When I came home yesterday I was treated to a wonderful report about Dustin's day. Robert told me he was fabulous and appropriate all day. Dustin was proud that he didn't steal or bother any of the animals. I praised him up and down!
The problem is when the other kids come home his competition for attention kicks into overdrive and we had blowouts and fits to get that attention. It started about a half hour after I got home. It was minimal a first, but when the kids sat down to eat, Dustin tried to stab Harrison in the back with the stick from his corndog. Stab is a harsh word, maybe I should say poke, but he was trying to inflict pain. I truly thinks he likes hearing the "littles" whine or cry. We called him into the living room to talk to him and he began a fit like we haven't seen in weeks. The stomping, the running, the screaming, the hollering of hateful things, the crying, the snot flying. It was not pretty. I began shutting windows, but I'm sure the neighbors got quite a show. We have had CPS called on us twice, I REALLY don't want to see them on my doorstep again.
He stormed away and began slamming doors upstairs. I let him cool down for a few minutes and went up to ask him to come down with us. He is rarely (read never) left alone unattended, so a few minutes can be very destructive. He began screeching and swinging at me. When I finally got him calmed down he began saying we wanted "to leave this family." I asked him what he thought he was going to do, he responded, "call the police, they will find me another home". How sad is it that that is my son's reality. You don't like what's happening in your family, just find a new one. I explained it doesn't work that way. We are a family, and you don't get to just choose to leave. He said, "Well, then I want to go to the hospital." Sorry dude, doesn't work that way either. Then he said something disturbing. "Well then, I'll just do something that will make you take me to the hospital." That really shocked me, the logic usually escapes him, but I hope that it was a fluke-y thing to say, and not really a well thought out plan. I will just trust in the latter, because within about 5 minutes he had calmed down and I was once again, "the best mom ever" according to the ranting raving lunatic turned crazy hugger that is Dustin, and he was asking for food as usual.
My life is never boring. . . or quiet . . . or easy, but always worth it. My poor boy thinks he can just throw me away when he gets mad because he has felt others have done that to him. He must worry that we will do that. I hate that.
This is very interesting to me. M was adopted and yet she will often ask if she can get new parents when something does not go her way. Possibly it is her immaturity? I don't let it bother me but it can be very frustrating. Especially when it is in front of other people.
ReplyDeleteOh I hate that he thinks that too! I also hate that all the loving in the world can't fill the cracks left in his heart.
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