School of hard knocks . . .

Dustin had a hard day at school yesterday. I knew that the transition to middle school would be difficult for Dustin since he is simply a 4 year old in an 11 year old body. He enjoys "baby" toys, likes to play with dolls, enjoys Dora and Little Einsteins. Beginning last school year with therapist and teacher's suggestions we began removing these things from his "world". It was difficult, at times I felt like a horrible person because that's what he was interested in. . . but I knew it was necessary to get him to "move on". Well, yesterday he came to me crying that he was being called names at school. . . wonderful names like "bitch", "gay" and the ever popular "baby".

We had a long talk about why these names were being used. For example. . . "Eleven year old boys don't like being touched by other boys, if you do this, they WILL call you gay" These talks were probably completely unproductive as they won't change his behavior much. Unlike a child who touches a stove and burns his hands then learns not to touch a stove, Dustin's brain is "broken". Dustin will continue to irritate his peers, cry and whine, and carry-on in class like a four year old. His Fetal Alcohol Syndrome makes him impulsive and eliminates the ability to see cause and effect, and his moderately handicapped mental status doesn't allow for the learning process to get very far. It's going to be a rough road. Hopefully, continual reinforcement of the rules and consequences will sink in . . . eventually. . . maybe, if we're lucky. Probably NOT.

I'm sad he has to travel this road. I'm sorry he is rejected by his peers. I know (hope) that things can be better if we just continue to plod along. Pray for my boy.

Row Row Row your boat . . .

Today we packed up the kids and a picnic lunch and went to Celina Ohio to see the Governor's Cup Regatta at Grand Lake. What a fun day watching the hydroplane races and chasing the kids around in the sun! We got in about 4 good hours until the rain came and since the kids were already grumpy and ready for a nap, we came home. You can see more pictures over at our family's site.

Oddly enough I ran into some old friends that have a band in the Lima area named the Indoorfins. When I introduced Doug to my kids, he said, "Wow! Another McCartney". Whoa! I thought we were the only ones. Apparently we were beat to the punch. The drummer, Dave, and his wife named their son McCartney. He is 5. Weird huh? They were pretty shocked as well. Shhhhh . . . Whispering . . . personally I think McCartney is a better girl's name.

Mercy . . .

I blogged earlier about being more positive in life. I have been trying to speak positive to influence my own attitude as well as others around me. I have also been trying to quell my complaining . . . things like, "boy, I'm tired" and "wow, I'd like this day to be over" do nothing to help you through the day. It makes you focus on the bad instead of the postive, so I've been trying to eliminate those comments from my conversations. It's not easy!

We have also had a change in our schedules recently. Dustin's school starts an hour early since he is in middle school and his bus gets to the house at 7:00! Yikes! That's early for us! Last year Robert got Dustin up and the littles and I sleep until we absolutely MUST get up and rush around and leave the house in a giant "flurry of hurry". Well, I decided this year we would all get up wioth Dustin and enjoy our morning together like a normal family (LOL). I was prepared for some resistance, mostly from myself, but it has gone swimmingly! The kids are also going to bed a lot earlier than they usually do which is a huge bonus . . . if you've read any of my blogs about their bedtime habits you know that is a feat in and of itself.

So anyhoo, I have adopted saying "mercy" instead of "crap" or "shoot" or any other negative expletive. Today when I came down the hall at work and sighed a big sigh and said "mercy" it also made me smile. It reminds me each and every time that I say it that God has MERCY on me. He not only saved me with his son's sacrifice, but also saves me daily from my despair and heartache. His mercy is abundant in my life and I need to remember that when I get down and caught up in daily toil. Mercy rescues His children from our difficult situations. Mercy heals the sick. Mercy saves those who are powerless. Psalm 145:9 says "his tender mercies are over all his works" I claim that mercy in my life as I go through my daily routine.

Your thought for the day:
It is the grace of God that he gives us what we do not deserve, but it is His mercy that withholds the punishment that we do. God's mercy endures forever and extends to us an invitation to be his child. Lamentations 3:22 says "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not."

Not too bad . . .

