her expressed interest in contributing to a fund for her and her family.

This morning, with her permission, I set up a Chip In account. Any funds that are deposited there will go directly to her paypal account. No one else is the go between. Your donations go directly to her and her wonderful family.

Please consider donating.

ACk! . . .

Dustin was admitted to the hospital on Sunday night with vomiting. They thought it was another bowel blockage like we had in October and he was immediately transferred to the new hospital that was just finished.

Turns out after a visit from the GI doc that he has nothing going on in the bowels and after reviewing the films from October, that was likely not an obstruction either. Seems we may be dealing with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome or possibly something else like a physical issue with his bowel that could be causing this. An upper and lower GI study is in order, but since he just had a CT scan with contrast they cannot do that until the contrast is completely out of his system.

The other issue is that for some reason he is having trouble urinating and they have no idea why. It is all very curious. They have said that we will likely end up in the hospital a couple more times until they get this figured out. So very tiring!

On top of everything else he is not able to get his psych meds and that is compounding to the troubles. I am just at my wits end! Prayers would be appreciated.