FALL CLEANING . . .
Okay, so it wasn't a carousel ride, (see previous post) but it wasn't all that horrible either. This weekend wasn't half bad. I got into this purging mood where I began throwing out uneeded stuff from the house. I went a little crazy and I think I may have made more of a mess than if I had left it alone, but all is well and I am on my way to a non-cluttered autumn . . .

MIDDLE SCHOOL BEGINS . . .
Dustin's first day of Middle School was alright. I guess he wandered around the room and the lunch room continuously, but all in all they said he was pretty good. I suppose they don't want to be too harsh on me the first day. . . or maybe he really was alright. Just wait . . .

SMALL TOWN FESTIVAL . . .
We all walked in a parade for the Tina Taviano for sheriff campaign this weekend in Monroeville, even the littles. They both had a great time passing out stickers to the crowd ( and eating all the candy the truck ion front of us was throwing out) . I was amazed at how well Tina interacted with the crowd, she was amazing to watch. She has a real heart for the outlying areas of our county. Hopefully they all saw her committment and her personality shine through. She is an admirable woman.

LAZINESS . . .
I have a roast in the oven tonight, so when we get home there will be carrots, potatoes, onions and warm scrumptious roast waiting for us. Mmmmm! It is the one thing I make that makes me proud I can cook that way! Big Brother (Go Janey) and Rockstar are on tonight. I'm ready to sit my butt on the couch overdose on reality TV, but I'll bet my kids have other plans for me. Thank Goodness for DVR. . .

Claudia's Great Analogy . . .

Claudia had a great post that sums up my experience of adopting a special needs/abused/traumatized child. She said :

"I think that parenting is like an amusement park ride. Some people choose the Carousel. . . Adopting a child who is a victim of abuse or neglect is like getting on the roller coaster. You experience really high hills that are very fun and some calmer times that are very pleasant, and you also experience rapid downhill surges that make your knuckles white and cause you to grit your teeth."

Downhill surges. That's unfortunately where I was last night. I lost my cool, which I rarely do and I am sorry for it. Dustin loves schhol and yet is having a difficult time with the prospect of going back. Although he needs and loves the structure and routine of school, the unknown Middle School-factor is throwing a wrench into our lives. He is looking forward to it and stressing about it at the same time and that is more than his brain can handle. He is hateful, spiteful and extremely obsessive. In that past few days he has emptied an entire can of shaving cream all over the bathroom, ate TONS of candy from the candy-basket that he stole and took to his room, ate a whole FAMILY size bag of Doritoes, will not keep his hands off the animals (which is a rule since he hurts them) poured a whole bottle of hand soap into the toilet, spread toothpaste all over the bathroom, and has been quite aggressive with his siblings. He has also been extremely obsessed with looking at the ceiling . . . weird. ARGH!

All I can do is hope that this weekend will be calm and uneventful. I pray that he will enjoy his last school-free weekend and laugh and giggle and be my wonderful boy, not that mean spirited nasty thing I have seen recently. I am going to try my best to keep things even-keel and low stress. . . it's the least I can do. I want a carousel ride this weekend!

Oh woe is me . . .

Ever feel like a complete and utter failure? That's me right now. I feel as though I couldn't be a worse mommy, wife, friend or employee right now. Maybe it's coming off this sickness, or maybe it's simply the truth. . . maybe right now I just plain suck.

Right now work is simply difficult. It's the beginning of the new schoolyear and we have so much to do. Working for my mother I take the brunt of her frustration, irritation and anxiety. Sometimes I'm not only the brunt of it, but also the source. I have an extremely hard time dealing with this since I struggle eveyrday to be the best employee I can, but typically NOHTING is good enough.

My FAS child is so very difficult right now as the anxiety for school increases. He is not only changing schools, but knows many changes will accompany his switch to Middle School. I fail him at every turn. I don't seem to have the patience or the understanding I need. I know that life with a child with special needs to particulary difficult. I know it sucks the life out of you and makes you feel completely useless to make any sort of change. I know that we are helping him the best we can. I know that in my head, but it's difficult to "feel it".

I feel as though there aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I have to do. I try and try, but I ultimately fail. I just feel as though I can't make anyone happy.

Thanks for listening to my pity party . . . you may now return to your original programming.

What a week . . .

Wow. It's been quite a week. I spent all day Monday pricing my items for a children's clothing resale that I participate in. I am usually much more organized, but this time I was so sick that I didn't get anything done until the day I had to turn it in. Robert and I worked about 8 hours on preparing and ticketing the items. The sale was yesterday, and the work was all worth it. I made quite a bit of money on my children's out-grown clothing. The sale is 2 times per year and it is wonderful place to shop for gently used clothing, but also a great way to get rid of all those extra clothes. And best yet, they do all the work, I just prepare and price my clothing, they inspect it, put it out and sell it. I get 90% of my asking price. With over 1000 buyers, it's better than any garage sale I could ever have.

After this terrible sickness, I did go back to work mid-week. With the new schooyear coming up we have GOBS of work to do. My mom and I went in a worked yesterday for several hours and got a ton accomplished. This week will be crazy. My field trips are over, but we have something special each day since it is the last week. Tomorrow I get to make about 300 comes of cotton candy. What fun! I will be a sticky pink mess!

Last night Robert and I walked over to ChiliFest with the kids. They had a great time. Almost all the chili was sold out due to a larger than expected crowd, but Robert had some awesome white-chili made with chicken and white beans. The kids and I ate buffalo chicken and curly fries. There was a band later in the evening and McCartney danced until she was exhausted. We had to give both kids a piggy-back ride home becasue they just wore themselves out. The weather this weekend has been wonderful, not too hot and quite breezy. I think I'll take them to the park today and give Robert a break.

Have you ever wished for death. . .

I hate Strep. It kicks my butt everytime. This one was the worst. Wednesday morning I was sitting at work and my throat started hurting. By 2:00 my body was cold and I was uncontrollably shivering. . . that doesn't happen to me, I'm an extremely hot person. By 3:00 I was at home in bed sick as a dog. By 8pm I had called my mom over to get the "littles" so they could spend the night because by then Robert was sick as well. I ran a high 103 fever all through the night, praying for morning when I could call the doctor. You see, my doctor is fabulous. She always gives shots so that the medication is pretty fast acting. I was waiting for that shot! So I wait and wait and wait through what seemed like an eternity that early morning and called at 9am. Well, what do you know, it's Thursday and her office is closed! ACK!

By Thursday night I actually felt a little better, that is until about 3am. I was absolutely miserable telling Robert that I wanted to die. I did finally get into the doctor on Friday afternoon to get one of her FABULOUS shots and lo and behold. . . it made me sicker. By the time I got home I was projectile vomiting and has a vicious migraine. She sent me to the hospital. After several hours of IV fluids, Xrays, nausea medication and a couple shots of morphine they had ruled out meningitis and found out my old friend strep is back. I have a horrible relationship with this friend named strep, you can read about our escapades here.

Today I am a little better. I haven't been this upright in days. I can't close my mouth because my throat is so swollen and I still haven't eaten anything. But I am no longer wishing for death. That has to count for something doesn't it . . .

My guilty pleasure . . .

Here is a confession . . . I love Rocktar.


I am a semi-fan of reality TV. I Big Brother, Rockstar, and yes I am still a Survivor fan. I have never seen an episode of Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. *gasp* It's true! I do however like Rockstar. This season is shaping up to be better than last year. I adore all the women this season. What powerhouse voices they have! Storm Large is fantastic, and is currently my favorite woman, while Lukas is a hottie and a talent in his own right.

I wouldn't consider myself a "rocker chick", so I was kinda surprised I would enjoy this season. The new band that is forming and looking for a lead singer is "Supernova" and is made up of Gilby Clarke of Guns n Roses fame, Jason Newsted of Metallica and Tommy Lee of Motley Crue.

I know it's summer and there is so much to do (that's why I love DVR), but give it a chance if you haven't seen it already. . . I think you may enjoy it. Who wouldn't like lookin' at that hunk of a man Tommy Lee and listening to some fabulous musicians and singers?